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Marina Kay Sep 2018
Half a decade in
that was all I needed,
all the time it took to see
the world was an insult to me.

Was I cursed at birth
to live on the brink of death?
Trapped in this trance until
Poseidon's realm pulls me to its depths.

My pursuits to meet him have gone astray.
Countless trials that end one way:
under bright lights,
in a hospital gown,
tubes, tests, nurses pinning me down,
and a hundred voices asking me why
Why oh why did I want to die?
Well I was muting the agony,
executing my destiny,
see daylight please, it's meant to be.
You can't stop me.

And Plath said it best
I do it well,
my scars could attest.

Perhaps I'm not as strong
as everyone once thought
The echoes whisper
“You never did belong”
Neither here nor there or anywhere.

I fear I'm nature's mistake.
For the hands of fate, I must partake
in this sacrifice
to begin my demise.
This shouldn't come as a surprise.

I was only five.
I thought I could survive.
It's been a while. Some of my thoughts haven't changed.
L B Aug 2016
It’s there—
in our goodbye
in that last glance back
across the heat reflecting
from the roof
Your car between us
The door is open
and your wounded soul

He’s dead at 21— I know
you loved him

I overdose this moment
Paralyzed
our eyes—

go on forever
His name was Jean.  He died on his 21st  birthday of an accidental overdose.  My daughter 's first love.  She wrote of him recently, "Jean's birthday today....  What a different world without him."
lX0st Jul 2014
XO
I feel so bloated
When I think of you
Like I've swallowed a hundred pills
To forget your silhouette
Against the moonlight
And the perfect edge
Of your sculpted jawline
And the contours of your chest
That move with your ragged breath
And your very strong hands
That are oddly so gentle.
It's almost like I can hear you
Whispering my name
Or feel your arm
Gripping my waist.
These images are so vivid
Why aren’t you here
Amanda Jan 2018
VERSE 1

Another year has come and gone,
I realize now that I was wrong,
For ******* at you way too long,
Blaming you for us not getting along,
Arguing with you until dawn,
We go back and forth just like ping-pong,
About all of the crazy conclusions I've drawn,
Now it's eggshells we are walking upon,
I hate that you are distant and withdrawn,
I'm trying but it's so hard to be strong,
I know that with you is where my heart belongs,
I'm reminded each time I hear our song,
This feeling is one I wish I could prolong,
Your love is a drug, I love to be on.

HOOK

It's hard for me to say, but I'm addicted to loving you,
Always chasing my next fix, you are what I pursue,
I need to feel your high, I need to have you close,
I just want to fill up on your love, so I can overdose.

VERSE 2

Baby you know you are my everything, my high when I am low,
You pick me up when i am down, I can't let you go,
You really are the best thing, that I have ever found,
When I'm with you i feel like I'm ten feet off the ground,
Nothing can compare to you, babe you are the best,
But when I'm too far away from you, I turn into a mess.
To the point I will do anything to feel your caress,
And rub my hands across your bare chest,
I don't know why I do this, a different side of me emerges,
When you get me alone and I give into my urges,
Since I had a taste I'm craving you and no one else,
It's obvious I'm strung out, all my friends say I need help.

(HOOK)

VERSE 3

We've been staying up too late,
This addiction I'm growing to hate,
My mind is fuzzy I can't think straight,
I've even started to lose weight,
When you ******* me we levitate,
I'm elevated, my pupils dilate.
I try to slow down, gradually wean,
Myself off of the magic inside of your jeans,
But hard as I try I can't break the routine,
I'm beginning to think I'll never stay clean.

(HOOK)

BRIDGE

I'm addicted to your love, though it's tough to admit,
This habit is one I'm not sure I can quit.
This is my first attempt at writing rap but I think it came out great. Any feedback would be soooo appreciated!
Nobody chooses a bottle willingly. A pill or a loaded gun, in the end it's all the same.

We're waiting, still, hiding. In our holiest of places:

The kitchen and the office. A quiet sideways-slide into the last available stall in a casino washroom. The seat is still warm.

Teachers don't tell kids that drugs are bad. They told us that we were the evil ones for deep-******* a bottle of ***** every Friday.

They didn't know what we had to go home to.

Cancer sounded better than living past 20, and that's the thing that they'll never comprehend:

There's always a reason underneath overdose.

The only time a drug is bad is when you can't afford it, and you're sitting alone in a fetal position crying in need for a chemical bliss that you've caressed over and over; a blanket covering memories. Feelings. Emotions.

The only time a drug is bad is when you're too **** poor to grab anything better than a box of Benadryl and a dimebag of shake.

The only time a drug is bad is when you're anything but rich an' white and pretty, because then you're not addicted, you're having fun with the price of 1,000 a week at an all-inclusive rehab resort.

Drugs don't discriminate, but people sure as Hell do.

There's always a reason underneath overdose.

There's always a reason underneath.

There's always a reason.
Brad post Feb 13
How many days have you spent,
and how many days has it been?
How many days have you went,
without eating,
focused on breathing,
trying to make this make sense?

How many pill bottles did you sink,
and how many bottles did you drink?
How many hours did you think,
about the ending,
wrote a message without sending,
looking at the bottom, standing on the brink?

How many times have you heard,
that what you’re doing’s absurd?
Opening your mouth without forming words,
addicted to addiction,
an addict who is itchin,
listening to the voices who are constantly stirred.

How many drinks will it take,
until your body finally breaks?
How do you get rid of the shakes?
Constantly feeling,
but never dealing,
hopefully you’re here to see the daybreak.
Brad post Sep 2018
How could you leave me so unexpected?
I was waiting, I was waiting
For you but you just left me
I needed you, I needed you
Yo, I don't know what it's like to be addicted to *****
But I do know what it's like to be a witness it kills
You told me you love me, I'm thinking this isn't real
I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah
Welcome to the bottom of hell
They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell
You say you proud of me, but you don't know me that well
Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell
Into my pillowcases, you say you coming to get me
Then call me a minute later just to tell me you not, I'm humiliated
I'm in a room with a parent that I don't barely know
Some lady in the corner watching us, while she taking notes
I don't get it dad, don't you want to watch your baby boy grow?
I guess that ***** is more important, all you have to say is no
But you won't do it will you? You gon' keep drinking 'til the ***** kills you
I know you gone but I can still feel you
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me here?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Oh, Hey
I got this picture in my room and it kills me
But I don't need a picture of my dad, I need the real thing
Now a relationship is something we won't ever have
Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had?
You shoulda been there when I graduated
Told me you love me and congratulations
Instead you left me at the window waiting
Where you at dad? I was too young to understand where you at huh?
Yeah, I know that alcohol  got you held captive
I can see it in your eyes, its got your mind captured
Some say it's fun to get the high but I am not laughing
What you don't realise and what you not grasping
That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand
I ain't gon' say that I forgive you cause it hasn't happened
I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes
If you really cared for me, then where you at then?
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Hey
Our last conversation, you and I sat in the living room
Playing our video games, you started slurring and I broke down in front of you
You started crying, telling me this isn't you
Couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune
You Drank that ***** for the last time, didn't you?
It took you from me once, guess It came back to finish you
Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult
Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you
It took everything inside of me to not scream at your funeral
Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful
I wish you were here dad but every time I picture you
All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you
They found you on the floor, I could tell that you felt hollow
Gave everything you had plus your life to those jack bottles
You gave everything you had plus your life to them jack bottles
Don't know if you hear me or not, but if you still watching why
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Hey
Custom version of NFS why would you leave us
Pills are force fed through my ear canals,
clogging my synapses with hyperactivity,
the familiar feeling of
make it stop make it stop make it stop
   make it stop

I can’t seem to keep it from invading
all of these failed assassination attempts

smothering by bursting my ear drums
strangulation by dulling my senses
suffocation by plugging up the pain

with every salvation comes another symptom
lodged in the overactive imagination of my nervous system,
so that my brain becomes an incomprehensible forest fire
of forced shutdowns and disassociated panic.

I was warned of the side effects,
but I couldn’t stop from taking too much sound
and now I’m stuck bleeding through my ears
waiting to become another statistic.
when i was with you
i was on a serotonin overdose
my brain released chemicals derived from you
Maddie Rea Mar 23
Walking the ally at night looking for a fight
No weapon just my fist and the starry sky
****** broken and bruised I'm still searching for you
My thoughts racing and chasing  my dream vacant
Craving that rush never forgetting the numbing bliss

Is this all life has to offer  needing more
Just want to feel human but i don't even know what that is
Behold the beautiful tragedy repeating the fantasy
Fill up the cracks paint the walls but it is still compromised
Where are the tanks prepared to create dust and rubble

Hearts as pure as gold full of good intentions
Tapping me on the shoulder they say don't look over
Wizardry trickery I assume he just wants to tame me
But looking back I trip on a crack in the sidewalk
Thoughts always leaving me always consuming me

Head held high you got this you'll be alright
My jacket zipped up tight
The pressure of anxiety clawing at my insides
Always walking eyes only watching my feet faster and faster

Unbearable without your touch finding your love
With anyone's company wish i could go back again
When you still showed love to me still caressing me
Unfinished thoughts if only you truly loved me
Why would you keep me chained and tied  no goodbyes
Your gonna leave me to rot and die
*You're only temporary.. *
Kelsey Feb 15
A needle pushed through skin
Extracting life from veins
Another one is gone too soon
No longer fun and games

The word gets out, the posts are made
"I saw you just last week"
A family mourns a broken soul
A person so unique

What happened to their little girl?
Her eyes sparkled in the sun
Replaced by an empty, lifeless gaze
In the end, the darkness won

They clothed her in a long sleeve dress
To hide the markings on her arms
Around her bony, pale white wrist
Her favorite bracelet, dangling charms

They lower her into the ground
The grieving is far from done
And in the time it takes to blink
Somewhere, evil steals another one
shatteredpoet May 27
one shot won't
fill it but maybe five or six
one pill won't do it
but maybe eight or nine
one night didn't fix it
but maybe twelve

the space is growing bigger
with each person that leaves
perhaps i'll double the dose
to double my chance
at being w h o l e
again

six shots didn't work
so maybe ten or twelve
nine pills didn't do it
so maybe sixteen or seventeen
twelve nights didn't fix it
so maybe thirty
there's a hole in my chest
and it's no coincidence
it's the same size
as the space my father
used to take up
E li za Sep 2016
So young He engraved the Law in your fledgling heart
Covering your mind with the depth of His wisdom
Tell no language exist that could translate its art
Hopeless to assess its perfect scale and freedom

The Law is His breast milk you sip fervently
Howl in agony, your stomach digest it not
Fathom submission, son of debauchery
To merely **** is short; apply what has been taught

Sets of teeth sprouted in your gums like white pebbles
Overdose with confidence, sleep without a sword
Stars in woods they seem, Alas! Wild, wild eyes of wolves!
Fight the fine fight of the faith, shine light of the world

A state of armed conflict, His Law against your Flaw
Just streak of insanity in the family
Epitome of cross swords yet who will win in awe?
Glitch in your body, vow in its supremacy
there was this boy
my friends hung out with him
they told me stories about how cool he was
i saw pictures and was immediately drawn to his smile
but there was hurt in his eyes
i had to meet this boy

there was this boy
and it was finally time to meet him
my friends and i walked to meet him half way
i was so scared
i wanted him to like me
i wanted to be his friend so bad
he laughed
but even more so in person, i could see pain enveloped deep in his eyes
i had to get to know this boy

there was this boy
and we quickly became close
we all hung out in a group and called each other "ohana"
every day of the summer, we'd smoke *** and laugh and walk the nature trails
i felt happiness in every inch of my body around them
this boy, he was the nicest of them all
even in our happiest moments
i was still reminded that he felt pain
i had to fix this boy

there was this boy
and finally, i figured him out
he told me of his past
and his abusive parents
all of his insecurities were out in the open
he told me he compared himself to everyone
he showed me his scars, and not all of them were self-inflicted
i cried with him and i held him in my arms
all of the hurt in the pit of his being made sense now
i had to show this boy that i loved him

there was this boy
and after a while, he, i, and our friends grew apart
we still loved each other
but we felt we needed to move on
our lifestyles were changing and i personally was scared i was making partying into mine
he was the one i wanted to hold on to
i'd never met someone with a soul so bright
and a heart so big
i couldn't leave him with that hurt in his eyes
i had to keep this boy

there was this boy
and he invited me to hang out one halloween
his new friends were there
and we went for a walk
they stopped behind the trees to smoke some ***
i declined
when we went back to the house to watch a scary movie
he was cuddled up with his new friends
i was alone on the floor
i felt discarded
i stopped talking to him, with really no explanation
somehow i forgot about the pain in his eyes
maybe it was time to let go of this boy

there was this boy
i heard he moved on to partying with more than just ****
we all had always been worried about how he treated being high
but i felt like it wasn't my place
i felt i didn't deserve to tell him how to live his life
he wouldn't listen to me anyway
i wished i had asked him if he were okay, at least
how could i forget all the pain i saw in his eyes
i was concerned for this boy

there was this boy
i got a message one day that we lost him
he was found passed away in his car
an OD, they said
i couldn't believe it
i had no words when i got the news
i quickly had to leave where i was
how could this happen?
is this real?
i sat for a long time
just sat
i felt the pain that was in his eyes
why did this boy have to leave?

there was this boy
and i saw him lying in that wooden box
that was the first day i cried for him
he didn't deserve to die
and when people asked how he passed, i didn't want to say
because he was so much more than the drug
he couldn't be remembered that way
as i walked up to say my final goodbyes, all i wanted to do was hug him
hold him and make all the pain go away
now that i couldn't see the pain in his eyes, i didn't recognize him
i hope he doesn't feel pain anymore
i will forever miss this boy
dedicated to nick
i'll never forget you
Armand-DeamoJC Aug 2018
To all the goodbyes
I say goodnight
To everyone that dies
I hope it's bright

To everyone;
With a razor
Hand of pills
Tied rope
Dangling keys
Extreme hight below
Finger over a light trigger
Electricity at hand
Open propane tank
Empty plate, with full glass

Stop, think about who you're leaving behind
I know my words aren't going to stop you, but just read
Did you bother to write and leave a note?
Is it worth it then?
Saying you're sorry, knowing you'll leave someone behind?
Stop. Think about why you're doing it
Do you have nobody?
Think about your opportunities that'll fly past
The chance of ever meeting someone?
Did you lose someone?
Think about if you'll actually see them again?
Being bullied?
Fight back, with whatever you have
Life shoved you down?
No, I'm not asking you to get up!
I'm telling you to get your *** into a nap
Think about all the possibilities that might not be
Think of all the opportunities and people in the future
Think of your legacy
Think of anything except the pain
Now balance the pain and everything else
Want to jump? Skyfall
Want to shoot? Paintball and games
Want to hang? Bungee
Want to overdose? Take 10% of it and party
Suffocate in propane gas, or blow up? Cook a nice meal, invite a friend or family. Surround yourself. No friends and family? Find a friend, build a family.
Want to speed wrong side of the road? Speed on the right side of the road and get carried with the wind, do it over again
Want to cut yourself? Cut off the pain and wrong influences
Electrocute yourself? Rather save electricity and watch a good movie with friends or family. Have none? Watch a movie alone, play a game online. Make friends, build a family
Want to starve yourself so you can get drunker and finally forget it all, when your liver gives in? Eat a lot more, blow off some steam at the gym and build a body that girls/guys would like, attract them and make new friends. Drink with friends.

I've tried many things, some of them didn't work out, or I couldn't stay awake longer. Create new dreams if the old ones died. Work hard for them. Achieve something
"At least leave a ******* legacy behind" is what my bestfriend, Steph used to say
"You can get out of this alive, but maybe a little ****** up, but anything damaged can be repaired" My bestfriend Josh used to say
"Life can carry you away without what you thought you needed" my bestfriend Divene used to say

Even more quotes from people I've lost in my life, so I ask you just think about it all
Still going through with it? Remember it's a one way ticket
I'm suicidal myself. Been for a long time. Just speak to me. Speak to someone. Let's fix this ****
The ocean crashes; waves above shore
Its peace, beauty, excitement & freedom in one
Water foams with the angry thrusts
Generate a swirling tunnel
Pulling me into its wide open gullet
Now mystified at all its power and allure
Momoir Jan 26
The ****** is in hospital with full blown [illegible] one year later
One year ago today
I killed the rose
Because something was wrong
Written by my mother, date unknown
Cunning Linguist Nov 2013
Hella business
Got hella *******
Poppin double bottles
With a couple of mistresses
Stellar mistreatment
Here's the key
Lock em in the cellar
Forever their memory lies
But a troubling mystery

Hysteria erupting
Like waves gushing
From the tip of my *****
My genius is better
I'm the King here's my scepter
Now watch the teeth
You worthless Queen
Or I'll stifle them screams

I **** ******* on trampolines
Motion sickness?
Overdose on Dramamine

Slave to the magnitude
Of my impressive **** munching
Exploring deplorable nether-regions galore;
Can't touch me you got nothing
Broke *******
Grind your brain like morning coffee beans

Shame is a word just outside the boundaries
of my fabulous vocabulary

Oh, am I contrite?
How trifling
Check my charm I'm enlightening
Enigmatic and igniting sporadically like lightning
Magically radical voyaging down
                                                           down
                                                  down the rabbit's hole
Inciting excited riots to light fires spark fuses and chew on live wires
You do not frighten me.
Delivering excruciating asphyxiation to every pwn'd n00b
Is my modus operandi
And this is my magnum opus

I have Tourette's

Conceive these merriments of abhorrent mental abortions
Precisely concise and incisive concocting incoherent comatose monstrosities to flatten your lifelines
Conduct these ensembles of debauchery and narcotics -
I'm fascinating;
Crippling your mind like a lobotomy and tripping the light fantastic through bombarding planes of consciousness
I'm on acid thraxXx'd the **** OUT and faded
Levitating fading and oscillating in time while inflating my ego

But lets be realistic
the caliber of my linguistics is intrinsically aesthetic
but none too altruistic
Untrue!
Be reasonable lest I demand be-headings on grounds of treason
Its not hard for me -
It's profound, the sound of suffering;
I'll swallow your soul
'Tis the season!

Inference for instance -
****-hand upturned to oceans of incessant peasants
Pestering to ****** and fluster your festering ****-hole
Exact my revenge; begin phase mayhem
initiating total brain annihilation
interring bodies posthaste with skilled persistence
And sporting in poor taste
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

You who peers through eye of the pyramid-
Would you be so kind as to interpret my footprint at face-value?
Do you take me for a fool yet seek prophets reaping profits?
Listen to them sleep, baaah-ing away like flocks of little sheep
My hearts not on my sleeve but I have a trick or two up there;

Now bow before my marvelous flow
As I behold my throne whilst throwing bows and exposing hoes.
Selcæiös May 30
You’re wide-eyed blinking at that wall,
You’re on the other side
You’re still shocked n' pretty shook
thinking that you just can’t die

But please don’t be surprised
if the next time
You're staring down
the Sewer’s Porcelain Eye,
The clock strikes 12,
it chimes for midnight
But this time
you don’t make it out alive

No resurrections
No second tries
You already used them all up
On the times you OD’ed
All alone on those
Solemn weekday nights

So better luck next time
In this game we call life
Because this time
you ****** up;
Made mistakes so bad
even I couldn’t revise
Just one month ago, you were walking around.  
But now you're dead and buried in the ground.
So much can change in just the blink of an eye.
You went too soon, forty-eight was too young to die.
Forty years ago in 1979, we became friends.
I wish that your life hadn't come to an end.
On the 3rd day of June, you took your final breath.
You overdosed on drugs and it caused your death.
Because you were a drug user, you didn't survive.
Drugs eventually ****, that's why you're no longer alive.
DEDICATED TO JOHN W. BROWN (1970-2019) WHO DIED ON JUNE 3, 2019.
Donall Dempsey Jun 2018
STARRY STARRY NIGHT

She switched off the moon.

Plucked out the stars.

A little dog barked
as her scream scrawled:

“This time life has gone...too far.”

She took an overdose of sleeping tablets
in her big bright red car.

The day withers
that was once in bloom.

Petals fall
in an empty room.

The moon wept.
The stars cried.

Life was for living... Life lied.
Bettlejuice Jun 5
I just want to be sad forever
Can’t I have that at least
Nothing
Death
If that was my decision
Could you handle it-
My death.
Truths been soaked in your lies. Dm if you’ve seen this **** on Netflix before.
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