You were like a daughter to me and I was like a dad.
Your death was heart-breaking because it was so bad.
I got the idea to call you my baby doll because that was what Mom called her cat.
In August of 2013, my house became your new home and that's where you died at.

It has been one year since you died.
You were a great dog and that can't be denied.
I found you dead in my kitchen at about ten o'clock.
I would've rather had my head bashed in by a rock.

I was very upset and I knew that I wouldn't get any sleep so I stayed up most of the night.
I buried you the next morning and I'm sure that other pet owners can understand my plight.
When a person has a pet that's as special as you, it is sure to please.
I'll never forget you even if I live to be 100 and have Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, your existence ended eighteen months ago.
On July 11, 2020, you would have no tomorrow,
You were a very pretty dog with brown fur.
You died and it certainly was hard to endure.
Your life ended one and a half years ago today.
It was very sad to learn that you passed away.
I bought another Chihuahua to ease my suffering but not to replace you.
You were one in a million and you can't be replaced, that's certainly true.
It's truly sad to know that you no longer exist.
You were my baby doll and you have been missed.

When I adopted you in 2013, Chihuahua dogs quickly became my favorite breed.
You died seven hundred and thirty days ago and it hurt, it hurt very much indeed.
I named you after a very special woman who was my mother.
When it comes to having a dog that's as terrific as you, there can never be another.
I knew you would eventually die but I didn't know that your death would be so near.
Your death occurred twenty-four months ago today, you've been dead for two years.
You were my dog and the love I felt for you can't be measured.
Pets don't live forever, while they live, they should be treasured.
Every pet owner will eventually have to face the pain that I experienced on that dreadful night.
You were like a daughter to me and the thought of losing a pet sure does cause a lot of fright.
I see dogs being sold for over three grand at a pet store in the mall.
But they aren't as special as you were because you were my baby doll.

I found you lying dead on my kitchen floor.
It was sad because you couldn't be my dog anymore.
On August the 27th of 2013, I adopted you.
It was a really wonderful thing for me to do.
I named you after my late mother when I named you Agnes.
You were special and when I adopted you, I was truly blessed.
You were a wonderful dog who I will never forget.
You were like a daughter and you were a great pet.

It was a day that every pet owner has to face.
You died four years ago and it was a disgrace.
Since you died, I've lost more dogs than you.
My heart was broken last year when I lost two.
Just one year ago today, I had three dogs but now I only have one.
When it came to losing you and my other dogs, I would've rather been shot by a gun.
You were my baby doll and I found you dead four years ago tonight.
Each and every person who has lost a dog can understand my plight.
When I say that I loved you and my other two dogs, it's no lie.
My heart was broken three times when I had to say goodbye.

It was very sad when your life came to an end.
You weren't just a cat, you were also my friend.
You became my cat after you were born in 2002.
You were good to me and I was good to you.
You were black, white and gray.
I miss you because you passed away.
You made me feel better whenever I got upset.
You were my big buddy and you were a great pet.
You were very pretty and friendly too.
It was a privilege to have owned you.

Some agree with what my brother did but others don't understand.
Something bad happened and he decided to cut off his right hand.
It all started when a boy played truth or dare with our stupid nephew.
When my brother walked outside on his porch, he found Blu-rays of the new Doctor Who.
He picked up the Blu-rays to throw it in the trash but it had been covered with Gorilla Glue.
When he saw that it was stuck to his hand, he started screaming and he knew what he had to do.
His doctor examined him and said the Blu-rays were stuck to his hand permanently.
It could never be unglued and my poor brother knew what he had to do immediately.
He knew if he carried around those Blu-rays, people would think that he likes the new Doctor Who TV Show.
He couldn't let people think such a terrible thing and he decided then and there that his hand had to go.
He couldn't afford surgery to have it amputated so he used an axe.
He closed his eyes and it was severed after he gave it two whacks.
Our nephew owned up to being the one who pulled the prank.
It wasn't a nice thing to do and the brat sure wasn't thanked.
Our sister is mad because our brother and I got revenge against her son.
When we were through with our nephew, people would point and make fun.
We posted a picture on Instagram of our nephew putting rolled up socks in his underwear.
He had a nervous breakdown because the humiliation was too much for him to bear.
When my brother chopped off his hand, some people said it was a stupid thing to do.
But it was worth it to prevent people from thinking that he likes the new Doctor Who.

Instead of behaving like a civilized Human Being, Hell was what he chose to raise.
My brother had a fit because I used the last of his mayonnaise.
I used the last of it to make some coleslaw.
The nut got so mad that he called the law.

He actually had me arrested for theft.
All because there was no mayonnaise left.
Today, I replaced his mayo but I accidentally got mayo that's light.
He became enraged because of my mistake and was ready to fight.

He cussed me out and called me every name in the book.
Now he's unconscious because I have a strong right hook.
I've had all of his BS that I can stand, I can't stand anymore.
Even though he's bigger than me, I made him eat the floor.

A Wizard gave my cousin two choices, become an ogre or praise the new Doctor Who.
It took less than five seconds for him to choose what to do.
He chose to become an ugly green ogre even though it will be for the remainder of his days.
He chose to be an ogre because the new Doctor Who TV show isn't something he'll ever praise.
He became an ogre two years ago and this morning I learned that he doesn't regret it.
He doesn't regret his choice even though he's so ugly that he makes Shrek look like Brad Pitt.
When he was given the choices, he was expected to praise the new Doctor Who.
He has always loved the original Doctor Who TV show but he sure does hate the new.

I hope that you'll believe me but you probably will not.
I have a dog and she has been smoking all of my ***.
She's my doggy and I do love her.
But I can't get high because of her.
My money has been wasted because of all of the **** that she stole.
I hide my joints but she finds them and smokes every one that I roll.
Some people call me a nut, they think a straight jacket is what I need.
Others think that the dope dealer spiked my ****.
But I'm not crazy, my dog really does smoke my grass.
I'm very angry and I'm on the verge of kicking her ***.
If you're looking for a free dog, I gladly give you this stupid *****.
But if you smoke ***, you'll lose money so you'd better be rich.

My eight year old son was sick and I'm falling apart.
My eight year old died and it has broken my heart.
Even though he was just a child, he died of cancer.
You may be wondering why and I may have the answer.
Cancer is something that runs in my family.
And because of that, my wife blames me.
I begged God for a miracle but my son didn't get what he was needing.
He died and his mother hates me, she has started divorce proceedings.
Why do things like this happen, why has my life been so unfair?
I lost my only son and my wife and it's too much for me to bear.
Please don't feel bad because of what I just did and please don't cry.
I've taken an overdose of pills to end my misery, I intend to die.

My evil stepmother and I became lovers and we killed my dad.
We did it so that we could get all of the money that he had.
We were greedy and we made sure that Dad would Rest in Peace.
But we made a fundamental mistake, we underestimated the police.

I pushed Dad off the roof and tried to make it look like he accidentally fell.
But the police didn't buy it and now my stepmother and I are rotting in jail.
The cops figured out that my stepmother and I were lovers.
They used their ingenuity to make us turn on one another.

Now as I sit in my cell, I feel pretty bad.
I feel like a piece of trash for killing Dad.
Dad had over a hundred million dollars but in the end, it did me no good.
If I could travel back in time to stop myself from killing my father, I would.

Because of my upbringing and education, I'm a man who has substance and class.
But nobody will believe that if they learn that I have a hairy ***.
I have hair sticking out of my **** crack and hair on my **** cheeks.
I'm afraid that this information will be discovered and posted on Wikileaks.
People must never discover my secret, nobody can know.
And if they discover my terrible secret, they will have to go.
Yes you heard me right, when it comes to preserving my secret, I'm prepared to ****.
When it comes to my secret being discovered, I must make certain that it never will.
My sheepdog has less hair on his entire body than I have on and sticking out of my ****.
Don't you dare reveal mt secret to people or I'll come to your house and you will get cut.
I have an awesome job that pays over a million dollars each year.
But if people learn about my hairy ***, I can say goodbye to my career.
My wife has agreed to keep my secret but she complains and we bicker.
I shaved my *** a couple of times but when it grew back, it was even thicker.
My *** is hairy and my wife looks and smells like Jabba the Hutt.
Nobody can ever know that I have an extremely hairy ****.

I inserted a suppository right after I had been using super glue.
My hand is stuck in my **** and I don't know what I'm going to do.
When I went to the hospital, the doctors and nurses laughed.
They were in hysterics from laughter and they called me daft.
When they laughed, it offended me so I kicked the doctors below the belt.
They kicked me out and blacklisted me because they didn't like how it felt.
Because of my problem, I can't drive a car or ride my bike.
I can't afford a taxi so to get to places, I have to hitchhike.
The drivers also laugh and I have to slap them to make them keep their mouths shut.
It's been three years and I don't think I'll ever be able to get my hand out of my ****.

I'll do anything you want, I'll obey your every command.
I'll cross countries if you wish, I will go to any land.
I want to be your humble servant, that is true.
I love you deeply and I'll do anything for you.
You are the almighty Jehovah, you and your son are Kings.
When a person serves you, happiness is what it brings.
When it comes to serving somebody, you're the one who I've selected.
I will praise your name now and in the future when I'm resurrected.

My life would be so much better if you hadn't become sick and died.
You were a wonderful person because love was what you supplied.
My life would be so much better if you had gotten well.
But you died in the hospital and life became pure hell.
My life would be so much better if you were still around.
I wish I could still hear your voice because it was such a beautiful sound.

In 1987, he starred in a movie that was called 'The Monster Squad'.
At a very young age, he died and went to Heaven to be with God.
Two other movies that he starred in were 'Home Free' and 'Dance 'Til Dawn'.
When he died of Pneumonia in 1997, it was hard to believe that he was gone.
He abandoned his acting career to study law before dying at the age of 22.
To die at such a young age is unfair and ridiculous, and that certainly is true.

I've got a new dog and she's as pretty as she can be.
She has light brown fur and her name is Marie.
She is a very sweet dog and I'm glad that she's so tame.
She is special, that's why I gave her my mom's middle name.

She is mixed, she's part pit bull and part hound.
She is beautiful and I'm glad to have her around.
I love my new dog and she loves me.
I am very lucky to own Marie.

When I built a time machine, I traveled back to 1977 and gave my younger self a hard smack.
When I was a child, I bought the Star Wars action figures and removed them from their packs.
I told my younger self not to do that because it ruins the value of the dolls.
Even though I traveled back in time, he ignored me, he didn't listen at all.
He continued to remove the figures from the packs and so I traveled back in time again.
This time I took a gun with me and I got so angry that I shot my younger self in the shin.
I begged him not to remove the figures from the packs but he ignored every word.
He told me to f* off and then the little ******* gave me the bird.
He thought I was bluffing and he left me with no choice but to pull the trigger.
That bullet was painful enough to convince him not to ruin the value of my figures.
That bullet is still in my shin and when I sit down, it really hurts and I cry like a little *****.
But it's worth it because a collector paid me $1,000,000 for my figures and now I'm rich.

Last week while I slept, my **** neighbor decided to rob me.
He stole my car which was an identical copy of the General Lee.
As I painted the car, he told me not to include the flag that was on top.
When he saw me adding the flag, the **** fool demanded that I stop.
My neighbor wanted me to stop because the Confederate Flag isn't politically correct.
He was going to take the car to the crusher but died when the car was wrecked.
I punched out that PC ***** because I got tired of hearing him nag.
He stole my car because I ignored his demand not to include the flag.
He decided to jump the General Lee as he drove down the road.
He wouldn't have done that if he'd known the car would explode.
A car gets demolished if it's jumped in real life, but that was something he didn't know.
He wanted revenge because I added that flag and the Pearly Gates was where he had to go.

My Wife looks like she's pregnant but she's just fat.
People have been congratulating her and she hates that.
My father yelled "Woo Wee!" because he thought he was going to be a granddad.
But when he thought she was pregnant, she saw red because she was so mad.
She shaved his head bald and then she beat the crap out of him.
And when others congratulate her, she does the same to them.
Half of the people in my town are wearing bandages and they're bald.
She makes people pay because being pregnant isn't what she likes to be called.
People run because I'm living in a town that has been gripped by fear.
She did the same thing to a man that is done to a bull to make it a steer.
Please don't ask her if she's going to have a daughter or a son.
Because if you do, she'll get ****** and you will have to run.

I used to look at naked pictures of women but that has come to an end.
I will no longer look at those kind of pictures because it is a sin.
If you look at naked pictures online or in magazines but want to stop, you can too.
It may be hard to stop but if you want to please the Lord, it's what you must do.
I now also please Jehovah by saying Grace and going to Church as well.
When it comes to living in Jehovah's Paradise, I'll be there, I will not fail.

Many people are upset because we've lost a talented actor named Ned.
He passed away on June the 13th and many are sad because he's dead.
He starred in "Superman", "Superman II" and "The Toy".
He gave performances that people were bound to enjoy.
He starred in TV shows such as "Highway To Heaven" and "Roseanne".
Millions of people appreciated Ned because he was a very talented man.
He also starred in "Gunsmoke", "******, She Wrote" and "Kojak".
It's very sad to know that he's dead and won't be coming back.
I enjoyed seeing him star in the first two Superman movies as Otis.
Ned died of natural causes at the age of 83 and he will be missed.

His name is Mario Mario and he was Nintendo's mascot.
He used to be Nintendo's biggest star but now he's not.
Nintendo fired Mario when they learned that he has a Playstation 4.
They didn't want an employee who plays the games of a competitor.
He thought Luigi would take up for him but he's the one who turned Mario in.
When Mario got done with him, he was sorry and he won't betray Mario again.
When Luigi turned his brother in, Nintendo agreed to let Luigi take his place.
After Mario beat Luigi senseless, he started jumping up and down on his face.
Luigi learned that turning his brother in was a really stupid thing to do.
Mario broke several of Luigi's body parts and his face looks like an old shoe.
Mario believes that Nintendo is dumb because they made his first and last names the same.
And the entire world is shocked because there will be no future Mario games.

Certain people hate the Wii U, they call it a piece of crap.
But I like the game console and I think it got a *** rap.
It's no XBOX One or PS4 but it's not an abomination.
I believe it was good and that's not an exaggeration.
Yes, a few of its games do stink, especially Paper Mario: Color Splash.
When I played that game, I'd get so mad that I wanted to throw it in the trash.
Nintendo released the Switch after they axed the Wii U.
People hated the console and so it was discontinued.
I hated to see the Wii U fail, it has become another Dreamcast.
Certain people hated the Wii U and now it's a thing of the past.

A man has kidnapped two people and is demanding 50 million for their safe return.
But people have discovered who the two hostages are and they are not concerned.
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are the two people who have been kidnapped.
People won't give a plug nickel for the safe return of those two pieces of crap.
Clinton and Trump won't be coming home any time soon, they are trapped.
If somebody does pay the ransom, he or she will certainly deserve to be slapped.

I have no father on Father's Day.
Six years ago, Dad passed away.
Dad died at the young age of sixty-five.
Because of Leukemia, he couldn't survive.

I also lost Mom just four months earlier.
It was sad to have to see their deaths occur.
Dad died in 2013 and he was born in 1947.
When Dad died, his soul went to Heaven.

A man has lost his life nearly 62 years after he was born.
We've lost an actor and comedian and his name was Norm.
I'm sorry to have to inform people that Norm MacDonald has passed away.
He died on September the 14th, he left this earth yesterday.
He starred in movies and was a cast member of "Saturday Night Live".
He was diagnosed with cancer nine years ago and he couldn't survive.
He was also a writer who wrote for the sitcom "Roseanne".
Millions will mourn the death of this very talented man.
"***** Work" is my favorite movie that Norm starred in.
He went to be with The Lord yesterday, he's in Heaven.

Something happened to me a few years ago that was really bizarre.
I was arrested for drinking and driving but I've never owned a car.
I thought that I must have been dreaming, it couldn't possibly be real.
How could I drink and drive when I've never owned an automobile?
I asked the District Attorney if it was a prank or a joke.
Even though I've never had a license, it was revoked.
I hadn't had a drink for a long time, not even one beer.
After I was arrested, the judge sent me to jail for two years.
One year after I got out, something else happened that was just as insane.
Even though I've never touched drugs, I'm in jail for buying *******.

Jehovah is our creator and I appreciate the love that he has shown.
I will worship and love the Lord forever even if people break my bones.
People can beat me, stone me and whip me too.
But they can't stop me from loving Jehovah, that's something they will never be able to do.
If people want to persecute and attack me, let them take their best shot.
But if they think that violence will make me stop loving Jehovah, it will not.

You were always number one, never number two.
I'm your son and I was very fortunate to have you.
You cared more about others than you did for yourself and that is rare.
It took your death to show me how hard life can be and how unfair.
Because you chose to be a homemaker, I was able to spend much more time with you and that made me glad.
Because of you, I admire women who are homemakers and I don't care if that makes Feminists mad.
When people see me, they see a man who is proud to be your son.
You always came first in my life, you were always number one.

Old Betsy is my shotgun and she's the reason why I don't keep my money in a bank.
When people try to steal my money, they learn that Old Betsy isn't filled with blanks.
People break into my house but they end up not leaving.
Because of Old Betsy, the **** thieves stop breathing.
The crooks think they're intelligent, they think they're pretty sharp.
But thanks to Old Betsy, a lot of them wind up playing harps.
A lot of people have tried to steal my money but they failed.
If you try to rob me, you'll get a taste of Old Betsy as well.

Old Betsy is my shotgun and she's something that men end up dreading.
When my daughters get pregnant, Old Betsy is responsible for shotgun weddings.
When men impregnate my daughters, they try to run.
But Old Betsy stops them, she's one hell of a shotgun.
When one man tried to run, Old Betsy put holes in both of his **** cheeks.
He married my daughter and he couldn't sit down for about twelve weeks.
I give the men two choices, marry my daughters or be buried.
When I point Old Betsy at them, they choose to get married.
I make men do right by my daughters because I'm their Pa.
Because of Old Betsy's influence, I now have eight Sons-in-law.

Old Betsy is my shotgun and she keeps most salesmen away.
But some come on my property but they sure as hell don't stay.
Old Betsy shoots the hats off of their heads and she shatters their windshields.
Because of Old Betsy, they drive away because they think that they'll be killed.
One man took off running and left his car behind.
I don't know who he was but now his car is mine.
One salesman thought that I'm a transvestite because he had heard rumors.
That **** ***** was trying to sell me a dress and a pair of women's bloomers.
I shot the cigar right out of that idiot's mouth.
He jumped in his car and started driving south.
They try to unload junk on me but because of Old Betsy, they fail.
If you ever come on my property, you'd better not be trying to sell.

I adopted Agnes six years ago today.
She'll be my dog until she passes away.
I named my Chihuahua after my late mother.
She's my dog and I won't trade her for any other.
Agnes got sick and a veterinarian examined her.
The vet discovered that she has a heart murmur.
Because of a tick, Agnes was temporarily paralyzed.
I didn't know a tick could do that, I was surprised.
She nearly died and it was hard for me to stand it.
Agnes is one of the greatest dogs on the planet.

While Jesus was on Earth, one thing that he taught people was his father's name.
He told people to call his father Jehovah, that is what Jesus proclaimed.
God's name is seldom used now, I've only seen it in The King James Bible once.
People have neglected to call God by his true name in Jesus's absence.
Jesus knew that knowing God's name is important and that is what he taught.
Jesus was the greatest Human Being who ever lived and I love him a lot.

It has been half a century since the first moon landing.
It was a historical event that was absolutely outstanding.
The Apollo 11 landed on the moon's surface fifty years ago today.
Two astronauts walked on the moon which is over 238,000 miles away.
Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were pioneers like Daniel Boone.
On July 20, 1969, Armstrong and Aldrin landed on the moon.
As Armstrong stepped on the moon's surface, he said "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
When those brave astronauts left the moon to come home, the American flag was something they left behind.
I wasn't alive in 1969 so the moon landing wasn't something that I was able to witness.
But I'm guessing that it was awesome for those who were alive, a wonderful experience.
NASA is an independent agency of the United States Federal Government.
I wish I could've seen the moon landing because it was one hell of an event.

There are celebrities who people idolize.
They may not know it but it's wrong in God's eyes.
Jehovah God is the only one who deserves to be idolized.
This may anger some people and some may be surprised.
It's okay for people to respect celebrities and to be their fans.
But we should idolize only God and never any woman or man.
We shouldn't idolize people because it's a terrible sin.
If you idolize somebody, please let it come to an end.

The end of time has been predicted by some.
But those people were wrong, only God knows when it will come.
Jesus and the Angels don't even know when the end will arrive.
When the end comes, God will judge us and many won't survive.
If people want to live in paradise, they'd better stop stealing.
And they'd better stop taking and dealing drugs and killing.
People must give up **** and other wicked things.
Because if they don't, devastation is what it will bring.
Only Jehovah knows when the end will come and we should be prepared in case it comes soon.
People must put an end to their wicked ways and live by God's rules or they will be doomed.

People use your popcorn in popcorn poppers.
You were the one and only Orville Redenbacher.
Sadly, you died twenty-two years ago today.
Your popcorn is still being eaten and it's here to stay.
People were sad when you died in 1995.
You're deceased but your legacy survives.

Jonah fled from God because he didn't want to warn the Ninevites.
But he finally came to his senses, Jonah soon saw the light.
Jonah went aboard a ship and Jehovah God caused a terrible storm.
When God gave Jonah the mission to carry out, he refused to conform.
The ship was in terrible danger because Jonah had angered The Lord.
Jonah told the people to save themselves by tossing him overboard.
At first they wouldn't toss him overboard, they flat out refused.
But they finally did it so their lives wouldn't be something they'd lose.
But Jonah didn't drown, God showed compassion by making a whale swallow him.
Jonah survived after being swallowed when normally he would've met a fate that was grim.
When God protected him from death, Jonah saw the error of his ways.
When I think about the power of God, I'm in awe and I'm truly amazed.

I'm the Emperor and my face looks like a prune.
I have dark circles around my eyes which also makes me look like a raccoon.
My name is Palpatine but I'm also known as Darth Sidious.
Everybody pukes when they see me because I look hideous.
I was able to trick Anakin Skywalker into turning to the Dark Side.
I actually convinced him that I had the power to save his bride.
I can't believe that I was able to turn him into a Sith Lord as easily as I did.
He actually believed that he could save Padme by killing Separatists and kids.
I thought that my new Death Star was safe from the rebels, I thought that I had won.
But Darth Vader dropped me into the main reactor of the Death Star to save his son.
Luke Skywalker removed Lord Vader's mask and he became Anakin Skywalker again.
I still can't believe that those **** Ewoks were the reason why my Empire didn't win.

My ex-girlfriend dumped me even though I have cancer.
My sister knocked her out in a mall and then she pantsed her.
She had to walk around the mall in her underwear.
People pointed and laughed, I wish I had been there.
You may want to dump somebody who has cancer but you mustn't and you can't.
If you're a woman who dumps me, my sister will knock you out and you will be pantsed.

He was my papaw and he was my father's dad.
When he died in 1994, it was both tragic and sad.
If Papaw had survived, he would be celebrating his birthday.
If he hadn't died, he would've become 100 years old today.
He was born on July the 28th of 1923.
Today he would've lived for a century.
When Papaw took some medication, he became very sick.
He died six days after his birthday because he was allergic.
Dad was hurt by Papaw's death and so was I.
It's always painful to learn that a grandparent is going to die.

You died twenty years ago today.
On February 7, 1998, you passed away.
You were born in 1910 and died at the age of eighty-seven.
Twenty years ago, you left this Earth and went to Heaven.

You became a widower in 1957 and had your kids to finish raising.
You finished raising your kids by yourself and that was amazing.
When you died, it was something that I hated.
You were my Papaw and you were appreciated.

The Philippi rulers had Paul and Silas beaten, imprisoned and their feet clamped into the stocks.
Paul and Silas prayed and sang praises to The Lord continuously after the cell was locked.
But at midnight the prisoners bonds were unfastened when the foundation started to shake.
This happened because God caused an earthquake.
The jailer feared the rulers because he thought the prisoners had escaped and he was going to commit suicide.
But Paul told him that they were still there and the jailer saw all of the prisoners, what Paul said was verified.
The jailer asked Paul and Silas how that he could be saved and he was told.
They said to believe in Jesus and he would be saved along with his household.
The jailer cleaned Paul and Silas's wounds and then they baptized the jailer's family.
Paul and Silas were released from prison and then they were asked to leave the city.

A judge ordered me to pay my ex-wife alimony.
I told him that his ruling was a bunch of baloney.
I refused to pay her anything because while we were married, she cheated.
She broke her wedding vows, it was a shameful way for me to be treated.
When I refused to pay alimony, the judge sent me to jail.
I've been ***** ten times by the man who shares  my cell.
It was the principle of the thing, that's why I refused to pay.
My cellmate is about to violate me again, I've had better days.
I hope a cop or prison guard can hear me as I begin to shout.
I'll pay my ex-wife whatever she wants if they'll let me out.

Today is May the 25th and it's Memorial Day.
We're paying tribute to those who fought and died for the USA.
Many brave soldiers gave their lives.
We're paying tribute to the ones who didn't survive.
Many brave soldiers have fought and died.
They were heroes and that can't be denied.

Somebody abandoned their cat and it's a **** shame.
I have decided to call her Penny, that is her new name.
After being abandoned, she decided to live here and she has chocolate brown fur.
Penny is beautiful and if she lives to be twenty, I'll always take care of her.
As I walked to the store today, I saw a cat that had been killed by a car.
When our pets are alive and healthy, we should realize how lucky we are.
Penny was abandoned but she's no longer alone.
I have given my new cat a name and a new home.

People call him a coward because he won't use his fists.
But he's not a coward at all, he's a pacifist.
When he refuses to fight, many say it makes no sense.
But he doesn't believe in fisticuffs, he's against violence.
Because he won't fight back, a man picked on him and knocked him down.
He refused to fight that man even though he was knocked to the ground.
You can call him a coward if you want but it's not true.
He will not fight people and that is a smart thing to do.
People call him a wimp, they say because he won't fight, it's a disgrace.
But if there were more men like him, the world would be a better place.