"overdosed" poems
If you judge me based on race
You are blind to my inner grace
Overwhelming beauty
which gives me inner peace
I overdosed on selflove and confidence
So your ignorance
holds no place in my presence
I suggest you have a dance with my intelligence
Which can outlast your ignorance
Giving it no room to impact my race
May 30, 2019
May 30, 2019 at 7:46 AM UTC
.
*So here I am once more, in the playground of the broken hearts.
One more experience, one more entry in a diary self-penned.
Yet another emotional suicide,
overdosed on sentiment and pride.
To late to say I love you, to late to re-stage the play.
Abandoning the relics in my playground of yesterday'.*
The first words you killed me with.
The first Script to make me cry.
The opening song on a plate of sorrow.
The opening sight of my Poets eye.
Your words soaked my childlike mind
as I lost on the roundabouts and swings.
The Jester stands with violin and quill,
composing tears on his broken strings.
I sat and chewed those daffodils
and I still struggle to answer why.
I grew up and left that playground
but its the place where my heart died.
So I never did write that love song,
My words just never seemed to flow.
The martyrs twisted smile haunts me,
my Harlequins head dreams in sorrow.
The game is over.
The game is over.
© Pagan Paul (22/05/17)
May 22, 2017
May 22, 2017 at 1:14 PM UTC
I'm a good girl gone bad
I've slipped up and lost track
Got caught up in the wrong crowd
Went the wrong way
Fell short more than once
I'm surprised I got to see another day
I'm a good girl gone bad
I decided to spread my legs too quick 17 & pregnant, I thought I was grown
My body was my own
Sipping coconut *** & milk
That night I became a drunk bandit
I was sure I could handle it
Until he drugged me and I couldn't remember a thing
All I know is I had bruises on my thighs
The police dismissed the case
They called me easy
Said they weren't surprised
I got high on speed
Fooled around the wrong way
I accidentally overdosed
& if my brother hadn't walked in just in time
I wouldn't be here today
I'm a good girl gone bad
Ive lost track of the guys I've had
Lost count of the names they call me
Can't recall the last time I had a friend
I'm a good girl gone bad
I was tired of the rules
I wanted to live my life
Didn't want anyone telling me what to do
I didn't think it would be like this
Why didn't anyone warn me?
I didn't know bad girls get this much heat
I just wanted to try it out
But these fates weren't ones I thought I'd meet
A good girl gone bad?
Nah I'm good
Good girl gone bad gone good
Is more like it...
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 8:31 PM UTC
It was 4 in the morning,
On that rainy October day.
And you came to me.
Told me you had overdosed on ******
And I didn't know what to feel..
Or what to say..
All the pain I've ever known,
Rushed in at that very moment.
It all seemed unreal.
As you claimed you were dying,
I sat there crying..
Nothing in the world, ever made me feel so much pain.
Then watching the one I love,
Slowly take away their life..
Gasping for air,
You told me this was it..
The next morning, I woke up to the sound of the rain.
Trying to put the pieces back together again,
But without you I am not whole..
There is a hole inside of me,
The hole that once took the place of you..
I can't believe it, no this is not true.
You are not gone, you're still here..
Please, I don't want to lose you..
It's all I ever feared.
I will wait for you,
Like I always have.
Because you're the only one I've ever loved,
And you're all I ever had.
Please come back..
I need you..
I love you..
I miss you..
Oct 12, 2014
Oct 12, 2014 at 3:12 PM UTC
You are the systole to the diastole
Of my four-chambered cavity
You are the pulmonary rhythmic control
That fills air to my capillary.
You are the Pituitary Gland
That drowns my bloodstream in dopamine
You take my brain to a wonderland
Drunk and overdosed in Seratonin.
You are the only Mitochondrion
That powers all cellular activity
My Cytoplasms are in motion
For the sexiest Golgi Body.
You are the ultimate synapse
In my every granule of neuron
That gives an involuntary prolapse
To both my dendrite and axon.
Aug 10, 2013
Aug 10, 2013 at 9:27 AM UTC
I miss your *****
Almost as much as i miss your *******
I want you more than i can comprehend
These perverted thoughts i dont even pretend
Theyre not all i think about all day
Also i can honestly say
I ********** to her
At a massive rate
It blows my mind
How one of a kind
This georgious ******* girl is
Please oh please will ya be my miss
I swear ill be better to you
Than anybody ever you never knew
If you swear down youll be mine
Ill bring you flowers on valentines
Black roses that remind us of death and ****
Ill make sure you are aways well lit
High as a kite you know what i mean?
And dispite of how crazy it seems,
When i do finally greet death,
Hopfully overdosed on some neat ****
I will be embraced by satan himself,
BUT WHAT NO! WHATS THAT BEHIND THE SHELF?!
Out flys a glorious Anni
Chariot pulled by badass pegasi
She pulls out her mighty scabard
Slices and dices the decaying *******
wait wait went off track a bit
That last part...didnt quite fit
But im just obsessing
Seriously not messing
I want you so bad
It makes me so mad
I want you and all of you
Im not queit sure what to do
From there
But i dont care.
My one and only demand
I just want to hold your hand
Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 2:57 PM UTC
Life is the only drug I take
and
I overdosed
Dec 25, 2014
Dec 25, 2014 at 10:41 PM UTC
The air was very frigid,
Early eve on a very cold night.
As I sat in the drivers' seat,
Waiting at a very long light.
And I heard a tap on the window,
Looked over and saw him there,
He was wearing broken glasses,
And had not combed his hair.
And I rolled it down just slightly,
And he said...do you mind If I stand?
Close to your car to feel its warmth,
And he had a few dollars in his hand.
Then he began to tell me about,
The local shelter where he did stay.
And how he worked day labor,
And of the church where he did pray.
He continued on to tell me that,
The shelter was not free,
And he needed 32 dollars,
To pay enough for his family.
He gave me the telephone number,
To the shelter and then his name,
But I never called, just gave him cash,
And I'm the only one to blame.
That later on that very night,
The man who I gave "aid".
Overdosed on crystal-meth,
Of which I'm sure I paid.
Dec 15, 2010
Dec 15, 2010 at 5:56 PM UTC
Aibo Yewena!
Phela ngisakuthanda
Ngikucabanga ngize ngibone ikhanda lam'
selinezandla,
Ngibone ikhanda lam' seliyi CEO,
Mengcabanga wena Ikhanda lam' liba
uPrincipal,
Liyangiphatha. Ngizwa bethi uthatha ama
applications. Ngiyakucela phela love le CAO
engifakile ayibe successful. Angifune reject
phela le Degree yoThando lwakho ngyayfuna
Noma ngasayenzanga icourse yokuba istraight I
right neye side chick, sengiyo modifyer next
year.
Uyi status seFeleb yini? Coz I like You!
Kuthi angifanise inhliziyo yami ne DVD wena
uyi player, wa pressa u open wayifaka I CD
wathi close isadlala kamnandi wapressa u eject!
Aibo kanti unjani player?
Aibo Yewena!
Aibo Yewena uthi awungilahlekelanga njer?
Ngoba namanje inhliziyo yami isakufuna
Aibo my top deck! Namanje ngisakuhalela,
kodeke ngizokuphonela just ukbingelela noma
ngikuhayele. Aibo Yewena!
Ngisalifuna namanje leliya fosholo, phela wena
usaqala ukungibona you were digging me
Lol hhhe
Uthi Ongumnini wena ungowami
Ngiyamzonda lowathi love is a matter of
chemistry
Phela manje wena you treat me like toxic waste
Wena ngikufanisa neRadio edlala imicibilisho,
ungizwisile ubuhlungu!
Wazenza iskhothane ngami washiya inhliziyo
yami idabukile
I miss you, angisakwazi muntu usebona
ngamakhasi nje ukuthi usaPeeler
Ukube bengazi ukuthi wena ungizela nge earth
quake kuloluthando uzo zama zama, bengeke
ngiqale!
Ngicela inhliziyo yami niyinqume izandla, kuze
izoyeka ukuthanda lomuntu!
Aibo bafena lomuntu iphilisi! Somebody take
me to a doctor I've overdosed!
Ngane YeLanga, ukukbona nje could brighten
my day
Shuthi uthando lwethu beluyiGenerations,
sekuphele iytori
Aibo Yewena
Month end yami engiholela ekufeni
Ngisakuthanda namanjer
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 8:48 PM UTC
Wistful, cheerless,
used to be brave,
and fearless.
Liars, haters
have been walking,
around me these days.
Charming, well educated,
that's who you showed to me
before you shot me
I thought you
were charming.
I thought you
were well educated.
I thought you
needed me.
It's all gone
when you left me.
I was just looking
for some friends,
Now; I'm only looking
for the real ones.
Couldn't realize which
ones were fake before,
When did hellos start
to be called as goodbyes,
After some while, I
know which ones are.
Couldn't stand to this
anymore, faded,
Feeling so alone in
this crowded room,
Can't love like this,
it has exceeded,
Feeling like I've
overdosed. Wasted.
Every colour was taking
me back to you,
Every mark was pushing
me away from you.
Spring hasn't begun yet.
It was not warm at all.
Just cold with sadness,
darkness with secrets,
strangers with lies.
Charming strangers
are everywhere.
They've been around
for centuries.
They look like
Venus or Mars,
inside they're
like black holes.
Pluto who I've
always been.
An outsider?
no, no, no
A fighter.
☾ M. E. Kuşaslan ✩
@lightinthedarknesspoetry
Jan 29, 2019
Jan 29, 2019 at 5:39 PM UTC
You tried to pull a gun on me.
I just pulled mine faster
But what you don't know is
Three days later
I put my gun to my head.
I couldn't live with the fact
That I almost pulled the trigger on you
That I was ready to stop your threat.
What you don't know is one month later
I still had nightmares
That I overdosed on pills
Hoping to never wake up.
Six months later
I still see your face
I still think of the what ifs
One year later
I still wake up screaming
Fighting your invisible threat.
One year and six months later
You voice still haunts me.
You were eager to **** be because I wore a badge and gun.
My coworkers ***** me.
Two against me.
What you two didnt see
The detectives interrogated me.
Told me I asked for it
I should have fought back
One day later the detective picks me up
I tried over dosing minutes before they came
They noticed the cuts but didn't notice
That I was falling fast
I couldn't keep my eyes open.
My speech was slurring
I walked like i was drunk
I made it through the **** kit
I got home and slept for three days straight
One month later i quit my job.
My body couldn't handle the stress
I kept dissociating.
Six months later
I still couldn't have ***
I started learning jujitsu
I had bought a gun
One year later
I was more confident
But i still feared ***
I feared men
I still had nightmares
Two years later
I'm still managing to struggle
I still hear your voices
Still see your faces
Still feel you in my dreams
Two years and six months later
I'm more confident.
I still have difficulty with men.
But now I am well on my way to be a police officer
An EMT
I can't let you win!
Ever!
Oct 18, 2018
Oct 18, 2018 at 11:52 PM UTC
I am a puppet,
Here are my strings.
This one's for my mouth,
And this one's for my wings.
You can make me fly,
Fly,
O so high, in the sky,
Till I die.
You are in control,
Just the way you like it I'm sure.
Making me do tricks,
Getting all of your sick kicks.
You stand above me,
With your fidgeting fingers.
Making me dance around,
To your favorite singers.
Make me jump,
Make me fly,
Make me happy,
Make me cry,
Make me crazy,
Make me high,
Control where I look,
With my eyes.
I do your biding,
Like it or not.
I'm addicted to your control,
Like some are to ***
I feel like,
It'll be this way till I die.
Yet you drop some scissors,
What are you trying to imply?
But now I found the scissors,
And you know what I'm going to do?
Snip,
Snip,
Cut,
Cut,
And,
TADA.
I'M FREE FROM YOU.
Although,
I didn't really think this through...
Because before I knew,
It I fell to the floor.
Like an overdosed,
Ritalin *****
Lifelessly alone laying,
On the ground.
The only thing I hear,
Is your fake laughing sound.
So there I lay limb over limb,
Not knowing where to go.
Then to my dismay,
You mange to cause me even more woe.
For beside me,
A new puppet takes my place.
And your once gentle hand,
Comes down on me, and I am erased.
Now I think,
I miss your strings.
And all of your,
Cute little things.
I might have been a puppet,
But I loved my master.
Until she got bored,
And caused this disaster.
I loved a disaster,
Which was my master.
But what should I know?
I am just a puppet.
Oct 2, 2011
Oct 2, 2011 at 7:54 PM UTC
We were fifteen
Writing stories in our skin with long nails and steak knives
Girls in my friend group would starve themselves for fun
My girlfriend used to tell me that she overdosed
Just to see how I would react
Sometimes I’m surprised we’re all still living
Maybe not alive but not dead either
I still spend most of my nights crying
Growing up is funny like that
At twenty I question how any of us made it through highschool
My old friends survive off of little pink pills and Smirnoff
You could drink ***** out of their collar bones
I can see the sadness in their bones, visible through translucent skin
How were we better off at fifteen
I still can’t smell blood without wanting to throw up
Jagged skin makes me nostalgic for a love I never should’ve had
Whenever I see a tombstone I think of him
At seventeen a teacher asked what I wanted to be
How badly I wanted to say happy
I never imagined I’d make it past eighteen
Oct 7, 2018
Oct 7, 2018 at 7:29 PM UTC
I find myself in a daydream about those lips
Slowly caressing every inch of my body down to my hips
Leaving me in such a state that I cannot control mouth
Deep moans of yes and no and baby please don’t stop
I find myself surrounded in your arms, lost in your voice
I’m not fighting the mood but it takes m y body by force
Blessing my ears with such a tone of memorization
Sending me into a ****** state of confusion
That only you control and I dare not fight the hold
Cause everything you are doing is like food to my soul
As if I need it to continue for my own survival
The thought of you stopping and leaving gives me a taste of dehydration
Hogging this glass of water to the death of me, you hydrate me
Close my eyes as I continue to steady my breath
So much water I’m drowning in my water flow
Trying desperately to keep my head above the current only to be dragged down to the bottom
The water overtaking my body granting me the pleasure of feeling every desire you have
Reaching out for your face to pull you close, gazing into those eyes
Seeing the passion you have for me only takes us to new depths of waters
Suddenly the effort to breath becomes easier as we are exchanging an never ending oxygen support
Legs wrapped around you waist, squeezing to keep you near
As my body is shaking with overwhelming pleasure from this sea we have created
Wanting to bring you to the edge of the waterfall and watch you overflow your self
Both of us deep underwater submerged in love
Suddenly floating to the surface again
It seems we overdosed on love, in our own sea we drowned.
Jul 15, 2015
Jul 15, 2015 at 10:23 AM UTC
I can tell you about the girl.
Her freckles were beige constellations,
and her voice was husky and rasped
like birds before the churning of a storm.
She was weird and laughed at everything I said -
which made her even weirder,
because I'm only funny in certain photos
and in certain clothes.
Her left arm was covered in scars and burns.
"As you can tell, I'm right handed," she said.
Arthritis surrounded her wrists and other joints,
and all I could think about were my
grandmother's arthritis crippled hands,
and if the girl would thank the arthritis, one day,
for no longer allowing her to self-harm.
One of her feet were bigger than the other
and, when she walked, she would lose balance.
"I'm not sure if the world is too fast
or if I'm too slow. Then again," she winked,
"it's probably because of my feet."
I liked her because she treated me like a person,
but didn't take me as seriously
as I took myself.
I struggled with self-respect
and she struggled with a drug addiction.
Her arm was needle park
and sometimes she missed ******
more than she missed me.
She wasn't the type of girl to shake
without her drugs -
she'd, instead, talk about them
like they were old friends.
She understood them
more than she understood herself.
After a few months of ***
and, "I'll be sad when you leave,"s,
I called her my girlfriend
and she smiled.
Flecks of speckled angles, bright,
I saw her, first, she accepted
my night.
Five days later,
she overdosed on morphine.
I picked her up.
Her eyes were glazed over.
I said, "I love you,
but this is ********
She cried and said,
"Forgive me."
I lain in bed, next to her -
next to the avoidance of death.
She asked how I was
and I said, "Everything I write is ****
but I'm glad I can write ****** poetry
about how we'll be okay."
She asked, "We will be okay, right?"
I hope.
May 9, 2015
May 9, 2015 at 2:36 AM UTC
I have to stop the thoughts of you
running around my head
I've no escape from their tantrums
they're reminders of hurtful things I've said
they're a look back into the places
where we lived and loved but fought
they're whispers of broken christmases
and looks at presents I never bought
they're kisses I never got from you
because I never made it home
overdosed on the night's escape
a rotted king, a hospital throne
they're the things that forever haunt me
following my footsteps back to the bar
they're the pain I've cause in everyone
in causing things to be the ways they are
hate me away
take back all I've borrowed
hate me because I betray
please hate away your sorrow
hate me for what I've taken and can't repay
despise my every sad tomorrow
hate me in ways that let you free from me
it's the only way I can ever give you peace
I have to stop the days I sadden you
I have to **** the way I make it true
that no matter what I promise
my actions won't prove a love for you
I've been without so much for so long
that I should appreciate all you have to give
I should've cherished your soft presence
in every day since, that I have lived
but I never put you above myself
I never helped or held you up so high
now the only way I affect you
is with a commitment that makes you cry
you always fully forgave me
for all the crimes that I'd commit
now it's you I have to protect
In asking your heart only for this split
hate me away
take back all I've stolen
hate me for the foul days
that could have shined and been golden
hate me for my every terrible display
despise me deeply, hate my emotions
hate me in ways that let you free from me
it's the only way
I
can ever give you peace
Sep 20, 2012
Sep 20, 2012 at 11:46 PM UTC
Good old Hawk. He was quite a guy. The truth of the matter was that Hawk was a needle freak. He was hooked on morphine. He had hepatitis. There was a whole in Hawk's arm where all the money went. Sad but true. Except for enough money for two beers for the Hawk and me.
Who has to hear it. No one, everyone. Needles can be useful for medicine: they can also be a curse. You pierce the skin and feel the ruch and the juices flow unil you get your fill. But there never is a fill until it's over. Don't kid yourself. It will be over because it's a dead end trip.
You'll crash at the end of your last trip. And the trip you have on earth will be on of misery and despair. Nirvana doesn't come cheap. Hundred dollars a day habit could lead to desperate measures. A life of crime, scamming, pawning, betting, borrowing, and stealing. I'm glad to say Hawk held himself above all this. It could not have been an easy road out to travel.
He overdosed three years before the end.
Hawk actually died and was revived by some kind of good fortune, or was it good fortune? Hawk after this had no memory or regular thought process. Hawk wasn't the same man after that. It was not a pretty sight. He was a hollow man, a mere shadow of his former self.
I grew tired of telling Hawk the same thing over and over again. He lived with us for a few years. He moved out into a group home which he didn't like -- too much macaroni. About six months later Hawk was found on the floor of the group home bedroom. This time he was really dead. I don't know if needles were involved. I never heard the details. I like to think needles were not involved for the last three years of Hawk's life. I know he was clean for all the time he stayed with us. However, a great deal of damage had already occurred when Hawk came to live with us.
Hawk was a night person. He would lie there on the couch watching TV all night long with our dog Ming faithfully by his side. They loved one another those two. They were soul mates. Hawk gave Ming her favorite toy - a little blue ball.
Hawk never gave up. His sister would come with raspberry pie and Hawk would glow for a few days.
Anyway, I gave Hawks eulogy. The song for the eulogy, "The needle and the damage done" by Neil Young.
To soar like a Hawk. To crash into the ground.
I'd like to think his spirit soars like a hawk. Maybe now Hawk has found the peace he never found in this life.
Jan 22, 2019
Jan 22, 2019 at 2:38 AM UTC
Slowly
I feel myself giving up
again
except
there is a difference this time
this time
no one can save me
no one can stop me
im just done
im done with the sadness, the depression, the aching
im tired of waking up to this familiar aching feeling
im tired of getting hurt
im tired of pushing people away
but i can't help it anymore
its the way I've grown to be
I just want to be left alone all the time
I feel like when im alone,
no one can hurt me
so this is my goodbye
im saying goodbye to the only things that were ever loyal to me
goodbye Sadness
goodbye Pain
goodbye Aching
you have overdosed me
my body can't take it anymore
so this is the end
this is my goodbye
May 13, 2014
May 13, 2014 at 3:23 PM UTC
Draw upon the breath of stars, and scorch my heart with fiery scars
Scars that linger from my past. A past that lies with lies and outcasts
Tied to fears of fearing flaws...insecure…. like never before.
Paradise, a sweet reprise to heartfelt sighs and moonlit nights
Starlit sheets and reddened cheeks, eye to eye and tightened thighs.
A face that takes my breath away.
A heart to steal my soul today.
A smile to stop the world from spinning
A laugh to make my head start swimming.
Disarmed, with you in my arms words lose all meaning.
Eyes pierce mine and landmine my mind
Lips seal mine and line my life with diamonds
Priceless and unbreakable diamonds.
A gemstone life.
Emerald eyes. Pearl skin, Morganite lips and flawless fingertips
Overdosed on what I want most, coming close to those and doting shows.
It shows through rose tinted sight and might just last if lasting lasts at last.
Dreamlike days and sleepless nights have shrouded my sight with blinding light
My eyesight has been gored.
Just one more day until my sight is restored.
By she who has been long adored.
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 6:17 PM UTC
I knew you once,
when the sun
shown bright.
Your brown eyes
deep with delight.
You were vibrant
full of art;
the windows
and doors
straight to your heart.
Flash forward:
time span
7 years;
you drown in
dark, ****** tears.
Alone with yourself,
the shadows emerge.
Your defenses down;
their spell, you cannot purge.
She feels like love,
those intoxicating charms;
slithering through
the needles in your arms.
You know, as I:
from her
you'll never hide.
Lie, cheat, steal
to keep her
by your side.
I adore you
like a sister,
there's nothing more true.
But I have to step back
with feelings so blue.
There's nothing to do
but sit here
and hope
I don't get that phone call,
"She's overdosed
on dope."
My little Dolly;
Lara, you're my
own personal
Betty Page.
Please pick the lock;
free yourself
from this cage.
Jun 13, 2014
Jun 13, 2014 at 12:53 AM UTC
Is there happiness hidden behind your withered bones? You've always felt everything too deeply, maybe that's why your ribs are broken.
How many mirrors have you broken since he left you? Every day is another battle between who you were with his oxygen and who you are now without it.
I think the saddest thing I had to witness was you carving his name into stone skin so you could bleed out all of him that was left in your veins.
You fill voids with sunset pictures and recordings of his voice when we both know it's killing you more than it's keeping you alive.
How many days has it been since you overdosed on sentimental morphine?
How many times do we have to go through this until you realize he's not coming back?
He's never coming back.
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 4:56 PM UTC
Do you remember me?
Do you know who I am?
You don't remember these soft drown eyes
Staring into the vacant depths
Of your glazed over eyes
Donut wholes on your sunk in face
Mother, I'm that 13 month old baby
You abandoned and never looked back on
I'm the nuisance in the back of your head
Wishing you would wake up and feed me
Change my soiled diapers
The way you should change your habits
Mother, pleas I'm begging
I'm crying tears of snowflake shadows
I need you yet you're not there
You're two inches from my face
Crashing into couch cushions
Like suicide bombers
Needle stil stuck in your arm
Filling your veins with a substance
That prevented you from loving me
Hello...mother
Do you remember me?
Do you know who I am now?
I wanted you to love me
Tell me bedtime stories
Keep the nightlight on
Long enough for me to fall asleep
Unafraid of what the shadows hold
Tuck me in and kiss me goodnight
Like the moon itself
Every night to the rest of the world
I want to be your world
Drenched in your loving moonlight
But no, the drugs you overdosed on
Prevented you from doing just that
And you still haven't learned your lesson
You called me several times
Telling me you love me
That you're sorry for leaving
But within the 5 minutes
It took you to choke your tongue
To say even one of those words
You sail away on that kite
Crash immediately into my heart
Causing missile words to bombard my walls
Calling me worthless, pathetic, and a waste
Hello...mother
Please remember me!
Please remember who I am!
I'm the baby you refused to hold at birth
I'm the last child of four
You wish you would have aborted
1 month prior to my concieving
Hello...mother
The late night hours of needles and pills
Powdery white lines cut like a chef
Must have erased me from your life
And if I could bleed every drop of your blood out
I'd carve canyons in my wrist
Let loose the dams
Drown in the wake
I don't want to be your son
I want to be the child of four you never had
Hello...
Forgive me for this
I know you don't remember me
I know you don't know who I am
But I hate you
I can only thank you for making me a poet
Giving me this curse
Because I'm no longer your puppet
Or your voodoo doll
With 12 needles in his chest
I'm the kid you will never know
So this greeting shall be as strangers
You never cared to know me
So this farewell shall be as strangers
Goodbye...
...Mother
Jul 8, 2013
Jul 8, 2013 at 9:26 PM UTC
I think I was thirteen
when I shipped myself out
to the sea of solitude
since then I've tried rowing
back to shore but
currents of discontent
are hard to fight
inevitably I gave in
to the candy-coated
pills and powders
and the minty fresh breath
of men lurking in corners
almost as sweet as sanity
eventually I overdosed on emotions
but I was only trying
to rid myself of feeling
since I was never good
at walking on the tightrope
between wanting and reality
at this point I don't know
who to apologize to
since Hallmark doesn't have cards
for sincere self loathing
it's just that
some days it's really hard
to keep your voice even
when your mother asks
if you're slipping
Feb 16, 2013
Feb 16, 2013 at 2:28 PM UTC
You never think it'll hit you like it does,
headlines, top stories, dead classmates.
Subtle news that causes an earthquake,
rumbling through your chest.
It's not your everyday story,
but it seems it's becoming that way.
"Overdosed on ****** I read,
but it doesn't surprise me.
Just another soul the Devil grasped,
torn from the heart and left to pass,
another good man broken down,
another motherless child in doubt.
Another headline gone ignored,
another cry for help lost,
in the drowning sound of the thousands,
trapped beneath the crippling disease.
Oct 23, 2015
Oct 23, 2015 at 3:27 PM UTC
I have to stop the thoughts of you
running around my head
I've no escape from their tantrums
they're reminders of hurtful things I've said
they're a look back into the places
where we lived and loved but fought
they're whispers of broken christmases
and looks at presents I never bought
they're kisses I never got from you
because I never made it home
overdosed on the night's escape
a rotted king, a hospital throne
they're the things that forever haunt me
following my footsteps back to the bar
they're the pain I've cause in everyone
in causing things to be the ways they are
hate me away
take back all I've borrowed
hate me because I betray
please hate away your sorrow
hate me for what I've taken and can't repay
despise my every sad tomorrow
hate me in ways that let you free from me
it's the only way I can ever give you peace
I have to stop the days I sadden you
I have to **** the way I make it true
that no matter what I promise
my actions won't prove a love for you
I've been without so much for so long
that I should appreciate all you have to give
I should've cherished your soft presence
in every day since, that I have lived
but I never put you above myself
I never helped or held you up so high
now the only way I affect you
is with a commitment that makes you cry
you always fully forgave me
for all the crimes that I'd commit
now it's you I have to protect
In asking your heart only for this split
hate me away
take back all I've stolen
hate me for the foul days
that could have shined and been golden
hate me for my every terrible display
despise me deeply, hate my emotions
hate me in ways that let you free from me
it's the only way
I
can ever give you peace
Dec 5, 2012
Dec 5, 2012 at 6:48 PM UTC