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So far,
So long,
What did you feel ?

Ashamed.
Was what you ever felt.
That how things
would turn.
I don't know what you feel. I never knew. Maybe I never will
You're the
sweetest person I know.
Is what people often
tell me though.
But what do you gain,
from being so kind.
Agony?
Desolation?
Dejection?
Or always being
taken for granted.
When pain is all you get for being generous.
And
here I’m again.
With all the
broken bits.
When I
no longer
paid any heed.
But memories,
they don’t die.
They just
get washed away.
Splashing back
when the waves
are too high.
When I finally feel I have moved on but its all back to the same point.
Like the
gust of wind.
I changed
my course.
Not being
what I was
anymore.
Just soaring high
not afraid
this time.
Cause I know
I have changed
this time.
Change, the only constant and it taught me a lot. For better or worse? Who knows.
You and me
were just chaos
together.
And I couldn't
describe it better.
From the very start I knew, we would never fit in together. But I still waited for the storm to create the CHAOS .
Every shade
has its own place.
A role to play,
a message to display.

Without a word
all is said.
The stains
shout out
all that is their.
every color has its own tales
I don't
feel afraid
of the dark.
I don't
get scared
of tripping
on the path.
I don't
think of
what lies ahead,
not anymore.
The darkness
is no longer
my foe.
We have
learnt
to dwell
as one soul.
In love with darkness.
I kept chasing
you, as if
you were
a distant dream.
But dreams
are not always
dreams.
Sometimes, we have
nightmares too.
When did those dreams turned into nightmares? When did I stop believing in the magic of dreams?
end
end
And somehow
we need to understand
that all things
will come to an end.
To pave way
for others.
Even the sun
has to set
to let the moon shine.
And it was an end for us too.
No words
will ever be
enough.
To express
what goes on
in my head.
The thousand
storms.  
that rise and
fall.
While I lay
in the
dark.
Thinking
too hard
about all that’s
scarred.
This is all I was feeling. There is so much more that I can’t put into words.
And suddenly
all at once
everything feels alright.
Like everything
can be
sweet and petite.
As if the
good old days
are back.
When laughter
was low cost.
And we were
carefree and lost.

Maybe the days
are long gone.
And the
blinds are drawn.
Maybe we need
the rain.
We need to
live up again.
To the good old days when we were kids and friends
There is always a ray of hope
for everything to work
on its own.
The threads that
were all tangled
wounded up in a roll.

There is always a ray of hope
for good things
to peep from a hole.
All you need
is a bait
to grab it and hold.
Never give up .Always hope for the best to happen.There is always something great and amazing hidden somewhere for you.
Like an unsent letter,
I locked my feelings
in a drawer.
I wrote
all I could.
Afraid to
drop the note off.
I wish I could open that drawer.
There were things
I never
said aloud.
There were ways
that I didn’t
understand.
How people
could lose all
they ever had?
For the one
who wasn’t close
to stand.
But
as I looked
at my own cracks.
I could
just smile.
As it all
made sense.
All that ever happened makes sense to me now.
Maybe it will
maybe it won't.
It is something
that the
future beholds.
Maybe my heart
will once again
be whole.
maybe my heart will always have those scars.
At times I wonder.
Do you ever
think of me.
While gazing
at the stars.
When revisiting
the past.

Or am I
just
a memory.
Long lost,
forgotten.
Buried
deep down
in the shards
of time.
I am
a misfit
in this world
of blue.
Thinking,
wondering
having no clue.
What if
I could just
unscrew.
These feelings
muddled up
in a brew.
Trying to fit in.
We say everyone leaves in the end. But what if they leave you in between. Suddenly. Abruptly. Gone.
It has only been a few hours and I already  miss you terribly. I love you and will always do.
I pushed open
the window.
I drew the
curtains off.

The world
was full of
blunders.
Beyond those
metal walls.

I let a
deep sigh
and turned
away my gaze.

My world
of pen and paper
is better
than that maze.
You're like nail paints.
I want you
to stay,
but not in parts.
So, I eventually
need to
scratch you off.
I wished you would have stayed. But not anymore.
What if you feel is
nothing?
Nothing at all,
but numb.
Numb to the core.
As if suffocating.
Unable to
reach the shore.
sometimes this is all you feel...NUMB
Life is so unpredictable. When you finally feel all is right, when you finally try to move on. Life is there again, set as a jigsaw puzzle. Some pieces just lying there, other hidden somewhere. And you have to set down again, trying to find the misplaced ones.
trying to put back the pieces
Sometimes,
I question myself.
What made me love you?
I started to feel
the way I never used to.
When did I fell for you?
I never knew
until my heart
was lying bare
in front of you.
I will never be able to tell what made me to love you in these strange, unknown ways. Why it had to be you for whom my heart ached?
Holding a quill
I sat down to write.
I started to scribble
dripping ink
on the pile.

All I could write
was your name.
What words? What phrases?
could truly explain.
The way
I feel for
this person so strange.
pouring out my heart
Like raindrops,
I kept falling for you
all over again.
Sometimes,
I feel happy
for reasons none.
An urge to run,
if stopped
by anyone.
Too stunned
that all be done.
Felt like writing something more and this is what I came up with. My thoughts are all intertwined. It all feels like a chaos. Everything is not right, maybe nothing is. But the other me feels that it has never been better than now.
If ever happiness
knocks at my door.
How will I
recognise?
The sound of delight.

Will it howl
like the blowing wind?
Or rustle as
the woods and trees?
Will it be
like splashing water?
Or the pelting rain,
on the window pane?

Maybe it will
just creep in silence.
Echoing in the
wells of silence.
I try and keep searching for happiness.
Everything
could have been
so much
different.
If
we would have
still
been strangers.
The transformed
version of me
would never
have been in
existence.
I would have
remain oblivious
to so much
of pain.
My heart would
still be whole
ready to fall
again.
I don't know if I regret meeting you,
maybe you will never understand what it means to me.
I couldn't stop
the tears
rolling down.
Neither I could
restrain my heart.
From diving off
to depths unknown,
where darkness
is all
it could have.
I wish I could just stop the way my heart falls for you,each time,all over again.
And I sat
to hear out
your tale
as you wailed,
of how bills
were streaming down
your mail.

To lighten up
your grumpy bumpy
mood.
I came up with
all things
black and blue.

And when
all was said and done,
here comes
a snoopy snap
with a
flashing smile,
that ran
from mile to mile
And nothing can make me happier but that smile.
I sit here,
under the night sky.
Gazing up with a sigh.
To try and imply,
What the stars signify?

Are they a storehouse
of mystery?
Trying to hide
their history.
Just too shy,
to entail their glory.

I sit here,
under the night sky.
Striving to comply.
To deduce what they say.
Waiting for a reply.
Standing by my window
I hear
the wind passing by.
And all the melodies
that sweep along
entailing tales
from far and wide.

No hems can
block its passage.
No men can
halt its march.
It just whirls by
leaving a trail behind.
Try
Try
I try
and think of ways
rather excuses
of telling you tales.
Of finding reasons
to stay
a few more days.

I try
to decipher
the lies.
Hidden behind
that veil
of fake smiles.
I just keep trying
My heart just wanders away
to a place it knows not
searching for the unknown
trying to grab, hold on.

The mind suddenly jerks
blocking away the path,
the heart chose to cross
to unfold the hidden path.

Torn apart by both
which path to tread on
I sit here bewildered
thinking for too long.
this is exactly how I feel
Our paths crossed,
a way many times.
But we had to meet only
when the time was right.
Slowly, not now,
we just sailed on.
Thinking not twice,
what lies beyond?
The voyage has just started
and we will sail through.
Fighting all odds,
against the pirates of the sea.
Hands held together,
will dive off.
To depths unknown
discovering
what lies beyond ?
For someone who couldn't appreciate it.
When I fell in love
it was like being
on cloud nine.
But I fell a little
too hard.
The cloud was up and
I was not on guard.
Didn't think what if
my heart tumbles
down on the grass.
Will someone grab it
or clench it fast?
Had I thought so
maybe it could still love
like it had.
It has been a year since we met. So much has changed from then to this day.
I still
keep wondering.
When was it
that I started
loving you
in these strange
unknown ways.
And that was
when I stopped
believing in
fairytales.
And maybe I will always love you in these strange ways .

— The End —