I speak
Within a squeak
With others around me
So they can hear me
But they do not
Like, they forgot
That I existed
Like, I never coexisted
With them
Like, I'm speaking to a wall
If you're tired of me
Then just say that to me
I'll manage to change myself
Just so I can feel good about myself
Just for you,
Anything for you.

Everytime I breathe in, I feel my skin and bones clashing against each other
Everytime I look at my body, I see my ribs trying to break free from my skin
Everytime I look at my hands, my veins are gnawing at my skin
No wonder why mosquitos think of me as their lover
When people have their fingers around my wrist, it never fits
My wrist can never feel claustrophobia
Seeing almost every bone in my body
Makes me want to grab them till it’s finally “see ya”
Once someone hits me, it sends all the nerves in my body into a frenzy
As if I had fractured a bone
To my dislike of milk, I am just as simple as a thin piece of glass

Everytime I move, I am in pain
Feeling my skin tightening over me everyday, no matter how much food or stretches I intake
Watching myself get my dehydrated throughout the days that I’m alive, no matter how much water I consume
Eating so many unhealthy foods
Drinking unhealthy drinks
Watching as tears rain from how much disgust and pain I am in because of my own body
Yet, “everything I do is for my sake”

Resting my head on my arms in no no
Resting your head on any part of me is a no go
Feeling the sturdiness of my back
I irate
I hate
My body making everything impossible for me to do
Including pushing myself to the limits while in athletics
Including eating so much
Yet, seeing myself get more obese makes me feel inhuman
Making me carve my body into getting skinnier
Carving myself to be ideal
Yet, I cannot carve myself into my high expectations
I can only carve it to the closest I can to my impossible expectations

I don’t think my body can handle all the aggressive beatings
I’ll soon look like a skinwalker
I’m bugging out
I’m lagging out
I'm going to black out

The more you snap
The more you crack
Go on, show others who you really are

Mind goes blank
As if I were a mere plank
Pinching myself to check if everything's real
Even people I love dearly doesn't feel real
It all is so surreal
As if I can't feel

No imagination in mind
Just eyes left behind
Staring at the wall
As my attention was quick to fall
Everything I hear comes in and out of my ears
Sorry, but I'm not able to hear

Mind and reality just leaving me there
Yet, I can't tell if I even care
Feeling so numb till I can't feel people's warmth
It feels as if I'm in the pole of the north

Looking and touching people to check if they're a illusion or not
My space cells have returned into a knot
You're real, but I'm blinded behind a mask
And to remove it is all I ask
But then again, I forget that my space cells can no longer be heard
Space cells are always in a herd,
But now each piece is blocking my thoughts
Can't even form a proper sentence as my space cells block my desperate cries

My space cells are on
Mind in pure void
As my mind resets
The cycle comes back again
I can't speak
I can't think of any sentences
My space cells is blank.

As silence fills the air
As keyboards and mouse fill the air
As students yawns fill the air
Students sleep
Some may be weeping
Everything from student's minds has vanished
Their IQ vanishing
Their minds turning into mush as they are met with the screen with endless questions
Students staring into blank space
Answering questions at a slow pace
Silently hoping that this nightmare would end
So they can talk to their friends
Stomachs growling
Voices trying to come out of people, desperately wanting to be socializing
Waiting for countless hours on end
Just wanting to go to bed
Anxiety slipped in the night before
Therefore
Students would stay up longer than intended

Overwhelming silence is clear
My body language mimics fear
As I listen to a few papers tear
As stress has taken over my brain
Nobody in this room is sane
If they think tests are fun
Once they are done
Just sighing or groaning gets the teacher's attention
Then they'll pass out detentions
Nothing to do
Other than look at you
Or stare at the abyss

Do you mind?

"You smell good!" 
They know your insecurities, you smell like food

"You can tell me anything, even your insecurities!" 
They will just judge you if you tell them anything

"Your hair smells really good."
They know your insecurities, you don't smell good

"You're really smart!" 
You aren't smart if you can't answer a single question and need to ask the teacher

"You're a really good artist!" 
Next step: "Can you teach me how to draw?/Can you draw me?"

"Your skin tone is really pretty!"
Your skin tone is normal/average

"You don't smell awful!" 
They are only feeding your bad habits

"You're pretty!"
Thank you, but what do you want from me?

Everybody just wants something in return, no matter the situation.

I don't know if I should trust you
It's true
You give me deja vu
You made me second guess myself
You made me question if I should tell you the truth about myself

You make me cautious about my words
Scared that I'll slip up my words
You make me think that life is a chess game
One wrong move and I lose the game
I got to move my pieces wisely
To not move my pieces truthfully

You know, you can't spell $u!c!de without u and I

I'm not a mere object you can use
I'm not a mere puppet you can use
I'm tired of this
I'm tired of getting used like this
Like I'm everyone's slave
People think that they can get away with treating me like a slave,
Because they can
People think they can use me, then discard me,
Because they can
Why can't people see?
Why can't parents teach their children to act better?
Why can't parents teach their children to write a letter?
To all of the other kids that their child has harmed
To all of the other kids that their child has used

It isn't fun being used
It feels like hell being used

Day by day,
May to May,
Year to year,
Tears turn into fear,
Fear of getting used again
Fear turns into pain,
Emotional pain from being used turns into trust issues

Snap
Crunch
Snap
Crunch

Watching as you track back your trail
While I'm on your tail
Surrounded by trees
As you wanted to feel free
But you still feel the heavy weight on your shoulders as if your wrists are tied behind your back
As if your head is hidden behind a empty sack
You can't see if I'm here
But my breaths are impossibly clear
Leaves crunching beneath our feet
As my heart feels the feeling of heat

Stuck in my mouth beholds a taste of iron
As you had previously given me your heart
Now I'm here as a hungry lion
It seems you're not smart
I'm always begging for more
And I know you won't ignore
You give me what I want
And I'm going to come back with more intention to hunt

You've been split away from your friends and family
And it's just me drawn to your personality
Wondering where your life has went
Well, something has made a dent
You're stuck with me, only you and me
Can't you see?
Just milking off of your blood
As your mind begins to flood
Your brain is dying out on you
Yet, you have no clue