Have you ever made a mistake and immediately regretted it?
Like all the contents of your stomach start a rampage of protest.
Where words taste like vile and leave the same impact?

Like your not afraid of the response but that moment
It's painful
Even when you're the one holding the knife

I don't talk a lot, I avoid it like the plague
It hurts my senses- I feel the need to over explain
Compensate for empty space

But I spill out nothing good, my lungs are tar
It drags back any word not harsh enough to break free
Like when you lashed out at your parents as a child

The same feeling of regret but also anger like no one understood
A teenage phase that returns in between breaths
And now you've gutted yourself in front of someone you care for

Because no one is pretty on the inside
I showed that I'm nothing more that maggot filled meat
That I am rotten to the core

As I am embraced by dawns silent approach I remember a time
One which has no thought, no dire grasps for breath

An emptiness which could comfort the dead and sooth the soul
It's tangled waves of a rising sun dance with me

They sing me wordless songs; those of remembrance,
And the bags beneath my eyes sink into shallow graves

It is the time of rest;

A dash of color to express
Phase against a monochrome body
I dress in black
Perhaps out of convenience
Or a sign of financial insecurity
My nails are all that sing
Colors that are oh so bold
So light to the touch

A goodnight kiss
Sing me a whispered lullaby
Let moonlight be our only cover
And sink with me into slumber
So brief, let our thoughts fade to one
Until our embrace silences the world

It's always like this
We fight, kiss, makeup
Cries from both of our lungs
We **** each other when bodies touch
Like mourn less regret, we say no words
Our understanding lies just under sheets but it never escapes
Like caged words trying to break out of teeth
The only chemistry we have is alone in a dark room
Where no words are said and the only sound is flesh
We love our bodies not our minds
Like brittle flowers that bloom together, roots intertwined
Good night, good morning, a vicious cycle that has no end
But we've killed our fair share of souls
It's time to end this mess

His laugh was like a tender goodbye kiss
I can feel the echoes of those loving words
We both lived in our own world full of bliss
But he had wanted to live with the birds
The sky had always been just out of reach
And to fly he would have needed to leave
His finale goodbye was with cheeks of peach
The plane left early, leaving me to grieve
My tired eyes still wander to the sky
From when we always laughed together
To the last moments where we said goodbye
Those endless memories that last forever
I will pray for his never ending dreams
So that his brightest smile always gleams

He told the lord to lay her to rubble
Let the ground grow with her blood
And to allow the oh so righteous to grasp her body
For it was mans arrogant belief that she was an object
And when the lord attempted to lay waste
The elder gods arose with passion
And claimed the land beneath the living

The barbie doll lost her hands
They were cut off by society's demands
Starting from the fingers, they were easiest
A waist larger then a twig just wouldn't fit
So chop, chop, chop went the first finger along with her meals
Touching limbs, no thigh gap
Another ******* thrown up in the toilet at 2am
Painted her face too much, too little
Chop, chop, chop goes two more
Another budget spent on fixing her hair
Ripped out another finger in an anxiety attack
Pressure, pressure to give in
She gives him her body and he takes two more fingers
Hunger pains, you still can't see her hips
She swallows the finale ******* along with cotton
He takes her palms with him as she leaves
All she has is a broken body and empty limbs
A perfect doll

Binocular vision
Let me see double
Let me connect with the unseen
A cause for speculation
Question emotions like a lie

I can't read a dead mans face

Come on girls
Let's cut & paste
Because our skin is shame
With rib cages small enough to break
And powder that can only cover so much

The reflection in the mirror is not me
My eyes have not sunk that much
Please tell me that my smile has not shattered
That bruises have not taken control of my cheeks
Someone please tell me what happened to this person I see
Because I can't believe that I've changed this much
I don't want to believe that my life is any different then before
That I've thrown any regard of myself away
Please

When will things change?
Don't get me wrong- I love a good tragedy, greedily eat words off pages that depict horrors beyond my own imagination.
I'd be the first one to laugh in a shooting, clap as the plane goes down.
Watch as another monster wearing a skin or religion becomes all that wardrobe is known for;
It's easy to see horror as comedy because of the gross recreations we see on TV, media paints a picture of a society where kids are shot in alleyways; where politics are like sport, one side needs to go home with an empty net
For what cause or reason?
Unknown and unspoken the general consensus is to agree with like minded individuals.
Because if that guy says that he's a terrorist right? If person A is afraid of person B than A is clearly the racist one, right?
Or am I missing the point, is this all misconducted, these stories make Shakespearean plays seem realistic.
If a kid can be shot because he speaks another tongue does the radical suicide of two star crossed lovers really seem that insane?

A lifeless grasp towards the son as I sing in my spiral
A decent; falling
Shattered cliffs and rocks
Let a mountain of earth break my fall
Contemplate and revitalize
Write letters in the air
God will listen in your final embrace

I could see the color drain from your eyes when you looked at me
The ocean that had been your sight dried up
You realized the truth
We realized the truth
I didn't think depression was an infection of the mind
I didn't know it could spread
The more you tried to hear me out the more you agreed
I'm sorry
I didn't know it would be this way
I didn't think you'd try to carve yourself in my shape

Such a thief, stealing so many of my glances
A Robin Hood, taking from my once rich heart
I had so much to love; yet locked it all from those outside
Allowing only collectors of childish heartbeats to enter;

Like most thieives, you work in the night
Quiet words, light touches,; you took all I had saved
If only you hadn't followed the story of Robin Hood so blindly
Because you gave my love to another.

Come one, come all, see the resurrection of the self-victimizing *****!
See her weave a noose out of others sorrows!
See her cry wolf before a crowd!
See her grasp to the comfort strangers comments can give!
Yes! Come one, come all, see the destruction of the self-victimizing *****!
See her become the leech she is**.

Gut me
Tear my apart and sell my pieces
Individually, I wouldn't want to be remade
Donate me to charity, let the poor devour my corpse
Let me forget
To fall into the deepest slumber we humans know
Fall
Fall into a void or a cloud, I do not care
I am just so tired
Hang me out to dry
I'm tired of this soil
I want to be reborn
So let me rest my soul in you
As my body becomes earth
We will sing and dance in my dreams
The wind will be our songs
I will finally be able to breathe

Non-existent and non-functional; these digital walls are faux
You can't live through upset motions, triggered by disgust
Create something new, something that will not save you
Something that will make you want to save yourself

God I wish for something more
Empower me until said power sours me
Bitter poison, take a bite
Give me a reason for an extra step
I don't care if the stairs lead me no where
I just need something to climb

I'm not in the position to be wasting others time
You see I am simply a being of habit
Let me run, let me soar
The world can't bind expression
So give me something new
Give me more

"I am happy because it is all I can be,"

The just becauses' twisting around your tongue as another statistic sticks in your teeth,

"I'm not alone."

Are words coated in the sweetness of pretense, the inevitably suicidal thoughts of a generation give you solace,

"I'm feeling good today"

Words you use to describe the fact you can't play your favorite video game any more, without the guilt of not know if you'll ever go back.

"I'm tired"

And for once the honesty comes out like a sewage leak; there is a harmony of agreeability in your statement, the words both acknowledged and ignored.

"Goodnight"

To toss and toil you lay your bones and finally close your eyes, thoughts wildly awake but silence envelopes you.

My skin aspires to be more than just a doll, a story, a song.
More then just a picture book, more than something you only read in bed
Not bound by leather or the clothes on my back
Call me an individual, for that is all I want to be
We strive for normality when all we want is peace
A peace that can only come when we realize we aren't art
We are not paintings to just for viewing
We are history itself; we are not one idea
I do not strive for greatness, I strive have a place to stand
A tree in a forest of graves

Speak to me my abomination, let your words cry out
For I am the creator of whatever self remains
And I am the destroyer of that same dissolved self
So speak to me, softly, those dead words
The same ones I buried, each with a part of me
For you are my monster, my mistake
And I am your memory, a lover coated in dead dreams

They ran out of choices
When a disease isn't a disease
An infection of the mind needs therapy not pills
Money isn't infinite however
So I make my own sugar pills
By telling myself I'm fine
I lie to myself, a constant state of overdose
With artificial dopamine
A simple drug and fake smiles
Little lies in little pills
As I slowly lose me

Hey Sunshine, please look into my eyes
I'm glad you found someone other then me, please smile
I know things are hard right now, but please don't forget
We'll laugh about it soon.

Sunshine, thank you for being so bright
I knew I couldn't keep your light, please stay alive
I'm sorry I couldn't answer you, I hope you know I'm doing fine
We'll talk about it soon.

The most beautiful thing is a star just prior to dying
As a final breath it expels fire
Leaves a trail of future galaxies
It cuts scars upon the universe
A legacy that will remain for a millennia
Stars; they are most human when they die

Surrealism, a step from the reality we all face
It peers from under sleepy eyelids in the form of dreams
I, however, do not dream
Motionless black is all that I am granted
The psychological bounds are grainy at best
I see no rocks, mounds, structures of earth, not even white noise
I admire those who can see beyond imagination
Whether maniacs or artists they stand tall in my mind
I don't move or breathe I am frozen in waste

I read philosophy, not for fun, for meaning
I allow it to wrap my brain, tie it in little bows
Let Marx spell out socialism, let words lead to communism
We all live in caves, ignorant to the masses, see shadows and shout Plato
Nietzsche yells 'God is dead' in pain and alone
Religious intent allows us to believe, lies or not
Let men of a hundred years question my fate
Intimidate my senses, let me question everything
Even simple, we learned when, why and how as children
But we did not experience true questioning
Whether we truly chose to believe or not, I still don't know
Question my faith, my thoughts, my feelings
Let my words shatter out
Fall apart

My voice is much more hoarse now
Whether from overuse or under-use I can't quite tell
As each word connects, the progression of my voice slowly fades
Like a shouting whisper I return to silence
Breath has become a dire marker in my attitude
Strangely it speaks like that of a slow moving drop despite it all
Calm and quite, as was I, as was the breath

Emotions, a temporary permanence that makes a life
Life, a temporary emergence that resonates memories
Memories, a temporary representation of loss
Loss, a temporary feeling of disconnect- a need to mourn