I wonder and wander
alone aimlessly
until I find you

when life becomes unbearable,
I coalesce into         nothing.
I kneel down  to     surrender,
my last ounce of   pride.
admitting defeat    to
God so I may         live.

when my pride becomes    unbearable
I coalesce into                       nothing.
I rush to You in                     love,
with courage to be                vulnerable.
asking for                               help,
so I can                                     live.

sometimes I feel
faceless and nameless,
just a cog in the machine.

I live in a capitalist society
that constantly reminds me
that my value depends on the
accumulation of wealth

all I know is what
I learned through experience
that I have been named
by a loving Creator
that loved me
even when I was praying to die
everyday

my wealth lies in the freedom
I feel living spiritual principles
and real connections I have today

today, I have been given the
ability to be grateful,
which was something I could
never be on my own

winter days
always remind me of you.
                                                                                        the way your feet would
                                                                                        touch  my feet under the covers.
i could never keep you warm,
but later i realized  that wasn't my job.

                                                                                        your warm breath against my chest,
                                                                                        and your icy cold feet woke me up.
i wanted so badly to embrace you with
all my warmth and love.  
                                                                                        i woke up to the reality that  i didn't have
                                                                                        enough warmth to give away.
now, i'm warm and alone.  
i miss your cold feet.
                                                                                        slowly waking up,
                                                                                        feet and all.

little moments of joy
fill my day
with you near

words
weaving us together
strangers turned friends
unity in silence

I used to seek connection in bars
needed at least four to five pints to talk to
someone

I no longer seek connection by chasing the bottle
connection starts with me and a God of my understanding
that's always with me

I used to feel totally alone and isolated with
a room full of people
and today I am connected even,
when I am alone

I am grateful for the love was shown to me by others
who felt as alone and hopeless like myself,
and they loved me before I could love myself

i want to be
cool like
kerouac
                           bursting into a million
                           pieces with complete
                           abandon

oh jack.  
you were so wise
yet so lost in your
oblivion.
                                                                        i'm cool like kerouac
                                                                        lost in nostalgia for
                                                                        those aimless wandering
                                                                        years
not cool
cool
it's all the same
jack


                                on the road seeking a
                                new freedom
                                now that's cool
                                like far out zen cool
                                cool like ikkyu

[This poem is meant to be sung with a Southern twang.]

I've been missin' you,
thought I knew  how to  let you go.

I've been so blue,
and that winter wind cuts deep within.

I never really thought we'd be through.
Not really sure how to live my life
without you.

I've been so lost,
think I'll drink my life away.

Maybe all I need is a song.
A new song to set my heart free.

I  stay up all night, and I greet the morning sun.
I'm happy to face a new day.
A day where I don't have to drink my blues away.

Girl, I still love you.
But I'm letting you go, so I can be free.

doubt creeps into me
it's been months since
one of my poems have trended

why is my writing no longer resonating with people?
does hello poetry hate me?
should I just stop writing on this site?
irrational questions flurry trough my mind.

i take a deep breath and listen to my heart.
I write because it's what I do,
and I share my writing so that I may be helpful to someone else
which includes me helpful to me.

I write because my heart to ease my doubt
I write to connect with the Creator
I write, so I do not drown in my words

I breathe more deeply and let go of comapiring  myself to others
I do not need outside validation to experience that
I am a child of the Beloved
so I "let go and let God"

I'll keep coming back to Hello Poetry
and keep writing to be true to my own heart
thanks for letting me share

i
                                  move                          ­       because i am bursting with joy and song.
               with
                                   my                                     breath leads me to the seat of my heart
              whole                                        ­    
                          
                          b
                          e
        ­                  i
                          n
                 ­         g        
                            
                                    f
                          ­          r
                                    e
               ­                     e
                                          ­  
                                               to
                                                        two-st­ep
                                                              ­            out of
                                          
                                          h
                                          e
                                          r
                                          e

leap inside
the unknown
beauty of Love
to become *One

I called you home for 3 years,
now return to your urban streets
to say goodbye.  

Thank you, love you.

death whispers my name
and I whisper back
without fear

I mourn the death of my heart
*broken and lost

wounds on the surface are easier to heal,
then the deep wounds I experienced as a child.

sometimes my old wounds of my heart rub against
the wounds of others, and in the confusion we lash out
against each other, when in fact we are reliving an old pain.

when I embrace my brokenness, somehow I can move forward.
in loving my self and extending forgiveness and gentleness to
my own heart, I am able to extend love when someone I meet
bring their wounds forward.

slowly but surely, my deep wounds guide me to a deeper surrender and deeper trust in a loving God that holds me safe.

my spirit
will not be caged
by conformity
and ignorance

lost in a sea of despair
with no end in sight
people pass me by
but I am unable to cry out

desperately treading water
to stay afloat and yet a part of me
just wants to let go
stop fighting and just sink
to the bottom where I can rest

I see no way out
no sign of hope
and yet something
keeps me going
I will not surrender to
this sea of despair

I am gasping for breath
gulping water
dizzy with exhaustion
before I sink I cry out
with my last breath "Help!"

suddenly hands reach out for me
lift me out of the sea of despair
and as I cough out water
my eyes begin to see
a fellowship of people on a life raft
I ask them where they came from,
and a man with a gentle smile answers
that they have been there all along waiting for me to see them

the sea of despair made me blind to
the very help I was looking for
until in that moment of desperation
I was open and willing to ask for help

my body craves your touch
like i crave a bottle of scotch.

i know that your love is toxic,
but my body yearns to possess you until i see fit.

i know such thoughts lead to oblivion,
and i want to be healthy and whole.

on most days, i desire to be known fully as i am.
i desire for genuine connection,
and not mere obsession.

but somedays, the old crazy needy me comes out.
behind that dark figure lies a lonely boy desiring to be loved,
yearning to be held, and wanting to accepted as he is.

i embrace myself with all my heart,
all of me, the crazy me, the sad little boy,
and me just trying to grow and heal.

i desire to love and be loved.
i am loved.
i will someday be united
with the Beloved.  
Till then, happy trails.

compulsion erupts into desire
molded into empty shame.  
****** desire gone awry,
when all i wanted was
not to feel alone.

                                                         ­                         desire burst into a full on
                                                              ­                    obsession, and the loneliness
                                                      ­                            i tried to fill only gets bigger and
                                                             ­                     bigger.  
                    
                                  A life built on lies only lead to
                                  more shame and guilt.  
                                  It wasn't until I desired to try
                                  something different that I became
                                  free of compulsion.

I  am free.

Alive to live my life,
Moment to moment.

Free to
Run into
Eternity with
Ease and peace.

I cried out in the darkness
in a hopeless sate of mind and body.

I asked You for help,
some power greater than me,
because my way brought me to
the doors of death.

I had yet to experience You,
but I had hope that others were experiencing
a life free from self-hate and fear.

I  grateful I am free more each day
from the prison of my self.

I embrace the Divine Light
and it is soft and warm.

grasping at straws
lost and alone

in desperation
I pray

my heart cries
but as the sun sets
sun is rising simultaneously
somewhere in the world

as my heart grieves,
it's making room for more space
for love

are we dead on arrival from birth?

our lives feel like such a burden even
as we receive life's great joys.

am I the only one that feels this way?

the light of the sun shines even when
my own perception creates clouds to
cover the light.

am I truly free or forever pulled back into a slow surrender of indifference?

my apathy has been breaking away, but sometimes it returns to cover me
in darkness.

will love set me free?

your hollow words
reveal the subtle lies
and if they were stars,
your lies would be scattered
across  the sky.

infinite universes find life in
your constellation of lies.
how can the voice that spoke words of love
seem so empty and hollow?

action speak louder than words,
and your heart lies inactive and cold.
what or who are you waiting for?
I know for certain that it's not me.

I am sometimes hit with a
heavy dose of doubt,
does anyone care about
what I write?  

maybe I shouldn't write?
no one wants to read this stuff.

but then I remember that
I write for me,
and I write simply
because  it comes
out of me.  

who am I to stand in
the way of creative expression?
So I just get out of the way,
and put pen to paper.

being back home
is a bit strange

I'm a grown *** man
with my own child
on the way
But my father has a way
of making me feel like a
little boy

grateful I can see love
in his questions and concern
when in the past I only saw control

grateful for my momma's cookin'
and how it keeps on comin'

**** people,
who tell me to be calm.
talk to my mother ******' hand.

every little thing is an excuse
    to explode.  
              reaction, action, explosion,
                        and ultimately implosion.

i act out emotionally coz
i don't want to deal with myself.
more and more i'm being less of a
            drama queen.

but i'd be ****** if i let go of my
               inner queen.
     coz when's she's not loco,
        she's wise and kind.

even straight self identifying
queer men with father issues
        can unleash their
                  queen.

whispers of forgotten
I love yous drift into
my mind

"In the beginning was the Word..."

The voice of the Creator
awakened the universe into being,
a Word spoken out of nothing that
echoes in eternity.

A sound that collapses time and place
and brings forth the Word to echo
infinitely through all the ages.

The Word chose to dwell among us
in the form of a vulnerable human being,
who was flesh and blood like me.

You and I share the imago dei, and
like the Word made flesh can yearn
for unity with the Creator.

The Word echoes in our flesh,
and reverberates through our hearts.

We encounter the Word knocking at our door,
when we welcome the stranger.  

May the sound of love echo through my soul into yours.
May these words speak life into mine and to yours till
the sound vibrates into a we.  

No longer separate and alone, but home.

life and death intertwined in a mysterious embrace
meaning embedded in the flesh and carved into the soul

beauty finds a way even in suffering and in the end
we all become one

words of a restless soul
flow from gift of desperation
reaching out to infinite God
separated by space and time
united by all embracing *love

sitting in solitude
embracing life
with all its magnitude
being still

life is a process
and sometimes a cause
can never be known

I have experienced in my heart
that some knowing goes deeper than my intellect

I know with my heart-mind that I am loved,
and it's given me hope to be free of self-hate and self-harm,
and for that I am grateful

the cicadas are singing
and the cats stare in quiet contemplation

a cool breeze passes through our window
and my heart perks at the sound of  your foot steps

love is knowing your steps
and greeting the rhythm of your breath
with wonder and gratitude

the birds sing songs of praise rising to the heavens.

I lived
a life filled with futility,
where each day faded
into another.

I live
a life filled with moments,
each one humbling me
into sanity.

I will live
a life when I reach out to
others still fading
into oblivion.