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Christopher Mata Apr 2015
Her deep brown eyes were now achromic

I craved her love but she was bent on straight needles. Constantly needing reminders that she's still human and can feel, still putting up barriers between her and her evils. Seeing the man up on the steeple she knows her attempts are feeble

Constantly misguided by the Christian belief that acceptance was key to the question of "am I worth it"

We use to talk but now you're aphasic

She was in a dreamland where voices were something to be tasted she was so anesthetized from these pills that were prescribed to help her dream but nothing could be prescribed to help her wake

It was like seeing the sun go away but not being replaced by the moon

I was just hoping it was a phase that would pass and she would return without a trace of the past but this hope was as empty as these bottles
These feeling so corrupted
These words so unheard

Like a wolf howling only to be answered by a vacant night

And it doesn't matter how much I beg and fight
She tightens her grip on her defenses like the band on her arm
But still leaving her defenseless to her emotions

That might as well be where she is 6 feet under a pile of broken dreams and wondering beams of support that holds up her house of sanity with a vanity of broken images of who she hates the most.

She's caught between a lake of fire and limbo, on a tipping scale one once from destruction

I know I can't bring the sun back but maybe I can find a new light in this darkness.

Because she was something I always wanted more of

I twitch when I wasn't around her
I would get the shakes from just one kiss
I would get drunk off her smile and high off her words
We both overdosed on something
Because this love .... was never labeled a drug.
Christopher Mata Jan 2015
I’m a  poet..
Metaphors are supposed to be my best friend
And similes my family
With them I can paint a picture with a single line.
But when it comes to you…
I’m speechless
I’m afraid
I’m losing my mind
I might as well be attempting to joust with a pool noodle
Or attempt to go sky diving with a fishing net
Because with you…
Hearts are just like promises …. Broken
I love you and I’m sorry are like a political agenda just worn from repetition, repetition, repetition. But never solving the actual problem.
Memories become gravestones dug deep inside our minds
And seeing each other is like looking in a mirror and seeing what you promised you would never become
I’m a poet
Yet every picture I paint only ends up in your garbage
Every mosaic I meticulously piece together you gather your friends and mock
I even tried origami, only to have you set the paper ablaze
So my pen being my confession and the page my priest. I lay this to rest
Because I finally accepted
Im not a poet
Im just the punchline on the tombstones.
Christopher Mata Dec 2014
My feeling for you are not some lego house that you can break apart and rearrange at your leisure.
They are more like a glass house. Something that took meticulous time to create.
A glass house that has been
And glued back together
And again
With every crack is your attempt to push me away but I refused to break
Every chip was a time when you managed to hurt me
And every shatter was when I finally broke
but your glue was one sentence of 3 words
… the biggest lie you ever told me
But I keep repeating this process again and again
Hoping that the shattering will stop.
But until then I’m still here
Because the beautiful thing about glass is that every crack is visible so that the past cant be denied.
Christopher Mata Dec 2014
I could waste time writing a Christmas list explaining everything I want.
I could run around hanging mistletoe everywhere in hopes to get lucky
But instead I’m just gonna tell you straight.
I would rename stars mistletoe that way I would have a reason to kiss you every night.
Because waking next to you is my Christmas morning that I get to live every day.
Youre my Rudolph… you may have things that you just don’t like about yourself … but im sorry *** that’s what makes you unique. That’s why I love you. Because there is no one like you.
So if our love isn’t worth it anymore. Then I only ask for one thing… wrap up my heart and give it back.
Because before I met you I was a Grinch, my heart was two different sizes
Half of it being beaten purple by my own thoughts, and the other still hopeful someone would come along
But if this love is everything it is to you as it is to me
Then I only ask for one thing
Never stop kissing me under the mistletoe
And I promise that I will never stop loving you.
To make myself clear
I don’t want the Christmas mornings to ever stop
The only gift I wanna give you is my last name
So just say you’ll be mine.
Christopher Mata Nov 2014
When I was younger I never understood why my grandmother would lecture me so much
I’d wake up and she would be there
What’s step #1?
Make the bed, and thank God you’re not dead
What’s step #2?
Make sure you have enough to eat, so you can move your feet
What’s step #3
Respect is earned, that’s something you’ll learn.
What’s step #4
There no need to be mean, but you always have to be clean.  
What’s Step #5
Act out of love because it’s a test, the lord will take care of the rest.

I never quite got the hang of making the bed but I always did my best.
Sometimes I was frustrated with the steps and asked why they mattered
She said Mijo, they are directions so you can find your way home.
I don’t think she realized we were standing in our own home
As she grew wiser, I got older
And that’s when she added the rest.

What’s Step#6  
Work hard, so you can prove you’re not a worthless lard
What’s Step #7
Remember where you came from, even if it isn’t a kingdom
What’s Step #8
If you want a girl to say I do, every day you must show her I love you
What’s Step#9
Family is the start, never let it drift apart
What’s Step#10
Memories are your best friend, because they will be there till the end.
I thought she would live forever
She never lost a step
But I was wrong
She had some aches and pains
And she ended up in a hospital room
Her face grew pale, and her body frail
I asked why the doctors weren’t helping her anymore, its cuz she was stage four.
They sent her home on a bed where she stayed
My angel who could once fly, had her wings sheared off
Her eyes became grey, and she could barely breathe where she lay.
The hospice nurse said this was it
Her breathes became shaky
Her eyes began to close
Her heart began to stutter
I took her hand one last time, and I begged her to stay
Grandma please don’t go, I need you always
She pulled me closer and whispered
No mijo, I found my way home.

Her casket was white
Her final dress was black
The entire day was grey
We buried her by her mother and grandmother
Everyone said their final goodbye
But I stayed behind
I placed one hand over her tomb
And I asked “grandma what am I to do”
And I swear I heard the wind whisper
What’s step #1
And she’s been guiding me home ever since.
Christopher Mata Oct 2014
I'm afraid of waking up with amnesia
I don't want to forget a thing about you
the way you would rest your head on my chest
how your voice sounded when you first awoke
how my shirts always looked better on you then they did on me
or how you said my name
i want to remember the little things we did
like driving to get midnight snacks
meeting under a full moon
walking along the beach
watching vine videos till our sides hurt and we couldn't breath
talking about things we love and hate about each other at 4 in the morning
I don't want to forget
I'm afraid to forget

I wish you would wake up with amnesia
that way you would forget about all the excuses of why we shouldnt be together.
that way i would get to meet you for the first time again and again
I would find different ways to make you smile
find out something new about you every single day
I would be able to relive all of our favorite moments together
I'd know your favorite things without you having to tell me
You'd feel like I've known you our entire life even though we just met
It'd be like 50 first dates although I'd find 50 different ways to make you fall for me
Every day would lead to something new
and every single day would end with I love you

but the only thing that I cant get out of my mind is the time you said Goodbye.

I'm afraid of waking up with amnesia
I don't want to forget
I'm afraid you'll forget me.
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