Here I am amidst all the chaos and confusion
While the brisk wind stings my flesh just hoping this nightmare is an illusion
You need me to trust the person you showed me
Keeping me in the dark in the room wondering why I'm always depressed and feel unworthy for you
Still you slither like a serpent
Always surrounded by dread and gloom
no more tears no more time for this ******* my heart does not need to be saved it makes me sick just thinking of you and your calculated moves
To you I must seem too naive
For you have no character and your soul is concave
Another day has passed yet still unable to shut you out and lock the door
Would love to spit in your face to degrade you and make you see how it feels but its such a waste of time.
For you will never be worth it

Why do you want me to hurt
Tell me what made you so cold to me?
Will you blame me forever for the past couple years or
can you remember when you followed me around like a puppy? ?
Is it possible for you to ever forgive me and move on?

The distance you put between us is like mountains.
Don't you understand I'm the only mother you are ever going to have?
Give me a moment of your precious teeanage time and I might surprise you.
I'd rather stab my own heart out and feed it to my enemies than cause you any more discomfort.

I guess all the love in my heart is invisible to you now.
I'm not sure why I still try to see you time after time
You break my heart with your father's feelings and words.
Can't you remember who I really am? What can I do to show you how much I love you?

At the end of your life, you will have made some mistakes.
Will they be as painful as mine seem to have affected you?
Will it even be intentional?  I doubt it.
But I hope your own child never discards you like an old toy....
that gets thrown out with the trash and is never thought of again.

I keep telling myself that I deserve this....

I keep telling myself if I keep trying, you will come around..

I never thought that I would ever have to protect my heart from my own son.

I was stupid and inconsiderate of the possibility my actions would scar your huge heart.

I just don't know how much more pain I can handle in my 38 yrs of life.
Many things, I have brought on myself, I am aware & responsible.
But so many things that were done in anger and hatred have scarred me.
Please don't leave another scar where it can be mended still....

My only request is that you just open your heart and your eyes a sliver.
For me to show you how much I still love you and you love me...
On a Valentines Day, my only wish is that you would show me any kind of feeling, even anger.
But you speak to me when spoken to and refuse to listen to my pleas.
I guess that's what your dad wanted.  He got you to believe his words of hatred of me.

Happy Valentines Day.   I love you.

Here I am
In the midst of all chaos and confusion
The brisk wind chills me to the bone
Hoping this is all just an illusion.

I only trusted the person you showed me
And kept me in the darkened room
Always depressed......
And unworthy....

You slither around like the serpent you are and im filled with dread and doom.
Keeping me hidden away from myself, so not even i know the real me

Running from the ones who love me and care for me
Into the arms of an abyss full of tradgedies
Who can survive in a world full of voided space without love?

As i lay my head down, in a final breath,,,,
It is finally silent.
I know who i was, but its too late.

For you, my dear
I will simply try to hear you
Not to always agree,
Or discern the false from the true

Kept meaning to quiet my own thoughts
While I held still for hours trying to understand
Or decipher the inconsistency of the words
Without the satisfaction of a well thought out and productive plan.

I pray you will find happiness within
By chance, our next chance meeting shall be less invasive
Oh, what beautiful spirit cannot contain
So mystical, enchanting and always brave.

I bid you, farewell
My forever friend
I'll think of you often
Where have you been?

MY GARDEN

On a cold winter's day,
I see a reflection of me.
Tears envelop my eyes
When I think of how it used to be....

Days of yesterday seem to float away
The clouds intumescent symbols fill the expanse of the sky
I don't know the solution
I have no reasons why

The roses in my garden-
Have died and wilted away.
I have nothing left in ny little rose garden...
Sorrow and regret, pain of the past, need to live in today.

Gasping for a breath of fresh air without suffocating,
Drowning in so many tears, so much misery and pain..
The dreams I once had, are nightmares and its hard to close my eyes.

I just sit back and listen
To the laughter behind my back
I was too naive to see the lies,
And now I think I feel them coming back.

Bring to me an inner peace,
Where I can find the right way,
I don't feel the changes taking place.
But, I'll say it anyway.

The wind will murmur gossip,
And if you listen carefully...
The love and peace you feel right now...
Vaporizes into nothing, vanishing into eternity.

All alone, again
Feeling meloncholy and captive
Within a cloud of intentional isolation
As each thought comes and goes without an answer.

Memories flicker in the crime scene of my mind.
My perception is clouded by questioning every suspicion.
As I try to stay unemotional and rationally make doubt my enemy.
This day has now ended and I have not made a decision.

Wondering when indecision and fear have intersected in my life.
Have I become so insouciant that I am blinded?
As I grow old and in my final hours, could this be my biggest mistake?
I am unwillling to dwell in the present and find happiness again?

Hours spent suffocating myself with regret
Tried to harden my heart to the point of no return
But, I perservere and try to rise above the abundancy of pain.
Licking the salt from my tears as they drip to my lips.

I now lay down, so silent that even my breath is quiet
Asking if the pain is worth the possibility of a true love that will last.
Will he crush my heart with unintentional love for another?
A chance, I guess, I am willing to take.  Or too soon?

I can only pray that the right answer will come during my slumber
And it will be within the will of my creator
Praying that my dreams will be filled with the answers that I seek
And tomorrow will be full of love, trust and loyalty.

Living, dreaming, hoping, breathing
Following my heart once against all odds
Hoping that this will be the time for me, for us.
Maybe after retirement, we will be fishing with our reels and rods!

I’m a tired soul who needs you  more and more everyday
Just to  function , just to remember to believe
You help me be the one I want to be….
I never want to end up back on the streets.

You keep me going when I don’t think I can
You keep me fed and loved , without fail.
I’ll never be able to repay you for your selflessness
And you can find me from my Corona trail…

Live and let live, is my motto, for sure
But the evil ones that lie and deceive try to intervene
I say “**** those people” in my inner heart
I just want our life to be serene.

Can you feel me?’
Can you feel my heart?
Can you understand what I’m thinking right now?
Only your love will break down my walls, you have from the start

I just woke up in the middle of the night
With tremors of a nightmare I can't shake off.
I lived in a western town before technology and before I existed.
I met an indian woman with the gift of sight.
This dream kept me up for the rest of the night.

She had a vision of the grim reaper, which was me.
She said she saw my ashes in the doorway.
She was repulsed by my touch.
Is this truly my destiny?  
Terrified, I think she could really see.

I lay naked and bared my soul.
He laughed, because he couldn't help it.
I cried because it damaged me to the point of weeping.
Is this what love is supposed to be?
I cried and cried because he wouldn't see.

I know my errors and mistakes, I've made.
I know that God is reaching out to me.
I know this poem is repetitive and drone.
But, sometimes when I write, I'm not alone.
And when your past never ends, you turn to stone.

My Life


Always a surprise

I want to feel what others feel.
I know what is supposed to be real.
I’m addicted, or afflicted…. Need some help from you.
The past has been a big part of my problem, its true.

I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything before.
**** my life up through a paper straw and feel me at the core.
The sorrow  inside me burrows from deep within
Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to win.

Why do you make me want to feel this way?
Will it ever truly go away?
**** this feeling of weakness and loss…
I know that the waves of anger seem to violently break me and toss.

Everyone I know has something that they want from me.
My defenses are let down and as I’m devoured, I finally see.
Seeking refuge from the storm coming near.
But every time I get close, I begin to feel that eternal fear.

Liars and hypocrites line the streets with innocence.
While they try to **** me, I’m still thinking of how they are dense.
Take me completely or leave me blind, deaf and dumb
I don’t understand you….  What has made you so numb?

Fun escapes your vocabulary…. Keeps you down without your consent.
Senseless running in circles keeps you in the money, pays the rent.
But even though you think the answer is clear,
I see through the mirage you are creating and it causes my eyes to tear.

'Born into a world, where she did not belong,
Her body was crippled, her heart was not strong.

She lay in the bed, surrounded by glass
Her struggle was instant,  but so much had been done, it could not last.

The Doctor and staff had decided to do everything to fight for her life.
Still in recovery, her  procedure was done. and no more battles with that surgical knife.

The child was sick, unlike those all around,
But the doctors were still hopeful that a cure would be found,

Illness enveloped her, she became broken and frail
Everyone held on to the faith and that their  hopes would not fail.

As the child lay lifeless in the emergency bed,
So much sorrow, hard to believe she is really dead.

She will always be remembered for the struggle she made
And on her tiny gravestone, white roses were laid.

Her mother, the addict, feels no remorse....
She will do just about anything to get high with every source.

Pain is.....
Pain is knowing that your feelings aren't returned.
Pain is your love blazing with fire until its burnt.
Pain is the emotion that not many will admit to.
Pain is feeling that can your whole being has been broken in two.

Fear is....
Fear is wondering when the end will come.
Fear is knowing there is more to be done
Fear is a nightmare with no way to wake up
Fear is the fantasy and the reality, thereof

Peace is....
Peace is serenity always at hand.
Peace is the harmony that could be throughout the land.
Peace is a slow, rhythmic beat dancing in the rain.
Peace is something we are yet to gain.

WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE ALL IS LOST
AND YOU HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO COUNT ON, READY TO GIVE IN
ALL OF A SUDDEN, SOMEONE APPEARS
AND IT  CAUSES YOU TO TAKE INVENTORY OF YOUR CHARACTER WITHIN

FOR ALL THESE YEARS, I DREAMED OF BEING WITH SOMEONE REAL
SOMEONE THAT COULD REALLY ACCEPT ME FOR ME
YOU WERE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT UNSELFISHLY AND LOVING
I HAVE ALWAYS YOUR  LOVE COULD SET ME FREE

WHILE YOU SLEEP, SOMETIMES I GAZE INTO YOUR SOUL
NOT OFTEN WILL THERE EVER BE
SOMEONE WHO CAN TRULY LOVE AND BE LOVED
ESPECIALLY SOMEONE AS DIFFICULT AS THE LIKES OF ME.

THE DEEPEST EMOTION BURIED FROM A PLACE I'VE NEVER KNOWN
SUDDENLY, I ALL BECOMES SO VERY CLEAR
I'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR SO LONG. WITHOUT AN END IN SIGHT
THAT MY SELF-DECEPTION TURNS FROM COLDNESS TO ABSOLUTE FEAR.

IMAGINING MYSELF IN A TORNADO OF BLISS,
SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FEEL FOR REAL
NO MORE CONFRONTATION OF AGONY OR PAIN
THIS NEW FEELING OF TRUE LOVE STAYS STRONG, FEELING SO SURREAL.

PASSING THROUGH THE TURBULENCE OF THE PAST
USED TO CONFINE ME IN A STATE OF DISTRUST
BUT, NOW ALL THE PUTRID PAST LIES BEHIND ME
ALONG WITH TRUE PASSION WITH LOVE, CONTAINED BY HEAVENLY LUST

SO HERE ALL LIES RIGHT BEYOND THE NOW
SEEKING OUT TRUTH, NO LIES, NEVER WAVERING FROM REALITY
KISSES AND TOUCH, LOVE BEYOND MY BOUNDARIES
KEEPS ME TRULY HAPPY AND WITH NEVER-ENDING ECSTASY.

I WRITE THESE WORDS TO MAKE YOU SEE
I''LL BE LOYAL AND TRUE TO YOU
THANKING GOD FOR  EVERYTHING GOD BLESSES ME FOR
I USED TO BE LOST, BUT NOW I AM ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW.

GOODBYE, I SAY, BUT NEVER DO I LEAVE
YOUR MERE PRESENCE PENETRATES MY SOUL
I FIND MYSELF AGAIN, USED TO NEVER BE ABLE TO  RECOGNZE
FINALLY FILLING THE VOID INSIDE ME, FILLING THE IMAGINARY BLACK HOLE

Fighting with desire
A battle to the end
Overshadowed by emotion
Knowing it would hurt my friend

Loyalty, is the only way
To truly live and be true
Not allowing betrayal to succeed
Hoping it means the same to you.

Perched upon the top of the jungle's highest tree
I have a panoramic view of our destiny
Refusal to be suffocated in life's cage
Not conforming to the laws of this society

In the essence of my eternity
I pull my strings to get what I want, what I need..
In the eternity of my essence,
I’ve lost the ability to feel what everyone should feel, no more greed.

Take me into the abyss of my misery,
While the deep,  intense, thoughts abide me in my life’s way
Everything is platforms, *******, and sin
The dogs are in the way, opening their mouths before they know what they say.

The creek is filled with alligators, yet the pond is filled with fish
I find myself in the abyss  of anger, resentment and grief.
I’m trying hard to exist within the lines, within these symptoms.
With God’s help, I can begin to live with less sadness, more relief.

The bayou is filled with souls of those truly dead and memories of past
Some killed, some filled, some souls that have been sold
I ask our Lord for forgiveness, yet sin again, like an ignorant migrant worker
I can only try to fill my life with his joy, like the bible foretold.

Forever again, it seems an eternity  to me.
Severing all the thoughts that cause bitterness to bite me
Keeping all energies postiive, in the midst of a spiritual war
Wanting with all my heart for the me that God created continue to be.

I use my poetry as an expression of my inner self, my being.  I would love it if you could critique my writing to let me know what I am or am not doing write(right).  I recently lost my boyfriend.. he killed himself and am writing to express my emotion,but anything you can help me with would be most appreciated!!

poetlefemme

My pain is like a dripping faucet
abused and mistreated
My overall condition, worsening drip by drip by drip.
Filling up the sink of life and drowning slowly,
agonizingly.

Choices made with haste and without true understanding of the possible result of the bitterness and pain I was causing.
The loss of the only child you carried in your womb, protected and loved by you, tenderly and with intent.
Mistakes so numerous, an exact moment of loss not known.
Immature woman given young child to raise in this world
of temptation, sin and emotional turbulence.......

-SIN OF THE FLESH CHOSEN OVER A GODLY LIFE-

My beautiful boy with a heart full of hope and abundance
damaged with a change of plans in my travels, unfairly and unjust.
Causing his vehicle to careen down an empty highway of bitterness and isolation.
Fortifying walls around his heart full of abundance of trust and love
Now cold and distant from the mother that shielded him from pain with strain and exertion.

My voice beckons him from across the canyon
To PLEASE allow me to make things ok again between us.
But, alas, only the echo of my own voice is rocketing in the distance
Emptiness and hopelessness, I strain to hear anything at all, no emotion allowed to return to me.  Not even an angry voice.
Beating myself with a metal chain, ****** and in complete desperation, standing on piercing nails with ripped off limbs.....

-OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER-  
FOR EVER??  
NO MORE CHANCES.  
FORGOTTEN, WATCHING IN DESPAIR AS HIS LIFE GOES ON WITHOUT ME
SO EASILY, HE MAKES IT APPEAR.

Regret is like an ancient building ruining the value of its neighbors
decrepit and broken down,
Depraved, isolated and abandoned with recklessness.
So ugly on the outside, no one dares try to re-enter the condemnation of the door.
No one believes it can ever be restored to its original beauty and inspiration.

Hopeful and optimistic for a reunion of remembrance and forgiveness.
Determined with purpose, willing to risk looking shamed and unlovable.
No more self-respect because of hasty, decisions and instant gratification.
Still holding my breath.  Could this be the time I call and he finally comes around?
Grasping to clutch, once again, the blessed unconditional love and trust of my only son.

Negligent and selfish, unintentional life choices of a mother
Difficult to completely accept responsibility for injuries sustained by my misjudgment.
Finally, after years of scripture and study,
Understanding the agony and misery
God must have felt to watch Jesus' beaten and prodded,

GOD SACRIFICED HIS ONLY SON
............THE ONLY WAY TO SHIELD US FROM THE UNIMAGINABLE PAIN AND MISERY
OF AN  ETERNITY  IN HELL ALONE AND UNWANTED
FINALLY RENEWED WITH FORGIVENESS!!!
AFTER WE HAD SINNED AGAINST HIM SINCE THE GARDEN OF EDEN FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

Almost insane from the self-inflicted abuse,
Survival instincts start to make me want to give up and continue my bad choices to numb the memory of him.
Yet, still begging to have him love me again, even if it was for a single minute.
Dreaming of a loving hug from son to mother in earnest and heartfelt.  Willing to settle ANY emotion at all reciprocated.
Hoping he never makes a mistake that causes such irreparable intensity, empty and unwanted.

After 12 years of comforting and soothing and protection,
Everything lost, no more memory at all of mother needed...
No thought of how important he made me feel at one time.
Only father standing proud in picture next to child
                Lovingly smiling at him with adoration.

He respects him and loves him as much as he condemns and disregards me.
               He only speaks or thinks of me with disdain and total detachment
And.. Only when absolutely unavoidable and by force, it appears.
What kind of hell on earth is this?  
           My own tears drown my hope and regret now defines me with each effort of possible reconciliation that is tossed away like an unwanted thing.  

Drip, drip, drip.
My heart is ripped into a million pieces, by my own hand.  
Never to be needed again
If forgiveness will never be possible, tell me now.
                 Please have mercy, while I grieve the loss of my only son.  Yet he lives.

My head hurts
Oh, how it pains me
Oh, how you pain me with your presence

Cant you see what you are doing to me?
Cant you believe things for yourself?
Why do you let them sway your opinion of me?

Forget that I am here
Forgive me for my faults
Transcend all things like God...  I dare you.

Secretly, plotting revenge within the realm of my existence
Hoping that all things will come to an end
Favoring my thoughts, severing all ties.

The crackling fire spits sparks into the night sky
The atmosphere is alive with bright hues of burnt sienna
Lighting your sober face with such pure beauty, that sadness cannot thrive.
As the dawn approaches, our love is more real than anything I've known.

Your eyes, blue as the sky with a hint of a storm cloud approaching.
Your smile is genuine and so sincere, I forget every other lover I've known.
Your physique is so perfectly masculine, every part of my body throbs in anticipation of your touch...............

The first taste of the change in your standard behavior
Left a welt upon my cheek and stung like bee with an addiction to hurt.
Your bitterness eats me alive, when the change of personality occurs....
So much so, I feel buried alive within the ground, slowly suffocating by the dirt thrown into my mouth.

Perfect?  I am certainly far from Jesus and believe me, I do sin.
Its difficult to remain unscathed or without retaliation, Ping-Pong, if you will.
Separation from the pain that scars, is self defense against all I know.
Refusal to be open-minded to the chance you are mistaken stunts the lessons we are to learn from each other.

Beating me into the ground with a shovel..  
Echoes of a tormenting, repetitive thud in a rhythmic balance of treble and bass....
Shakes me from my toes, violently shuddering with anger, sometimes fear.
Sorrow aches within my body from somewhere deep within ..

And as the cycle starts again from sweet to sadistic...
Our hearts break a little more and wicked thoughts invade our purity.
As I lay here alone, I truly wonder if we will be able to withstand our cruelty to each other.

No matter what we want in this relationship of stormy seas...
We can't move on in a healthy direction without some kind of compromise.
No matter how much I love and adore you,
I can't be caged like an endangered species, with wings  that have been clipped for my own protection.

The awareness I possess of my own faults and provocative ways, can't seem to filter through
When intoxication and anger are in control of you, you seem to co-exist with a savage who slowly tortures me.
Your words are like demonic zombies running rampant in a kindergarten yard.
My flesh is being ripped apart as the blurs of a million of them scratch and claw as they furiously circle me and isolate their victim.

As I have declared many times before, I am no innocent.
I do not regard your sensitivity to my crazed, moody outbursts.
So spoiled sometimes, that I forget that my tongue can be the fork that eats you alive.
Used to getting everything I desire, before my mind comprehends the damaging violence....
My requests become demands that poison your view of me,  incinerating any growth we have worked for.

My addiction and your affliction divide us into destructive, savage... yet well-trained soldiers.
As we fight over petty subjects that truly don't need the attention we grant them...  
We both lose a battle we don't even realize is going on within ourselves.
Is it really that important to be right, if it means we are always going to be wrong?   For each other?

Now, as my pen has brought me to see what is the true reality without placing blame...
My question to you : Do you love me enough to see this through, while we both change things that hurt and cause catastrophic damage to a blessing we have been gifted with by God?
I know my love for you is stronger than any bitterness within my heart...

The hours that I have been writing this poem, as I wandered the streets aimlessly and without ever finding any peace
......But can you really truly understand that even when you aren't right by my side, my heart belongs to only you?
Can you absorb the words that coincide with my feelings of loving you, unconditionally??
Can we get through this and get to the other side ?  

I can only imagine how strong our bond will be just over the current obstacle put in our path.  
Only together seeking God's guidance and grace, while we both seek support from each other...
Will we be able to see the beautiful rainbow, God's promise given as a sign,
Patiently awaiting  our self-control, discipline and purity of heart to learn the lessons we must learn and incorporate into our lives.

Forgiveness is key, for I know the blame game is too often, played.
I'm not willing to give up.....
            I've felt the bond between us and I know how rare it is.
We can learn so much if we don't let outside influences win and say goodbye.

I'm tired of running in circles,
Aren't you tired of sleeping in your clothes?
Can we muster the strength to truly begin anew without fear of anger and loss?
Or does it matter to you what the peace and love will have conquered or will you only think of what it has cost?

I love you, always. I need you...forever.
You always find a way to make me smile.
You give my anger its own style.
Forgive me for all I'm not doing right for you.
Fill me up with your peace, love, patience and joy
And I will forever have your essence within me.
Remember that nothing will come close to the love in my heart
My heart and soul fully respecting you in every way

yesterday blurs
with tomorrows blues
kept inside the canyon of my heart
devastating the only soul that yearns for you

now, frozen in fear
amidst the cold retribution i created
wishing for a miracle that will soon emerge

In the essence of my eternity
I pull my strings to get what I want, what I need..
In the eternity of my essence,
I’ve lost the ability to feel what everyone should feel, no more greed.

Take me into the abyss of my misery,
While the deep,  intense, thoughts abide me in my life’s way
Everything is platforms, *******, and sin
The dogs are in the way, opening their mouths before they know what they say.

The creek is filled with alligators, yet the pond is filled with fish
I find myself in the abyss  of anger, resentment and grief.
I’m trying hard to exist within the lines, within these symptoms.
With God’s help, I can begin to live with less sadness, more relief.

The bayou is filled with souls of those truly dead and memories of past
Some killed, some filled, some souls that have been sold
I ask our Lord for forgiveness, yet sin again, like an ignorant migrant worker
I can only try to fill my life with his joy, like the bible foretold.

Forever again, it seems an eternity  to me.
Severing all the thoughts that cause bitterness to bite me
Keeping all energies postiive, in the midst of a spiritual war
Wanting with all my heart for the me that God created continue to be.

When I don't think about the consequences
Of something I have said or done to another...
I try to think of why I felt anger or bitterness was the cause
Or if I felt like being ****** up that day.

I never like to see someone that I love in pain,
But here I go again and again.
It's like being stuck in a trainwreck
Where I can't look away and I can't get out.

Sooner or later, all the people I once called friends
Will separate and wither from my friendship tree
And the only one that I will have to blame for this tradgedy
Is the person with disdain for the human race that lives inside of me.

Like a rat in a cage eating the cheese that isn't filling
Like a Lion in the zoo, seeemingly content, but wishes he was back with his family.
Like the earth that is being destroyed by people just like us, without a second though.
I strive to be like the person that God created me to be.

So, now when I pass a stranger on the street that needs some help,
Or my friend that is constantly making the same mistake over and over..
I'll take out my hand and whisper in their ear-- always will I be here for you.
I'll take the power from the anger and bitterness, making it never again so true.

I’m in a blizzard of hate
Reconstructed and postponed to a more convenient date

I feel the LORDS light forever shining
Less stuffy and claustrophobic, supremely comforting

Paradise valleys of fresh fruit eaten at the vine
I keep waiting for that signal or divine sign

Follow me to the meadows and prairies
Seeking shelter and food, relinquishing all I can carry

To the final end, I fear is near
I'm out of breath and trembling in fear.

The horsemen have triumphed in this final hour
Down crashes humanity while standing tall is the Babylon tower.

Though a bit frightened, to be sure
I feel at peace and truly saved, finally surrendering to God's eternal cure.

4-7-2015

The way of truth
Is a beautiful sunset painted in the sky
The colors so vivid,
My eyes smile with contentment and joy.

Standing at the crossroads
Knowing the wise road, in which, to travel
Straining my ears to hear that still, small voice
Beckoning me to let him carry me.

As we pass through a massive canyon
So immense, amazing and spectacular
Unable to control the sheer joy in my heart
So, I take a picture in my mind that will never fade.

So tired of pretending that I have it all together
As the walls I have created, tremble and shake
I will them to fall and allow me to feel every emotion
As my imaginary life seeps into reality.

The broken pieces of glass that have shattered
Blinding my eyes so I can no longer see
Squinting my eyes, the world around me
Leads me home again.

Like the surging wwwaves
Of an angry ocean..
My feelings are the same.

Wanting nothing better
Than to be swept away
By one of those waves.

.... And if by chance,
Under a wave I'll plunge
Beneath the sea.....
Clutching onto my last breath, gasping.

Knowing my existence on earth has ended
Trusting the spirit to unite me with the beginning
To answer every question I've ever wondered
Billowing in the wind like a fresh breeze.

Knowing my voice will never be heard again....
Only the brief murmuring that can only be heard...

....above the sea

Tick tock
Tickety-Tickety tock
My hair stands at end
Ready to fall, a superior time to walk.

Away from here
And gone from this place
That fills me with sadness
And such disgrace.

Will I ever know the reason behind
The choices made, etched in stone?
Can I be forever sorry
Or just happiness eternally postponed?

So, here I am in complete surrender of will
I give up on self-sabotage and futility
I kneel to pray for mercy and grace
And for the gift of God's love, humility and grace.

I finally feel the need for change
I completely welcome the tales of the past
Tragedy is what makes me who I am.
Seeking the entirety  of  the person I was made to be.

You finally broke through that armor of mine
The entire world looks at me and my decisions with disdain
Infatuation and interest, keeps me confined here
But I don’t know any more lessons to be learned from you.

I have learned some tolerance, patience and kindness
I have been taught to do what is required of me
Seeking the flame to brighten my day, my whole being
Still, waiting and watching to engage myself to thee.

Witchcraft and trickery are used all the time,
It doesn’t make it right or the best of the choices
However, I continue to persist and continue on
My spiritual guide is the only entity’s voices

I plea to thee, for a final chance
In which, to make this right
I am open and willing for another way
Seeking answers through my second sight.

Forgive me if I appear to be out of my mind,
I’m trying to give up on my painful memories, always keeping me down
The stars twinkle in the sky, the clouds keep moving around
Watching, waiting for that musical, whimsical, clarifying sound.

The wind chimes in the garden echo from a distance
Striking me at just the right moment, a moment of chance to be
Feel me at my core, feel me cover you with all of my love
Sell yourself to only me, against all odds, to have a chance to see.

Imprisoned within these walls that I have made
I find it hard to trust another man
But in the end, being alone isn’t the answer
I am doing all I possibly can.

But, I don’t give up and it doesn’t really matter to me
I’ll keep standing up, after getting kicked in the ribs for eternity

pour your spirit into a antique vasehe
multicolored with deep, passionate purple
with spirals and unique designs embossed with glass preparing for the adventure for a journey with a destination not yet revealed

Sometimes I wonder...
If what you say is really true.
All you say time and time again
...Is I love you.

Said once or twice, the meaning is real
But I never knew you lost the ability to feel.
I used to wait in longing to hear you say
Those very words of encouragement and commitment...

Now as they come from your deceitful lips
All i feel is remorse, regret and resentment.
It seems as though, these are just words to you
Conjured up with a heart of stone, disguised in truth.

Have absolutely no meaning,
just simple words to you..
I'm blinded by love and I'm naive
So your lies will satisfy me

I admit that this was once the way to make me stay
I realize, now, this is the coward's way
Promises that once you made and those you will-
Your promises mean nothing, only to keep me with you still.

Sometimes, I wonder as I sit here alone,
If what you say is really true
All you say, time and time again
Makes me wonder why I ever loved you.

Running into the night without caution or care
Praying I won't slip in the mud and land in the abyss of all the haters.
Each step is tacky and sticky, causing my speed to continue to slow down.
While, each breath is ****** from my lungs with such intensity that I wonder what side I am fighting for.

And as the time inches closer each day, my prayers become quieter
And my sorrow and doubt grow into full blown anxiety.
The news fills our head with complete anihilation, destruction the only goal.
Bones and primitive tools line the streets with the aroma of innocent death.

Keeping my eyes open, I see the sun and it never fails to rise.
In the evening, the moon controls the tides and lights up the darkness with stars
Inside my heart and soul, I beg for forgiveness from the divine, perfect one.
While silent tears line my face and my nose becomes stuffy.

I think they are calling the first step martial law, which sounds like we need to ready ourselves for the end.
But until that day comes, you can still find me giving thanks to our Lord and Savior.

Every day is new and yesterday has already gone
Upon awakening, rubbing the slumber from my eyes
I pause to reflect of the day ahead
To dream of the courage to see hope and not despair.

Countless hours wasted on thinking of what used to be
No longer living my in fear of things to come
But instead embracing all that could be and faith in God.
Trusting and relying on someone we can't see, to shelter me from the storm.

Breathing in the beauty of the sunrise and the love that surrounds us all
breaking free of every lie spoken, continually aware to avoid self-will
Finally understanding that helping others strengthens our heart and renews our mind.
Everyone has a stumbling block to challenge us to be better than yesterday.

With our feet standing firmly on the ground...
We take our head from the clouds to seek everything good and true
While the past is still a memory, we can use our experience, strength and hope
Finally, a reason to let go of the pain we have stored up from the past.

As our eyes grow heavy and the day comes to an end
We can stay in the present, with a vision of what joy tomorrow will bring
Lying in the safety of our beds, always a prayer to give thanks
We slumber again, continually repeating the cycle of underserved blessings.

While I was sleeping,
He took my trust.
While I was dreaming
He was all about another to lust.

Shear, pointed razor sharp claws
Digging into me like a fish hook caught on my lip.
....Intentionally, crushing my jaw and my ability to speak.

Always and forever, I will hold on to you like a life raft.
Why?  When your words stab me like a dagger in my heart.
Your tongue like a serpent, seeking revenge and harm to me.

Brilliant, you once were.
Severely handsome and crafty, like a gentleman not of this age.
Now your smile makes me sick.

But here I am and here you are.  
Seemingly stuck without a way out.
You want to get rid of me, and I can't imagine life without you.

I can't even leave the house without some type of consequence.
How can that be right?
I'm not perfect either, but let's be realistic.

It's just a matter of time
Before your memory fades away
It's just a matter of moments,

.....................................Until I'm gone to stay.