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Azrapse Feb 2019
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Surroundings surreal
My chest feels tight
I find it hard to breathe
And I really want to scream
To let off some steam
But that’s weird right?
I should just bottle up this whatever
In the end you fall or keep climbing
My momma didn’t raise a quitter
Even though most of my decisions
always make me feel bitter
I don’t know how to act
I can’t even react
But my course is steady
I don’t fall off track
Play it off enough to seem normal
But I don’t even know who I am
I’m lost, I feel like an actor
Always trying to play my role
I shouldn’t even care.
-
Azrapse Nov 2017
-
moving forward in this straight line
We are born
And then we die
Not much to it
Aside from our irrelivant life
That lies inbetween
?
Azrapse Jun 2018
?
Who are you? Who are you. Who. Are you. WhO ArE YoU? Who are you
whoareyou!WHOAREYOU?!
whoru WHORU WhOrU
urohw UROHW UrOhW
!uoyeraohw!?OUYERAOHW
uoy era ohW ?UoY ErA OhW
.uoy erA .ohW .uoy era ohW ?uoy era ohW
Azrapse Apr 2019
My heart is bleeding
The blood is clotting
Nothing ever done will be forgotten
The past doesn't stay in the past
It gets stuck in my mental
So **** up one time
And you ****** up forever
Azrapse Jan 2018
People all around me but I feel so alone
Smile on my face but I ain't happy at all
They say I'm depressed but I can't even feel
Thoughts cloud my mind
People be so unkind
Why we all so evil
We are the root of this madness
I’m part of the issue
I think way too much
But I don't say nothing at all
No voice to my opinions
Just some hollow thoughts
Azrapse Jan 2018
Who misses the summer in the winter
And the cold when it’s hot
I’m never content with what I have
Bipolar you could say
I want love
But if you try to hug me I’ll push you away
To scared to let anyone in my bubble
But I don’t want to be alone
I hate how no one gets me
But if I’m honest I don’t even get me
Azrapse Mar 2018
People break
Reasons there are many
I wish I knew how to fix the world
Everything around me
Seems to crumble
I just want it all to stay
But what I need the most
Seems to run away
I don’t know if I need love
Or just some company
Someone to sit beside me
So I won’t feel so alone
Some days I look down at my shadow
And think “you only leave my side at night”
That’s when I need someone the most
My thoughts eat away at my soul
Like a pack of wolves hunting prey
My mind is weak from all these thoughts I locked inside me
Like a volcano the pressure just keeps rising
I’m going to blow the top
See my head pop like a magnum to the dome
Blood would spill like lava hot to the touch
My body in time would turn to ashes
Then my broken self
Would rejoin the world
Like a phoenix from my ashes I will rise again .
Azrapse Apr 2018
beauty cant you see you make my heart bleed
beauty cant you see your the one for me
beauty cant you see you the way you hurt me
beauty cant you see i just really want to leave
beauty cant you see you make my days shine bright
beauty cant you see your my only light
beauty cant you see when you walk away
you leave me in the dark, i dont wanna play
hide and seek with you
i just want
to be found
Slow song
Azrapse Jun 2018
i follow the prettiest girls
the ones ill never speak to
they are like birds flying around
i am but a worm slithering
through other **** like me
they are out of reach
but when the bird gets hungry
it flys down to devour the  worm
they catch us by suprise
and sweep us
off our nonexistent feet
flying through the sky
with their talons
peircing our chests
they eat us alive
Azrapse Nov 2017
Seven years ago today
An immature teen
Clocked by reality
Life had been so good
I had a roof
plenty of food
so many dreams
I thought would come true
In the months leading up
To that fateful day
I lost hope in the world
Cut my ties with religion
Pushed the whole world away
Because I was in pain
Emotionally distraught
-
“This can’t be real” was my only thought
pinch pinch pinch till I bruised
But I wouldn’t wake up
In those days
I felt like each was eternal
Daily visits to the hospital
To see the strongest person I knew
Slowly losing his strength
Drugged up so much
He forgot who I was
I couldn’t understand
Why he couldn’t remember
One day I sat by him
To keep him company
He was so fed up
He just wanted to die
To leave that forsaken room
Of which he was a prisoner
He yanked his iv
With so little strength
As I held him down
With tears pouring out my eyes
He looked into my soul
And with such a piercing rage yelled at me
-
“You’re worthless let me go
you are not my son”
Those words cut deep
And broke me inside.
-
My last memory with him
Kills me to this day
It was the last chance I had to visit
And I went into his room
I tried to have a conversation
But he was delirious
He had 5 blankets
But he shivered and said
“Nieve, nieve”
I hugged him tight
A million thoughts running
Through my mind
-
In my head I ran away with him
Took him on a journey to cross off
Everything from his bucket list
-
In reality I sat with him and wept
He wiped away a tear and murmured under his breath
Words I couldn’t make out
So I tried my best to figure it out
“Fruta” i managed to hear
So I started naming fruits
“Sandia”
He nodded no
“Fresa”
His head again shook
Till I guessed what he wanted
I promised him
I would bring him one back
The very next morning
On my way to school
I passed by a tree
And the fruit my dad wanted
Hanging within reach
And as I walked closer
I thought to myself
I’ll pick it later
And headed to class
-
I still remember clearly the moment I found out
I was in 3rd period algebra
When I got called to the office
Which wasn’t something new
Since I was a rebel
But I felt my gut drop
And somehow I knew
“I don’t know how to say this, your sister is on the phone”
Said the lady in the office
She handed me the phone
I didnt even let my sister speak
“Ok, bye”
-
The office lady asked me if I wanted to go home
But the last thing I wanted was to see
Was the bigger picture
I had lost peices of the puzzle
All that was left was rubble
Seven years to this day
I’m still constantly depressed
And filled with regret
Azrapse Nov 2017
“Oblivious
All men are so
When it comes to understanding women
Their logic goes out the door”
“No, it’s her mind that’s lost
And she can’t control”
Azrapse Jan 2018
I’m prey to my ego
It always lets out the worst in me
Greed always seems to consume me
And when I clench a bottle
I won’t let go till it’s empty
These bad habits slowly turning
me to an addict
But I have no self control
It’s like the little devil on my shoulder
Took out my little angel
The one that’s supposed to keep
him on check
I wonder where I went wrong
Now in days I’m such a wreck
I swear I try to walk with god
But my demons keep pulling me back
Azrapse Aug 2020
They say time heals all wounds
But it’s been ages
And my chest keeps pouring out
All these ****** feelings
self pity, fears,
and all the regrets
engraved like hieroglyphs
In the depths of my mental
Just one day in my mind would probably be fatal
Azrapse Mar 2018
My feelings faded away
Now all I feel is blue
I wonder why I’m so down
I’m always high
It doesn’t make sense
So I try some **** that’s more intense
I live with a bottle glued to my hand
And I have bottles of pills on deck
These drugs I self prescibe
Just to make me feel alive
The liquor helps me smile
But it makes me feel more numb
This **** helps me think
But it makes me more dumb
This yay makes my whole life feel A’okay
But it’s really ******* up my brain.
Azrapse Mar 2018
There are days
Days when I can’t stand the world
I hate everyone, I hate myself
Some days I beat depression
But mostly it kicks my ***
I wish I could be normal
I don’t even remember what that feels like
Once upon a time I was happy
Some days I’m optimistic
But mostly I find myself being realistic
I wish I could just be normal
But what is normal anyway
Some days I fall apart
But mostly I do a good job keeping it all together
I really wish I was normal
Or at least felt like I wasn’t just an insignificant grain of sand
That was forced to work to live
Some days I hate the system
Because I really hate the system
I really wish I could change the system
But I really can’t change the system.
Azrapse Nov 2017
My world was black and white
before I met you
Till you brought along the color
Now you want to leave me
Not picking up my calls
Got my whole life feeling so strange
Used to take you like a dose
Just to calm my anxiety
now I'm out here chasing dragons  
Slowly losing my sanity
Can't say your name without using profanity
I guess I'm just salty like the sea
My rage crashing like waves on the beach
And I never thought I'd be calling you a *****
But you got me barking
Arguing about all the mistakes that we made
Through it all my memory got engraved with triggers that make me flash back
and fuel my rage
When things get heated
Feed back is appreciated
Azrapse Apr 2018
i feel like i have a curse on me
or maybe im just a magnet
and i only attract negativity
everything in my life
goes from bad to worse
even when i try to be happy
i cant even fake that im happy
i wonder what i did
for karma to hate my guts
maybe i did some bad
but i cant recall
me ever having this much bad intentions
with my actions
or maybe that just how karma works
it tortures you till you cant breath
im overwhelmed
tired
i wonder what would happen
if i decided to slit my wrists
with my luck
someone would find me
and id end up locked inside a nut hut
my life probably isnt really that bad
i know some people have it worse
but in my mind i cant find peace
and its been slowly killing me
i really want this nightmare to end
but i havent gone to sleep
only in my dreams can i escape reality
when i wake i enter insanity
im tired of driving myself crazy
Azrapse Nov 2017
how ironic
That these clouds of indo
Clear my mind
from all these thoughts
That be eating away at my mental
sanity
But I guess it makes sense
Cause it's just blocking all my receptors
Preventing me from going insane
Azrapse Nov 2017
church full of hypocrites
Praying for salvation
Half asleep through the sermon
Running out just to go dancing with the devil
But who am I to speak
I'm just a crazy *** on the streets
But every *** a human being just trynna stay alive through the struggle
I don't have a job but I hustle
Every single day
I see the way they look at me like I'm the **** of the earth
But im just trynna feed my stomach
If I was a car I'd be running on empty
I don't even think I can feel
these hunger pains anymore
Yet you look into my eyes and they're filled with soul
Azrapse Mar 2018
why am i here?
who am i?
what is life about?​
is life a game?​
is that why i always get played?​
why am i the way i am?
does life have  be this hard?​
how do i make this pain go away?
why dont these drinks help me forget?​
why wont this smoke fog my memmories?
why am i a ****** person?​
why do i loath myself?​
Azrapse Mar 2020
For a long time now
Life has been like a dream
I go day by day
On autopilot
My life is monochrome
Bland
I feel I am a burden
I try to be of use
Change
How I am
How I act
If life’s a game
I’m not playing right
Am I not good enough
Why don’t my efforts pay off
Might I be vexed
Or am I an omen
My mind is often flooded
With thoughts like so
Azrapse Oct 2018
I like you
I want you to like me too
I want to hug you
I want to kiss you
I want to wake up to you
You are the sun
That brightens up my days
I think I’m not good enough
I know there are a lot of people after you
I know they could probably treat you better
I’m not right in the head
I get anxiety attacks thinking about it
How I want you to be happy
And I want to be happy
But I have nothing to offer
But my unstable love
I’ll push you away
Even though I want you to stay
I want you to want me
But I don’t want you to fall for me
I don’t want to hurt you
I don’t want you to hurt me
I’m too irrational
And I don’t make any sense
Would you put up with my demons
Would you stay through my storm
Or would you leave me
To be eaten by my own mind
No one gets me
I need to love and be loved
More than anything.
Azrapse May 2018
Must be nice to have been born with a silver spoon
Must be nice to have always had your own room
Must be nice to never be in need
It must be nice
I wonder what it’s like
Azrapse Aug 2020
Stressing on minor objects
that keep acting
like they’re the fuel
that will propel me forward,
I keep following rules,
trynna grind and get some dough but what the **** for?
I’m just a pawn in a game of chess, the one percent
Stay trying to act celestial, implementing shady laws
that make it harder
for my people to progress.
Fin
Azrapse Nov 2017
Fin
The lord is probably
Ashamed of me as son
Because I’m part of the ****
That walks his earth
Filling my lungs
with a toxic smoke
Drowning my liver
with a deadly elixir
Can’t go a day
With out a fix
I have 99 bars
And none of them
Are going to get spit
So I popped them all with Molly
And overdosed to the sirens
Azrapse Jan 2021
This world is my problem
Society is the issue
I used to confide the pain just to fit in
This preordained infrastructure
They say i'm just a grain of sand in the desert
But sand can't move on its own,
I shoot, ****, and destroy
Mentally scared
Emotionally barred out
I guess thats why im numb
It's like I ain't got a concious
**** every soul I see
You can call me grim the reaper
Her
Azrapse Nov 2017
Her
Her hips like the ocean
never stopping  constant motion
Mind like a maze got me in a daze
Soul like a river
-
Her presence makes me shiver
Chills down my spine
Heart pounding  
Adrenaline rushes
I feel so warm
-
Her smile made me smile
I don’t even smile
What is this feeling?
Azrapse Nov 2017
If i cease to exist
the world won't stop spinning
stars won't stop shining
oceans won't stop waving
The moon won't stop chasing the sun
The cosmos won't hear my cries
For we are one
I'm just returning home.
If  you ever feel out of place
Azrapse Jan 2018
I used to be so impatient
To find someone to love
And when love came
Knocking on my door
I couldn’t help but ignore
I was scared cause I never truly had it
Everything I had before was lust
And it’s a bust
Now I’m lonely but I trust              
The future has more for me
I just have to wait and see
And if Cupid does me wrong again
I’ll find him  
Punch him in the throat
Steal his bow and a bunch of arrows
Shoot all my crushes
And proceed to live my life
Happily ever after.
Azrapse Jun 2018
Everything is imaginary
Our society and religions
Are all someone else’s beliefs
Being fed to us since birth
It’s impossible to be free
We are fish in a bowl of illusions
I don’t want to have to work to make ends meet
I want to swim in the ocean and get lost at sea
I want to ride the waves into the sunset
I want to climb the highest mountains
And travel through every forest
I want to see the sun for 24 hours in a day
I want to spend days in the dark
I want to live without responsibilities
I want to live and be free
I didn’t choose to be born into this world
I just want to enjoy it all.
Azrapse Nov 2017
All my life i spent
looking for a place called sanity
and I finally found it
now I'm in sane
Completely in tune with my own brain
guess it's weird that i talk to myself
But I only do it cause
I'm the only one who seems to gets me
I'm pretty antisocial
so when it comes to conversations
I'd rather flake out
I don't really relate
It's hard to communicate
And let my thoughts out of my mind
Im on a mission trynna be a better person on my own
Cause I know there ain't a place called home for me
I'm just a nomad
Wandering blindly through this planet
I'm just another lost soul
Trynna find my way
Azrapse Apr 2018
i am so alone
i had so many people
that could have been
more
but i just push them away
cause i cant even
trust myself
what am i doing
playing with another persons health
i just need to
cut myself off
from the world
i'm too distraught
Azrapse Nov 2017
What happens when we die?
life after death?
Your soul leaving your body?
Do we find a new host?
Or are we judged for our actions?
Are we sent away to the pits of hell?
Or into our personal cloud in the sky?
Or maybe it all just ends?
Does it all go black?
To nothingness?
Azrapse Dec 2017
Getting attached has always been taboo
For me
The hardest thing in life is probably Keeping people in it
Because everyones gotta go
And you just have to let it go
Azrapse Aug 2020
24 hours in a day
And you couldn’t toss
A couple minutes my way
I said I cut you off
But I stay connected
No chords on my phone
Always waiting
On some type of feedback
So I could relapse
And play the victim
Although I know your wicked ways
And these games you play
I still love you through the doubts
That i am not the only dog
You got on a leash.
Azrapse Feb 2019
What is love when you’re the only one who’s in it
Obsession seems a bit excessive
But I bathe in misfortune
Or so that’s how I perceive
All these unexpected situations
I get tangled up in life’s lessons
She’s a black widow
So she’ll probably bite my head off
I don’t even mind
Azrapse Dec 2019
Sometimes you just gotta
Keep your distance
With the people
You're attracted too
You open up
And you let them
Into your sacred temple
A palace that holds all your feelings
But you never know true intentions
And quick maths be adding up insecurities
You can doubt them or even doubt yourself
Their attention brings you nirvana
Till the point where
Their absence makes you bitter
Eventually it'll be too much to handle
You start losing their interest
Slowly nothing more than strangers
As you both just fade away
From the daily goodmornings
And sleep tight goodnights
But still you scroll through your phone
And smile when you pass their name
Heart beats a little faster as you see your favorite face
But your time has passed
Nothing left to do
But to stay bitter
Or just love them from afar
Azrapse Nov 2017
Golden brown hair
Big brown eyes
Smiles like an angel
Her lips
So soft
Big hips
Nice thighs
This girl has got me hypnotized
She’s oh so delicate
I wonder how she ain’t broken yet
Takes pride in what she do
Everything she’s touched flourished
a goddess of war
every other dude be fighting
trying to get at her
But no one succeeds
When it comes to her feelings
love is a myth
She ain’t ever loved before
Got me trying to be a myth buster
Get to her head find my way to her heart
I know she’s a ten but if she was a nine
I’d be the one to make her mine
Lust
The feeling that I’m feeling
Cause I want something I ain’t getting
Cupid shot me right in the ***
Paired me up with her a heartless angel
Fallen from the sky
Touched down on earth
Broke so many hearts
Call her the devil
My little rebel
Never met a soul so obscure
I was lost in this world
Thinking could she be my cure?
Azrapse Nov 2017
What propels the wolf
To slaughter the sheep?
Is the full moon at night
a reason not to sleep?
You transformed before my eyes
Filled my mind with lies
Now I’m drowning
In this pool of thoughts.
But you won’t let me drown
You're already ready
With your claws right by my chest
Waiting till my last conscious breath
To rip my soul from its vessel
Azrapse Feb 2019
Bubblegum sky’s
Orange and red
A black that consumes
Cool darkness when the moon is lit
Anywhere you go
It’s always watching down on us
Seeing everything we do
Slowly changing as we do
How I wonder
What it was like in its youth
Before all the cars and the fumes
It must have had some pretty neat colors
I wonder if it thinks we are pretty neat too
Or if it hates us
For slowly making it wither away
Its seen us since caves and fires
Now we have flashlights and mansions
Centuries at work
But who knows how longer it will hold
The omniscient sky’s
That we fill with fumes
We are digging the graves
Of generations to come
Azrapse Jan 2018
Her lips tasted like candy
She was a ray of the sun
That shined so very brightly
I wish I could have held her forever
When she walked away it saddened me
I went in a craze
I don’t think I can live without my baby
I just want to be there for forever
Watching her closely
Gently caressing her soul
I wish I could be the one
Though I know she deserves better
don’t know what is wrong with me
broke her little heart
I should have pushed her away
From the start
Before she fell for me
But I let her in
Then I kicked her out
That became routine
Over and over and over again
Till she finally walked away
I guess I’m glad
I truly wish
she could find someone better
Alone I lay weeping in the shadows
Thinking of how different things could be
But of all the things I’ve loved and lost
It’s been etched into my soul
Love comes and goes
And it hurts so much when it goes
So don’t fall in love my friends
It will save you some heartache
Cause everything eventually goes
From her life I will fade away
But my heart won’t seize to ache
Ryu
Azrapse Nov 2017
Ryu
I’m having trouble finding sanity
the world is corrupt
and filled with insanity
I feel like I should be locked up
In an asylum
Cause my mind keeps
Pouring thoughts like a leak
In the plumbing
My mind is throbbing
To many thoughts
Go through my brain  
Lost track of what is sane
Thinking is it normal
To feel so out of place
My mind is on a different level
By now I’ve killed several demons
Just yesterday I killed akuma
Azrapse Feb 2019
No spoons
Azrapse Nov 2017
I look into the mirror and despise myself
I am what’s wrong with the world
Azrapse Nov 2019
Pride and ego like my ball and chain,
Can't complain with no urge to change.
Fallen in a pit, which ain't that bad.
Honestly,
I'll just settle.
Coasting on the highway takes little effort.
Azrapse Feb 2019
You went astray
Now im sitting ashing bowls in my ashtray
Wondering why the flying ****
I had to let you go away
I guess it was my Philophobia
Fear of love cause love is pain and not even a raging rain storm could wash away the hurt
My apologies if im being selfish
But **** your feeling this is all about me
Can't you see the hurt in my eyes as I listen to your lies and try to convince my self to believe
Always hoped for our happily ever after  
But now I just wish I could forget you a little bit faster
Azrapse Mar 2018
I walked outside
Shirtless at night
Shivering in the cold
Misty breeze
I couldn’t sleep tonight
My anxiety has me hyped out
I layed on the damp grass
To look up at the sky
I see the moon
It’s halfway empty
The stars flicker
The clouds swallow the sky
It starts getting darker
The mist turns into a light rain
My eyes get wet
I sit up
My body is drenched
I’m not cold anymore
I can still see the moon
There is a rainbow ring
The clouds are bright
It’s a nice sight
My dogs lay beside me
The malteese lays on my lap
My Shepard sits beside me
On guard
His posture like a soldier
Unmoving like a statue
I don’t feel so alone
Azrapse Jan 2018
My face is a mask
I use to hide my feelings
No one ever sees the sadness
No one ever sees the pain
Cloak it all with just a grin
All my struggles
Tossed into this bottomless pit
I created to store unwanted feelings
A vessel on autopilot
Systematically completing my daily tasks
Fake smiles to the fake people
Tried to numb the bad
Now I don’t know good
No longer know the difference
Life is just plain.
Azrapse Jan 2021
Time alone knows my pain
Time alone has seen all sides of me
Time alone has heard me cry in the middle of the night
Time alone has made me strong
Time alone is nothing
Time alone is all of creation
Time alone is energy
Time alone is dead
Time alone is perpetual reincarnation
Time alone is always time alone
Azrapse Nov 2017
Visions of my past
replayed so vivid
  I used to purposely lack sleep
so I can immerse myself
Into the world so livid
Learned how to
Lucid dream
Making anything possible
all it took was a thought
like magic it appeared
but just cause it shined
didnt mean it was  gold
I couldn’t control my mind
It took its own route
I used to be so optimistic
Till I spent countless days in my own mind
Now every time I bounce back to reality
Im pessimistic
Nothing can compare
to the world Ive seen
in my own mind
That thought sprout a seed
now every dream I dream
this flower of doom continues to bloom
And everytime I sleep
These toxic dreams keep haunting me
all my struggles
fears and demons seemlessly intertwined
into my escape from reality
no more fantasies
welcome to planet nighmare
365 days a year
Let me know what you think
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