Fragmented reflections sail
on a  lagoon of festering
                     manifestations.
Never sinking beneath deliberation.


Soiled purity never stays authentic,
               hollow symptoms linger
on putridly floating
                                   reflections.

Tears dilapidated emotions that
cradle from my ingested imagery
blurred unto a plain of dry parchment.

They are just a collection of regrets being
washed from my system and when they
fall upon the discontented earth.

Dejected from the source a flower blooms
of emotions that corrupted the womb of
life, tears are a corruption of emotion falling.

Were the pancakes,
       and corona

is the syrup

lets spread it like
we eating out..

And were lungs are burnt...

I'll never eat out...


But ill wash my hands
           every time your
  cough pops up...

I was in the throws of slumbers wakening my eyes
yearned for that moment of total tranquillity.

But pennies dropped in to my vacant pools as each
Rippled on the Edges of my eyes sleep gathered on
each corner and I once again blinked into endless
Whirlpools of thought that asked the same question

"Why can I not sleep,

I played with the shadows that played like children
In a sandpit but this wasn't the sandman's dust, no
It was the sand that gets in every crack. Washing it
Out of those place that need closing but always a grain
Irritating that place that never quite closes complete.

"I know I'll count sheep,

"What shall I get them to jump over?
"How many is too little, to much to count in sleep,

"One sheep.
"Two sheep,
"Three sheep,

Why was that one black? it looked at me with intent.
It wanders around my thoughts eating on the grass
Of my sleep deprived fears.

"Baaahhh,
"Baaahhh,
"Listen to me,

What the hell is going on, an imaginary sheep in  
Onyx wool is talking to me?

"Slumber is death and I will keep you from it,

"I need this sleep to recharge batteries gone cold,

I think for a moment is this sycosis of not dreaming
Of eyes on full beam. Even though the bulb extinguished
Three hours before but I see the light in front of me.

This lamb chop of thought, this claustrophobic intent
It blankets my eyes. Yet my eyes see all that flickers
In nights shroud of eternal awakening.

"Stop you noise, of hooves echoing in my eyes,

"Why not let me rest like the dead in peace,

It jumps once again faster, louder till like thunder
Clapping and the light is darkness keeping me awake.
I scream at nothing, at everything then I sit silent.

"Hello an good morning and welcome,
" Its your 7AM wake up tune of the day,

I jolt backwards in confused glare, I'm a deer in
Headlights of obscured thought?
What the? all a dream of ill winds confusion. I gather
Myself and rehearse the  night and find that this was
But a nightmare gleam, I think out loudly a music
Sings in a background of thought.

"One sheep.
"Two sheep,
"Three sheep,

Ill never let you in my dream, I'll count myself lucky
If I  never count those counting sheep ever again in
A psychedelic sleep deprived theme.

I'm Covid safe,
                when I *******.

I use a  Dettol Wet wipe,
  kills 99.6% cheese...


And 99.99% Covid

   stay safe you wankers...

On wings of expelled  vapour
did they venture beyond the hangings
of gravity and they ascended to heights
that blended with thoughts of fulfilment.

Wisps were expelled till exhalation
was exhausted, and slowly what arose
descended to it eventual beginnings.
But declining was harder than was imagined.

Pain elevated as the friction of reality swept
over, and where the vapour once filled there
interior now only emptiness did eviscerate the
stable mentality and wished only to ascend again.

*"Beauty of a dream, that is a nightmare of reality,

A lie
suffocates
till released,
and all see
the cracks in
the mirror you
tried to hide.

I heard the cries of those that had been
here so long ago, cradled in a maddening
place, fathered in deranged love, but they
clasped on the lingering echoes that was
consummated into  a yearning of pain.

Like orphans of death they stemmed from
petals tears absconded upon silent air.
Bleeding inwards they consumed themselves
devouring the darkness within till a frail
echo was left of pearly shards shattering below.

What can be seen when we look within someone?
so many played on these words, where breath
escaped so did the foetal yearning of lingering
life now excavated with each greeting to their
insides now looked upon in confused amazement.

Can you hear the screams of the dead they assign
others to join them in the pleasure of unbridled
bliss. In the maddening of this place a few lucid
thoughts speak forth, momentarily as others not
wishing these words cleft, dissect tongue from mouth.

This place where no one sleeps even in death, silently
wailing in deafening shouts. But they are heard, that
is what the constant chatter of these poor souls mumblings
are dissected from. A circle of deranged figures
feeding the fires of either , can you hear them screaming.

She hides in the dark places
where people will not see,
for she is of the night, a lover
of the darkness but she wishes
to be free.

Wanting to feel it, to touch
what she can see, to glaze
her skin. But to those of the
night the light is not there
companion, it is their demon
that burns them in the light.

Skin a flame when the sun
caresses there naked flesh,
but the craving to be one
with the life giver is to much,
as to those of the darkness it
is the highest of sins.

She wants to feel the warmth,
to feel the caress of heat as it
touches her skin, to feel mortal
not of darkness where no heart
beats within.

Walking in to the light to feel
the heat burn within, the ecstasy
of the sun as it burns the flesh,
but at the last moment a heart
beat felt within. Joy for a moment
as life is felt then to ash she falls,
her darkness burnt away from within.

Walking up to mummy,
            he says look at my smile.
I wanted to cheer you up.

            I made my smile rainbows,
                               to brighten you up.

Crazy** is
as Crazy
does, that
means I'm totally INSANE...

Were all an inch away from the
                     others verge of  madness.

But ours is just a little more different,
                    so we say were a little more normal.

When in reality were more
                                      ****** up than them.

Rambling craziness of a gambling madman
Always one slice from the suicide pie.

Taste it will you choke on the goodness,
swallow your pride gamble on that most
Of expensive of bets that's life.

First step is a long one the second never
Walked, jumped in front of the band
Wagon, always look before you walk.

There were places in the above and below where souls
weren't as they were meant to be. Reverberations of what
had been but for some reason not known, they had dissipated
in to inconsistent particles. They were congregated to a
place of between the realms of passing where they were
reinstated into one. Many pieces made the collection of singular.

A rebirth of separation, that which was collected into a shell
of purest mortal coils. In moments that ebbed away on thoughts
and maturity something was noticed upon the eyes of those
classed as the shepherds, They were of flesh and bone but a
vessel of angels essence, no beat was felt but life of our own
non understanding reverberated in these vessels.

So long had these chosen gathered the pieces that were rebirthed.
a freshness not tainted by either as in the fire the dead the
soulless shards were consumed in the eternity furnaces.
Some gathered in moments, others lingered in their, as if
like ash in a breeze they were inadvertently kept asunder.

Like a leaf they eventually descended and lingered amongst
others that had scorched for longer than even those now
gravitating towards its centre of rebirthed oblivion.
They never thought for a moment that what had been a
metaphysical collection of particles was anything but echoes
of voices incoherent and desolate.

But now as what has happened only a few times in eternity
is spilling like water from a broken vessel. So many have
spoken in the dead language of even angels understandings
but the fragmenting scribbles that vacate their minds saturate
in a repeating rhythm.

"We burnt with our eyes wide open,

So many voices expelled in a pool of white, transparent
vestiges lingered beneath but no ripples were ever realized
till they had gazed beneath and where censorship was
consummated overhead so the lingering wailing below
was all consuming so much affliction was bestowed on
these now seeded souls.

They were never broken remnants of whispered echoes
but were indeed a embryo of a matching of heaven and
hell a new partnering that was misread as feathers lingering
in the winds of eternity. But where a new higher purpose
was meant to have been birthed so now do they burn not
for but a flickering moment but an inaudible amount of time.

Speech of what was singular now birthed into a perplexed
culmination of uncooperative wailing incensing each others
needing's. That was for those at least the yearning to not be
entwined in the illuminated combustion of self. But they were
imprisoned, fashioned into a vessel of multitudes not meant
to be, but only a singular existence was meant to cinder into form.

They wallowed in surreal thoughts, memories of a life that
was a broken picture frame and the faces were etched out so
not even they knew who or when they were from. but the
shepherds were there salvation or so it was thought.
They simultaneously gathered those that were swallowed
in a realm of an uneasy reality. Then they chanted, for hours
they spoke the words, Our wordings will set you singular again.

But what befell those that guided shepherds was unexpected.
They screamed in either ecstasy or writhing pain, but then as
If a curtain fell. Then all that was mortal shed into oblivions
grasp and it consumed them the shepherds were engulfed in
shards of personality till they themselves were twisted in visions.

Their eyes wept one like onyx bleeding frosted tears of all that
was pure, the other like snow but as the raven tears cut upon
there features and blood teared on the floor they grappled
with what had befallen them for these acolytes that for this
instance that joined in ceremony now had not fallen or ascended
But were the rebirth of neither but vessels of everything.

Those of fractured echoes, those entwined with the crematorium
of broken vessels now ascend and descend to the places which
greeted these seeds with such distain. After a time all went still,
silent, within each  realm and they just sat their. Each hand greeted
the flame or light and within their grasp a new spirit was born
not burnt but eased over time and like a seed they grew once more.

A merging of two,
not unlike another,
spectrums of shade
                        and light woven.

Coalescing to become
more than the singular,
A marriage of differences
                         becoming one.  

Beauty is a footnote,
a visual acuity of senses.
This eclipse of submerging
                          within another.

Now hues are a new emotion
painted on the sight of others
senses, like a new flower
                                  blossoming.

I sit here in misery
"My hands shake"
I scream at a reflection
Me, Me, Me
Will I be that which I need to be.

(chorus)
I need crimson flushed over me
I need crimson within me
I need to see the misery
I need too see cold eyes in front of me.

I cry at the moments of misery
She is the mistress of needed lust
Will she not answer my prayers
I will never wash it away from me.

(chorus)
I need crimson flushed over me
I need crimson within me,
I need to see the misery
I need too see cold eyes in front of me.

Will I ever bleed enough crimson,
There is beauty in the bleeding  
To  feed her greed,
Will she be satisfied as I am in misery.
I have left crimson cold on the ground
Will I ever see her my **crimson queen.

Crimson silk, it was warmth of life, a fleeting
Moment in my hands. Then it was cold and all
Was as before, my heart was as still as the now
Paused in moments of ecstasy and regrets.

Their life was as water, I could let it drain through
My fingers or keep it beating in a heart that
Could contain its emotion as tears feel empty
On my vacant sentiment.

Eyes meet a if to see a soul that  was just black,
I stared in to there soul emerald green, i could
Lie in there soul. But that was another time,
Now I wipe the knife wiping the remnants
Of their  now bleak and empty shell.

life is a busy street,
             that some times

                                            takes longer to cross.

We throw roses as the thorns cutting
deeper than death..
But we never know as our existence was forsaken.

Aren't we worth more than the stars..
But alas we are the folly of crows picking aimlessly,
                                 and the obituary of dissolution.

You were  my cross,
    stigmatised for loving

                                        you...

  
  But I'm crucified
for loving him.

Hearts are broken
            with crumbled regret.

Words are neglected
             without our thoughts.

Were discarded, and our feelings crumpled.

I cried in to a vase of flowers to let them blossom
in my pain and they flourished continually.

Pain
        is
           life

In the tears that fall, stories blossom of our struggles,
but we are petals that descend into a vase of continual droplets.

She had cried her tears
They where once like
Diamonds, but where
Shattering in shards
Upon the floor,

She had cried her tears
They were tainted by
Anger, hatred, as each one
Fell opening its wings as
A swarm of black butterflies
Did cut against her flesh.

There was no pain for
what was crawled upon
Swarming darkness consumed
Her once beating chest.

She had a jagged chasm
Of where no pain felt upon
This life. Her tears were but
Tattoos of pain feelings
Darkened.

But she smiled she has no
more tears, And every so
Often a black as night
A butterfly flew forth from
her chest, just another tear
to the wind no longer in her interest.

She was the ****, I was the crystal
addicted to each other the moment
                                              we meet.

But every high has a come down,
                I'm the ***** needle..

She was the spoon, warming up on
               another's sleeve.

Tided tightly ready to overdose on her.

                     She was the chemical bliss
that could  be taken anywhere,  



                                         I thought...
that we were something special.

But I was used,
                      discarded.

I was useless to her, as I was unable
         to pierce the vein..

Used to many times.

So she found another way to find
              a way to make her self higher

than she was with me.

Now I'm in a come down

rehabilitated
                   and I'm struggling.

Could of filled a thousand times
Up I went, opened that loose pink hole
Must have felt like air between thighs.
-
But you were always wanting more in-kind
Up it went did you feel anything inside
Could say I was small I was 9 inches 2 wide
Keep it coming fill you up, my sacks gave too much
Empty shrivelled bags seeds sewn now only dust
T**ill the next time my **** *** Bucket love.

When is ****
                not a vigina?

When its an *******
                     talking ****...

Anyone one can suffer from it...

Don't be the idiot, be the one smiling
as a gesture of goodwill give the finger...

My love was ended when cupids arrow
was snapped and the jagged splinters
that were plunged into my heart.

Puncturing  all feelings that  the arrow
once pierced my emotions with.....

Now bleeding down my chest like salty
crimson tears....

They thought she was  loves venture
but instead she was less than belief.
                           Her arrows weren't as others thought.

                     Poisoned shards of lovers



worst contemplations of what love meant,
                            infatuation contorted within the head.

Where love meant a beating within,
                 she was a rose that wanted to
                 beat the thorns till flesh bleed...


They thought she was unhinged,
                                  but she  wanted trust..

              until she bleed it from you.


She enjoyed the double barrel within
              your mouth.
        One for the heart, one for the mind..


Would you pull both, suffer the pain of
         a crazy love that tore your emotions,
            and then threw them in the air ablaze...

She knew that you could take the pain,
           and then  she drew blood deeper

as every blade in the heart
                 cut deeper but you let her bled
                    you out..



             and the last thing you did was smile...

You finking you higher than
                Tower blocks.
King of no castle
                  Is what I think.


We laid seige to this fairy tale
                        That you lived in.
And the nightmare of your reality
     Began to sink in.

Quicker than sand, it swallowed
                             You deep.

And you didn't die, na that's
Way to easy, I got friends in places.
   A voice box cut out, stitches to
   Remember,  think what you
Say quietly to yourself cos
                        The walls have ears..

And you talk like a ***** on heat,  
******* others,
          with big man talk.


You ain't no king,  you ain't even
A porper..
          You alone and no ones
Backing up your words.

    Cos the street listens, and you got
   No voice, you were silenced even
Before you tried to be street.

You were  trod on more
than the pavement,
  *** holes are your weakness.
As you tripped over your own ****.

You tried to climb but then you fell.
Ain't no rapunsal,

                      ain't no queen.

   You were curb stomped and all those
Words you tried to speak just bleed
              All over an uncaring street.

Connect the lines drawn upon my
Flesh, this is the incurable
Words that are hated upon
My being.

Hater of myself, never to let
My wounds heal, wishing for me
To cut your words deeper, to bleed
your words out of me.

These are a journey of the torment
you have cut into me, all these days
that you spat your hatred, disrespect
Upon my skin, ill cut there words until
they're too deep to stop the bleeding.

I will suffer the sorrow of life now
taken for words cut me deeper than any
words you spoke,  sat there in misery
as the last cut, released all the pain
You breathed upon me,
"Cut me a line of happiness"
Till I bleed smiles instead of **depression.

You tried
          to cut
            Me with words.

But not one
            Drop fell..

For your knife was
                    Blunt.

And your words were
      Nothing but air.

Each cut a scream held
Within, I don't know
Why I can't scream, I
Try to find why these
Battles I can't fight scream
From within.

I can't release these feelings
Held on to so tight, I am a cut
That will be to deep, a scream
That will bleed out my life, but
That mistake comes at a price.

I don't want it to end, I
Don't want to give up
This fight called life. But
The scars will always be
There, faded but a reminder
That I couldn't scream and
Blood was my pain dripping
Out.

I write words on my flesh
with knifes gently scratched
in to my skin,the healing happens
words, meanings for ever there
many place to write to
keep the words locked in.

Deep words that bleed letters,
not gentle as before these words
scar my skin, messages not to forget
to deep to remove, always a message
to remember. Not only cut in to my
flesh but scaring  the soul within.

I write words over my body the letters
locked in meanings do each have, I am
a canvass for love, hate, the pain that
I feel within.

We are the virtues of natures
                           measurements.
No matter the strength that portray ,
                            we are each but wind.

Captured in a singular episodes
that collects

                                within a series of




cyclone syllables.


              And each is more vocal.
                 causing more destruction with


meanings that was expelled before.



Weep on the condensation that falls,
                 for the breath that collects after
                 will carry you further
      

Than any that fell in subjugation
                               before any verse...

where all wind in an eclipse of motions,
                      also surpassing every falling..

Last breath is exhaled
Old leaves, then new beginnings
First Breath now inhaled

No matter how tired
                             I am,
         and of my eyes want to
creak shut.

               I'll read to you till
we  fall asleep together,
  in imaginations slumbering
                          blanket of snores.

(it maybe her or me? we haven't decided)

You want to test
your nail varnish colour,
              paint my toes a rainbow.

I'll always smile  
          when I look down at your
                      art work on my pinkies.

(2 months later its still there AAArrrrr)

You may not realise this but every tired
              moment means I've spent more
                                            time with you.

And every moment is a smile waiting
                   to happen.
                        You'll always be my No1
thought,
                      when the sunrises with you.

                         Till the moment the stars
                  shimmer us to sleep.

Under a bed fort made for one of you.

                               and a three quarters of me...

Daddy do you think I love you or your fists,
I wonder when looking out the window
do you look at the stars or the darkened places.

Do you think I love you or the words,
I wonder when I listen to your voice
Do you hear what is spent and expressed.

"Do you see the tear, as I crouch in the corner,
"I am static in the corner like a ragged doll,

Daddy do you know how much I love you so,
I wonder if you realise you holding me tight I smile
Do you know that I love you so my daddy.

Daddy do you know how much I love to play,
Skipping, jumping story times where I listen silently
Do you know I love the sound of your voice.

"And the teapot fell asleep on the stove,
"He whistled tunes as he soundly did slumber,

Tales of two fathers one deserving of the unconditional love,
One who should not have seen the terror in his eyes.
**Fathers are of two sides deserving and those who should be ashamed.