Yeah life happens...
Things that are out of our control take place.
Sometimes the pressure builds up like the magma under a volcano.
And the more we let it simmer and turn into lava, the build up is stronger... The eruption is bigger.


But we've got to remember even if we forget.
That things happen for a reason, each lesson it brings you'll never forget.
It teaches you to be stronger, resilient and makes you stand stronger.
You've just got to remember, that in life you're still blessed.
Blessed in the little things that bring you joy.
Blessed in the souls that give you love and appreciation.


No matter how much life knocks you down, never give up, get up and always show up.
Just remember it's all just one big ride.
It's up to you to get off or enjoy the ride of your life.

Writing letters of my love for you, knowing you never really felt it too, thinking of the days gone by and realising our picture perfect story was all just a lie.


So it seems you broke my heart, my ignorance has struck again, I failed to see it from the start, when I was made blind by my foolish heart.


The colours of my love for you has changed its shade from red to blue, the day you left me with a pocketful of promises and a head full of broken dreams of me and you.


You left me all alone, wondering what I did wrong when you missed my calls and I needed you, you said to me now and forever and I believed it all but I was a fool for catching feelings and falling for you.


The colours of my love for you has changed its shade from red to blue, the day you left me with a pocketful of promises and a head full of broken dreams of me and you.


You packed a suitcase with the pieces of my broken heart when you put a stop to all my loving schemes and drove me away with the venomous words you threw my way.


A long nights ride to nowhere land, with tears in my eyes as I watched you leave it all behind without a word but just a look I lost all hope that there's any future of me with you


The colours of my love for you has changed its shade from red to blue, the day you left me with a pocketful of promises and a head full of broken dreams of me and you.


And so our story has come to an end, so much for happily ever after, when all I'm left with are memories of you and the days I wasted giving it all to you.


With a shattered heart and a lost soul  grieving, I regret ever giving my life to you, but with the pain and sorrow you left me with I learned to see the worth that I deserve and should be given.


And if  the time ever comes that you want to say you're sorry for all the hurt and the sadness you left me with, the times I was so gullible falling for all the sweet lies you told me, I'll be right there facing you with the devil within me.


The colours of my love for you has changed its shade from red to blue, the day you left me with a pocketful of promises and a head full of broken dreams of me and you.

Usually just walk away like nothing ever happened.
These other ones... never set my heart on fire.
Chance meeting, changed all that when I wasn't even looking.
We burned our bridges continously... Each time that I felt I had enough.
But the fire in my heart, that burns just for you just doesn't seem to go out.


Can't seem to let go of what we have.
Can't seem to understand the reasons why I can't leave you behind.
Still feel the same no matter how hard I've tried...
Accepted the situation, but I fear I might relapse.
Time seems to stand still when you're around, never felt like this before. Sometimes... I wish please don't make these feelings last.


Praying for that numb feeling, everytime I feel too much at the thought of you.
But sometimes I wish too that I'd relapse just to feel like I'm still the one for you.
It doesn't change anything, I'd still be here for you. Just because the fire in my heart, refuses to die now, that you've set it alight.

Don't change...
Fragile like breakable glass.
Powerful like a tornado in a storm.
Bright light sunlight.
Dark like moonlight.
Melodious like music.
Loud like a horn.
Moody like the sea.
Gentle like a floating feather.
All these things can make the deserving few, in awe of you.


The things you don't find loveable about yourself...
Are the things that others find amazing and beautiful in you.
Just the same as everyone else it seems, but unique in your very own way.
So don't change the things that don't need changing, because the parts of you that seems harder to love, are the things that need loving and appreciating the most.

Fragile being look up to the skies...
The stars aligned, seek brightness in your haunted eyes.


Lost in a world of your own creation, unable to distinguish the truth and reality from the fog that resides in your head.


Fragile being... Give yourself up to the highest power.
The divine universe will carry away the energy you don't require.


Never surrender to the dark thoughts that swirl in your brain. Just look to the skies, believe and have faith.

I laid awake...
Thoughts, fears and worries flooding and poisoning my mind.
The past, present and future swirling like a mist. Inescapable, I am lost and unable to find a way out.


So tired so I closed my eyes...
Hoping to find solace, to find peace...
Floating... Suddenly I'm floating in darkness,  oh what bliss.
Looking down, I see my frozen body, not dead and still alive but not consciously aware that I am not one with it. The divine universe has called upon me.


At first there was darkness and then colours... Every colour in the spectrum...
I float through space and time...
I am one with the universe.


A cluster of stars... A divine intervention and spiritual awakening takes place.
It cradled me and spoke to me like a child sitting on it's mother's lap about to be given wisdom and a lesson.
"My dear child, why do you place upon your shoulders so much worry and overwhelm yourself with the things you can't control? What should've been (your past) and what will be (your future) are the things you cannot change or control. Let the past go, let it be... Focus on the present you. Continue to be kind, compassionate and loving. You are a pure soul...
Leave the future to us and all that is yet to happen will be revealed to you in the right time.
Go forth and live your life dear child, do not worry and give it all up to us."
I smile at the cluster of stars and embrace it for some time...


I fall again, through the colours, then in the dark.
And with a jolt I am back in my body once more.
The divine universe has spoken...
I'm at peace and I'm spiritually awakened.

Do you ever sit there?
Basking in the feeling of emptiness, unfeeling like nothing is wrong.


You're over it, over the person that gave you so much heartbreak and made you feel alone in their presence.


Then it hits you all over again...
You lose yourself once more in the heartbreaks and loneliness that was them, it's like you're stuck in a void of constant despair and darkness.


You think about them, like a broken record playing in your mind. The words and promises exchanged and spoken but never came to fruition.


You question yourself and everything...
Was I right or wrong?
Were they right or wrong?
Perhaps we were both right and wrong?
But you can never seem to find the answers you seek.


Heartbreaks and loneliness are part of human nature.
They help you learn and grow to be your true self.
But heartbreaks and loneliness aside, they must not be used to completely define who you believe you are.

You rolled in with your sunshine full of laughter.
You rolled in with a promise of love and kindness.


I accepted it...
I valued it...
I loved unconditionally...


But then the storms of you came...
The feelings of happiness you gifted me at the start, you took away and replaced with horror.


You rocked the boat so violently...
But I held on for as long as I could...
Hoping the storms of you will pass.


In the end, I realised letting go and allowing the tides to sweep me away from the storms that is you, gave me the strength to move along and just forget that I never even had the real you.


Now I've found my peace, no longer riding the waves that you created in the storms that is you.
With peace comes happiness...
Someday I hope you'll find it and feel it too.

Starry eyed as a youngster.
Believed in everything the world had to offer.
But that all changed, because people that I've known liked to change like the seasons.


They all gave me nothing to believe in.
I had to pick myself up from the pieces.
Now I always live in the moment.
Scared to hurt someone else with my jagged pieces.


Now all I know is what I feel in the moment.
They all gave me nothing to believe in.
28 and still get lost in my emotions.
Scared to let someone walk in just to walk out again.
Learned enough too, to change with the seasons.
Sometimes I revisit the closed doors.
Not by choice but to remember, they all gave me nothing to believe in.


Lost in thought, when I'm deep in my feelings.
Sometimes I have to remind myself who I am.
No matter how deep a mess you're in.
You have a choice to believe in something.
You have a choice how to live your life.
You have a choice if you'd save yourself just to survive.
Sometimes the people you know will give you nothing to believe in.
But it's up to you what you believe in.

And now our story has ended.
We've said what had to be said.
We just went around in circles.


The world kept spinning and so did my mind.
I loved you but now I just hate you.
We just kept spinning in the same tangled lines.
Like we're constantly stuck in each others minds.


I let go not because I wanted to.
I let go because I had to choose myself this time over choosing you.
Circles that's what it felt like with you.
Stuck in a never ending nightmare of unloving myself just to love you.


You said my feelings are temporary, that I always ended up pushing you away.
What you didn't see was that it was you that pushed me away, when you hid and darkened parts of you just to show me the sides you wanted me to see.


I opened up my doors to you, gave you the keys to the doors that I've left locked for a long time.
But we just went around in circles, because your words and promises never materiliased.


And in the end... we were really just strangers, with memories best left locked up, because we never really knew each other.

I'd die for you...
You'd die for me...
That was the deal...
An unspoken pact...
When we whispered, together forever.


Now the blood runs cold...
In the ground where you left me...
Covered me in bullet holes...
With the words that you said to me.


You said to me once, no one gets left behind.
And I trusted you and your Web of lies.
Now the blood runs cold...
In the ground where you left me...
Covered in the bullet holes, with my own gun you shot me.


You shot me, not once or twice but three times to make sure I'd die.
Now the ground weeps in cold blood.


I look up at your face and give you a sad smile, with a choking breath I tell you it's okay... Without you, I'd still survive.


Now here I am, still standing with the gun wounds you left me with... And a stronger will to live, to breathe and stay alive.

You walk with the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Crawling here...
Stumbling there...
Making a mess, just about everywhere...


At night you look up at the cosmos.
Watching the stars, shining down brightly on you.
You think to yourself of all the things that you've been through.
Replaying each memory of the times you've lived through.


You don't seem to be able to see it.
You don't seem to be able to believe it.
But the stars that you keep watching at night, sees a beautiful soul that is surrounded by a light that shines so bright.


You envy them... The stars in the sky.
You want to be them, to shine bright and to be admired.
But you don't seem to be able to see, that within you resides a light admired by the stars that you envy, that you keep watching at night.


Beautiful soul, don't be so sad.
The scars that you have, prove every battle you've won.
Don't compare and dull your own shine, just so you can be the same as any other star.
Embrace the beautiful soul that you are, as we are all unique and you deserve to shine just as brightly as the stars you envy in the sky at night.

She didn't always receive what she deserved.
But she understood that not everyone was the same.
She kept her distance a lot of the time, always watchful but not always careful.


Protect yourself and your dignity at all times.
But she was the kind, to not always listen to advice in time.


She gave out honour to just everyone around her, she encountered.
But she was careless when it came to herself.


She was the type to take it all in...
Absorbed the wrong energy from the ones that surrounded her.


She read them like a book, she said to herself.
But the words they recited to her, didn't always mean the same things that she comprehended.


She kept building walls up, to defend her fragility.
But allowed the wrong ones to tear them down brick by brick.


But she still refused to avoid her beliefs, she still gave out honour even if it was the last thing she did.

Life's a fairytale right?
Life's always happy and full of sunshine and rainbows and smiles, love and laughter as the stories they tell you as children.


Yeah... life's a fairytale, for the ones that see it through rose coloured tainted glasses.


But that's not reality...
Life's hard and complicated and full of sorrow, suffering and pain.


If you're the type to see that life isn't tainted by all the negative things. You live in a different dimension.


Reality sets fairytales apart from it.
Reality taints everything in life with all the different colours in the spectrum.


It's not black or white or the different shades of grey.
Life's not always full of bliss and good things.
But you know what reality teaches you that fairytales don't?
Is that no matter how much negativity you go through in life... It's always your choice to get back up and keep going, keep going to live a full life with bravery, passion and the strength and will to get where you want to be no matter how tainted life makes you feel.

How do you know you've met your twin flame?

Well, in your darkest days and your darkest hours, they're the beacon of light that shines through the darkness that consumes you.

They're the hope that makes you keep living, when all you want to do is stop existing.

They're your cheerleader in your greatest moments.

The ones that make you feel loved, when you don't love yourself.

Twin flames give you a reason to stay alive and keep living.

At times when you're on your knees about to give up on your dreams, twin flames will always be there to pick up and mend your broken pieces.

They're the ones that understand and hear you when no one else wants to listen.

And makes your life just feel a little bit easier to deal with.

Twin flames are the ones that carry pieces of you no matter how far apart you are in distance, but would never make you forget that your existence has a purpose.

They're the ones that carry the burdens of loving every part of you, but would never hold anything against you.

Twin flames are your muses that inspire you just to be you, the ones that encourage you to show the world every part of you.

They're the ones that keep supporting you no matter how many mistakes you make in life.
And above all twin flames are souls, that you find are the missing parts of you that make you whole.

When you find your twin flame never let them go and return the blessings to them that they always share with you.

Life is crazy isn't it?
You go through many different things in a journey to find yourself.


Some have easy lives that lead on to success.
Some have hard lives that lead on to failure.


But let's take a look at the ones that are in between their journies.


The ones that are going through pain and healing.
Day in, day out just trying to survive and not willing to give up on their existence.


Time is a healer as they say, but time can take a while to work its powers.
One minute the pain in your chest is dulled and you feel fine.
The next minute it hits you in the chest like a thousand bricks beating you down.
But as they say time is a healer.


And in order for someone to fully heal from their past, that's good or bad.
That person has to understand that life is just a ride.
A roller-coaster with its ups and downs and no matter how much you want to get off sometimes... You still can't help, but enjoy the thrill that you get from being alive.

Trying to forget the way you felt on my skin.
Trying to forget the way your lips touched mine.
Trying to forget how you make me feel and leave our past behind.


I keep trying to erase you from my heart and my mind.
But no matter what I do... I can't just leave our past behind.


I miss you like crazy you know.
I'm stuck in the emotional kaleidoscope that's you.
I've never felt like this before.
Never been made to feel all sorts of emotions.
But being stuck in this emotional kaleidoscope of you.
Is like being stuck with an addiction that's incurable.


I know I shouldn't lose myself just because I crave you.
But a thousand times over I'd still choose you.
Euphoria is what I feel when I'm around you.
The highs feel so good and makes me feel so alive.
But the crash and burn after leaves me no will to live.


Emotional kaleidoscope is something you don't always experience.
But one person... One soul that connects with yours in another level can change it all in the blink of an eye.

I know it wasn't what we both wanted.
But it felt like there was no other option.
I didn't want it to end us, but it felt like we were falling in slow motion.
A pit of emotions neither of us could comprehend.
Neither of us knew or could work out what we wanted.


But even if we're not as one, there's still a lot of love left.
I still see you in my mind when I close my eyes even for just a second.
It's sad that we couldn't figure out what we both kept doing wrong.
And I miss the way you looked and smiled at me, the way you touched and kissed me, when I laid next to you.


There's still a lot of love left, and I thought it'd be easy to leave it behind.
But I guess I was wrong, because I still want you til the end of time.


I wish we could make it work. The way we promised we would do.
Because there's still a lot of love left and will forever be for you.

I guess that we don't see... the real reality, of who we are deep down inside... until we open up the Pandoras box in our hearts and in our minds.


We had no choice... when we came into this world, we were the chosen ones... bound to a life of suffering and joy.


But you see... until we look deep inside ourselves. We don't realise the changes that takes place each night and each day within our souls.


Unless you reflect on your past, you won't realise your present and your future. The changes that we go through, as each day and night passes makes us all the unique individuals that we present to the world.


Some are born great... Others rise up to be great. But if we all looked inside ourselves once in a while, we'll realise that we're also the same. The same hearts beat in the same chest... The same organs reside in the same bodies.


We're nothing more than a speck of dust in a universe filled with the unknown. What are we? you may ask.


The answer is we're all just human.
We're born...
We live...
We feel each emotion...
And then we all die...


We return to the motherland, to nature as nothing more than a pile of ash.

You said forever... but still left me drowning in my own fears.
I tried to reach out through the pain and the dark just to hold you so near.
Please tell me you loved me at least once before you disappear.


Consumed in my sorrow and my longing for you just to hold you so near.
I tried and I tried to hold on to you just to keep you so near.
But like all good things it all has to end so the memories of you disappear.


You said forever... but we still lost it all, no matter how much we tried to keep it all together.
Now I'm here and you're there... Both alone in our sorrows wondering where we went so wrong.


You said forever... But I guess forever had a timeline for you, I waited for you to realise what you had right in front of you.
I would have done everything for you, given you my all, even laid down my life for you.


But as they say... All good things must eventually come to an end.
And I realised that giving up my all for you just wasn't enough  to make you stay and keep your promise of forever and a day.

I just want to say I'm sorry...
I'm sorry for the way I act at times.
I'm sorry for the things that I say that I don't mean.
I'm sorry that I act like I don't care even though deep down inside, I really do.
I'm sorry for the ways I feel things too much.
I'm sorry if you find me so difficult.
I'm sorry that sometimes I struggle to say how I really feel.
I'm sorry that I turned out the way I never wanted to.
I'm sorry that I get so scared of being left behind.
I'm sorry I push the ones I love the most, far away at times.
I'm sorry that I get so vulnerable, that I can't control my feelings even if I wanted to.
I'm sorry if I hurt you without meaning to.
I'm sorry that I get so angry without knowing why.
I'm sorry if sometimes I cry for no reason, I just don't know why.
I'm sorry I feel things more strongly than others do.
I'm sorry I still struggle inside my mind, I'm trying my best to be better I promise you.
I'm sorry I'm still battling the same demons years down the line.
I'm sorry I let them win and let them get to me sometimes.
I'm sorry for all the hurt and the problems that I've caused.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to be like this at all.
I'm sorry if sometimes you want to get away from me.
I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel like I didn't want you around.
I'm sorry my mind is so messed up at times.
I'm sorry if sometimes the things I say sound like a web of lies.


I never wanted to be like this I promise you.
I never wanted to feel like a burden to people, I guess it's nothing new.
I never wanted to push anyone away, but sometimes my fears get ahold of me and I can't stop myself from hiding away in the dark corners of my mind.
These feelings I have are not normal I know.
Sometimes the rage builds up so fast inside me, I feel like I would explode into a million pieces.
The past keeps coming back to haunt me no matter where I go.
That face of evil, grinning, smiling and laughing at me in the dark. Reminding me of the horrors I've tried to leave behind closed doors.
I'm sorry I'm a walking, talking, disaster and mess.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry I sometimes wished I never existed at all.
I'm sorry for saying sorry so many times, I guess sometimes I just need to apologise at least 100 times, to make me realise just how much the ones I love really matter to me deep down inside.

In your eyes I see it
You smile at the world but deep inside, I see the sadness and hurt that within you resides.

I see your soul and the truth in your eyes.
You want to give up and I know you struggle so much.


You feel hopeless at times and can't see for yourself, that your life is worth so much more than what you see in your mind. You're so beautiful you just don't see it or believe it but don't you realise that no one is perfect? Your flaws, your thoughts and everything else in between is what makes you so perfect in my eyes.


You smile at the world with the pain in your eyes but I know deep down inside there's a part of you that wants to keep fighting, to feel alive.


You don't have to say a word, I feel it when you're around, I know you want happiness and some sunshine in your life, to make the darkest clouds disappear and make you feel like there's hope but you see there's no rainbows without storms.


I can't promise you the world, but all that I know is that I'll always be with you no matter how far we go. There's no giving up on you I swear it, it's true cause in your eyes I see a soul that is pure.

Love hits you when you least expect it.
It comes in a moment when you're not looking or ready for it.
Meeting a stranger in a strange place, in a strange time seems like a fairy tale we've been fed as lies all our lives.


It all starts off innocently enough...
A smile here, a laugh there and a casual touch.
But that innocence doesn't always last and leads to something more.
It just depends on who wanted those moments to last longer.


Love can make you feel all sorts of things, it disillusions you to believe that everything you have with them is real. One moment in time can change everything, just a little look of the eyes can make you feel a thousand things.


Hearing the softness in their voice when they tell you how they feel, can make you catch a disease no one ever wants to feel.


The sweet words that are said that give you a feeling of bliss, soon turn to sweet lies that make you feel as if you don't exist.


Falling in love is oh so easy, the happy moments spent daydreaming of the possibilities.


But the moment those feelings burn to the ground, you finally realise it wasn't worth all the pain you've been feeling after a while inside.


Just like falling in love it hits you hard when you fall out of love, your world comes crashing down around you as ashes that you built with the person you once loved.

This should have never started, you and I.
Got lost in all the feelings and the moments of lies.
Now all I ever know is the pain deep inside, I tore my heart open just to keep you alive.


I always put you first and forgot who I was deep down inside, drowning in the fear of letting go of what we could have had, we should never have happened and you know that I'm right. This love we had changed both of our lives.


Now I think I've learned my lesson trying to keep you by my side, I never needed you all along and lost myself in the process to make you feel loved and you're the one.


I blame myself because I knew that I deserved better but I kept falling for you and your promises of a happy life just because I wanted to feel a love that I never had.


I never thought I'd find myself again after I lost myself because of you, but now the fog has lifted in my head and I see the real you. Changes are made by the ones that want it, but you... I don't think you'll ever change yourself to be the best version of you.


Don't expect to come back again now that it's all clear and makes sense to me, I put you first because you just wanted to use me, now I know that everything that happened between us was just a way for you to cope... Because you needed my love to pick you up and make you high when you needed it most.


It all makes sense now the way you treated me... Was just a reflection of how you couldn't see, see your own worth and your ability to love yourself so you needed me the most as a lifeline to save yourself from your own insecurities.

Do you remember that night we spent together?
Laid there on the bed holding hands and cuddling so close together?
We were looking up at the fairy lights strung up above us, twinkling in the dark like a thousand stars shining down on us.


We looked at each other with adoring eyes, felt the taste of your lips full of lies on mine.
We held each other as if we could never let go. Felt your heart beating so fast along with mine.


But I wish I knew back then that the magic wouldn't last, I held on longer than I knew I should have.


I touched your face as I looked in your eyes and you whispered I love you and I believed your sweet lie, you then took my hand by surprise and slipped a ring on my finger.


A promise you said of our future together, a future we tried to build not once or twice but three times. I took your ring and believed every word you said, how was I to know back then that every word was never meant.


I tortured myself believing that this love was true, only to realise in the end that I lost myself giving all my love to you.


Now I look at that ring and wear it around my neck in a chain, not as a reminder of you but as a sign of hope that one day I'll finally be okay and that the love I gave you was never meant for you, it was meant for me all along that one person who mattered the most and became forgotten just to love you.