a huge moment
a thrill under the lashes
the explosion of a thousand fragments
an exchange of souls
nothing has been the same
you and I belong to each other

black, like the sound of silence.
heavy, like the emptiness of your absence.
salty, like guilt.
impervious, like the road to reach you.
long, like the echo of your memory.
every single night,
colorless.

the same past
the same colors
the same principles
the same qualities ...
but this was true until yesterday
today two parallel roads
we quarreled .. do you remember?
always seeking  each other
consolation
of my overnight  anxieties
warm embrace of my tears ..
you
because of my tears !
puppies like cats and dogs ...
a real pain ..
but always present
the one for the other !
this is true even now ...
so close ...
but so far ..
I miss you ...
but life is this ...
changes and different  roads ...
but the heart doesn’t change ...
love doesn’t change ...
we are brothers ..
this doesn’t change !

bored
restless
drugged with thoughts
overwhelmed by contradictions
there's no peace for me
spiritually entangled
from your distance
looking for an ancestral relief
or maybe .. carnal?

motionless
cold
suspended
staying afloat in the fog
seeking drops of light

questions
to which I can't answer
to which I daren't answer
answers
I don't want to hear
I can't repeat loudly
they scare
better one false reality
that a raw real end

shades
dreams
silent sighs
drunk with pleasure

vagabond
i'm looking for
the sense

into the murky water
I seek the color
the whole being

today
my need for you
is unbearable
it's physical
it’s mental
you invade my mind
you own my body
the expectation of pleasure
vibrates inside me
ephemeral lie
I hate
the awareness
I cannot have you
my hunger will not be satisfied
I’m smashed
from the promise to let you go
unable to move
I'm tormented
full of you
just of you
I can’t
miss you
I can’t
die
I must have you
is I must  breathe

friends
in a world
of falsehood
and superficiality
fake smiles
and cold hugs
we met
lonely and desolate souls
a bond
deep and instinctive
close together
connected
without the need for words
friends
simply
joined
forever

in dead silence
a blow
a breath
slow
a drop of blood...
red
wraps the darkness
cold heat...
it's lost
...all is lost !

when
you are with me
we are two
in a corner
of paradise
since
you're gone
your empty space
is so cumbersome
that there’s no
place for me

july 2015
the expiry date
imprinted on my back
expired
rotted
vacuum to lose

the only way to survive
it's letting you go
let you go
it's like dying
denying  the thought of you
it's like living in the dark
I’ll become blind
I’ll become dry
but I'll be alive ...
will I ?

I believed you
you told me
I love you
you told me
I'll always be by your side
you told me
you're the most important thing
you told me
I'llsupport you
you told me
I'll protect you'

I believed you
I found myself alone
I waited for you see me
I fell on the ground
I felt weak and defenseless
I thought ... he loves me

I learned to walk alone
I learned to get up by myself
I learned to defend me by myself
I learned to be strong

you realized
I was standing in front of you
without you
you told me
.... do you love me?

I’m falling
there is no horizon
there is no bottom
there is no light
my eyes shine
shrouded in darkness
I’m falling
my silent cry
faces
eyes
far
I’m falling
darkness surrounds me
my eyes are closing
silence
deafening noise
of my mute  scream

it was a caress
it was a kiss
it was a hug
it was hope
it was love

it's a punch
it's a grin
it’s a chain
it's scary
it’s infected love

my blind love
your sick love
it was air and light
it’s smoke in my eyes
it's metal flavor in my mouth
kicks in my belly
vomited words
our love is guilty
us
just addicted
by our hypnotic poison

a man
veiled on red
a red rose
hidden by brambles
fragments of color
lost

I lie
motionless
in this mahogany coffin
wrapped in  purple silk
cold earth above me
badly thrown with the ****
wet
by salty tears of those who loved me
your tears
your guilty love
there’s no more light
nor heat
for me cold corpse
a flower into my hand
withered
rotted
food for worms
my end
your     end

the beginning ...
is the end of something
the end ...
is the beginning of something
a thin line
painted by our mind
between fear and hope
nothing is defined
a confused beginning
of an endless end
shaded shadows
of the same moon

I 'd like to be a  butterfly
fly
enjoy freedom
enjoy sun
enjoy warmth
following
faint
which closed in my cocoon
I dreamed
and imagined
I'd like to be a  butterfly
see colors
and live
intensely
carefree
I'd like to be a butterfly
just a moment
few hours of happiness
and life

I loved you
I loved your shadow
I loved your sign

I loved what I thought you were
I loved the shadow that my thoughts projecting about you
I loved the signs  that my mind created about you

I didn’t love you
because you don’t exist
you are fake

why is it so hard to love me ?
why am i never up to ?
why do i  feel so silly ?
boring
stupid
complicated
empty
sensible
weary
old woman
lonely
.... lonely

why is it so hard to love me ?
I have so much love to give
a hungry puppy looking for love
trivial
predictable
invisible
annoying
misunderstood
disillu­sioned
disappointed
lonely
.... lonely

yes
..you can!
**** me. .
**** me !
but
before
the eternal dark
before
my eyes die
please!
line to me
I need your black eyes
please !
kiss me
and give me
my last
beautiful oblivion!

bare

bare
I tremble
I'm cold
do you see my dark?
do you hear my silence?
hug me
..here
the dawn
..here
the song of the lark !

everyday
I look for you
in words
in looks
in smells
everyday
I find you
in my heart
open arms
ready
to greet me

i waited
i dreamed
i found you
the boy you were
the man you are
today and ever
i love you

stop
close your eyes
breathe .
breathe .
the world is still spinning
the sky is still above you
breathe .
breathe .
your heart is still  beating
the blood is still flowing in your veins
stop
open your eyes
breathe .
breathe !
scent of violets
a ray of sunshine through the clouds
breathe .
breathe !
smile
run to meet life !

and
you’re waiting
for someone
who doesn’t arrive
and
you’re seeking
his smile
his eyes
in everyone  is coming  to you
and
minute by minute
your smile
passes away
and
at that very moment
you feel
deeply lonely
in a smiley crowd

I'm scared
I lost you
It can't be real
I'm scared
you won't fight for me
I'm scared
I won't be live anymore
I'm scared
I won't be able to see your eyes anymore
I'm scared
I won't able to kiss your lips anymore
I'm scared
I won't be able to touch your skin
I'm scared
I'll never feel something like this
I'm scared
I 'll never feel your warmth
hold in your arms
I'm scared
I know
my life without you
will be an eternal fight
to breath

I looked for
I found
I laughed
I dreamed
I believed
I loved

I watched
I found
I get it
I cried

on your shoulders
the experience
on your face
your story
in your eyes
your life
in your heart
the bitterness
on my shoulders
your tears
on my face
the comprehension
in my eyes
memories
in my heart
our friendship
you and I
friends forever
now and always
you and I
your strength
which I well know
it ‘s still here
it expect
it  never abandoned you
the life
a beautiful life
to live again
and I with you
close to you
my friend!

new distances
old silences
"come-hither" gleams
I can’t touch you
I can’t feel you
a mound of distorted truths
is separating us
we were just two steps from the top
our fingers were about to touch
but we fell
in the frosty mud of exhaustion
I  saw the light shift
concealed by ruthless grudges
rediscovered enemy
illusory belief of a yes

a blanket of clouds hides the sky
as a lowered curtain
heavy and impenetrable
is darkening  light fiction
is creating the expectation
of emotional fulfilment

the patter of  the rain on the windows
harmonious fusion
of subtle perceptions
a gentle heartbeat
shy and discreet
which  directs the rhythm of our breath

sober melody
no shock
no flash
no thunderclap
a rarefied atmosphere
that transports us to an unknown elsewhere

slowly  no hurry
it falls falls
its slow pace
persistent and fearless
reaches the beloved land
and gives life

love to be loved
feel to be felt
see to be seen
live to be lived

I love you
I feel you
I see you
I live you

sadness
is my life
every morning I open my eyes
and I know
sadness
is my reality
everything is grey
no colors
no music
no words
sadness
is my life

back to you
as always
sometimes
I walk away
I don’t feel up
I’m overcome
but in the end
I’m back
I’m always back to you
because
you
are my own essence
when
I’m back to you
I’m back to me

there’s a fight
inside me
my heart against
my mind
my feelings against
my rationality
my body against
my own limits
me against
me
I love you
I want you
I need you
I give up
to you
and I win
and I lost

I’m alone
in the dark
darkness envelops me
I’m screaming
no one answers
no voice calls me
no hand takes me
darkness
scares me
... I succumb

a beat
slight love breath
entrusted
to a shooting star
brilliant and persuasive
to give it
to you
and
its  faded heartbeat
being consumed
in yours
in a single
soft breath
finally completed

live
dare
run
sing
smile
cry 
follow your dreams
neverd  give up
fight
because in a flash
everything can change
and all your world
will stop turning

I’m water
I’m wind
I’m light
I’m color
I was imperceptible dust
I was static black in the black
I’m on top of the world
I smile

sometimes
somewhere
could I
.... finally be?

smell of you
on the road
it touches me
a shiver passes me
I look for you
green eyes in foreign faces
smell of you in the night
I stretch out my  hand
looking for your hot skin
under the cold sheets
empties
smell of you
invades me
pursued my senses
I caress it
I hug it
because I can’t hug you

everything is right ?
yes..sure!
but no! Not at all !
all is a mess .
I feel sick .
but no one notices it ....
or maybe it's easier pretending  not to see.
it’s easier fixing  
the sparkling smile ..  the white teeth ..   the shrill voice ...
it's easier not  staring  at my eyes ...
those eyes that doesn’t smile .. no longer.
it’s easier not to go beyond the appearance .
it’s easier to believe to a  ..”yes..sure”

you are the thousand facets of my soul
you paint me with all the colors of love
you are heart and pain
you are hope and despair
you are sweetness and passion
you are the red of the fire that burns me
you are the white of the light that reassures me
you are the whole  thing
that wipes out my nothing

love
is a song for  two
is my eyes into your eyes
is our indefinite boundaries
love
is one soul into the space
shining like the brightest star
true  love
is a soft beating growing into my belly

i'm wating for you
you don't arrive
but
i still wait
for you

an oasis of peace
fresh water
the sun in the clear sky
my soul
drowns in this peace
storms and waterfalls
nothing can shake
my motionless eyes
long hair
that the wind can’t dent
my lying limbs
in a deadly calm
of frosty beats
here !
a thrill
a blink of an eye
the breeze shakes my hair
fresh water
the sun in the clear sky
heat intoxicates me
storms and waterfalls
everything vibrates
under my eyes
my soul...
at last, lives!

when you are not here
nothing is
it's waiting for you
it's muffled sounds
it is blurred shapes behind a veil
when you are not here
I am
not here