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Tatiana Dec 2012
I know that this is a puzzle,
with its scattered pieces ,
spread across the floor.
But I can't find,
the pieces that fit together.
I'm stuck staring,
at the picture,
on the box.
Just looking for one piece,
one little piece,
to match,
with the piece of a flower,
that is pressing into my hand,
leaving little red indents,
in my palm.
I look at the puzzle,
just searching
for the one piece that will get me started.
But I can't find it,
it's not there at all.
Well I guess this piece of flower,
will never find its match,
because i'm so blinded
by frustration,
that I just can't see,
the little puzzle piece,
that is right under my nose.
Tatiana Oct 2019
I'm calling for you.
I'm calling for you.
But my words cannot pierce the veil,
static crackles throughout the air.

The raid was a violence
now there's radio silence,
mass graves dug for those
who no longer are there.
I turn the radio off
and sail out to sea.
The ocean neither roars or whispers
gulls glide on winds that shiver
up and down our spines.

It's so quiet.
It's so quiet.

There's nothing left to hear
except our own crying.

Our own crying.
Tatiana May 2015
and the first question that came to my mind
was how on earth did I even survive?
Because I know why I wrote what I wrote
and I know how much I choked
on the agony of words that poured out of me.
I know what I have been through
and these poems record it.
They know too.
And to a degree,
everyone who reads them knows as well.
But at the same time
no one else knows for certain
what exactly was my Hell.
How did I survive?
Why did I choose to keep on going?
Why did I choose to stop writing at one point?
Was I really that depressed?
I guess I was.

*I guess I was.
Tatiana Feb 2015
Wake up and smell the dead roses,
walk with me through the burned fields,
dance with me in pouring rain,
and dodge the falling debris.
But be careful,
for you will realize
that you have been hit by falling debris,
the pouring rain is keeping you on the ground,
you're laying in the empty, burned fields,
with blackened rose petals covering your trembling body.
And when I say you
I mean myself,
for I feel that I am two,
I am me and I am you,
and we lay together on scorched earth
yet we lay apart and drowning in the rain.
Tatiana Jun 2020
I
d
r
  o
   p
    p
     e
      d
       m
         y
          w
            o
             r
             d
              s

               pick them up
Can you                       for me?

Rearrange t-h-e-m
in
a
w a y
I meant to s p e a k?
Because I                  k n o w   you
and you                    k n o w   me.
We would n e v e r use
stale, weak words
to hurt each other.

No, we would(n't.)
©Tatiana
Had this one in the drafts for awhile now. I don't really format poetry in crazy ways, but when writing a poem about twisting words, I feel like it needs it. Mocking and sarcastic is the tone I was going for in this one. What do you all think?
Tatiana Mar 2015
Here are some of my reasons...
1. Desserts
2. Cute, baby animals (like kittens or puppies)
3. Warm blankets
4. Hugs
5. Kisses
6. Making new friends
7. Drawing/Painting (regardless of skill level)
8. Good music
9. Falling in love
10. Experiencing silly cliches
11. Holding hands
12. Dancing everywhere
13. Holding a baby
14. Having unique conversations with little kids
15. Family or your new family-Just people who love you unconditionally
16. Home
17. Change
18. Reading good books
19. Ability to speak my mind
20. Hope
...
There are many more reasons to live,
these are just some of my reasons
I hope this helps.
We all focus on the negative so much that we often forget just what we have. If you choose to comment, I would be curious to know what 3 things give you the push to keep going?
Tatiana Apr 2019
The words I speak sound foreign to my ears
as I address strangers that I've known for years.
We're engaged in simple, common talk.
How I can't wait for it to stop!
It has been too much I need time to myself,
to disperse the energies of a negative self.
For one whole week I've continued to converse
and it's all sounding a bit rehearsed.
Conversation smothers me like a pillow
calling me to a sleep that's eternal.
I need to find a way to discharge
this exhaustion that stalks me and recharge.
©Tatiana
I have been social since last friday and I haven't had a break from talking to people. I am going to go into hermit mode and not talk to anyone for a month at least, if I can't take a break from all conversation soon.
Tatiana Aug 2014
The will to love,
the will to cry,
can be expressed
by a lullaby.

A lullaby who's notes hum softly,
and whisper of lives
that play so beautifully.

The will to sing,
the will to die,
are always related
when a mourner cries.

A mourner cries from all that is lost,
and screams of lives
that had been crossed.

The will to dance,
the will to lie,
can't happen together
and i'll tell you why.

A dancer has a passion that can't be false,
and holds the truth in her limbs
that can't lie in this honest waltz.

The will to dream,
the will to be alive,
are beautiful things
that can't be denied.

A dream is an innocence,
and it's a ray of hope in our minds
that we won't ever find ridiculous.

The will to survive,
is stronger than one will ever believe it is.
So I have two words,
and two words only.

Recognize it.
Tatiana Dec 2019
I can feel your voice
like grooves in a record
knowing the sounds that come out
will send me spinning
along with the music
©Tatiana
Tatiana Jun 2018
...
..
.
Redemption.
Redemption.
I don't know why I'm chasing it.
I don't know why I'm chasing it.
.
..
...
© Tatiana
Tatiana Apr 2019
We remain inside an empty hearth
as ashes from a fire long forgotten.
They blocked the chimney so no wind can get in,
we remain undisturbed and wondering,
if tomorrow could prove its worth.

Then maybe we would have died for something.
©Tatiana
Tatiana Nov 2014
There is going to come a time,
where life will drag you down.
You can't sleep,
can't eat,
can't live peacefully,
without dying on the inside.
So how do we all cope.

We write.

I know how difficult
it can be to write.
Especially when it's a problem,
that torments us,
and the evil power of our demons,
whether real or imagined,
takes control of our lives
and the next thing we know
is that we're empty
and we need
to write.

But that can't be the only reason,
right?

Who do you write for?
Yourself? Others?
Is it a specific group of people?
Or no one in particular?

What do you write?
Do you write about daily moments?
Or more abstract themes?

When do you write?
Just when you have the time?
In the early hours as dawn breaks?
Or when the darkness settles over the land?

Where do you write?
Outside? In your room?
Anywhere you can?

Why do you write?
Are you searching for hope?
Or just looking for comfort in your own words?
Or in the words of others?

Remember why you write,
and that will keep you going.
Tatiana Jun 2018
................................
Reprieve
            Reprieve­
Reprieve
           Reprieve
................................
Life is so precious
when you're the one who's taking it.
I took the life of your friend
Again, again, again.
I'm contracted to take the hit
I know that makes no difference.
The lives you hold so very near
I'll take them from you dear.
................................
Why can't
            my mind
find its
     ease?
................................
I know the position you're in.
I was not born into this.
A hit was placed on my family and friends
to recruit my obedience.
I pretend to be normal
until my contract is signed
and the clever, chaotic side
unleashes on its next sacrifice.
................................
Reprieve
      Rep­rieve
Reprieve
      Reprieve
..............................­..
There is no way to say this
I'm a killer who warps the meaning of justice.
I'll die alone in a ditch
and laugh at my own hopelessness.
................................
I laugh
   at my
own mind's
     unease
................................
Reprieve!
­Reprieve?
There's no reprieve!
................................
Laugh!
Laugh!
Lau­gh with me!
................................
© Tatiana
I got bored and started writing a character who works as a hitman and is losing their mind, ya know, the normal stuff. And this poem is from that character's perspective.
Tatiana Dec 2012
Let me rest
and sink to the bottom,
and lay on the sandy ocean floor.

Let me slowly fade
into my own daydream,
where I float alone,
along the gentle waves.

Let me close my eyes
for the last time,
as the blue-green waves,
crash over my body.

Let the ocean take me under,
and carry me away,
with its strong, swift, current.

Let me die my own way,
peacefully.
Tatiana Nov 2019
The cartilage in my joints crackles
like the leaves I step on
There is a bite to the air
that has my teeth chattering
And I'm standing at the top
of some stairs
with the expectation that
I will walk down them
But I'm certain I would fall
like the season
And for now
I take a seat
on cold
concrete
until my joints
see reason
©Tatiana
Tatiana Feb 2013
Hateful eyes stare down,
a sinister lumbering figure,
that stalked through the darkness,
using the shadows for cover.
Stealthily he followed,
this dark figure,
through the dense undergrowth,
walking on thorns,
and not noticing,
as they dug deep into his feet,
red painting his footprints.
The sinister man in front of him stopped,
and turned to look behind him,
a sick twisted smile,
lighted the sinister man's face.
The man breathed in,
the scents of the bushes,
and pulled the trigger,
there was a soft thump,
of a body hitting the earth,
and a pool of blood,
soaked into the grass.
Laying in that pool,
was the sinister man,
the life gone from his eyes,
the man walked away,
feeling the rage disappear
and be replaced,
with guilt,
until he pulled the trigger once more,
and his mind went blank,
and there was another thump,
as another body,
hit the ground,
in the darkest hour,
just before dawn.
Tatiana Dec 2017
If I wrote a book would people read it?
Maybe
Maybe not.
But I need to write.
I really need to.
I should probably do what's right
and write.
I'm very much trapped right now and I need to write
Tatiana Nov 2012
Rise up,
try to rise up.
If you start shaking,
look them in their eyes,
cause their terror is waking.

If you rise up,
with shaking arms and legs.
Will they notice,
the spinning of your head.

Climb up,
try to climb up.
The mountain is quaking.
Don't let your fear show,
keep your eyes wide open.

And if you stumble,
while the whole world
watches you.
Will they get to,
the abused inside duel.

Times up,
your time is up.
Hour glasses are breaking.
This time they deserve,
all the hate that you're giving.

Rise up,
try to rise up.
If you start shaking,
look them in their eyes,
cause their terror is waking.
This is an old poem I found when I was digging through some stacks of paper in my room, it's funny because I completely forgot about it.
Tatiana Apr 2017
Look at how large the tree is
with all of its branches
reaching for the sky.
Look at all of those people
hanging off the edge,
limply swinging into each other.


What a disaster.
© Tatiana
Run
Tatiana Nov 2012
Run
Dusk
the darkest hour of the night,
and you're alone,
sitting in the middle
of a huge forest.
You're lost,
a twig snaps,
and a cold breeze blows across
your already shivering body.
A rustle in the bushes behind you
you whip around
so fast,
that you catch a glimpse
of a pair of eyes.
One eye is green,
and swirls with chaotic thoughts.
The other eye is blue,
it looks ice cold,
cruel and calculating.
You jump up
every hair on your body,
is standing up straight.
Goosebumps rip up your arms and legs,
and you hear a voice.
Its cruel monotone echoes all around you,
as if you're in a cavern.
The voice gets louder,
and you feel the glare
of the green and blue eyes,
burning holes into your back,
and that dark presence came closer,
a hand clamped down tight on your shoulder
and you heard a calm, wicked whisper in your ear
"Run."
Tatiana May 2019
--
-------
------------------
----------------------------
.
.
.
­Saturn is really nice this time of year
I think you should check out its rings.
And maybe you could get a call back to me
sometime next spring?
.
.
.
I'll see you next spring.
----------------------------
------------------
-------
­--
©Tatiana
Another poem from a song I wrote
Tatiana Aug 2013
My passion
has been re-awakened
from it's dark slumber.
It now lives,
and breathes,
with the flame it once held.
The spirit is stronger,
kinder,
and more secure.
It remembers who it wants to be,
what it wants to do,
and the the drive it will need to get there.
It's all coming back,
like a rush of adrenaline
it shoots through my veins endlessly.
This restoration
of my passion,
makes me remember
one of my goals.
The goal that originally drove me
towards the path I am now taking,
Save one life.
Has been my goal
for a long time now,
and it is an endless goal for me,
one that I will strive to complete,
over and over again,
on the path into medicine,
that I lead.
I have a passion for medicine. I either want to be a pediatrician, or a paramedic. I just have this strong passion that was shot down by myself not too long ago, but an incident happened that made me realize how much what I love and what I want to be, is truly worth it in the end. All my hard work will pay off, and then I can strive for my ultimate, endless goal, to save one life.
Tatiana Mar 2013
My piano is covered with papers,
my instruments covered with books,
I have notebooks on top of my drawing pads,
and pencils and pens covering my stories.
I have past assignments all over the floor,
and new ones spread across my bed,
my computer is always opened,
to type up another essay.
School is something I have to do,
and honestly I enjoy it,
except when it takes over my life,
and then I can not control it.
Tatiana Nov 2014
I have a scary image in my head
every time I glance in the mirror now.
Days have gone by and I don't stop staring.
I mumble, forming my thoughts into words
as I glare at the image before me.
Then my words become louder, and I keep
slowly leaning forwards, but I won't bow.
I inspect my hair, piece by piece, I pull
at the split ends that look really awful.
I used to like my hair, it was pretty,
but those scissors there, that rest on the sink,
have never looked so inviting before.
How easy it would be to cut my hair,
the long strands that they all claim to be fair,
just take the scissors and cut your **** hair!
Just take the scissors and cut your **** hair!
But there is something that still keeps me here,
I won't cut it, because I think I'd care.
*Just take the scissors and cut your **** hair.
Tatiana May 2018
You raked up all the leaves
wiped your face on your sleeves.
Your sweater is not thick enough
to keep out the breeze.
The breeze turns into strong wind,
blowing away the leaves.
Autumn has never been
easy to please.

You shoveled away the snow
hoping the shivers will go.
You're missing a pair of gloves
your fingers have froze.
The sky is grey as snow falls
down on your uncovered head.
Winter has never been
for the living it's for the dead.

You cleared away the debris
that was from the last winter storm.
You don't need those long sleeves
because it is warm.
Birds come out to sing of love
they build their nests.
Spring has never been
a time for rest.

You can feel the heat suffocate
and the sweat stings your eyes.
Yet you won't remove the sunglasses
what do you want to hide?
People are staring as you struggle
they're so confused.
Summer has never been
a time to show you're bruised.
© Tatiana
I'm on a draft-posting kick
Tatiana Jan 2015
Keeping a horrifying secret
is like making sure the most dangerous prisoner
is on lock down,
and does not escape.

You are hyper aware of this secret,
it makes you hot and you sweat
and squirm,
but yet you're cold as well.

You have been holding this secret for so long
that you no longer worry about letting it slip,
but then you do,
and the other person always catches on.

And they don't know how to react,
but they try to be your friend and help you,
but it only makes it worse
and you can't be angry with them because they are trying.

Words are so much more difficult to use now,
because the secret is choking you,
and now it's choking someone else too
and it's all your fault.

Stop speaking,
no more words,
do not respond,
just become a shell of your former self.

Go back to being normal
when the secret fades from their memory,
and put the prisoner
back where it belongs.

Deep in the cell of the brutal prison
that is your mind.
Keep watch on that prisoner
and do not let it out.
I think we all may have some secrets that are very deep and personal that we want to share, but probably won't ever share.
Tatiana Sep 2012
Every emotion is clearly displayed
No matter how hard you try to mask it.
You don’t understand,
You can’t lie, and if you do,
Then why should I trust you.
Tell me why!
How long do you plan,
To lie to me?
keep secrets?
Play games?
How long will I put up with it all.
No more!
I’m done!
Please just leave me alone
Take your overwhelming force away.
If you come back, I swear,
There won’t be a cliff high enough for you to fall from,
To amount to the pain you have caused me.
Oh God help me,
I can’t stand her anymore!
She is the Devil,
That chose to hurt me.
Her secrets ****.
And I have never felt so betrayed
In my entire life.
In this web of lies
that encases this very companionship
that I have once felt,
and turns it into
a smoldering mess,
of secrets.
in their piles,
and piles,
of lies.
Tatiana Dec 2020
I'm seeing spots
when I stand
up too quickly
time passes by
slowly when I
watch the clock
tick in circles
hands search for
each other and
for one minute
they will meet
and provide comfort
©Tatiana
Tatiana Feb 2020
I sit on my front steps with a camera and listen to the leaves
As they slide across rough concrete
Like the wind has secrets to keep
If I listen I may decipher what’s dear.
Leaves carry notes of love long lost
Letters meant for hands that can no longer hold.
I pick one up and trace its veins
and listen to the message it contains.
Regrets for time not spent
now the currency is valueless.
Updates of the present
a simple gift to the past.
Notes about plans
now cancelled eternally.
Some leaves dry up and get crushed,
some bear the marks of words rushed,
But not a single one lacks love.
Not a single one lacks love.
I capture moments with a click and a shutter.
Preserve the memories so I won’t lose them in the clutter
Of a desk covered in papers and pens.
With drawings of a time I can barely comprehend.
Why is holding a leaf like holding your hand?
A fragile, weightless being, supported by the wind.
I don’t want to let go and see you
taken away again.
No, I must remember
the time that we shared.
When leaves were a beauty
pointed out on forest trails.
Find comfort in the memories
Captured by cameras and pens
There is a beauty in every
beginning and end.
I can whisper that to the leaves
send them like a letter I penned
And maybe when the wind delivers
it to those ghostly hands
We'll know it's been read.
I know I won't know
until I see you again.
Whispers in the wind
Until I see you again
and receive leaves
from the messenger wind.
Here's a poem I wrote awhile back but wasn't ready to share right away. It's how I feel every January.
Tatiana Mar 2018
What is that which looms on the horizon?
My own response so carefully crafted.
Designs that I have embroidered eyes in
to see my own hand-sewn chaos drafted.

Your stitch-in, flowery language lacks work
and your seams seem to lack proper binding.
My dear, I can't accept mangled patchwork,
it's clear that you needle more reminding.

It's funny how you tailored your response,
yet you didn't know of the fabric's face
that laughed as you fabricate and ensconce
yourself in lies as delicate as lace.

You have barely weaved a good running stitch
Don't curse the seamstress who seems less stressed, witch.
An odd, sleeping beauty/pun/wordplay battle inspired poem that I sent my friend who thought he was being super clever with his words and I thought I show him how it's done. Haha i'm not sure if this follows all the rules of a sonnet, but that was the style I attempted. And witch was originally a cuss word.
This was silly and written without checking.
&#x24B8 Tatiana
Tatiana Nov 2014
Night comes too quickly now,
the darkness smothers the homes
that are sleeping soundly on the ground,
and everyone is hiding in shadows,
no one made a sound.

The world in this moment is frozen,
but not by it's own choice
it's being held back by shadow hands,
they refuse to relinquish their hold,
they are indestructible, rubber bands.

Everytime a change is made,
it just snaps back into place
constantly in a gloomy depression,
where people are growing older,
but yet their lives are in a recession.

Note the changes young child,
because something is bound to happen
and those rubber bands will snap,
those shadow hands will fade,
and it will be your turn to adapt.

But those shadow hands will come back,
little child I understand your fear
but you have to fight them and survive,
that is the only way,
that you're town will become alive.

Shadow hands please let go of us,
you need to go
please stay away forever,
I will not allow this child,
to fight in a hopeless endeavor.

You're just torturing me,
I could be laying on my bed at night
and you will be there,
dancing above my head,
and all my tired eyes can do is stare.

Fight off your demons,
they spin wickedly
and they don't stop hovering,
I hear whimpering,
and I can't tell if it's me or the child they are smothering.

There are monsters everywhere,
in a town that sleeps so soundly
I can not allow this little child to fight,
in a place that is so dark,
bring me the light!

When the light finally comes,
I learn very quickly
that the child had an interesting identity,
my tired eyes finally understood,
that the whimpering, scared child, was me.

*Shadow hands please let go of me!
I was happy and I tried to fall asleep, but then some thoughts came back and then next thing I knew, I was seeing shadows everywere.
Tatiana Aug 2013
Running down the hall,
with the threat on my back.
Hoping to make it safety,
because safety is what I lack.

Sitting in a room,
and everything is dark,
as I listen to the argument down the hall
that all started with a spark.

A spark of something induced by drugs
and a low life loser.
That she got caught up in,
and it's not like we can't accuse her.

She took part as much as she could
in the induced high.
But now it all came crashing down,
when she was forced to say goodbye.

Say goodbye to the loser,
who drags her life down.
He'll lead her down a path of regret,
and she will certainly drown.

The explosion of anger and fear,
has not gotten through to her yet.
And I fear that she will hurt herself,
more than we'll ever expect.

I never ever thought before in my life,
that I would want to leave home.
But nothing could push me out of the house faster,
than the addicted life she chose.
Tatiana Nov 2012
That day,
that treacherous, torturous day,
is a ghost,
a shadow,
that never leaves my side.
She left the house,
fuming,
at me.
And I was,
raging,
at her.
Over stupid,
little, arguments.
Late at night,
the phone rang.
My mother answered it,
she told me what happened.
I dropped,
my body in agony,
I was slammed into the ground,
by the pain I felt.
A car hit my sister,
and I felt her pain,
along with my own.
All I could think,
all I could remember,
was our argument.
And how mad we were,
at each other.
The last thing,
my sister would remember,
about me,
is me hating her,
and yelling at her,
and screaming at her,
she wouldn't remember,
that I love her.
As that night went on,
I cried.
Every single second was filled
with heart wrenching sobs,
that came from my own body.
I didn't know if she would die,
I didn't know if she was badly hurt,
I didn't know she would get hit,
by a car.
A **** car.
If I knew that,
I would have never argued with her.
But it's too late to change that.
Even later,
my father came home,
and I was sitting on the floor,
staring at the wall.
Just waiting to hear about my sister.
Just waiting to hear the horrible news,
that my poor father would have to bestow on me.
I prepared myself,
for the blow,
and my father spoke the words,
I did not think
that I would hear,
"She's okay."
Never argue with your loved ones, you may not be as lucky as me to get a second chance to make things right, always let them know just how much you love them, because at the moment when you least expect it, they can be taken from you, right out from under your nose.
Tatiana Jan 2020
Wonderstruck by snow in winter
like the season didn't hint her
plans to me when the sky grew grey,
the wind picked up, and what did it say?
"Expect snow to fall while you sleep.
It'll bury you three inches deep."
I remember the warning so crystal clear
and yet I'm surprised to see a deer
outside my window
playing in snow.
And when I went outside and inspected
the snow, it was cold, I don't know what I expected.
©Tatiana
You know when you're surprised that what you expected to happen actually happens? That's what this poem is about.
Tatiana Feb 2013
Shocking ends,
and brand new lies,
sit behind,
covered eyes.

Little tips,
and discolored lips,
strangely there,
in a discreet air.

Ticking clocks,
and mismatched socks,
unique ideas,
wrapped in tears.

Shaking hands,
and disheveled strands,
of long thin hair,
you're without an heir.

Strangled air,
and you're without a care,
that this lack of support,
is all you'll report.

And when you die,
you'll hear a lullaby,
of when lives tend,
to reach a shocking end.
Tatiana Jan 2013
Dunes on my left,
and the ocean on my right,
I walked in the middle,
on the hot sand.
My feet were burning,
but I didn't really notice,
I was on a mission,
to keep walking along this shoreline,
till I came up with a plan,
to resolve this problem.
Only hours before,
I was sitting on a chair,
staring at a wall,
sorting out my life,
and where I stand,
and if I could fix all the problems around me.
The more thinking I did,
the angrier I got,
I was frustrated,
I couldn't weigh all the options,
by just sitting here.
I left the chair,
and the blank wall,
and walked along the shoreline.
I said before,
that I was on a mission,
to keep walking,
until I came up with a plan,
to resolve a problem.
The one big problem,
everything else,
is silly in comparison.
But there seems to be no solutions,
and I think i'll be walking,
forever.
Tatiana Feb 2015
Pause.
Start again.
It's too dangerous to stop.
What's on your arm?
Tug your sleeve down, refuse to talk.
Don't let them know
or your secret will be out.
You could stretch out your arm
reach for someone's hand,
but they will never fully grasp
the weight of your situation.
Close your mouth,
your eyes,
your mind.
Just shut down.
Tatiana Feb 2015
I bit my tongue so hard that it bled,
but I never said a single word
and there's a heavy weight that's on my neck
it rolls lifelessly from the thoughts in my mind.
I carry the burden of my aching head,
full of thoughts that my mouth has not conquered
and I don't have anyone to check
to see if my mind is something they could find.
My lips stay sealed completely
locking my words in my own head,
and I think I may have thrown away the key,
for my words refuse to escape me.
This is from an old problem I had many months ago.... I once didn't say a single word for an entire week and it felt wrong to keep staying silent about it. In a way i'm breaking my past silence.
Tatiana Dec 2012
Sing little mockingbird,
sing your heart out,
because your song is beautiful,
don't let anyone shut you down.
All you ever do is sing,
you don't cause any harm,
so don't feel bad,
don't feel like
you did something wrong,
because you didn't.
You just got caught in the middle.
Poor little mocking bird,
all you did was sing for me,
and now you don't anymore.
Please don't be sad,
please start singing again,
please little mockingbird,
sing your heart out.
Tatiana Dec 2019
I'm sitting on my wings
and wondering why I can't fly.
Is there a doctor I can speak to
that'll diagnose my desire to die?

Do you know what it's like
to make believe all the time?
Do you know what it's like
to be stuck between death and flight?

I look up to the sky so blue
and see birds flying like I'm supposed to.
What am I doing wrong?
I raise my arms up, always reaching

for a helping hand
yet they slap it with glee.
I'm not here to cheer though I'm
proud can someone give me a boost.

I think I've got my
wings free.
I'll flap them to this
frantic beat.


Where did everyone go?
I'm not sure I know.
The rest of them flew here.
How am I alone again?
Grounded in the air.

I'm sitting on my wings
they're pins and needles not downy feathers.
They push into every single nerve
each time I try to fly.

Do you know what it's like
to make believe all the time?
Do you know what it's like
to be stuck between death and flight?
©Tatiana

Here's a song about self-sabotage and depression
Tatiana Mar 2019
.
..
...
I don't know the words that makes this madness go away.
The words I've spoken are burying my own grave
and I don't know why there are no coffins below.
Where did all the skeletons go?

I think i'll have to get a new wardrobe.
I think I know where all the skeletons go.


I want to try on some different clothes,
but all my outfits seem to be made up of bones.
I don't understand why I don't like my own home.
I think I know where all the skeletons roam.

I think i'll have to hide in my wardrobe.
I think I know where all the skeletons roam.

...
..
.
©Tatiana
This is from a song I wrote with a few edits.
Tatiana Nov 2012
Sleep is for the weak.
I was constantly told,
by my coaches,
who would catch me,
half dazed on the sidelines.

Then they'd put me in,
tell me to work through it.
You don't need sleep,
you need to work,
and I would run in circles.

I remember running,
back and forth,
trying to keep sight,
of the ball,
with my dreary, sleep-filled eyes.

The game ended,
and I was yelled at by the coach.
Why weren't you awake,
you should have gotten more sleep,
you need to sleep.

What a hypocrite.
Sleep is for the weak,
you pounded that into my head.
So now i'll tell you,
one important thing.

Sleep is for the strong,
and don't you forget it.
Tatiana Feb 2013
Little girl,
her eyes held the world
and everyone just adored her,
her mind was clear
and with every year,
she grew and grew and grew.
Slow down little girl,
don't grow up too soon
it's not as fun as it seems,
be a child
while you still can,
and enjoy the life you lead.
Slow down little girl,
trust me on this
you don't want to grow up too soon,
there are harsh realities
to everyday things,
that you thought were just dreams.
Little girl,
whose eyes once held the world
slowly started to dim,
as every year went by,
she started to see,
why she was always told
to slow down,
Because now the only voices heard
are the ones whispering,
"Welcome to reality."
Tatiana Dec 2019
In a burrow a snake lies
to itself
about its health,
if lids could cover its eyes
then maybe that would help.
But scales have formed
where human lids
grow on kids,
and shivers have wormed
their way through its body.
When the time finally comes
to shed its skin
what's left within?
Will life's pleasant hums
attract it outside?
Or will the cycle start again?
What was soft, scaly, and thin
has hardened
against the cruel nature I've yet to pen.
The snake always leaves behind its skin.
©Tatiana

What was within your skin?
Tatiana Jun 2018
I sleep under the stars tonight
in the weary winter weather.
I've been hot for far too long
so it's time to make the transfer
of energy in my bones.
I'll allow them to grow brittle and cold.
So snap,
snap your bones
and find out that you are alone
So snap,
snap your bones
and do not let yourself grow.
© Tatiana
Tatiana Nov 2017
I'm like a snuffed out candle
with its smoke still curling
into the dark sky.
A wispy grayish white,
still visible at night.

The scent still lingers
it's not quite ready to leave
the area it called home.
Still making its presence known,
but fading as the winds groan.

The immediate darkness that settles
around the snuffed out candle
is heavy and forboding.
Yet its still intoxicating,
though the silence is suffocating.

I'm like a snuffed out candle
because I burn bright when needed
and extinguished when I'm not.
Like my light is for others to use
and for the world to abuse.
© Tatiana
Oh hey! It's my 300th published poem! That's kind of cool.
Tatiana Jan 2013
Sometimes,
my mind creates,
a giant fortress,
that my conscience,
can't break,
no matter how hard I try,
it's impenetrable,
nothing goes in,
and most certainly,
nothing comes out .
Tatiana Sep 2019
There's an old, abandoned house
not far from where I stay
its windows are all broken
brittle wood blocks the doorway
and it's green with ivy that crawls up its face
as it looks at all the other homes
that have windows lit with warm hues
and boast gardens tamed and beautiful.
I guess at what the old house says:

"I once held love within my walls
now it only echoes in my halls."

There's an old, abandoned house
not far from where I stay
and I see in its windows
it has so much to say.
How it became broken,
how its life faded away.
With a heavy sigh, the door falls off its hinges
like a mouth preparing to speak.
Would you like to know what the house told me?

Nothing.
©Tatiana
Tatiana Mar 2018
Not all of us are great.
Not all of us are evil.
So where do you fall
on this spectrum in life?
I fall right in the middle.
© Tatiana
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