It's me again
No he and I
No me and them
No we or us
It's always just me.
I guess that's what Destiny
Claims it to be.
And that's the great tragedy
Of having such a strong mind
For there's nothing I will ever need
That in myself I won't find.
Theres nothing one can offer
Nor anything I can gain
The only challenge in my life
Is my brain against my brain.
This empty space
Is so cold
There is numbness here
A slowing of life , of thought
Occasionally visited by a confused delusion in a half waking dream
That leaves too soon
There is no life here
Hope left an age ago
I just wait now
Mourning is done
And I spin...
A centrifuge of nausea
With chunks of ***** floating by
In a decided manner
And the air thins as awareness fades
Just how long will this take?
They never really taught me that in astronaut school.
I always come back here
Where I can speak without shame
Where there are no acquaintances to judge
Or offer ignorant advice...no whispers
As I pass
I pass uncaring anyway
I've learned no one really matters
No one's thoughts or opinions mean a **** thing in the end
The way I see it we are all born with an estimated 75 to 100 year life sentence
I've spent over half my term sharing space with one addict or another
Checking the cell for contraband while they sleep
Not for fear they would take me out with it
More out of fear they would end their sentence prematurely
Which is so unfair to the rest of us.
And when the sleepless nights
Get to be too much I just go a little mad
Enough to get solitary for a little while
You see I've learned enough lessons for now
I have no use to learn more than a man needs to know in this place
I can recognize a liar and the one who schemes behind my back
But most disturbing I see the brokenness of all mankind that will never be fixed
At least not while "in ward."
The hours seem to pass so slow
While the years go spinning by
Forgotten dates of long ago
So fixed. Yet still they fly.
As wind carries forth the seasons
And shadows mark the day
So go the treasured memories
As the mind meets with decay.
I'm attractive enough
Willing to do things
Others won't do
The purple in the room of white
The spirit that no one can hold
Nothing ever meets my prize
No one ever sparks my soul
Alone I wander alone I live
And cry in torture every night
That I've no one to share this life
That nothing no one makes me right
The wind will grant its pardon
And the clouds a blessed reprieve
The sun will take the shorter route
And earlier will come the eve.
The air itself will become more clear
And the horizon will begin to sprawl
The smell of fire and crisp leaves
Will welcome in the Fall.
"Crackle" goes the brittle leaf
Orphaned by the tree.
"Shh!" the dow responds to it
"The hunter's after me!"
The hunter takes his aim and whispers
"I've got you now..at last!"
Until the bear sneaks up behind
and grinds out,"not so fast!"