Dreamer do not worry
I am outside your door
keep yourself safe in darkness
until I come,
until I knock,
until I breach the doorway.

Cold touch, intrusive
the unforgiving nature
of human monsters
with appointment
a need born from convenience
numb from disconnection.

They deny you exist
yet I see you
through a glass darkly
still angelic in your design
This is not my choice
It is theirs.
Your body immaterial
It is theirs that matters.

Dissemble all
until only the soul remains
upset the altar
a child no more
puddled in yourself.

Take my hand,
You miracle
Darling spirit
I will return you home
let us journey to a sacred place.

Do not look back
as mother moves down the hall
where smiles are like cardboard
You, at such an age
have accomplished so much already
you have outgrown them all
as ignorance stays the same
and words echo against the wall---
Please come back again.

Please---
shelve my wounded pride
and without flowers
with no mention or memoriam
bury me alive.

Tell me something good
something I'll believe
make me choose to stay
or make me want to leave
our time is over now
nothing up my sleeve
you know all my tricks
but grant me one reprieve
I'll say very little about this
and even when I dare
know that I'm forever lost
when you see that distant stare.

Uplifting
is the regifting
of the soul
when life takes it toll
left to drown on dry land
when no one else can understand.

Each day is of the phoenix
so let us leave the former ashes behind;
rise above the strife that plagued us
as only yesterday could,
and stand on the newly formed magma
of today's covenant,
when it finally cools on our lips.

Alone in the coliseum
the dust swept cage
I hear the lions come
all people of wealth
add to the roar of the crowd
I offer a silent prayer
in order to drown out the beasts
the terrible gnashing of teeth
persecution offered as entertainment
an execution becomes spectacle
and my only crime is belief.

Broken, bludgeoned
bitter curmudgeon
false teeth, fake smile
as I walk the extra mile
just to please you
and I'm quickly finding
that it's not my style

The only true promised land
is built on the promises
that you learn to keep.

Let us join hands
and signal the deity
with prayer, with bonfire
omnipresent being
the forever seerer
sadly, dispite all else
even with all our efforts
the universe still doesn't care we're here.

Knowing you exist
makes me breathe easy
seeing you struggle
and suffer the same as me
I am ready to admit
that your needs truly
now--- far out weigh my own.

A call to brokenness
A call to arms

Recall our love
Recall our charms

We are not done
We are not through

I bleed for us
I bleed for you.

I'll sing a song
of Sophie
and the life I've left behind
I've kept all your love notes
but I never found the time
to write you back
I lost track
it always slipped my mind
until the day I lost you
and I could no longer
call you mine.

Mother I bleed today
much in the same way you did
all those years ago
different battlefields
different scars
but we learned the value of life.

Let us submit to fate
both you and I
we were never meant to live
and never resigned to die.

Our hands crafted to gather
then push far away
all those fragile little things
that raise our emotions high.

To say we truly understand
is to be understated,
and to live on those terms
is bound to be a lie.

I hurt
each day
both inside and outside
forever quiet to the world
trapped within this suit of flesh
and that is all I'll ever know

The irony
of this life
happens when I comfort you
Whenever I am doing so
I take nutrients from me
as the wound festers deeply
and continues to darkly grow.

There is no need
for cattle to understand
they do. they live. then die.
cast not pearls before swine
neither mine nor thine
serve them inferior supply.
let them eat cake.
live then die.
it is not necessary for cattle
to understand the ways of life
nor curse of being man.

There is goodness inside
somewhere---
I know this to be true
my horns can hold up a halo,
and the light shines evenly on me too.

Urges can be suppressed
just as sins can be forgiven;
priests can be measured
like condemned sinners,
when hands are finally opened
and stained palms are turned upward.

Your skin,
is the color of a rusty gate
your teeth,
collapse like the colliseusm
your arms,
flap gracefully like an albatross
and your eyes,
remain a mausoleum.

(EVIDENCE: Prior to her arrest, this romantic Valentine's Day card was found next to the bullet riddled body of Mrs. Hubbert's husband)

Awaken
then recede
ebb and flow
so much has been lost
when memory has faded,
and has been left to yellow in the sun.

Without notice,
over there---
sits a solitary person,
flesh and blood cage
a defective cup that no longer holds
who has become another empty page.

A collection of white now exists
in a nonsense world, home to Alice
unkempt books with capsized spirit
and tattered page and spine;
where vacant stations play
only garbled static on the radio.

Lucidity has been banished
to a place where names and noodles
can no longer stick to the wall.
food can no longer nourish or satisfy
and add appetite to comprehension.

Where words once stood in stone
now a cemetery grows its garden,
and gray vines hang low
ensnaring all passing travelers
waiting to mark them in their place.

With closed iron gates
there can be no welcome neighbor
no way to tell friend from foe,
as grown children are orphaned of thoughts,
and former feelings are lost to the hourglass,
forever sand-filled, cracked and broken.

You hold your body
like a Bastille
and you never let me in
love becomes an issue
with time you never spend
I wait in the watchtower
seeking a somber reprieve
despite the chains
and noise of the dungeon below me
I know that I don't want to stay
but find that I can never leave.

My heart stays on a hill
always out of reach
just above the crashing waves
well below the lighthouse keep

Salt is thick in my veins
with lungs that breathe too deep
I can not turn back now
because the price would be too steep.

Polished in the mirror,
I shine.
There's evidence
everyone who knows it
now knows of ME,
and has liked my image repeatedly.

This is my good side
quickly, capture that twinkle,
sparkle and finesse;
from every angle imaginable,
and photoshop it
until my form is pleasing and recognizable.

Stare at ME entirely
but only after I have given consent,
after you subscribe to the content.
Please don't bother ME
while uploading my deep thoughts,
I am trending now;
but yesterday I lost a follower
for ME it's like losing a limb.

Such stress makes ME lose focus
I forget to breathe or eat,
such a price for the framework;
I'm not just a vessel, I'm an idol.
I'll rise and steal the moment,
little snares for captive time.

Look at ME
don't lose interest,
stop texting when I'm talking to you.
That's annoying
that's rude,
pay attention to ME for once.

Automatic flash goes off
set for selfie, now filter applied
something is missing here,
a selfie born without the self.

Don't pity ME
the phone doesn't lie;
imperfection can never be
I'm immune,
ME indeed,
addicted to the social feed.

Talk about fashionable---
bars were once
the modern day ***** den
now replaced by a newer drug---
technology
and with so many track marks
I know we will never recover.

My life is on the tethered line
as I watch you go by
dirt caked, through dusty eyes
on those legs that have no restraints.

Those young ones leave the yard
and return to it without issue
I am amazed
there is nothing chained to them.

Why do I have chains...
What is my purpose...
Where is my master's presence...

These questions do little to give me warmth
as the earth gathers around me
and collects inside my nostrils.

I keep the seasons in my fur
And snow and leaves cover me
Like a ***** blanket.

Where is my kind master...
He brought me here
to share this life
then deserted me
just out of reach
I think of you as God
so please don't cast me aside.

I'll sit here as faithful servant
beside my empty bowl
and pray some more
for the master to return
when my tears turn to mud
I will know
that I have been on my leash
far too long.

Four walls of a home
without architect
***** sides of a prison
with no shape of escape.

At first I resist
only after lengthy initiation
do I break upon the tiles
and finally accept the drywall.

Rage turns into mumbled mantra
shelter me, protect me
so I never know my true age.

In time---
you will become both:
my greatest strength and weakness
until my body leans the same way as you
broken planks of wood,
plaster covered with human sheen
As sacrilegious as a sweat stain---
against a polished gold frame.

My voice...
will fade from lack of use.

As one timid word becomes two
two forms a dependent relationship
that gives birth to premature three
and the shape of unhealthy four---
crafts the walls,
and erodes the decrepit foundation
of what I am now.

After being smothered for so long
I'm finally breathing on my own
peeling off the layers
that held me still
this strange freedom
that I feel
now becomes anxiety
and much too real.

The deepest cut
is the first
then the one that follows
I find that I am tired
as my essence puddles out
crimson tears form in the well
and become a weeping waterfall
of wasted life and battered choices
I want to take it back---
but the redness of me,
breaks free
seeking to be exposed to the outside
and remain uncaged from weakness.

You tell me the world is rotten
and I turn my face away
you say it is hopeless
yet, I still manage to believe

older brother,
you can not smother the flame within me
it glows all the more brightly
day by day

little sister,
it is that hatred and jealousy
that will do you in
it is the real reason
that you are not free

sitting prostrate
in front of a dying fire
rubbing your hands for warmth
while your own light is choking
on fading embers.

What if the moon keeps rising
from ceiling to sky
will I try to stand up
despite it pushing me down
or give up
without further a try?

Fallen leaves
remind me of you
memories lost
descended and deep
free from a shady host
then collected in piles
returned to sleep
shown in colors
that stretch for miles.

I want to know you
but you are another world away;
a barrier stands between us
my words don't reach your ears.

I need to know you more
to love you better,
or my feelings remain incomplete.

Within your eyes I see a distance
it becomes a cancerous growth,
and our relationship shrinks,
from lack of communication,
redeemable therapy.

The action is mine
a decision held within my hands,
to give away, jettison my pride,
and finally speak to life that you recognize.

Am I asking too much
to be recognized
do I want too much
to be heard
day after day
all I'm after
is relief that is found
from one kind word.

Bless this life
Bless this mess
Give me distractions
So I'll forget the rest.

After 13 years
there is a need for honesty
all the things I've held back
are placed in front of me
for as long as I could remember
it has never been this way
sometimes life is a parade
that winds up like JFK.

When it settles
it clings to my lungs
and I breathe in,
until it becomes me.

Whether ash or rust I can not say
but it binds to me either way.
What I am becoming
from setting sun to dawning day,
be it man of dust or man of clay;
I do not know
I can not say.

Perhaps----
mercy forfend,
the breeze will carry me away.
Cast down the street in piles and droves
spread out to where other humans stay,
forgotten like scattered salt,
or neglected ashtray.

Flakes of prayers
left to swirl about,
and gather in the storm,
or lay sleeping in the gutter.

Perhaps---
There might be a day
in my sojourn,
where it shall be
my humble priviledge,
to renew the ground where youth can play.

But with arid lungs,
without mouth and tongue
I do not know
and I can not say.

At the end of the day
all I want is to be me
but the cup is empty
the tank is dry
there isn't any "me" left
and now I know the reason why.

A waltz begins
and I bow low
to some unseen partner.

The wind picks up the music
and our bodies spin and twirl;
as the branches of the trees
snap its fingers in time.

The canopy of the heavens open above us
stars streak across the landscape
to highlight our forms,
and celebrate our silhouettes
as we glide past.

The well is dry now

I...

When the sky goes dark you'll know

I'm...

The birds in the trees are quiet

I'm ready...

Even the wind is calm and hushed

I'm ready to...

God throw down your hardest rain

I'm ready to die...

Let nothing more be left unsaid,
Let nothing more of me remain

I'm ready.

A vision of weeping

I...

Faces of my family pass by

I'm...

I have left a hole in this world

I'm ready...

I didn't want to see my worth

I'm ready to...

My grave is still shallow

I'm ready to die...

Remorse sets in from my actions and deed

I'm ready to die another...

There is sudden realization as gray appears beyond black and white

I'm ready to die another day.

Please---
Let me live.

Just whisper my name
and it breaks across your lips
tongue in cheek
with a smile as fake as your soul.

Such elegant table manners
the lioness has shown again
as she wipes her ****** mouth
on the white cloth.

I think I've been forgotten
nobody knows
how long I've been away
however, in the details
the uncertainty shows.

There is no grave,
no marker
no way to pay respects
so please just move along
and just continue to forget.

There so many questions
that my daughter brings to life
it is overwhelming
yet, endearing
I have tasted pain
not wishing her to know
comprehend,
or understand it
these emotions
have always threatened to end me
so do not blame me
if I will not forward them
to your address
my daughter, in this life
I want to answer truthfully
but walk the edge of an answer
as carefully as I would a knife.

In a sacred garden
where no one treads,
the wildness claims all;
overrun, overgrown
none can observe
nothing is known.

There is no friend here for you
once trust is betrayed
no paradise to be shown
the path is blocked
no way to return to home.

Yet, I---
here I remain, here I become,
for all seasons that come and go;
a living epithet of past Adam and Eve
I am the angel
who holds the withered branch
with a story none shall believe.

A man without a country
husband without a home
man with many secrets
human that is unknown.

My name can't be recalled
used up, broken, lifeless
dead inside
to everything that life is.

Strike out
at the largest vein
that traverses the honeycomb
and finally reveal yourself.

The roads are blocked
like my arteries
and when I come to a stop
there is only a dead end.

It comes in deep waves
first the warmth,
then the chill;
the salty taste that overpowers,
and the foam that seeks to fill.

Above beckons the alternating current
a body becomes stretched
only to sink,
and rise no more beneath the surface;
past the seaweed
among the fiery reef,
beware,
there lurks the end of still life.

Soon when muscles ache
when there is no fight left
with such heavy limbs that struggle;
heed my tepid words
when the dark clouds form,
it's much better to sink low,
and embrace the undertow.

You are exhausting---

The constant hammer
that falls upon my head;
driving me to fulfill a goal,
making me always think,
with ideas that keep me fed.

Years before---

I was feral as a man
wild of tooth and tongue.
Uncaring in my approach
both aimless and blameless,
from the badge of being young.

Still---

Out of the faceless crowd
I chose an expression,
imprinted now, only you would do.
To save me from my sickness,
and secret life that only you knew.

That stubborness---

I can not quit because of it
and so I reach to climb;
through thorn and thistle,
moving higher, higher still,
until I reach that azure sky.

However---

Once I'm staring at it
I feel it's just not true.
Thinking ******* the challenge
I dig up through cloud and heaven,
and continue on my way...

Because you taught me to.

Restless are the eyes that follow
searching out a purpose,
some nameless claim,
so warm, tepid,
and full of oceanic wonder;
those following two---
those damp spheres of shade.

Regrettably, a thought arrives---
I did not request your name,
lovely living statue,
found of selective voice.

Mark my posture
as a ship listing on the waves,
turn back to port,
turn back to safety,
return to the familiar
these things I know.

Pulse cease,
disquiet chamber
place hold and become stagnant,
meaning and reason please return;
human folly was born of myself,
and remains nameless,
such as my captive audience.

Such bindings of flesh and form,
build me to agony,
and remain a prisoner of chemistry
this creature, this mystery,
this name---
was never offered to me in kind.

I suppose---
there are things best kept hidden,
not spoken loud
as the heart manages its uttering
I walk down the hallway,
perceiving your gaze at journey's end.

Slowly still,
my footsteps fall in procession
and knowing not at all,
when the day concludes
such thinking is above my own
and I am left to wonder
if such a goddess was ever meant
to have earthly title.

These horrible grinning things
Some how---
they know me.

They come closer to invade my space
without warning
with loaded handshake and contagious kiss

I have no camouflage
I'm a bird caked statue
I'm a deer paralyzed in the headlights.

Maybe---
like my gently rotting teeth
if I ignore them
eventually, they'll go away.

In my youth
the trees sung to me
their arms reached out kindly;
those giants who shaded me
from the brightness of the world
enabled me to later return
in the entrenched skin of a man
and at breaking day,
repay them harshly.

As the rusted teeth of the saw
bit deep into their bodies
I marveled at how their backs leaned
as they peered into final sky,
seeing only unfeeling blue
and not the caring green heads of neighbor.

My aged hands ached
from the effort and rotted task
of misdeed
and all too late,
did I remember that past smile
as arboretum became mausoleum;
now my gums bled freely
from my own hand's past neglect,
as I struggle to remind myself
that I was once born from the same soil.