"immobilized" poems
Inside these dimensions of my prison,
paralyzed, immobilized,
shattered in fragments of fear,
I utter stifled screams
from my body heap,
piled on the hardwood floor
c
r
u
m
b
l
i
n
g
trapped, desolate and
wretched in mind,
what is left of me after invasion and ravage?
Chase away this these vultures and thieves,
so to shut out this duality
blinding me,
a rabbit caught in headlights
up
me
pick
Apr 15, 2014
Apr 15, 2014 at 5:08 PM UTC
I put so much effort into random places,
so much effort into random faces
face it
im faceless
placeless
drifting
shifting
thoughts towards destiny
feeling empty,
wondering whats left in me...?
messages esoteric terrorize my rhetoric
pedestrians staring glaring gazin gotta get a second look
shook
layers shed, fall from those ancient snakes
left for dead
suffocated, stranded
damaged
god ******
this sunless planet is madness
immobilized
try to find sense in a broke world
what are hands without manipulation?
and in life? death is a stipulation
a fools gold is never within grasp
so
clasp delusions Grandiose
with a toast
to sham pain and champagne
emptied grails course through mans veins
oh to see what mirrors saw
would reflections appear at all?
peer into the endless ego
see nothing but self libido
we are all weary travelers,
existences' eternal passengers
remove masks, flasks, end the charade
let serpents slither, and sun bath
away from the shade
embrace the end of nights
push away the start of days
just keep in mind
which way
the pendulum sways
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 10:29 PM UTC
I am too close for him to dream about me.
I'm not flying over him, not fleeing him
under the roots of trees. I am too close.
Not with my voice sings the fish in the net.
Not from my finger rolls the ring.
I am too close. A large house is on fire
without my calling for help. Too close
for a bell dangling from my hair to chime.
Too close for me to enter as a guest
before whom the walls part.
Never again will I die so readily,
so far beyond the flesh, so inadvertently
as once in his dream. I am too close,
too close—I hear the hiss
and see the glittering husk of that word,
as I lie immobilized in his embrace. He sleeps,
more available at this moment
to the ticket lady of a one-lion traveling circus
seen but once in his life
than to me lying beside him.
Now a valley grows for her in him, ochre-leaved,
closed off by a snowy mountain
in the azure air. I am too close
to fall out of the sky for him. My scream
might only awaken him. Poor me,
limited to my own form,
but I was a birch tree, I was a lizard,
I emerged from satins and sundials
my skins shimmering in different colors. I possessed
the grace to disappear from astonished eyes,
and that is the rich man's riches. I am too close,
too close for him to dream about me.
I slip my arm out from under his sleeping head.
It's numb, full of imaginary pins and needles.
And on the head of each, ready to be counted,
dance the fallen angels.
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 6:53 AM UTC
I can't compute and become mute
When you walk by
My circuitry is fried
Because your program is an encryption
And your pulse is electromagnetic
My car dies, so does my phone, so does my home
I'm immobilized
And demoralized
By immoral ties
To temporary generators
They're validating veneraters
Ultimately unsatisfying
When you're still not buying
I'm attracted to your charge
Until there's a battery
Yet you're the cure to your lure
The EMT for your EMP
Your negative charge casts a cloud around my nucleus
But if you could be positive for a change
We could meet in the middle
And feel energy in our synergy
But as soon as I feel electricity between us
You shut me down
With your EMP
I can't get free
Oct 7, 2017
Oct 7, 2017 at 6:14 AM UTC
stars hang out at night
linen left to dry
red geraniums along the balconies
nodding, nodding
willing to agree to anything
just to keep their color
a gang of kids running through the streets
faceless pranksters
the moon a plate held before each face
who am i? saying who am i
running through the streets saying who am i
the shadows of the buildings
becoming cats that move away
the trees immobilized
left to stand alone in the dark
rubbing their bark from regret
like cicadas
oranges have more delicacy
softly falling, falling
in the groves
on the hills
softly eaten, eaten
by the earth
swallowed whole
as if by a snake
not earth
as if by millions
slithering in the groves at night
millions
stalking the oranges that fall softly
softly to the earth
hunting there in the groves
that form a ring around each town
5.7k
Hummingbird heart flutters in your throat.
It's like having someone squeeze your lungs slowly.
It must be what dying feels like,
Hummingbird heart.
You know how their wings beat so fast and hard,
How you only see the blur?
Hummingbird heart,
It HURTS to be so fast inside.
Whirring like a machine out of control, overheating,
Friction fire in your throat,
Tears escaping bare and raw.
It hurts to be so vicious, like a runaway train with sparks flying.
Hummingbird heart,
Stuck on the other side of glass, pounding, pounding to get out.
Hummingbird heart, faster, faster.
A balloon about to burst.
Whirring, spinning, shivering.
Hummingbird heart,
Nowhere to run.
Hummingbird heart,
Nothing to be done.
Hummingbird heart,
Hemmed in, stuck fast, immobilized.
Hummingbird heart,
Speeding up, frantic, painful.
Hummingbird heart,
You don't have long.
Feb 4, 2013
Feb 4, 2013 at 9:21 PM UTC
Homophobia is not funny.
Care to hear what is?
The wrenching fear boring holes in your best friend’s once bright eyes
every Thursday afternoon, when she must enter a changing room filled with hostile glares
The violent purple bruise re-emerging beneath your brother’s left eye
the same bruise he told your mother about three weeks ago
that he’d “gotten in a rugby accident”
The gnawing feeling of loneliness in your classmate’s stomach as she lies in an otherwise empty bed
no longer able to hold her girlfriend’s hand in public
following a run-in with her mother at the supermarket
The boy next door who can’t bring himself to leave his bed
Immobilized with anxiety and wrapped up in the sheets
(it’s been six days, nine hours, and forty-two minutes since he told his best friend.)
The young woman who serves you your coffee on Saturdays
living on less than minimum wage for three years now
Since her mother left her to the streets
The kind boy you used to date, he’s been single for years
Caught and confused between miserable safety
and endless happiness
- - -
I lied before.
Not an ounce of wit lies within these words.
This is simply
an open letter to homophobes:
Find some ******* ******* originality for your jokes.
Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 9:04 PM UTC
forgiveness for self is a thunderstorm ferocious,
cracking sounds so god awful fearful
that one questions his-her sanity,
an overage so unnatural that
only nature could create it
it is a moment momentousness
when the exhalation of exhaustion,
the winner and loser, both you,
surrender ne’er knowing
which you is which,
life’s son of ***** or just a plain jane mothering version,
either way you say to yourself got to
get past that lousy stinking
love affair
win the race to clean slate,
where the end is insight where everything replaced
in its used to be placed
goaded into melted nothingness,
goaded into believing that’s a real thing,
that when you finally get there,
enough is enough,
get out of jail ticket will work,
but it ain’t never free,
even if you paid for it in
what you call
throwing bad after good,
monopoly money,
nope, ain’t never free
no idea what to put in the second empty closet,
who needs an attached to-the-wall-tile
toothbrush holder with one extra emptying space,
where to hide picture albums in a space
outta sight, outta mind, you still can find
why you didn’t care enough to
daily mat-wipe street shoes before
riveted in place
before entering your own! apartment and no,
you are consciously unconscious immobilized by
the missing calling out of her “don’t forget”
in the car’s ashtray,
a red kissed blotted red lipstick
tissue that needs discard-action,
but you incapable of either,
those collected records and cd’s,
her teasing your old fashion ways,
reluctance to let go
so you read
“that to forgive one self doesn’t forgive forgetting”
and it hits home, home run, score to the core,
since you wrote those words on a sun rain afternoon,
a punctuating thunderstorm day
refusing to decide
which
haunts worse
<>
Jun 30, 2019
Jun 30, 2019 at 5:04 PM UTC
I saw an old man crying at
the precipice of his sanity,
ten stories above the sea,
and the world at his feet, a helo-deck:
a principality that had the worn out lay of home.
So trivialized.
So fantasized.
So immobilized.
Transmitting pirate-radio-waves eternally.
Seized the tower.
Hoisted the flag.
Crowned the queen.
"I've no blood right, only a passport," he said. "But do have the right mindset: I can't leave, we're so dangerous. Don't be a stranger now, we'll never be this dangerous again..."
Nov 22, 2022
Nov 22, 2022 at 5:45 PM UTC
I've hit a wall lately
A wall so tall it seems impassable.
I wake up daily to it encompassing my bed.
Making waking up a test of endurance.
Once I'm passed that, there's just another wall.
Around social interactions, work, moving, and to be honest.
It's all just ******* walls.
Walls I thought I broke down, that are now 10x as big.
Did I mention my fear of heights?
I take pills that are supposed to help,
and they do, but these halflives are nothing compared to these walls.
They're made not of cement but of sentiment and wicked dreams.
Thoughts of all the horrible options that could be.
Thoughts of a depressed self and a depressed spouse.
"You think the kid can tell?" That I'm loosing my grip?
That I'm terrified of the monsters under the bed?
I'm immobilized by my own mind like a car tire boot on my will to try.
Wish someone would tow me off to oblivion.
Or at least a place I could relax.
I'd modestly ask for just a few moments escape.
From all these walls
Jan 22, 2019
Jan 22, 2019 at 9:16 AM UTC
When you left, you took with you my ability to move,
My ability to breathe, my ability to speak.
You stole my muscles and my bones,
My senses and my desires.
I can no longer taste your lips on mine,
Or smell your shampoo on my pillow.
I can no longer hear your voice calling my name,
See your smile, nor feel your hands wrapped around my waist.
All that is left for me to feel is the crushing blanket of loneliness,
A knit wool too warm to cuddle with under the covers,
Too heavy to hold to my chest to give it freedom to rise and fall.
My body is numb, my brain is numb, my heart is numb.
I can feel the darkness of the vast and empty night sky above me,
Slowly lowering down to Earth, directly to my empty bed,
And for a single moment, I want to feel like the universe is safe,
Like it isn’t about to crush me and my heart isn’t about to explode.
For I am left without shield, you, my warrior, my one-man army,
And I am immobilized and unprotected,
And there is no way in hell I can win the next World War against myself.
Escape is my only option to divert the attention from my hiding place,
To prevent the enemy of me from further destroying my soul and consuming my body.
So if I’m lost, please don’t find me, and if I jump, please let me sink,
For darkness has fallen on this sunlit winter day,
And the sweet crescent moon no longer casts a light on my pillow,
Leaving only shadows of Heaven in the darkness.
Dec 26, 2013
Dec 26, 2013 at 9:24 PM UTC
Colors flood my vision
Sounds unimaginable
Achieving pleasure and pain
The world is spinning around
To the sound of music
Flashing lights give way
In a trance
Feeling the intensity of the spectrum
Immobilized
Sound waves pounding
Laying in a pool of color
Dazzled by the sound and color
Enchanted by its deliverance
Encompassed by neon lights
Ravaged by the beats
Overwhelmed
Dec 23, 2011
Dec 23, 2011 at 2:52 AM UTC
There always was a face
under this mask--
living skin, stifled
under the thick, white layers
immobilized by:
fear
the expectations/exhortations/excoriations
Logic found at the bottom of
empty wine bottles,
the dregs and sludge of sediment.
Hairline cracks, deepening,
flaking, peeling,
tiny pieces, larger chunks,
the slow work of years
until
my fingers ripping, prying, tearing
a sudden rending of it all.
I raise my naked face to the sun,
feel the wind on my cheek.
Take one, long, full breath.
Hello. It's good to be.
Oct 11, 2016
Oct 11, 2016 at 12:37 AM UTC
I was frozen to the bed
When he reached inside me
With his hands and his staff
And stole something from me.
Yes, I was bleeding,
But he did not draw his knife.
It was fear that kept me immobilized.
His act, perpetretrated while I was mentally tied,
Has taken my ability to feel safe in my own body.
It has ruined dark corners and altered my mornings,
Left me feeling vulnerable and torn shreds through my psyche.
The **** of a partner ruined all intimacy.
His crime was not one of sheer physical brutality,
But an act of Mental Violence
That has forever altered me.
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:20 AM UTC
In 2008,
I lay upon the floor,
disabled,
pain hobbled,
my back
unable to properly space
the Lego discs
that keep a man
upright
king and absolute ruler,
was I
of the carpet.
in the little blue room
off the kitchen,
where solace
in loneliness,
was my little
heaven in hell.
It was my blue period,
When you decided to leave
And try to take everything
But hang around our apartment
to practice, practice
making misery your profession.
It was the same
little blue room,
years before
I ran to,
for a few hours rest
after tending to you,
nursing your cancer needs,
fetching, most fetching,
I fetched and fluffed,
shopped and tended,
and comforted,
after working all day.
Now three years on,
on the floor
of the same little blue room,
unable to move,
weakly, wounded,
brokebacked,
I was a soldier,
in a deep trench,
almost paralyzed,
caught tween desk and bed
called your name,
even though there was
nothing you could have done.
Role reversal,
years later,
roll reversal,
roll from the bed to the floor,
fallen, immobilized,
I rued
the morning light,
for men must work and
women must weep,
work and weep,
this morning,
I was responsible for both.
I called you name repeatedly,
in a peculiar voice, agreed,
the voice of wrack and ruination,
after hearing you slippers
shuffle a two step at 2 Am,
outside the little blue room,
oh for many a minute,
in the middle of the night,
calling, calling
perhaps, you would help
me to rise,
oh yes,
just to help me stand,
on my bent back,
my own legs
Somehow one finds a way,
is it not always that way?
Later, I asked.
Did you hear me call you name
in the middle of the night?
Oh yes.
But your voice sounded so weird,
I would not go in.
Years later, I asked again.
Just get over it,
you replied,
matter of factly.
Today, years later,
I ask again,
right now, right here,
I ask
but a different question.
Do you think I am over it now?
Oct 15th 2011
Nov 6, 2013
Nov 6, 2013 at 6:42 AM UTC
Hopelessly wandering
I am at an impasse
Immobilized by desire
There is no way out.
Freedom awaits me
I can hear it's cries
But I turn a deaf ear
My lover pulls me back.
A hypnotising smile
And tranquillizing touch
Invade my mind
And Control my body.
Liberation will come someday
I can hear freedom cry
Another day I will leave perhaps
Today my lover needs me.
Captured in a conundrum
Intriguing mystery abounds
Captivating me to decipher
Perpetual perplexity.
I hear the screams closing in
Freedom is more persistent
I ready myself to join the calls
But my lover has my hand.
© Tina Thompson
Feb 25, 2012
Feb 25, 2012 at 7:20 AM UTC
Piercing your eardrums
Cower in fear as you hear
the deafening howl of a hellhound
Echoing of deathbrought crying
and screaming of banshees
Body burned from the inside
incineration by the infernal flames
burning from the black flames of hell
While being immobilized by
the cold lifeless kiss from death
Pain?
None come close
to that feeling
when you find out
that your loved one
loves someone else
Mar 13, 2014
Mar 13, 2014 at 7:07 AM UTC
Immobilized I gaze at the ceiling
Remembering the moments that led to this evening
I choke on the words I dare not say
Forced to deal with the pain that plagues me each day
Piercing each nerve
Giving way to exasperation
Resentment hangs heavy
and I feel suffocated
Another day alone plotting my reparation
These fantasies could end my senses and reason
I wish I could inflict the same anguish upon him
Wounding his pride leaving him with nothing
If only he could feel helplessness and shame
To a degree in which he would never be the same
Only then could my hate begin to wane
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 10:06 PM UTC
We are immobilized
veins thick
with toxins
brains saturated
with synthetic sensation.
Get out of bed
pill pundits.
Who do you love?
There is bliss without
a script.
Somewhere.
Look at yourself
****** harlots.
Now look in the mirror.
Is it a surprise that the same face
didn’t appear?
Stand straight,
sloppy sippers.
Take the flask out of your glove compartment
you can’t pregame life.
Come clean,
nicotine queens.
We say we do it
because we don’t care when we die
but I care if you draw your last shallow breath
before mine.
We are the machine,
**** fiends.
We can’t be fueled
by ten sacks
and melancholic
dead dreams.
I am envious
sober superstars,
of your greatest feat,
waking in the morning
and walking
on your own
two feet.
Aug 1, 2012
Aug 1, 2012 at 3:58 AM UTC
The innocent and the ignorant think it’s always just like the movies and criminal tv shows. A black eye, bruises, a battered and beaten woman crying in a shower or hospital bed. They always ask “why didnt you go to the police?!”
I can remember how it all started, even as far back as middle school. My neighborhood was the last stop for the bus which only left us the choice to sit in back with the bad kids, the older boys. They made me sit on their hands, talked about my ******* grabbed us, touched us and tormented us.
Unless she is black and blue, no one will believe she’s the victim.
He was going out for a smoke and I needed fresh air. I followed him up the stairs and somehow was at his room, he just had to grab his pack. I asked for a drink of water... I woke up, he had me completely immobilized with his body and just one hand, shirt up, pants down. I couldn’t move at all. “He knew I wanted it, that I liked it”... I tried to take control, I tried to ****** him to let me go. Finally I but his lip so hard he let me go. I left first thing the next morning.
I drank too much and I could not drive home, I asked to sleep a little at a friends house before driving home. He took that as an invitation for *** He pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed despite adamant NO NO NO. I was a ***** a tease, what was I holding out for, he knew I wanted it... he finally got his way, I had no where else to go.
I’ve woken up to boyfriends touching me, having *** with me - somehow the understanding was that this is my duty as a girlfriend, conscious, willing or not...
These stories can go on and on. They didn’t beat me, I wasn’t battered and bruised but I was forced against my will. I knew there was no proof to support me, and who would believe the girl who stayed out too late, drank too much or gave in to her boyfriend.
Boys will be boys
I have witnessed this with many friends and was speechless to speak out... it’s not as easy as you think. It has become an expectation for women. Sometimes you finally give in just to make the harassment stop.
But there are those men, the ones that will take their time, that no means no, who realize there is time to get there if the feeling is right... we need more men like this.
Raise your boys right and your women strong.
❤️
Nov 3, 2018
Nov 3, 2018 at 8:02 PM UTC
Like a rock immobilized,
Even breathing had
Escaped me. I tried
To cry out but only
A whimper came about.
Shyly she sauntered so
Close to me, smiling from
Such a seductive scent.
The bewilderment
Of my heart,
Thrown off script.
Sighed did I,
As she left my eye
Headed to some class.
A campus can be
Quite the cruel place.
May 4, 2013
May 4, 2013 at 1:59 PM UTC
I was only 7,
So was she,
Her illness came,
A tumor in her brain,
Killing her,
Making her slightly demented,
That explains why she beat me up,
She was my best friend,
And at 7 that meant everything to me,
The doctors,
They tried saving her,
But in reality it seemed like they were killing her,
At 7,
I watched her go through it all,
They shaved her hair,
I remember the stitches on her head,
Or maybe I'm making that up,
Her memories are buried,
But I remember how she gained weight,
The skinny little girl
Became an overweight,immobilized child,
Slowly my best friend couldn't walk,
Couldn't feed herself,
Couldn't bathe herself,
I watched as she died,
I went to her wake,
Her lifeless body,purple and cold,
I placed a note in her coffin,
To this day I'm unsure what I wrote in it,
I hope something comforting,
I went to her funeral,
And I didn't cry,
I remember feeling bad about it,
But I was just remembering the good times,
When we ran around the hospital getting candy in the store,
So unaware,
When we dressed up for Halloween,
And when we shared a bed,
We are still best friends,
Best friends even in the grave.
Sep 26, 2011
Sep 26, 2011 at 7:04 PM UTC
I want to melt into you
Lay my cheek upon your chest
Dissolve my emotions in your shirt
Whisper to you that you're the best
Cuddle up to greater warmth
Hold me close like precious treasure
Eyes closed to savor this moment
Fingers play alone for pleasure
Immobilized by your magical touch
Continuously I grow fonder
Drastic desires flood my mind
Pull me, bite me take me yonder
Oct 27, 2012
Oct 27, 2012 at 11:37 PM UTC
Caught in a web
Unable to break free
Trapped
Immobilized
My heart is a castaway
On a desert island
Always seeing an oasis
But never quite reaching it
No hope
Of rescue
Merely tortured survival
I have foundered on the rocks
Lured by the incomparable song
Of a siren
Deluded by illusory dreams
Longing to slake my thirst
To find some relief
From the searing heat
The soul rending pain
Hooks gouge my flesh
Stringing me up
Over a pit of molten fire
I have no strength left
Even to scream
I merely whimper
Piteously
Begging for an end
To this agony
Alas
No mercy is forthcoming
My sentence is eternal
Always just within reach
Of my heart's desire
Seeing clearly
But never able to grasp
To realize
No change
No hope
Only pain
I am stuck
In limbo.
Jun 8, 2011
Jun 8, 2011 at 12:38 PM UTC