like a wave
patient
crosses the ocean
to break on the beach
and finally
rest
I through
my entire  life
patient
to arrive
one day in your arms
and finally
feel at home

I say go
but I mean stay
I say enough
but I mean again and again
I still love you
forever
I love you
I say enough
I move away without turning
waiting for
your hand should hold me
I say enough
your silence screams
.. enough

smell of you
on the road
it touches me
a shiver passes me
I look for you
green eyes in foreign faces
smell of you in the night
I stretch out my  hand
looking for your hot skin
under the cold sheets
empties
smell of you
invades me
pursued my senses
I caress it
I hug it
because I can’t hug you

today
my need for you
is unbearable
it's physical
it’s mental
you invade my mind
you own my body
the expectation of pleasure
vibrates inside me
ephemeral lie
I hate
the awareness
I cannot have you
my hunger will not be satisfied
I’m smashed
from the promise to let you go
unable to move
I'm tormented
full of you
just of you
I can’t
miss you
I can’t
die
I must have you
is I must  breathe

new distances
old silences
"come-hither" gleams
I can’t touch you
I can’t feel you
a mound of distorted truths
is separating us
we were just two steps from the top
our fingers were about to touch
but we fell
in the frosty mud of exhaustion
I  saw the light shift
concealed by ruthless grudges
rediscovered enemy
illusory belief of a yes

love
defeats me
you own me
no free will
you are my way

you don’t talk
yet it hurts me so much
your silences
badly concealed truths

a unfinished binary
the hands of a clock
locked to three
an old music box
covered with dust
a woman folded
into the shadow
broken
or just interrupted

the dawn tinged the horizon
and the illusion sprouts
like a gem
the ides of  March
inevitable
unbowed
it blossoms and grows
in the hourglass
time slips
careless
inexorable
the beat of my heart speeds
my breath is severed
the last grain of time
has settled on the load of my nostalgia
and the wait ends
every chimera collapses
in the emptiness of your absence
and the sun sets
darkness fascinates me
the numbness of sleep raises me
until the morning
and the vicious ritual
starts
again
and again
and you
you're not there

every whisper
every wish
every tear
every smile
is you!
my entire life
all my feelings
all my moods
the best part of me
is you!
I don’t know why
I don’t know how
I don’t know when
but
I know
this is our sentence
and our nirvana
you are
my perfect half
and I’m yours
wherever we’ll be
whatever we’ll do
we’ll feel each other
two pieces of one
deep love
true love
nothing else

end
three letters
three daggers
Stick in my hearth

a sharp sense of unease
growing inside me
anguish!
an icy grip
is rising up from my guts
I perceive a liquid flowing
relentless in my tissues
is crushing  my lungs
compressing  my heart
the space available to me
suddenly
become narrow
the horror
arrives in my throat
taking my breath
my dry mouth
bites of a thousand pins
irritate my skin
I have to run
I must run away…
I need some air
a scream invades my mind
I don’t know why
I still don’t know why
but I feel it!
I hear you!
you call my name  
you say you love me
I feel helpless
life that lets you down
an icy mantle
covers me
I slumped to the ground
while
a distant voice
calls me
but I know
I know it all
I love you too
I whisper to the shade
slipping away

a gesture
a look
infinitesimal interlockings
of thoughts and dreams
lightning awareness
to love you
and be loved

drunk
drunk
I’m drunk on you
crazy
crazy
I’m crazy for the love of you
lucidly
knowingly
sated
of it

I ask
I answer
I nod
I get angry
I yell
I love you
I cry
I get excited
I suppose
I survive
in an loving monologue
infinished
...
or finished?

right choices
at the wrong time
bad choices
at the right time
choices
that change your life
unexpected consequences
contradictions
leading you
in arduous paths
which will condition
your trip
deviations
that turn against you
choices
of which you will regret
every moment of your existence
choices
you have not completed
lack of courage
that you will regret
until you run out of breath
leaps into the void
clashes
wounds
choices
unavoidable
words
that define your being

every fight
every intention
collaps
inevitably you
as flush in my mind
no relief from you
not the evening
my free thoughts
to wander in the dark
run to you
not the night
in flights of my unconscious
I drown in your arms
not the morning light
my eyes closed
my heart awake
every single weak heartbeat
is consumed in you
inescapably you
tangled
to me
your thick scent
gelatinous shell of every atom of me
obsession
passion
pain
persistent hum
every fight
every intention
drown
surely you
sweet poison
poignant languor
eager anticipation
of an instant
of authentic
essential
abandonment

blank stares
turned to nothing
fleeting gasps
tapestry
of lost emotion

I get it
I believed
I thought
I suffered
for you
for us
for me
for my inability
to love you
again and again
I get it
that is not so
I
I am not inadequate
you
you do not love me
you
you want to possess me
your pride speaks
your cowardice
holds me to you
your selfishness
hidden by  layers
of mellifluous sensitivity
hits me
you
you want to hurt me
you do not even notice
what you say
you do not see
the bleeding gashes
you  keep leaving
on my skin
you do not feel
swollen and distorted scars
on my mind
on my heart
pains
you've inflicted to me
with your silences
with your absences
with your looks
with your words
empty and useless
and false
drawn with black ink
as the planned route
on a cold map
you see my pain
you see my insecurities
you see my guilt
and you walk to your way
heedless
you do not care
it’s been all about you
fake victim of the world
hidden
by a mask of dignity
papier-mâché made
glued with slime
script writing
for an ignorant audience
vacant and bigots faces
you speak
you do
you look
lies!
they’re all lies
black like  pitch
you pretend
you mislead
you are sneaky
with me
against me
I believed
I thought
I suffered
for you
for us
for me
for my inability
to love you
again and again
but I
I loved you
I fought
I gave
I kept quiet
I waited
gestures and words
that never arrived
I was
I was there
you could just have
to see me next to you
you've grown
our most beautiful rose
now
it is buried among the thorns
dry and withered
its scent
is consumed
in waiting wind
a persistent
moldy smell
into our  nostrils
I was alone
the only color
in a gray landscape
holding a watering can
without water
the fire has gone
no embers under the ashes
I get it
I am not bad
I am not inadequate
I am not inept
I'm not nonentity
I am
I must
I exist

friends
in a world
of falsehood
and superficiality
fake smiles
and cold hugs
we met
lonely and desolate souls
a bond
deep and instinctive
close together
connected
without the need for words
friends
simply
joined
forever

everyday
I look for you
in words
in looks
in smells
everyday
I find you
in my heart
open arms
ready
to greet me

I was fallen through
broken and distorted
my wandering soul
into a black hole
I was ******
by you
rock of moon wires
fragments of steel
and silk wings
towards a pink dawn
floating breeze in the sky
meeting of souls
united and separated
touched
and
chosen
soul mates
satisfied and
finally
complete

shreds of time
sparks of light changing
the world
fleeting revelations tipping
your presumptions
indelible strokes imprinted
in your bowels
impalpable scratches dragging
an eternity of memories

shreds of time
black lines defining the boundary
between before and after
inclement discharges breaking
your heart
rambling crackles resounding
in a solitary echo
unpredictable wrong notes
that marked
your life

you look at me
I look at you
you look at me

you look at me
I close my eyes
and .. you look at me

again and again
I feel wrapped
by your gaze

a rainbow bird
imprisoned
in a golden cage

settled
silent
on a flowers swing

an amber powder butterfly
locked
in her silk cocoon

dense twine of looks
and static silences
and broken wings

a beat
slight love breath
entrusted
to a shooting star
brilliant and persuasive
to give it
to you
and
its  faded heartbeat
being consumed
in yours
in a single
soft breath
finally completed

a moment
a thrill
a flutter
it was you
inside me
revelation of
unknown love
unmatched and unconditional
I was afraid
ailing and exhausted
a shake
and I felt empty
without your weight on top of me
it was you
teared off from me
from your protected limbo
you
tiny and perfect
your scent
the first kiss
your hand close to mine
utmost and eternal union
an ancestral need
satisfied
your smiles
your first unsteady steps
the word mom
entrusted to the wind
a light  arrow
which pierced my soul
the first of the precious gifts
you give me every day
staring at you
discover shades of  life
being reborn
through your eyes
feeling the sensation
walking barefoot
on the fresh sand in the dawn
the pain
of suffering
the inadequacy
the insecurity
you fell
and you always
raised
the stubbornness
in your eyes
vigor
that marks you
a wild, pure and sensitive heart
proud
also of your weakness
and your mistakes
a great love
effused around you
to the people you love
simply
and shameless
you are a warrior
never stop fighting
listen to your heart
follow your dreams
willpower is the answer
you can get
on the highest peaks
the world is your
you just have to believe and to want
you were little and helpless
you are a man
imperious and fearless
I will observe and follow you
from my corner behind you
willing to let you fall
with a heavy heart
with an outstretched hand
ready to lift up you again
if you will want it
and always
my arms open
unavoidably
ready to welcome you
and give you
all my love

I wish
I could tell you
how much I love you
I wish
let you know
I'm next to you
I wish
I could comfort you
I wish
I could tell you
everything will be fine
I wish
I could believe
that will arrive soon
the moment in which
finally
you and I
will be together
I wish
but I can’t
I wish
that this world
don't divide us
I just wish
I could
tell you
I love you
staring at your eyes
I just wish
I could feel
the warmth
of your arms around me
I just wish
to know
you’re happy
I wish
but I can't
hatred keeps us separated
violence
divides us
your ideals
your selflessness
your bravery
your integrity
that I love so
keep us far away
I wish
you next to me
I desperately
wish
to find you
in a place without
war
I want
to believe it
I want
to hope
I just want
close
my eyes
and wait

doubt
makes me weak
empty pauses
heavy thoughts
of confused glimpses
jealousy
makes me insane
elusive dramas
icy waves
drag me
far out
insecurity
makes me a stranger
stunned mirrored
a cruel eco
evoking
perennial fallen petals
my soul
isn't me anymore
a white ash shade
spreads on my
winters

a sign from you
and I stop
a word from you
and I smile
a gaze from you
and I tremble
a caress from you
and I melt
Liquid ahead of you
you're all colors in one
you're  my compass
you're my center of gravity
you're my nirvana
when you're there
everything
is intense
every color is vivid
every sound is shrill
the sky is infinite
the green is more green
everything is easier
everything finds its own place
nothing  is impossible
you're the best of me
without you
everything is flat
the music in me
turns off
disorder and impatience
mark
the faint gust of life
gliding beside me
without being able to brush me
a slow
ticking bottom
accompanies the wait to
the prelude
the symphony of music
and perceptions
of your return
and everything
can start again
and I can fly

a faded picture
consumed by hopes
softly entrusted
to the wind
a music
far and slight
played by a record
scratched by dust
and time
as the weight of your naked body
over mine
it is now the oppression on my chest
for the lack of  who
should touch it
as the beating of your heart
under  my face
rubbed on your skin
rough and hot
it is now the  arid ticking
of a clock
that relentlessly  articulates
the minutes of our us
without you
as your scent
harsh and intense in my coilings
in my flesh
it is now the salty smell of my tears
impregnated into a pillow
cold and crushed
by the weight of my desolation
as the strength of your back
who supported  my weakness
it is hard today
the regrets wall against which I slam
to escape from the fog
as  your sweet whispers
slipped on my skin
in my hair
it is now icy and lonely
the breath of the night
that  invests me with its petty hissing
as your soft caresses
that insinuated  into my expectations
burned by your touch
it is now violent the hassle
of a  crumpled sheet
that brushes me
wilted and warm
of an unknown  heat
my eyes closed
I meander
lost and exiled
in thoughts imprisoned
in the pages of a diary
tattooed on my skin
until the penultimate page
and then again from the first
in a circle
vicious and delicious
of passion and love and obsession
who lives and relives
until the dawn of a sunset
that should never get
until a last page
deleted
don’t read the end

there’s a fight
inside me
my heart against
my mind
my feelings against
my rationality
my body against
my own limits
me against
me
I love you
I want you
I need you
I give up
to you
and I win
and I lost

my heart bleeds
my body trembles
my eyes would like
don’t look
I'm afraid
but I don’t stop
I suffer
but I continue to fight
I don’t give up
to the injuries
I don’t give up
to weariness
I don't give up
to terror
I shout out
NO!
I'm not into it
I shout out
NO!
I want to be able to choose
It’s my law
it's my duty
I love me
I love life
I love color
I love music
I love dancing
I love talking
I love listening
living
laughing
playing
loving
accepting diversity
knowing
crying
choosing
I say NO!
I'm not scared

raw as a rock
crushes me
mighty like a meteorite
hits me
invincible as a bottomless
spiral
drags into the abyss
my fatuous beliefs
revealing
withered silhouettes
and
desolation

addicted
turning on you
you’re more toxic
than ******
scroll fluid
in my veins
you're dangerous
a sweet poison
harmful to my health
I fill myself with you
of your essence
every fiber of me
wants to feel you
your voice
your words
your smell
your hands
your mouth
light me up
and raise me
to dizzying heights
and they throw with me
in adrenalin
descents
that leave me breathless
you’re never enough
darkness takes you away
and I’m  in withdrawal symptoms
you’re  hot oil
in my veins
burn
my nervous system
my heart
is covered with pus
a thin and  unquenchable
itchy
crawls under my skin
my brain cells
seeking frantic
satisfaction
in wrinkles of memory
dig every corner
crave a drop of you
forgotten on  the bottom
of an empty bottle
you’re toxic
abstinence
doesn’t give me  peace
I’m alienated in a whirl
of strobe lights
sweat
dehydrated
confused
find me
take me
save me

fallen
in  a reality
made of cubes
huge cold cubes
your dreams
shot down
by inability
by ineptitude
by your limits
defined by the black voice
of a giant nobody
shouting
your occured
conscious mediocrity

lies
empty sand pictures
heavy shadows of nothing
commercialization of dreams
daughters of a snake
with nightingale mask
stench of corpses
locked in a chest of violets
they hit you like a stones  rain
catatonic
dust visions

i'm wating for you
you don't arrive
but
i still wait
for you

questions
to which I can't answer
to which I daren't answer
answers
I don't want to hear
I can't repeat loudly
they scare
better one false reality
that a raw real end

a single moment of eternity
and i was yours
forever

i can fight
against giants
i can fight
against appearences
i can fight
against prejudice
but
i can't fight
against disappointment
of your surrender

I deleted your pictures
I deleted your email
I tore your love messages
I threw our songs

I can’t  erase my memories
I can’t erase your image
I can’t tear my heart
you've already done it

back to you
as always
sometimes
I walk away
I don’t feel up
I’m overcome
but in the end
I’m back
I’m always back to you
because
you
are my own essence
when
I’m back to you
I’m back to me

everyone has something to say
everyone seeks  something
everyone seeks  peace
everyone seeks pleasure
everyone seeks respect
everyone seeks freedom
everyone seeks happiness

if my pleasure is your sorrow
if my freedom is your prison
if my happiness is your misery
where is the boundary?
where is the border between mine and yours? where does my freedom finished and start yours?

my own respect
involves not respect others?
to get to my idea of peace
do I have to fight others? S
say what I think
does it mean not to listen?

what is the boundary between good and evil? what is the limit we must establish
to not  undermine the freedom of others?
the limit is not itself
a limit?

our rules
are they both our opportunities?
shades and nuances and perceptions
truth true and built with reason
what is life?
is not everything and anything?
the lived and imagined?
agonist and antagonist?
reason and feeling?

don’t stop thinking
don’t  stop asking questions
don’t stop listening
don’t stop seeking
this is the life
imperceptible explosion
of codes and colors and luminous fluxes
slow perpetual motion
closed inside us

when
you are with me
we are two
in a corner
of paradise
since
you're gone
your empty space
is so cumbersome
that there’s no
place for me

july 2015
the expiry date
imprinted on my back
expired
rotted
vacuum to lose

your absence
a black board
a white chalk
that clashes
and chills

your absence
an interference
on the radio
a jarring noise
that covers the music

your absence
an interrupted signal
heart
brain
a flat line

I saw a turtle
slow walking on the road
a child kept it
He  laid it in a field

I saw a fish
abandoned on the rocks by the sea
a child saved it
he left it in the waves

I saw a child
barefoot running in a field
a man  mutilated him
he hidden a mine underground

I saw a child
on the sidewalk with his bicycle
a man killed him
drunk driving

I saw a child
I saw his purity
I saw him become a man
I saw his disillusionment

is the age that changes everything ?
is the self-awareness that changes everything ?

it would be better a pure heart
compared with a mischievous mind?

maturity
is companion for strength selfishness ?
success
is it the natural evolution of opportunism ?

we grow up learning
but what is the lesson?

is it perhaps that the adults
have to learn the greatness from children ?

which  is
the true utopia ?
dreaming of becoming big
or dreaming to go small ?

I love you so
I miss you so
I need you so

loving you
is so moving
missing you
is so painful
needing you
is so hard

you are
my best dream
you are
my worst nightmare
you are
all my wishes and fears

I can bear it
I must  bear it
you are
the blood in my veins
you are
the oxygen in my lungs

everything
in me is you
every tear
every smile
every sigh
is for you

my broken heart
is waiting for you
my mind
remind me you’re gone
each part of me
is fighting to survive

so please
let me save
let me breathe
let me live
hold me in your arms
love me

a whitening smile
offers me
a mirage
dignity
pride
respect
love
but
all  I can buy
is
a  secondhand love

every morning
I wake up
and realise
you aren’t there
every evening
I fall asleep
proud of me
because I survived
another day
without you