your words wounded deeper than your fists,
and it seems like a life time ago when I forgave
you.

I find myself afraid of becoming like you once again,
the you that no longer exists, but lives botteled up in
all my passive aggressive energies.

I am afraid I might be a father that unleashes my anger
and frustrations at my future baby, and yet in my heart
I know that I am free.

I know father that you were a child of abuse like me,
and you did the best you could.  I dont't have to continue
the cycle of violence.

I start by loving me with all of my gifts and imperfections,
and with this new found freedom I can love like a father
who is not bounded by the past.  

I forgive you.  I love you.

I can either run
or face everything
with divine assistance

trudging on the road of life
can be sometime so hard
and lonely.

I am grateful I am not alone.

no longer walking
alone

facing life as I help
*others

I've always searched for a home
a place I belonged, where I felt safe

I've never experienced this kind of home

but as I sit still each morning listening to my breath,
I am coming home to myself as I settle into a
silence of heart and mind
an interior home of the heart that's always with me

your light brings
joy on a summer's night
playfully dancing in the dark

I am saddened by
your dimming light
as you approach eternal night

your life is finite
but the joy your light has brought
will burn through eternity

There's an expression in Korean that literally means your heart is on fire to express when someone is really angry or passionate.

I feel like my heart is on fire of late and reacting to everything like I am walking on egg shells and exploding at the world and people I love for no apparent reason.  

I am cooling down, but the hardest part is self-acceptance.

my heart aches. 

first day waking up without you and our daughter.

O Beloved.
Wound me with tenderness
as I embrace Your living flame of love.

Burn away my fears and self-pity
that holds me back from being
consumed by the flames of Your love.

Ignite the hearth of my own heart,
so I may share Your living flame
with tenderness to spread the flame of divine life.

Melt away my insecurities and dishonesty, so
I can stand before You as a living flame burning
wildly to embrace everything as a gift from You.

I FLOat into NOthing
drifting from place to place
LOSt

a storm of emotions
all a stir
yet there is a calm and peace
in the center of even
the wildest of storms

after the flurry has subsided
I am left still standing
with the fury of the storm behind me
all there is left to do is pick up the pieces
and start again

feelings of deep discontent use to swallow me whole.

now I am bombarded by a flurry of hope and love

my mind is in a fog
your love is the breeze that
clears it away

my thought are fragmented,
so they grow in number
filling my head with
wreckage of the future

I know I cannot control the future,
yet my fear of the unknown makes
me obsess about things that might or might not happen.
I am grateful I have prayer to help me "let go and let God"

Sometimes simply putting my fears out on paper,
and literally getting it out of my head helps.  
then I ask a loving Power that's not me remove it,
and ask what it would have me be.

A loving God does not want me be locked inside of myself
with fears about things I cannot control.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will not mine be done. Amen."

life               broken  
        lived                  free
                   from                cages  
    
                   heart               break  
                  
                   collide             into
                              
                               silent
dreams

a fearful thought or idea
enters my head and
robs me of my serenity

the center of all my obsessions
is me, and the only things that helps
me get out of myself is
being of service to others

I ain't no bodhisattva,
but I think they had it right.
Even if you become an englightened being,
what's the point of being aware and free
if you aren't willing share it and help
others to be free.

anxiety is another form of fear
that keeps me frozen

the tides swell
and hearts quell

my body shakes in anticipation
of profund ecstasy of liberation
and not the emptiness of libations

the bright moon light keeps the revelers out
thirsting for soemthing they cannot name
in a drunken fanatic frenzy they shout
claiming a new change in life when they remain the same

the ocean waves crash
and so do my thoughts
an uncontrollable maelstrom that spreads like a rash
only to find peace in the still silence I've always sought

Finally I am home and I bask in the light of the full moon

I too was a reveled once howling at the moon
but now instead I drink in the spirit of life
I might have spoke too soon
because my heart still feels stife

words flow out of me like the punches of about boxer; each word like a natural series of punches flowing out of a trained boxer.

But of late, I feel more like an old boxer, who has fallen out of step. What once came in a fury takes a force of will to summon out a few words from me. Maybe the well has run dry, but I wouldn't be a poet if I don't keep coming to the Source to once again let the words flow like a fury of creation being unleashed.

i try and try
and all i get is
accusations

i cannot live your life
for you

but i can live my life by principles,
even if you disagree with my path

this hum drum existence we live
working ourselves to the bone to have the bills paid
clock in, clock out
repeat

sometimes each momemt feels magical,
each one wrapped with infinite possibility

some days, life feels like utter futility
a grind till I get to the leisure or buy the next thing
I am supposed to work myself for

I am a clog in the machine of captilism,
but I know something that makes all this
futile monotony not lead to slow death of my soul

the secret I treasure in my heart is that my worth does not lie
in my production or function.

I have value, because I have the breadth of life flowing in me.
and when my heart connects to the bredth of life in you,
then two hearts transform futility into beauty
I realize for a moment I am not alone,
that a meeting of hearts sparked hope
and transformed each other from dehumanized
objects into persons

I know I am in love
when your snores
sound like music

your warmth
your breath
makes my heart
glow with love

Divine Prescnce, thank you for the gift of today.
My weary eyes see how much each moment is
filled with grace.  I am grateful that my friends
help me see how I have been holding onto fears
and resentments, to the point that life felt like
a burden.

I offer up myself to You.  Help me to be useful to You
and those that are still suffering.  Thank you for taking
away my fears and helping me see my part in the resentments
I held.  

I feel lighter and little more free today, so I offer this poem
of praise and gratitude.  Thank you for helping me glimpse
the reality of each moment being as a free gift offered out of love.  May I share this precious gift with others.  Amen.

.                                                 is                         life                                                        ­    VOID
                                 God                breathing                                     ­ into the                    
                                 O
                                 D                                                      g
        ­                 God is love                                     n
                                                               ­            i
        God             is                   space       d  
           i                                                 o    
           s           breath                   l
                                              p
    laughter   ­                 x
                                e

free gift of sobriety
that makes
life and laughter possible

a free gift
undeserved
like a child's
joyful laughter

my life changed in a moment
I stopped trying to play God
I just didn't know it yet,
till I walked further along the way
and shared my experience with someone else

I am grateful for the breath of life flowing through me

Grateful I am no longer waking up each day hating life and praying to die

Each day sober  is truly a gift even when I go through discomfort

Grateful for today with all its joys and sadness

I am grateful I can feel thankful for life instead
of just hating on it like I used to.

I am grateful for choosing real connections instead
of checking out and isolating into myself.

I am grateful I can be a son to my parents, a husband to my wife,
a father to my daughter, and a friend to my friends instead of
drinking myself to death a day at a time.

i am filled with                 gratitude
joy                                       for life
love                                     for connection
peace                                  for forgiveness
serenity                              for things i cannot change
courage                              to face my fears
wisdom                              to ask for help
laughter                             while playing
life                                       to be present

i used to be one of those folks full of cynicism
and bitterness.

i still have my moments.

i reckon i'm more grateful than i've ever been before.

i give thanks to the universe for the gift of my body, the gift of breath, and the gift of life.

i still have a lot to learn, but i'm growing a little each day and for that i'm forever grateful.

i hope and pray that my heart stays open to life and to death that i embrace it all with a smile.

There was a time, where nothing                                 Now, gratitude flows from
but resentments and fears                                             my heart into the
flowed through me.                                                        into the world.

I have known the hardness of                                       I know now that all I have
deep emptiness that swallows you whole,                 is today, this very moment
when wallowing in self-pity.                                         to be a channel of Love.

1.  I am grateful for having the freedom to share my thoughts freely without censorship.

2. Grateful for my wife and our daughter growing inside of her.

3.  I am grateful for something greater than me keeping me alive multiple times, when I tried to take my life multiple times in a dark period that almost lasted a decade.  

4.  I am grateful today that I can start the day free and at peace with my life, and not drown out the voices with substances or compulsive behavior.

5.  I am thankful I can breathe, and be in touch with my heart.

6.  I am grateful for Hello Poetry , my online community of poets that I can share my experiences and learn from others to continue living with hope.

your love is like gravity
it grounds me to the earth

I just have to hold on
and put one step in front of the other

some days I want to float away into nothing
but then I remember I have love that
roots me here in reality with all its gravity

.
         presence                            is                               love
         interwoven                      web                            given
         freely                                created                       to
         saturated                         into                             creation
         breathing                         life                              for                  
         infinitely                          always                       illuminating

sadness washes over me
like sweat on a hot summer's day in the South

air is thick with grief and yet my heart sings

my heart sings songs of love as I hold my daughter
and as I reach out my hand to help the new guy

Life is full even as I walk through grief and for that I am truly grateful.

my heart longs for cool nights back home in the mountains, where the fire flies dance and bull frogs sing

we drift further away
our once unending love is
coming to a close

the sadness of it all is overwhelming
I miss being able to laugh together
and now we can't even agree
on raising our beautiful daughter

sometimes I wonder how we got here?
But that question will lead me
to the gates of insanity?

all I can do is take little steps forward,
and keep showing up to life.
I cherish each moment with my daughter.

you react to me as if I leave a strong
unpleasant aftertaste.
I try not to react and practice love and tolerance.

at the end of the day love guides me
through this strange journey of
grief and loss.

we are no longer two made one through vows.
I am sad, but I am grateful I can welcome
little moments of joy, sadness, tears and laughter.

I embrace it all.

laughter explodes
into the infinite silence
our hearts
become
*one

just for today
                        i am happy,  joyous and free
                                                            ­            to
                                                  ­                          feel.
                                 ­                                                 no past demons to haunt me
          
                                                   ­                                                                 ­               no anxiety about the future

i take little steps into freedom
                     into
                     joy
                     and
                    presence

                               ­                                         its all a gift
                                                      life with all its joys and sadness
                                                         ­      teaches me how to
                                                              ­              love

love ignites
a flame
in this
icy heart of mine

dear little one
today me and your momma
heard your heart beats for the first time
164 beats per minute pulsating to pump
life into you.

I have yet to see your face, but I want you to know
I love you.  My heart beats to the rhythm of life like yours.
Thank you for coming into my life.

heart believing
what eyes
cannot see
love frees
fear binds

spirits sing
from deep within
a song we
all know

i never knew a love like this
to hold you skin to skin
heart to heart

i can feel your breath
against my chest
and feel your warmth

i feel my heart expanding
to love so fully and completely
without expectations

i am so grateful for meeting you
heart to heart