I hate how many words I've wasted
Just thinking of you
How many poems pile
The washed away blood
In my bathroom tiles
Which have haunted me
Since I first spoke your name
A title so mistaken
It has a different ring to it
Nowadays

We are nonbelievers
Our skin sparkles in that light
We glow from past mistakes
And trauma fuels our fight

Never speak of pain
Or wear a wound on our face
We're better than that, mature
Mentality-a constant race

Emotions are a betrayal
Hints of suffering in our eyes
Pain dusted across our face
Lives being woven through lies

I am a nonbeliever
And with that, I stand tall
But a part of me decays
Every time I see another angel fall

Once all of the weights build up
And you believe that life is just a lie
Something which you've made up
The perfect answer to a broken mind
You'll sob, you'll punch, you'll kick, you'll cry
Because then you'll know you are nothing
Nothing but blind

I'm so dramatic
Is what they all say
As they walk around
Day to day

The crunch of my bones
Does it bring you joy?
Constant manipulation
Treating me like a toy

These problems, they seep
Through every one of my scars
Nothing can help
Not while I'm behind bars

The shadows from ages
Creeping into my face
And my mask falling down
From shattered grace

Oh, these grave mistakes
I know all too well
But you've never cared
Not which I can tell

This pain, it's so weighted
The bubbles stop, I'm going to drown  
But you call me so spoiled
If you catch a frown

Every thought building up
Emotions that try to hide
Is this what it feels like
To be dying inside?

I'm so dramatic
Is what they all say
But they should try
Being me for a day

I truly can assure you
I am not a homophobe
But it is so, so hard
To try and respect my own

I dream to fight you everyday
Because I hate it when you get your way
I dream to fight you every light
Because I can feel your betrayal
Every night

I dreamed to fight you
Like when waves hit the sand
And I'll keep dreaming
Every time I can't stand
Every single compliment you give
And each time you didn't let me live

I dream to fight you
Because I'm jealous of your roots
How you are still a child
And haven't had to deal with many of these truths
I dream to fight you
In each and every way
Kicking and screaming and yelling and punching
Until you listen to what I have to say

I dream to fight you
Because you know what I have lost
Yet you don't seem to blink an eye
Or realize how much of me it cost
And I'll dream to fight you
In every moon and, every sun
Because you think so low of me
But one day I will show you that I have won

Tell me your deepest secret
And please, don't think to lie
For secrets are of monsters
And they never die inside

While you're at it, tell me a promise
Because they will come and go
But while you lay at that final death bed
You won't be struck with woe

And open up about your problems
So that I can know your roots
Each memory in-between
Is what can make your tree grow fruits

I'd like to know your favorite song
Because then the birds can sing
And when we're walking down the road
We can dance and we can swing

With each passing second
I'd like to listen to your laugh
Because I can feel your presence in the breeze
And I already want you back

When I watch the flowers bloom
I'm reminded of your life
And how you always said you were of nature
And that you'd come here with your wife

So when the sun comes down
As it does each passing day
You'll tell me it's okay to cry
Because you're with me every step of the way

I was told frowning caused wrinkles
When you were sad
Your childhood was wasting away

But now I know all emotions have a cause
That crying is only natural
Sadness isn't what makes our world turn gray

The man on the moon, you see
He has a few friends

He's perfect and broken
And is kind to no ends

I believe he is lonely
Floating gently in the sky

Even if you whisper him your secrets
He'll never tell you why

His pain is unmatched
Yet he's beautiful all the same

Even when he looks at perfect stars
He casts them no blame

And I find it comforting
Looking to him at night

For he taught me even in dark
There is a way to find some light

Call me scarred
Call me hurt
Call me trapped
Say what needs to be heard
Hit me till I'm down
Scream in my face
Watch me fall
Say I'm a disgrace

I won't listen

Tell me I'm broken
Ruin my day
Break my legs
Lock me away
Say I'm disgusting
Call me the devil
Remind me of horrors
Throw me down
On so many levels

I wont listen

Say I'm a sinner
Some soul-****** monster
Hate me
Take me
Try to break me
Feed me lies
Show me enemies
Plan my demise

I won't listen

Steal my eyes
And all I love
Rob me of a home
Of confidence
Make bullets rain
From above
Burn my body
Call me a demon
Take all I know
Put me in pain
Say my ideas will plummet

I won't listen

Hurting I am
But that's just
The everyday life
Of a suffering little poet

Will you remember each and every one of us
Before the night has died
Not the soldiers that have served
But the victims of your crimes

Every one of our names
Written in a line
And before your final death bed
You'll reread them every time

To cry when you realize
We all have burned in your hell
Your decision was of power
But cast away, your crown has fell

We were kings that lived through the night
Each and everyone so beautiful
We sparkled through the tough times
Until it all came dull

So you will write every name
Side by side by side
Until you will know of the pain
You didn't care of as we cried

Our suffering spread through the sounds of  tears
Love turned through war
We are gone and dead but we will still haunt
And make you write more

Years on past, the world shall always know
That we repeated our own deaths
killing ourselves in a show
Our independency you slaughtered

We've seen the blood on your hands
The holiness of a royal
A traitor indeed
And cast down to our death, none will forget

Our stories have become many fables
Of heros, and witches, and knights
For we will make sure our names are not lost
And then they will know

Of that which is forever gone
And remember
And tell our story
That we were kings

Is it wrong
To not know what's next
After building up a reputation
To always be the one who knows
And never asks for anything in return
Not once
Is it wrong
To not have any advice
When everyone believes I am healed
That I speak truths
From my harsh past
And shed light
On every other trauma
So is it so, so wrong
To have helped every other person
Yet be at a loss of words
When I'm with you

To me, you speak
"Oh dear, give me your heart"
"Why should I?"
You look at me softly
A wistful gleam
In the surface
Of your right eye
A smile curving
Up on your lips
Just barely
A traitorous sight indeed
As you slowly say
"Because I gave you mine"