Imagination so dark
Mind so dark
I can't see a single thing
Not even anything
Except from gore
It traumatizes me more
Than it should've
It makes me disgusted
It makes me distrusted
Of my own imagination
My imagination
Makes me cry
From being scared

Kai is my name
死ぬ is my other name
Or at least that's what my dark imagination tells me...
Imagination makes me a fool for life and dreams
I can't tell the difference between life and dreams
It's difficult because of my dark imagination
It's too realistic
My mind is a bit too artistic
A bit too much gore
I don't want anymore

It makes me scared
Scared
That I might become one of them

Doll-like
Porcelain-like
Glass-like
Fragile
Agile

Being your doll
Is like dirt being swept along the hall
It's exhausting
Bones have turned into mere joints
As you control my movements
You blame it on me and point
Pull on the strings
Move my parts
Remember what the rings
Are made for;
Art

Bendable
Any position you'd like and you got it
You want me on the table?
You got it!
Want me on the shelf?
You got it!
Want me to pose like an elf?
You got it!
Want to place me on your lap?
You got it!
You want to abuse me?
Do it
Those pretty patterns won't show up on me
They won't harm me

“Sit there and look pretty” is something I couldn't do because of you
Requests out of your mouth, going in the kitchen and making a sandwich for you

I can't eat
I can't even talk
I can't control myself
I've set myself up for my own demise
You're my owner
Forever

I may be overwhelmed
Tears may be drowning my face
May have my lungs heaving
My heart being pure acid
Burning a hole through me
And the only escape
Is when I can't hear anything but my music
Ears suffocating
Bleeding
Yet I don't care
Allow me
To take
My headphones
And make my eardrums bust

Allow me
To fulfill
My escape

I'm the mature one
I'm the respectful one
I'm the nice one
I'm the mistreated one
I'm the useless one
I'm the younger one
I'm the smarter one

She's the older one
She's the immature one
She's the carefree one
She's the disrespectful one
She's the mean one
She's the better one
She's the one that misbehaves
She's the one that everyone loves

She's the favorite

Everyone babies her
Everyone cares about her
While everyone glares at me
While everyone tells me
What to do
Just because she's blood related to you
I'm not blood related to you
But I'm still family
But you don't treat me like family
You treat me like I'm her very distant friend
Even though I'm not her friend
No-

I'm her step-sister

She was the one to talk about the *** talk when I was six
It was sick
She started hitting me
Abusing me
She has the strength of a grown man that came out of the military
It isn't temporary
She started hitting me in the head
When I was sitting on my bed
This is when I was eight
And I ate
Well
But too skinny for my health
She gave me hickeys when I was at her grandparents house and on the bed
After a while, she started to choke me
She was treating me
Like her stress toy
She made me her puppet
That she could control, then get out of the allegations of everything she has done to me
She kept manipulating me
Hurting me in the process

She choked me about 5 times throughout my whole life
I wished I would have control of my life
They never seen the things she had done to me
I wish they could see
What happened
But they could never imagine
Their child doing stuff like this
She was never punished
I wish she were punished
But all my ideas and allegations has been dimished
They act like I'm just a liar
Like I'm supposed to be on fire
While they think SHE'S trustworthy
When she's unworthy
They act like she's their God
While I'm just an odd
Commoner
That just wants to do whatever I want to her

She has gotten better
More better
Than before
But I got to wait longer before
I can actually trust her again
Then
I can be caution free around her

He makes me laugh
He makes me smile
We poke names at each other
We never take it seriously

He makes me want to be closer
He makes me want to feel his love

He pokes me
He touches me
He's gentle with me
He makes me feel comfortable around him

That makes me happy
I finally thought that I had him

He found a girl that makes him smile
Yet this girl lives more than a mile
Away

Now I'm in denial
Pretending they didn't get in a relationship
While being on call with him

Endless advice
Yet he chose her

All you do is run your mouth
You're making everyone's lives go south

All you are is annoying *******
****** cowards
Never crossing the 7 seas
Might as well join the psych ward
Because of how insane y'all are
All bark, no bite
Let's see how you'll fly under the radar
It's quite the sight
Leaving yourself so vulnerable 
Making yourself so useless
Making yourself appear disabled
Opening up the list
Naming several reasons why
Making yourself look like a needy ***** that wants attention
None of it is being truthful to the eye
It all looks like you just have an obsession
You're so sensitive that it makes me laugh
You're so annoying that you make me laugh
In pain
Again
While I'm trying not to rip your organs out

So weak yet so slow
You have such weak blows
Every single shot I take
You think I'm at stake
All I say is "What the **** was that?
I couldn't even be hit by a bat?"
Not even a tiny pinch?
Do you even know how to throw a punch?
Can you even try without throwing the same insults every time?
Because you do every time
Find some other insult then return to me
Fix your grammar, then return to me
Okay, old lady?
You probably can't even hear me
You're deaf to a certain degree
You don't even know how to navigate your phone correctly
You don't even know how to navigate your TV correctly (before putting a virus on the ****** device that has to hear your voice)
You really thought you ate
But all you did was eat
And eat
And eat
OH **** THEY ARE ABOUT TO EAT THE WHOLE SOLAR SYSTEM-

Accusing people who have wrongs in the past
Accusing people of their wrongs that happened in the past
Making me seem like I'm not "disturbed" 
In your herd
You're making yourself to look like a clown
In it's gown
In a circus tent
With no one else except your little friends inside
You're trying to make yourself so intimidating 
But everyone and everything just laughs at your acting
You're trying your hardest to out live us
But you weigh as much as 50 buses

Look at me in my eyes
Why do you even try?

She looks so divine
I'd wish she'd be mine
The way she looks at me
The way people can't see
How pretty she looks
She's as pretty as the girls in the books
She makes me mesmerized
She would never make me traumatized

It feels illegal to meet someone
As pretty as this one
I can't believe people dislike her
It's the way the sun glistens against her

You can't change my opinion about her
You can't change how greedy I am for her
I just feel so warm in her presence
I feel so good in her presence
She has such a pretty personality
Too good for me
I just want her all for me

I'm sorry I don't want to go to school
I'm sorry that I'm not "cool"
School is the thing that destroys me
Home and family is the only thing that puts me at ease
Something easy to seize
I wish I could isolate myself
I wish it was on the shelf
So I can purchase it
So I don't have to listen to anyone's *******
It's tiring
Overwhelming
So why do you have the guts to call me "entitled" when I don't want to go to school anymore
School doesn't even feel secure anymore
Whenever I open the door
I don't wanna be outside no more
People are the reason why I have such low self-esteem
People base me off a certain theme
People seem to be more violent these days
More fights these days
More school shootings these days
Which makes me terrified
And scared
And I always feel like I'm being stared
Always being judged
At school
I push myself the hardest at school
To the point where it's cruel
Yet, my grades had gone downhill
Then gotten still

School makes me feel disconnected
More than I expected
It's just like a curse
It makes life worse
It makes me think that my life is just a simple dream
Disconnection takes it to the extreme
Everyday
In every way
I just want to sleep
Without a peep
To make this curse go away

I'm always stuck listening to someone
Whenever I don't want to be listening to anyone
That just wants to talk nonstop
They always think they're on top
Whenever it's the complete opposite
I'm being approximate
It's annoying
It's tiring
To the point where I don't want to go to school
It's not because I'm a fool
Just because of the violent and annoying people from school
Is the reason why I don't want to open my door
Anymore

I'm always stuck doing school work
While still doing my own work
From my house
While I'm scrolling on my computer with my mouse
Looking at patterns to crochet with
Crocheting myths
Just to sell
Well

School is the reason why I don't take care of myself
School is the reason why I don't want to take care of myself
I'm too tired by the end of the day
My brain is completely fried by the end of the day
I swear I'm not lazy and not overdramatic
It's just that everything is so problematic
Everything takes so much effort to do one thing
It just makes me tired of everything

I have to sacrifice everything for school
Sacrifice my own life for school
Sacrifice my own sanity for school
Sacrifice my own emotions for school
Sacrifice my own thoughts for school
Sacrificing my own energy for school

Even though I'm supposed to be living my biggest dreams
Not writing down rhyme schemes
Just for some poetry
I can make an ancestry tree
Instead of doing some work that will most likely not help me in the future

School is stupid and a dumb concept
It's something that my parents cannot accept
The teachers barely even teach anything
They just talk about everything
Yet they are the ones who complain that we don't know anything
Some students are really dumb
They act like they're still ******* their thumb
Like they are a toddler
A word fiddler
Yet some students
Are students
That want to learn
Yet teachers aren't letting them learn
Instead, they are teaching nonsense
Things that don't make sense
And are teaching poorly
And cruelly
They don't give the kids a chance
And they don't enhance
Them
They're giving us low scores while they're giving them
Answer sheets for everything
Which is mind numbing

I hope no more students endure this
But the younger ones just want to hiss
It doesn't seem to change anytime soon