I never thought
I'd get off this high horse,
For my feet to touch the earth
And feel something,
No clouds to obstruct my view,
Throwing the rose tinted glasses
To the ground
And crush them into the soil,
But new realisations can be
Hard to deal with,
So I must take my time
To piece it together

Time passes by,
The metallic fusion of
cogs and wheels
grinding against one another
to keep it going like a boat
Down a river,
the incessant clicking of hands
skipping over each minute,
each second,
each precious moment of life
that we take for granted
And drives us to insanity
in the dead of night.

The stars look bright tonight. The crisp summer breeze rolled across my bare skin as I lay shirtless beneath the dead oak tree near the lake.  The sky was clear, barely any obstruction from an innocent cloud that travelled down the vast black road that stretched on for eternity. I always loved coming here. So did my father.

It had been four years since he had died. The cause is still unknown. All I remember is the gaping hole in his chest as he... left. So many unanswered questions are lingering in the back of my mind. How did it happen? Who or what had done that to him? Why did it have to happen to him? Why not me? I feared that these questions hung inevitably in the unknown, locked away in a subconscious prison with no means of being bailed out.  Life had to continue though, no matter how unconditionally excruciating the pain may be in my chest when I miss him, no matter how many times I had cried myself to sleep because he wasn’t there to tell me that it will be OK whenever I had night terrors. They started soon after my mother died. I would wake up screaming and writhing in fear. My father would run into my room and bring me close to his chest. He would whisper in my ear “Shh son, it’s OK, nothing will get you. I am here now.  Calm down, you’re safe now.”

After the yelling had stopped he would carry me downstairs and into the garden. The cool air would cause the beads of sweat on my face to tingle. I always loved that feeling. It was the indication that I was back in reality. We would both sit on the grass. Dad would run inside and return carrying a large blanket. He would wrap it around the both of us. It always smelled just like my mother, a faint scent of lavender and honeysuckle. We would then peer into the sky, where dad would show me all of the constellations: Orion, Pegasus, Cetus, and other names that I couldn’t pronounce. “Each of these constellations tells a story, son” he would say to me as I tried to make sense of the jumble of stars that floated in the dark sky, “and one day, when the time comes, I will be up there. One day you will be able to tell your own children my story. All you have to do is simply look to the skies.”

I shook myself free from the painful reminiscence. I am eighteen, these things do not happen anymore. I stood up and stretched, feeling the muscles beneath my skin pull and uncoil. I strolled over to the lake. It was surrounded by thick forest, silhouetted against the black backdrop of the night’s horizon.  Ripples rolled over the surface of the silent lake. The crystal clear water reflected the night sky.  I took off my shoes and socks and dipped my foot into the water. The stars rippled around me. The water was lukewarm, refreshing after the scorching heat of another day that had passed me by. After testing the water I couldn’t resist. I took a few steps back, sprinted forwards and leaped into the air. I crashed into the water, fracturing the serene reflection of the night-time sky. The water cooled every fibre of my body. I let the water soak into my bare skin. I could feel my pores filling with the liquid, the bubbles brushing delicately over my legs and arms. I wanted to stay underwater forever.

I hit the surface, puncturing the barrier between tranquillity and realism. I ****** in the humid air and let it fill my lungs. I let myself float effortlessly onto my back and glided across the water. The stars sat there in the sky watching me. Up there somewhere, I knew there was somebody among them watching me too, smiling and waving as he saw this boy float upon a bed of water.

I wish he could be floating next to me this very moment and enjoy the placidity of the night.

Verse One
Rockstar wages
And a chevy impala attitude,
Pornstar secrets,
With a red light point of view,
But something has me going,
So controlling,
I need to get out of my head,
Can't stop hoping,
Overdosing
On the thought of living high instead,
And I said

Chorus
Don't be scared to rest those shot glass shattered eyes,
Give ******* kisses to the boys and the girls who lied,
Don't tell me you're sober
Until it is over,
The tears won't dry on their own.

Verse Two
Las Vegas Luck
And I'll always be rolling the dice,
Wartime loss,
As I fight to surrender my life,
But something keeps me going,
Overflowing,
With temptation to let go,
Keep on coping,
Roller coasting
Falling too fast and never want to go slow,
And I said

Chorus**
Don't be scared to rest those shot glass shattered eyes,
Give ******* kisses to the boys and the girls who lied,
Don't tell me you're sober
Until it is over,
The tears won't dry on their own.

Bridge
Another shot,
Another chance,
To sort out life
And finish this dance,
If I can't be happy,
At least carry on
'Til the end of the song.

I picked up the pieces from my shot glass shattered eyes,
Gave out ******* kisses to the boys and the girls who lied,
I'm an unholy mess,
But I will try to impress
The devil when he comes to take away my soul,
And I'll say

Chorus
Share the shot glass glances with the World outside,
Save the ******* kisses for the ride to Hell tonight
This song isn't over
Even if you are sober,
The tears won't be wasted on you
The tears won't be wasted on you.

It is a human trait to want what is best for
Yourself,
To succeed,
To reach new heights where you almost struggle to breathe,
To make it to the top and watch what you have built thrive,
But you've lost count of how many knives
You've planted in someone else's back,
How many times you have fed off the innocence
Of one's vulnerability
And expose it to catapult your delusions higher,
You keep a tally of how many people you have
Crushed to clear your own path to the pedestal.

But everything crumbles in the end.
You hang precariously over those
Who hungrily wait for you to return
To the bottom of the food chain
Where you belong.
After all,
It is survival of the fittest
And we all want a taste of invincibility.

A few miles feels like we are oceans apart,
Battling against a tide of cars and trains
To reach your arms,
Even when we are beneath the same quilt,
It feels as if the rolling waves of creased bed sheets
Separates us from being connected,
I wait patiently, On the cliffs edge of a station platform,
For the sails to catch the fume stained wind of another train engine,
To be hurtled through fields that burn beneath the sun,
Past speeding cars and clouds that drift peacefully
Across the vast skies that echo adventure and longing,
Only to reach the final destination of your safety.

The person sat by me,
Is calling somebody,
He's saying 'I love you'
Is that so unusual,
To feel so alone in that moment?

The lovers at the front,
Have had more than enough
Of their parents' scrutiny
So they commit mutiny,
And consequences are left unspoken.

The cold condensation
Hides all condescension,
From every pedestrian
With bitter complexions
Who braved the cold and are frozen.

Like a whisper can spread into a rumour,
Satirical  slur can be somebody's humour,
The way that we talk as if the world is deaf,
Shouting at walls as if there's no one left,
Cut throat consonants and viper vowels,
Too many blows makes you throw in the towel,
Spit out the blood and wipe off the spit,
Get your head in the game
And dive into the pit,
We all have a voice that shapes and that moulds,
Too many cards that we're able to fold,
Speak out for peace or speak out for change,
Irritate the lion and make him roar from his cage,
No bad blood will spill if you speak the truth,
And not spend your life just jumping through hoops.

The silence of the night
Encases you,
A dark, silky cocoon
That envelopes all
Feelings of ugliness
And insecurity,
You hang upside down,
Suspended in thought
As the respiration of nature
Breathes in the thick
Black air,
Then as the sun spills
Over the horizon
Like a volcano,
And the faint paint strokes
Of sunlight sets the cocoon
On fire,
All doubt melts away
And you realise
You are beautiful.
Wings spread wide,
A spectrum glimmering
Through each translucent
Fibre,
You take flight
And leave the remains
Of the shell you once were.

Verse One
Lay down beside you,
On the dark side of the moon
So we're not blinded by the Sun,
Lean into you,
Deafened by the sirens
We could be lovers on the run,
Don't let go of you,
The world is caving
And there is nowhere we can go,
Don't turn away from you,
Dance upon the wire
We like to lose control

Chorus
Foolish hearts are easy to break,
Watch it crumble and circle the drain,
You ran away before I was able,
To look at the cards you threw to the table,
Left my heart be 'cause it was unstable,
Foolish hearts are hard to maintain,
You let me trust you again

Verse Two
You told me,
That we are made of steel
But we fell apart like paper,
You touched me,
Fingertips were warm
But emotions turned to vapour,
You cheated me,
Said I was invincible
But crumbled under pressure,
You never saw me,
A shipwreck of a man beneath
Skin that's made of leather

Chorus
Foolish hearts are easy to break,
Watch it crumble and circle the drain,
You ran away before I was able,
To look at the cards you threw to the table,
Left my heart be 'cause it was unstable,
Foolish hearts are hard to maintain,
You let me trust you again

Bridge
You twisted my words and I lost the battle,
Hiding the key and left me in shackles,
My foolish heart caved 'cause it was too much to handle,
You crushed in your hands,
Gone down the drain with the rest of our plans

Chorus**
Foolish hearts are easy to break,
Watch it crumble and circle the drain,
You ran away before I was able,
To look at the cards you threw to the table,
Left my heart be 'cause it was unstable,
Foolish hearts are hard to maintain,
You let me trust you again

They say that those who have a darker and more crowded mind,
Have a better perspective of the world than those with normal minds.
It is the truth.
We see the devils behind the flesh,
The true nature of people behind the mask,
We can sense the lies and lack of faith
From a mile away.

Walking the streets while a whole network of emotions
Are pulsing through your head makes you see the world in a different light,
More enhanced senses.
We see the truth behind the smiles,
We feel the wrenching tension of the person next to us,
We hear the staccato heartbeat of someone trying to stay calm,
We can taste the fragility of words from a persons lips,
**We can smell fear.

I spend my days
Trying to purge you from my head,
Banging my head against the wall,
Rinsing acid around my mouth
To burn away the sour taste you
Left with those poisoned lips of yours,
Sprinting for miles to sweat out the fever
You planted beneath my skin when you
Touched me,
Throwing myself off mountain tops
So that the air would steal all traces
Of the fumes you left in my lungs
When you kissed me.
You are tainted,
Bad blood that lines
My veins with cyanide,
A knife in my back
That burns as the blood
Trickles down.

That stuff called alcohol,
Wow what a mess,
The healer of tension,
The reliever of stress.

Clouding the brain,
Intoxicate the senses,
Together they're deadly
As they both drop their defences.

Bottles on the bedside,
Cans on the floor,
Stella Artois is watching
In a bin by the door.

Have a shot of Russian water,
And see where you end up,
Either stumbling on the streets,
Or topping up another cup.

The controller of minds,
The master of confusion,
The leader of disaster,
The commander of delusion.

Oh sweet, sweet alcohol,
You cure me when I'm not sober,
But one more swig from a bottle of Jack,
And it's **game over.

Lonely London boy,
A stranger to the City,
A fluffy-haired gull
Lost in a sea of suitcases
And Kodak-clad people.
Big dreams tucked
Into the waistcoat
That hugged his frame
A little too much,
Occasionally glancing
Into café windows to
See how disheveled
He had become
During rush hour
On the Bakerloo Line.

She finds consolation
In the shell of her being,
At the bottom of an ocean
Where neither man
Nor the tide that follows him
Can carry her away.

Her heart belongs in a shell,
Wrapped in layers upon layers
of nacre
Where she can abstain
From pain,
From torment
And from his touch.

I've crossed paths,
Crossed hearts with no hope to die,
Set fire to the night and watch it burn alive,
Watch it turn to ash and spit smoke into the sky,
So the clocks won't ever stop because they'll never freeze in time.

We will fight to claim our territory back,
Without guns and grenades or vicious attacks,
We'll use our words to forge our own weapons,
Make you surrender and we'll become legends,
The death of a war that has no place in heaven.

They say I look better dressed up in cold misery,
But I prefer armour made from bittersweet victory,
With words like matches that burned for our liberty,
I am Guy Fawkes and blazing on a new page in History.

Today is the day,
Men and women are now free,
To wed their equals.

Swimming against a current so much stronger than I am,
Battling my way through the waves,
But it's becoming harder to breathe,
Harder to think,
And I find myself drowning,
Sinking further and further
Into the unknown,
Floating endlessly into the abyss,
My body slamming into
Shipwreck insecurities,
Fossilised memories,
Trapped pain in rotting chests.

All because of one tiny detail about myself that I loathe,
Loathing so much deeper than the seven seas stacked on top of one another.