Waves roll onto the shore.  The sound, soft and steady but not perfectly so. Far enough to watch outside the halo of town. Yet, still within reality's grasp. Warm sand embeds itself in nooks and crannies. The balmy breeze blows tresses free. No longer constrained and swinging wildly in the evening air.  Enticingly yellow sunset with clouds like meringue and white smoke.

Painted golden sun
Sleepy on the horizon
Awed into silence

A short drive in God's hands and it seems a better place.  That buttercup and frothy sky heals unknowingly.  Lapping sea and glorious firmament are proof enough.  What is faith to a doubter?

Who am I
When your joy is all I seek
Yet, your sorrow grows
From the words I speak
Your pain expands
When I beg your smile
Your tears
A river's breadth, a mile
My love surrounds you
In warm ocean waves
And drowns your soul
While I mindlessly bathe
Who am I
Who gives you all
Though all seems
Rather boldly small
When my best attempts
To lift you high
Leave you deeper
Tell me,
Who am I

trembling

in anticipation
          in fear
                  hope
                          or desire

from cold
          or sickness

in the emptiness
          of a world without love...

...I tremble

Tenere in Memoria
The world now coated in a film
Like faded pictures of long ago
Peeling layers of emotion
Distorting images, memories, perception
Longing to feel that feeling
Any feeling
Tied to when she loved me
Was it but yesterday a year ago
A lifetime in muted colors....still
Dulled by pain
Perhaps, too, by fear
A babe in her arms
Rebellion from the plain fact
That love, in any hue, is real
Friendship out of distance
A foundation of strength
Built on the shoulders of a woman
Stronger than any man
Fragile just the same
Bonded in life
So too in death
Razors slowly replace silence
Muted colors turn angry
Turn black as the void settles in
Every sunny day
A spiteful reminder of joy gone by
Memories revisited more often than made
Time, an immortal enemy
Longing to feel that feeling
Any feeling
Tied to when she loved me

It seems strange, this thought of admiration
of someone eyeing my soul
Night wind caresses my nakedness
Reluctantly I relinquish control
Muscles relax, and the heart burns slow
Fear dissipates in the mist
Open arms with empty hands
Offer a freedom I cannot resist
Not tethered, but still close to a broken past
To what made me who I have become
To see all the trials that line the path
Still in awe with the positive outcome

the misty air reminded me of the ocean
where salty nights washed sins clean

you smelled like lucid peace
a dream in reflective satin hues

sliding down my ignorance flayed
uncloaked, unhidden, and still unrecognizable

dancing in tropical fruit facades
sanding pain into polished silver

pleas of please carried on whetted wind
winding down paths uncovered

familiarity forgone in fleeting fanciful and feckless feelings

forgotten ocean breezes lost clean slates
to pleas ignored in fanciful feckless feelings

Like being forced under frozen water
Electric burning in the lungs
The heart beats in fire
The body shocks itself alive
As it is dying
Memories flash
In pangs of emotion
The used-to-bes and never-was
A future with burnt edges
The sensation of the last time you touched me
And the death of a part of my soul

I haunt the shadows of your thoughts

My nails rip from their beds
clawing sanity
just trying to climb out of
my feelings

my fight leaves breadcrumbs
but light causes shadows
even in the brightest smile

and while I prefer the shade
...or used to

I churn to life in that place where
my ebb meets your flow

**

You haunt the shadows of my thoughts

You run non-stop
floating on surface tension
knowing the pit is hollow
...it just seemed easier that way

My kindness
as comforting as it is cruel
in the shadows behind a smile
that blinds me
...beautifully

It feels like magic
where your ebb meets my flow

Float on that surface tension
I'll wait in the hollow

It's hard to move when we
neither run nor chase

Armed with empty sentiment and kindness
Sharing just enough to weaken defenses
A whiff of insecurity
And trust disintegrates
With one swift blow

I can feel you, restless, in my dreams, or mind, or heart.   tortured by thoughts of nothing in blackness in the noise of a crowded room.  There is no peace tonight, in my very being I feel it,  There are no meds to remove the screams, no drugs to escape the torture.  The numbness of self medication keeps your sanity hanging by the strongest of all threads.  Can't think too much, or ponder on what ifs.  But music looks beautiful dancing in the air, and time is a concept of man that serves no purpose other than to **** joy and draw boxes of conformity in thick black lines.

the color of sound
permeates cracks in the void
tolerable life

Existence without reason,  alone in an ever-present crowd, there are no rainbows in nighttime storms, I can feel your quick breaths as you are dragged into sleep unwillingly, though in desperate need. the trepidation runs deep, silenced by normality, fear of separation of mind tethered to others by soul alone.  Pretense in surface honesty, which is perceived as truth.  But the core of it, the fear of it, the whole of it cannot be hidden, for I feel you to the depths of who you are afraid to be.  There is no loss of sanity in being who you are,  Those colors sound beautiful as they dance in the smokey air, and the math is art incarnate, science is the symphony around which all things are born and oh the music.  Yes the music that dances through it all is the very air in all it's swirling hues of blissful perfection

two halves of self dance
tangos of darkness and light
beauty in all things

                    *in wait of nightmares
                    there need not be loneliness
                    joy in one who knows

Behind closed doors they sleep
While in the night the tears are streaming
They dream of dragons and kings
Silently the shadows are creeping

Closer and closer they come
Grabbing hold of all that is good
Squeezing until the bleeding stops
Too numb for the pain to feel as it should

Never wanting to let go
Drained of all the things hope brings
Sharing dreams of yesterday
Lost in the night as the Cricket sings

Sneaking in from the shadows
It fills the spaces too small to see
The heart feels full, masked by joy
Yet, the mind is subtly, subconsciously aware
It lurks in the background
Still, the joy expands like hot air
It lifts the spirit and blinds the soul
Then, it begins to surface
It remains unnoticed for a time, then ignored for longer
It is nothing new, as it has always been there...in the distance
Now, as it pushes through the perceived joy
It darkens the heart,
Choking out pleasure with pain
And joy with sadness
Smoke filled lungs and watery eyes
Yet, nothing has changed.
There is no difference between today and yesterday,
There will be no difference between today and tomorrow
Nothing to do
No one to blame
Unable to force the heart to feel what it used to
Unable to see the good over all else
The change weighs heavily on the soul
And though it is not what is wanted,
It is what must be done, ...
As it is time.

Empathy removed concern
as it walked out of the room
drop by drop
the edges of love blurred

everything looks like pain
as rocks turn tumbleweeds
basking in the warmth
of unspoken words

left in despair
dragged under the beast
blindsided by action
inaction and retrospect

no part of love is hate
no part of love is hate
no part of love is hate

deleted from afterthoughts
all that's left is black-filled space
where there was once no question
that love exists

To see through closed eyes
Truth so bold that it's blinding
Undeniable
Questions answered in silence
Heartbeats tell the tale
Pounding desperately in pain
Racing with passion
Unable to fool the soul
Close your eyes and feel your way

Tattered and torn the curtains sway in the wind
The old boards moan and creak, cobwebs with forgotten meals
Images of times long past, with fresh paint and loving care
How beautiful the past, way back when
Now, its pain so evident that it saddens
The old boards still retain potential for greatness
In the cracked and broken windows of the old abandoned house, I see my reflection

Draining Hell-fire through fingertips. Fully immersed in emotion, not just the memory.  Reliving the feeling of tortured souls while bleeding ink into words.  Slinking from an ashen past into a jet black future. The present lost, forgotten, left behind in transition from shadow to darkness. Shattered souls resuscitated and shared for the mere pleasure of others.  there is no time to wallow, no self pity. That is not found in this place, burned off as sulfur in the brewing of a demon.  

She comes alive
Through yesterday's ashes
Succubus divine

Such a pretty little package. Sugar and spice and everything that isn't meant for human consumption.  Poison mind seething, searching for the vulnerable, the gullible, the innocent, and the sweetly vile.  Spewing forth honesty in liquid courage.  No need to lie when eyes believe what they see.  Beauty in the moonlight, sweetness in a smile, desire in a twinkle of Hell in the eye.  Oh, that bit of Hell is a lot to chew.  Take a bite and choke.  Lost forever are pieces of you, your heart, your soul feeds her beautiful demons.  Her flawless imperfections beguile and betray the mind, as those demons consume her divinely

Entranced by beauty
He stalks his prey in music
She absorbs his soul

Honeysuckle perfume taints the air.  And the honey will never again taste as sweet. Swimming mind lost in those ruby lips and laughter like cracking glass heard as tinkling bells.  Ensnared in the thorns that hook the flesh by surprise. The warmth of the fire masks the sting. All part of the dance.  Writhing, hypnotic friction disguised as emotion, disguised as desire, disguised as love.  Motion so fluid whispers depravity behind the eyes of an angel.  There is nothing else.  She gets what she wants. You believe you have her right where you want her, but it is she who has lead the way from the first whiff of the stench of you as you entered the room.

He believes he won her
She devours his essence
vanishing at once

As she is craved, she burns your soul.  This demon who drains Hell-fire into words.

You are love that’s unabated
You are soul forever sated
We are eternally fated
Intertwined
We’re our cause of hearts elated
Joy divine

Surprises come with every turn
With every breath our bodies yearn
To be explored without concern
Recognition
With every smell and touch we earn
Less inhibition

A lifetime blinks and dances by
More joyous tears than sadness cry
A softly singing lullaby
Peaceful slumber
And when the angel comes comply
I’ll not encumber

I promise to love you through it all.
Through all the pain and distance
Through the emptiness and fear
Through the nothing that feels like everything
And through the everything that feels like love
I will love you

Pandering for untruths
Like for like
Follow for follow
A thousand people who don't read
A thousand people who don't care
The occasional polite word
There is no satisfaction in falsehoods
One heart given out in truth
A word to show connection
One real follow over thousand barters
To touch another in honesty
To help another feel
That is the beauty of poetry
It breathes in those who read
A gift from soul to soul
Yes, that is
The beauty of poetry

♦ Become a friend
♦ Learn her secrets
♦ Swallow her demons by choice
♦ Tell her she is wanted always in all ways
♦ Choose time shared over all else
♦ Pick weakness out of need
♦ Push hard while showing kindness
♦ Sincerity and pain
♦ Wanting all, yet giving nothing
♦ Prove dependability
♦ Turn fear into reality
♦ Use her heart against her, gutting her invisible

And with the final lie that defines a gender
"I want you to always be here"
Turns into a silent, wordless exit

It doesn't hurt because I love you
It hurts because I believed you

There is nothing

                               But darkness

If you cannot forgive

                                              Yourself

The drummer of my heart
Pumps me into being
My very blood dances to the beat
The drummer of my heart
Turns the silence into music
As my essence glides across those sticks
The drummer of my heart
Keeps time with my joy
Happily beating fear into submission
The drummer of my heart
Makes me race in excitement
Accelerating and elevating my love
The drummer of my heart
Plays the stars as his drum set
And is the very rhythm of my soul

A storm is brewing in the air
A tempest on the horizon
Misery is up on end
Anchoring itself to fight
Pins and needles
In the eye of the storm
Calm is all but fleeting
Black skies ensue
As fear climbs over barricades
What to do? What to do?
Preparations are useless
Barreling through walls
Ripping through the strongest will
Reduced to children
Clutching at the breast of mother earth
Vying for position
Afraid to give up the easy
Is there one right path?
There never is just one right answer
Lightning strikes again and again
Same place, same place
Melted souls of hopeful doubt
All or nothing
Black or white
Right or wrong
If only life was like a sunny shore

We are not that, they, them, or us
We are I
We are me
We drag others behind us and call them friends
We surround ourselves with people who think we are more than we see
With people who are less than we
For alone, I am...invisible
Unseen, it remains unreal
Masks of faith
Worn out by the faithless masses
There is truth in the worn out, "I am nothing without you"
In We, I matter
In We, I exist
Without an audience it isn't a show
We are I

Right or Wrong?
Wrong or Right?
Black or White?
Moral Turpitude?
That question only lives in shades of gray
What is pure of heart anyway?
Is EVERYTHING open to personal interpretation?
Does logic walk with morality or does morality defy logic?
If it helps you get what you want, then is it not logical?
Yet, it will seldom be moral
The high road is often a lonely place
Why is it that others always seem to come before you?
Are others always more important?
How is that logical?
Black or White?
Right or Wrong?
Shade is only useful as shelter from the sun

High upon a pedestal
Backlit by Angels
A vision of perfection
A smile resplendent and healing
A magical site to behold

She does not see all she does
She just does what needs doing
Trudging through clumsily
Never thinking she hangs the moon
And the sun is merely a reflection of her soul

There was a time
I was his very breath
His rising sun and waxing moon
I am still his love

There was a time
I was his heaven on earth
His goddess, his flowing tide
I am still his love

There was a time
I never left his thoughts
I was his very smile
I am still his love

There was a time
I could be who I am
No pain in accidental words
I am still his love

There was a time
He accepted all my flaws
Danced and basked in them
I am still his love

There was a time
Distance wasn't pain
And my existence didn't break his heart
I am still his love

There was a time
My smile didn't cut
The truth of us was all he needed
I am still his love

There was time
I was naught but joy
Not steeped in impossibilities
I am still his love

There was a time
I warmed his heart with my own
Now a waning moon and ebbing tide
But I am still his love

Eggshells crack under the weight of words
How is one to walk on them?
Fear breeds silence
Silence builds walls
Speak your mind or go
Remain not in silence, but freedom

When expectations are in line with
            reality there is no
                              
                                      disappointment

Severed ties to humanity
Vacant eyes
Vapid words of witless wonder
Hanging on the insipid
And shunning the inspired
Road less traveled, too much trouble
Super-sized spare tires
Alcoholic ultra-guts
Fashion models ******
Crack ***** beautiful
Shades of gray pave the way
To a rock slide of morality
Honesty; when it gets you something
Lowered standards make the grade
Submission no longer requires a beating
Consequences be ******
Village idiots rule the world
Silenced masses
Hopeless and withered
Blinded by conformity
Change the “Norm”
Can one voice change the world?
Believe in something
Suffer together
Stand alone
Suppressed by fear of unknown causes
Physical symptoms of man-made convenience
Ease of use
Stress and tension
Souls for sale
Buy one get three free
Put them in a plastic bag
Suffocate, asphyxiate
Society
Waves of massive zombies
Couch potatoes
Governmental finger puppets
Train of thought’s run off its track
Mindless we wander
Tell us what to think
TV, a dark temptation,
A brief reprieve from real-world Evil
Close your eyes
Find religion in whatever form
Take the hand of many
Or walk the path alone
What is right for one
May not be right for all
Make the choice
or it will be made for you
Herded like cattle to our own demise

Arrogance was strong in this youngling
A child playing at being a man
An air of confidence unfaltered
Unrelenting desire
A wanton yearning to consume flesh

Black rules in a white world
Where all is in hues of ash and cement
Self-knowledge builds strong shelters
Past pain is present mortar
With blocks of crystal tears

So this boy, sweet and tender
Loved withoout learning
Longed without grace
Fell without balance
And cried in darkness to an uncaring diety

Cried for those long gone
Cried mostly for the liars,
The cheaters, the judges and friends
The demons grew in the shadows
Lit with the embers of pain

Now, caged in his tear-stained walls
Transparent and safe
He sees without flinching all he once did
Finding home in strict command
Of all he holds dear

No place for frivolity
No needless emotion
All or nothing in matters of the heart
To break, lest he be broken
To own, lest he give too much
To push against pleasure
And claim happiness in humiliation
For it would never again be him

Clear walls like a skyscraper
A firmament of glass shards
Hanging in wait
Of vibrations to set them free

A man's mind
A man's body
A man's need
With a child's heart

Though hardend with experience,
Scarred with it
Calloused
And struggling to survive

He will not leave his prey
Though she has lost his interest
He will not leave to cause pain
To cause guilt

Responsibility squarely on her shoulders
A burden she could never understand
So he pushes
And she goes...broken

And the child cries
Unseen within himself
Unrecognizeable
Unfamiliar

He carries no blame
Feels no guilt
For it is she that turned her back
And the walls remain

The man with rules in bold
Burned darker with each failure to comply
Tantalized by a lady much like himself
Black lines in a white world

She challenged him
He taught her freedom
In giving him everything
He was afraid to return

He pushed, She tried harder
She pushed, He ran
He pushed, She faltered
She pushed, He attacked

They paused for a moment
Her broken and him afraid
Shards shaking as  he fights to maintain control
Loosening bit by bit

This child
Longing to believe all he chose to forget
Fredom in love
Trust in another
Welcoming the truth about love

Which is simply:
When you love someone
You get out what you put in
Your only concern is their happiness

He looks like a man this youngling
Devouring the innocent
Unwaverng in his vision
Of truth and self-granduer

Soon, he will learn
That a real man nurishes that banished child
And shares himself openly
With the one his soul adores

Yes, this child resembles a man

Between today and tomorrow lives a lifetime
Between today and yesterday seems untrue
Yet, here, in this moment, lies perfection
A glance feels an eternity
Doubt is squelched by honest emotion
And reality breathes in time with our hearts

Changing minds like running water
Future plans disappear in the mist
Venting the mind can weigh down others
Yet once they're gone, they don't exist

A thought awakens
Blood rushes, heart pounds, timeless
Dried salt tracks remain
Warm breath rememberances
Held fast by yesterday's dream

Time
            elapses
                            regardles­s

Together..........or........... *apart


*Tormented in wending milliseconds

Every time your eyes touch me
my skin flushes hot and my heart tears open
making room for the love you pour into me

Every time you gift me affection
my energy reaches through miles
holding your pain until it heals in the depth of my truth

Every time you bare more of yourself to me
you fill my essence with your light
making me strive to be better than I thought I could be

Every moment you love me more intensely than the one before
it surprises me anew
proving minutes of pure love are stronger than a lifetime of tepid affection

There she was
An angel in beautiful words
Words found only in his dreams
In those hidden corners of lubriciousness
Musky shadows muted the sunniest of days
Like-minds grazed in intensity
And from those shadows rose her sun
Resplendent and bold
Illuminating every nook and cranny as she passed
There is no judgement as he reads
Those possibilities in her beautiful words
Could it be, there is another...kindred

But no, doubt fills a mind wrapped in norms and raised in terms of proper
Curiosity begs the question
Her truth answers his innermost lies
Looking for justification, a way out
Raised believing, too good to be true always is
Looking for a way to feed doubt and squelch a fledgling reality
Yet found his fantasies in this angel
With a face that made them real

What do you do when your demons become human
When your shame is no longer shameful
When you are accepted as you are, in all your seeming depravity
When your darkest yearnings are craved by another wading in the pool of lasciviousness
When your concupidity is realized

Crossing the line dragging fantasy into daylight
Holding on with both hands basking in the sun
There is a sweetness in this angel with beautiful words
A loving nature, a truth that cannot lie
And there is a gentleness in his heart that he cannot reconcile with darkest passion
So, what do you do with a dream come true?

You walk away into the norm and leave the joy to burn in her sun
Pretending her sweetness feels no pain
Hoping against hope, that her reality was never your dream