I look at a blank canvas
Emptiness, it reads,
Exposed to absence.

I can't help but shudder
When I imagine my future
What am I doing with myself?
Am I what people expect of me?

I always feel tired,
Yet I seem restful
My problems are shoved
Under a black rug in space
And I feel like I carry guilt
Each and every single day.

I told her I wanted to run away
From all the drama and pain
I can't put it any other way
I'm looking for an escape with her.

She says,
There's nothing better than living
With the sound of love in your ears
Love is a fantasy
It grabs you like a palm tree,
Shakes you around
And throws your problems below the sea,
Leaving only ambition and happiness.

*Listen to the waves.

I'd drop dead in two seconds
if my life meant less to you
than it meant to me
I've kept the lights on all night
Why did I never notice?

My lungs are protruding
just to hear you tell me I'm pretty
What the **** is that?
Am I that erroneous
to keep my heart exposed
for a man with no morals
and keep my hopes up?

I live with spineless creeps
crawling over my back like bugs
Mother would be so proud
A billionaire covered in sugar
and the words "your lover"
tattooed on my forehead
because my heart got confused
by a boy with commitment issues
I **** until I cannot feel
Play with the sky until I'm tired

Tell me I'm more than a simple human
because some days I feel so empty
that I don't know who I am
I'm sorry my decisions are clouded
and I'm imprisoned by dissatisfaction
God help the next person
who becomes watered down.

My heart hasn't rested
For the past month
Each time I ache for peace
I feel less awake

I had to **** you twice
Got rid of the evidence
But my mind still focused on you
I looked at my face in the mirror
Saw someone worthy of love
But couldn't find someone else
My heart is retired
My love had flown out the window
Wordless, worthless
I'm never gonna be happy

It's an uncomfortable position to be in:
To be unhappy with yourself and others
It's like the thought of something greater
Is all you need to get through the day

And the question always seems to remain—
Should you remain voiceless?
I say, "No!"

Who gives a **** if you **** at tact
Or you can't find your "inner voice"
There's a true way to escape carelessness
Without falling victim to faux pas

If you look at yourself
Through another's viewpoint
Do you see content?

day after day
we bask in the heat
with little appreciation
on what the sun does
in the afterlife
we will realize
that the sun
was all anyone needed

You lost this game again
The one where you try for love
All I see you end up with
Is another broken heart.

I saved the memories of a past life
Onto a CD and listened to it in the fall
I can only hear your promises
How you went and broke them all.

The truth can set me free
But the lies make me quiver
And second-guess my feelings
Only to bruise me once more

This whole thing they call love
Is so unbearable
When I can't have you
Or call you mine
When all I need
Is a good reason
To continue on living

Hello heartache!
Here you are again
Please spare me the trouble
Of going to the dark side
Where I might not return
And give me the news:
Is it a happy ending
Or is my heart
Going to shatter
Into a million pieces?

Come on, the reason
Come on raise this noise
One million people, and not one voice
Come on, it's not over
For me, sing loud

It is the time of celebration
where i mope and once aspired death
In a single month and the ones that follow
i collect the sadness of all
The single bachelor collects his status
the mother of three takes her children to the beach
And the lovebirds embrace the night
while i choke on the solace of an indoor sorrow
It's been a while since I felt it
that pit of misery wrapped in a neat saying

one day, it will go like this
i leave the cold
of the bedroom
you'll never know me
i'm a crumb left behind
for a snail to nibble
the world flies by
in my unfortunat--

It's a crowded world
Getting bigger every day

Leave it behind, abandon it
Fake your death, try it
There won't always be a tomorrow
You could be the best there is
Peel off your skin like a banana
Living like a missing puzzle piece
You're the mercenary, you don't belong

Eat your fears away on a plate
Find yourself in the music
Try to jump off that trampoline
I see a quintessential being
They need a hug

**It'll be okay.

Those feelings were never built to last,
I should have known a long time ago
I would flow like the wind,
Living without a purpose
But I was happy

Nothing to do, nothing to prove
So I would take off into the sky.
Soaring without a clue.

There is a dark empty hole of dirt where you died
I see it and I feel only a black pit of despair
No tears, sadly enough
I swear I've used them all too much
I need a friend, yet I abandoned you
Why should I have any friend at all?

There's no harder thing to say than I'm sorry
I can't believe you're gone out of the blue
It's a sad tragic life of mine filled with pain
Nothing feels worse than losing everyone I love
And being left with my internal misery.

I wonder how much long longer
It will take before I'm
Where you are.

in the dark, december nights
i tend to get cold sometimes
but i happen to bare it
because there isn't always
the satisfaction of the winter wind

In a storm of chaotic proportions,
I sit in my backyard and gaze
At my life as it all pours down
Who needs a mirror to see
Their reflection in this beauty?

I worry about where my life will go
And shudder at the idea of loneliness
Because I know that I'm a freak
They think I'm an awkward mess
And I couldn't agree more
Where can I hide myself
From being exposed to this cruel world?

If there's anyone I have to thank
For the life that I've been given,
I can only otherwise thank myself
I don't want to be a republic
I wish for absolute power
Because nothing else satisfies me
Like being in control of my life
Is this the root of my problems,
Or am I just a doomed mess?

When was the last time
you looked in the mirror
and recognized yourself?

In a world filled of ignorance,
it's no wonder we live
as strangers to ourselves.

I say that I don't hate you
Double-negative -- love is confusing.
Tell me one good reason why I cry
And I'd slap the pain off your face.

We only argue in the middle of the night
Cause that's the best time we tend to fight
It's true that I do my best to keep it grand
But we have lost the only place to stand.

Leave me be!
I want peace
And a crease
Of happiness
Washed over
Like waves
On an ocean.

So I ride that crease
And wait for some peace
It's so hard to breathe this smoke
And follow your open arms
I want to have all the answers
But all I have is the ultimate why...

I bask in the loveliness of the moon
Letting every star lift me off my feet
Into a lifeless body with no moral compass
I'm sorry, Mother
I can't help that I like living precariously
I was born a ******* night owl
Seeking the brightest lights I can find
In the search of pure happiness
They might dig up my grave one day
Because of this desire
But I don't mind.

I am notorious for finding the light
In the crevices of a sullen world.

In due time I knew
This sickness would falter,
Abandoning the fight I put up with
For five years
I'd no longer but shot up from the bullets
The pure ugliness of it all

It's too soon, I imagine
Why should I feel this way?
Was He feeling generous this time around?
Where would I be if it continued to derail me?

Make no mistake, I live in appreciation
But I ache knowing others must suffer
When my best friend lives with death
Surrounding the shoulder like a sharp pain
In the joints that won't seem to leave
I shouldn't be stuck saying,
*At least it's not me

I refused to cry
To show my weakness
To show the teardrops fall
Like the clearest waterfall.

I wanted them to stay there
To have winter come early
And freeze an icy tear on my cheek
So people could see my pain
The way I didn't know how.

Now I forever regret
The things I never tried
And on my icy cheek
It would read that--
Regret.

talk me down from my own fate
or i'll pour out my blood
open up my wounds for the world
father lift me up by my ears
brand me with a painful reminder
you do or do not do, i'll say it again
a prince of sadness, she lives
my tears collect in my chest
i'm too proud to call you anything
but a man of steel and anger
oh, you voodoo *******
i wish i could pin you all afternoon
you're a bittersweet apple in the
winter, the frigid wind of oymyakon
i never liked you, you leader
the grapevines look awfully familiar
that summer morning they withered away
she takes and takes and takes me home
i love her more than the currency
you clammy snake, quit constricting me
jump off the face of the earth into oblivion
save you before i have to save myself

I don't know why people
Strive for perfection
Or how easy it is for some
All I know is that I can't stand it.

When I try,
My body flares up like bombs--
Internally, never externally--
And hides my true colors
To create a cascade of catastrophe
It's like living in a ******* up world
The only difference is that
I actually get to block it out.

I don't remember waking up in the morning
With a smile on my little innocent face
And thinking about how easily I had it
It's too late now, I suppose, to care
Yet I still do.

Have you ever tried to write a poem
On the back of a pack of matches?
Have you ever cried for nights
Til you couldn't breathe?
It's all about you and never about me
And that makes the tears fall for days
Try this.

I don't know why people
Strive for perfection
Or how easy it is for some
All I know is that I can't stand it.

When I try,
My body flares up like bombs--
Internally, never externally--
And hides my true colors
To create a cascade of catastrophe
It's like living in a ******* up world
The only difference is that
I actually get to block it out.

I don't remember waking up in the morning
With a smile on my little innocent face
And thinking about how easily I had it
It's too late now, I suppose, to care
Yet I still do.

Have you ever tried to write a poem
On the back of a pack of matches?
Have you ever cried for nights
Til you couldn't breathe?
It's all about you and never about me
And that makes the tears fall for days
Try this.

I trust in the calls of the fallen.

They are the ones who landed
on the cold ground;
I wish I could have shown them
the big blue ocean
that had lay not too far away.

It's crippling to see people,
even when in agony and despair,
sleep through it all.
How do they even handle it?
Is it hard to wake up from it?
Do they ever wish for an escape?

Like many of the near-fallen,
I lay in the sullen shadows
It's not a very healthy place, I know,
but I suppose no one is in perfect harmony.
If I could find an easier life to live, I would;
To dispose of this body, however,
would defeat my purpose in this world.

I trust in the calls of the fallen.

I couldn’t tell you how many times
I was afraid of messing it up
The number of times I reattempted it,
Hoping that it would be ready for the finale
I stumbled once or twice
Always managed to slip on my feet
Everyone I worked with said
“It happens sometimes”
And I learned from it

For every waltz I memorized
Came another tricky jazz routine
That tore me apart and pulled
At me until I was bruised
But by next week, I found it again
From time to time, I found myself solo
At times when I needed a partner
Learned to do it all on my own
An empty feeling, but a powerful one as well
I’ve had many instructors
Some good, but not all
I had to find the right one
To show me the way

I wept for a moment on the stage
To show off everything I’d learned
Went blind staring up at the lights past the crowd
Looking for a moment of satisfaction

Could this be your husband,
Could this be your mother,
Could this be your neighbor,
Could this be any given name,
Am I talking about a personal career, or
Am I talking about the same dance
We all go through every day?

I wake you up
Out of your slumber
I hear the 8 become 9
I've always said that 24 hours
Is too short, and for us
It makes your company more of a necessity
Because there is no tomorrow
If I haven't had you yet, my drug, my fix
Babe, you don't know what it's like
To lay in bed and imagine your skin
Sending shivers up mine
We suffer on the weekdays
Then the weekend is here and I'm yours
You're my favorite
I don't want to hear it ever again
I'm not gonna give up on a boy
That is the light in my life
I'll run to you in the blink of an eye
That is the power of the love
That I have for you

What a curse it is
To love someone so much
That you write a poem about them
One day
Only to not be a thing
The day after

The day I have it all figured out
You'll crumble to ash and dust
I'll see you sit and cry and pout
What good was I, machine with rust

And what good is progression in myself
If you're unavailable to see it brew
I throw the dust right off the shelf
You'll never be the one who grew

And when you wanted it all
I just wanted it to last
Come as you are
And I will be disappointed
Just like I was when I saw
The person I became
Was lovesick in memory
Memoria

I cherish my sobriety
And my holiness
Even though I have abandoned God
And no longer have a purpose in life.

But I look at the men with drunken nights
And the loose women with abandoned children—
They make me ***** a heap of cold, hard truth
That spills to the floor like blood from a pulled tooth,
And although I don't get to see a fortunate future,
What I do see is a chance at a great enlightened life.

The question is whether or not I can handle it.

The glass is either half empty or half full
But all I see is a glazed piece of transparent drink.
It's a shame to think things have hit rock bottom
When all of it has idly rested there for years.
If life doesn't stop messing with the sheets
I think I might wrinkle them up on purpose.

I see the 20-year-old with pigtails across the street;
She sees the shadows traveling under my eyes.
Good evening, she says.
Perhaps.
It's my own personal masquerade ball.

I prop my feet up for comfort
And the pain goes away temporarily.
Ever since I left behind my innocence
There's been an absence in true pleasure.
Even when the world pushes me down,
The chance is always still there.

Before I came home that night
I knew that I’d be back to you
Like the perfect hue of blue
And like a madman
I wished you were
As sad as me
The truth flew into the winds
And whispered to me softly
I’ll see you in a few

The drinks told me you were gone
The **** told me you didn’t exist
The sadness told me I missed you
And my legs never felt more weak
Than when I carried myself
Toward the ledge of my sanity
Loving myself in the shackles
Of constant pressure

Remember that day in October
Like the moon walked us home
But our feet were on fire
Yet our hands were the water
And the glands that said
Hello to our profuse sweating
The smile faded
And the king was a king no more
What happened to peace
Was now a curse

There's no more room to breathe,
No more stories left to be told
I've been living in the same place
For one too many years now
It's a harsh world to face,
And I'll need to figure it out
Moving farther away from my past
To bring me closer to my future
Here I have such a history to carry
I must sit and accept that the people
I love the most will leave me
To find their place in this world.

Where's mine?

Who are you in the morning
The one who lifts the feet off your child
And vise grips the broken, bludgeons the weak
You no longer make me shiver in fright
I see through your cowardice with shame
That a young boy would fall to his knees
At the noise of a dog with no bone to chew
Cradled by the nape and dug into the heels of
A story not ever cared of being mentioned
I’m the one to lose and sulk my days away
But you, whose words are lackluster and feeble
Carry the weight of two
That know so little to their own good
Dry as the scab from which you inflicted
I am born to be the delight of all good
The Atlas that carries the weight of your mistakes
And when all is said and done
The night will weave into my body
Making the brain addled boy
Dream a good little dream

Many times, sometimes only once every so often,
I’m burned alive.
The crackles of the fire soothe me.
So that I can carry this glob of pink matter around,
I leap from the tallest tower,
grab onto the slippery side, and descend
like a ball of paper across the room.
When I feel this way,
I want to punish the way my mind hurts me.
While everyone carries themselves with pride,
I walk alone. The pain of being an outsider,
the pain of losing the one focus
you once had, is silently deadly.
In those moments,
the room feels empty. The pain glides along
and I’m carried off by my toes
and thrown in the pit of despair.

You sent him away
**** to it all
I sit here lonely and miserable
What do you wish to prove?

You say that our love is false
That he is confused
It is not for you to decide
How a boy is destined to live

You have no moral compass
Sitting on a throne of lies
Calling me the wronged one
While he sits and cries
And my hope for love dies

I am a crippled bird
That got stomped away
By a bitter ******* woman
With nothing but a false hope

Tonight, I will hold three funerals
One, for my love
One, for our love
And one, for love itself

He wants a different life.

It's always nice to stick my head out
And let the wind hit my restless pupils
As I drive along the rocky road
This is where I find the greatest solace,
Never having to explain myself,
Never having to worry about life
And the troubles of being human.

I think about her on these trips,
With her hair flowing freely
Against the sides of my car
With my hand pressed against her,
I find us at peace with each other
You are so gorgeous.

This is what I live for.

Where does time stop
When time is inevitable?
It's true, I spent the summer
On my back, waiting for a sign
Each one has felt like a trial
My life became more opaque
By the second
You don't want my storm
You never did
You fall in love with people
Who don't love you, not like I did
As turbulent as we were,
You never met a man like me
I don't belong to anyone
Don't need one like you
Really think you should
When I was a child
I thought love was fated
Seems like I was a coward
Unaccepting of the fact
Love is the rain, love is the snow
Love has come, love has gone
The thunder
In my heart
Was too much
For your raincloud
To take

I wish I could survive on solar power
Like a calculator without the batteries
I know that I wouldn't have to hurt
Or live in constant regret every day

My arms and legs are up for auction
That no one could care less about
I feel drowsy at the thought of love
What the hell is love?
Am I giving it away
Or am I just spreading hate?
Is love the feeling of being with someone
Or being helpless without them?

It is drawn to life in seconds
I never thought of it fast enough
I circle around the room all night
As the bass surrounds my cranium
For now, I tackle my problems
Allow them to escape this planet
I make love to the thought of peace
Cradle the vibrations of sound waves
Eat up the ******* truth of it all
Can you come around the front?
I'm not sure how much longer
I'll last in this planetary hell
Working like a pack mule til I die
Sounds like a **** bore to me
My lips encircle the lips of another
A beautiful blue-eyed fantasy
He's such a confusion, she's such a rush
My body wants more of the truth
It craves a taste for it
I love the sound of desire
I want you to pacify my weakness
Make me a man with a purpose
Envelop my mouth with an answer
Make it as satisfying as you, as the truth

There's a hint of truth to every lie
If I'm the one you call yours at night
Where am I when you wake up
In the bed of the one you call angel

I cling to a reminder
That I'm not a crime
That no one else is sharing you
I scorn myself for wanting more
Truth be told, I don't want the truth
If it rips me apart like a piece of mail
Left on the table
Then disregarded, expected as more

And you say that I'm nothing more
So off I go, I'm a flicker in your memory
I pick up the phone expecting your face
Why do I let myself be lifted
Only to fall back into the pit of your indifference

I've got this feeling
That we are shifting
Through our decisions
They're never ending

If all weight is lifted
Carry me out in an instant
I'm not who you expected
My love is sometimes banished
It hurts me, punishes me

Shredded in pieces, my mind
All this time, you sang well
My eyes green, not with envy
But with holy, a white spirit
Down the hallway, I see you
You're the one in danger
Jumpstart my heart as it revs up
And revamps itself from reverie
My feet have been through a lot
But as long as I'm breathing
They'll float above the flood
Suddenly it's not so deep anymore

A continental place
Separated by categories
Each one symbolic

The world is a child
And an aging sphere
All at the same time

It is the kangaroo
Who nurtures its young
Who in turn loves them

It is still dying
As it depends on
It's young one's help

Happy headed creature
Turns its back
On the caring mother

They are helpless from
The loss of their guardian
The world the children made

What shall we do?

The clock is ticking
And you still have nothing to say
It won't matter if your life is wasted
Because you have time in bed to lay

These winds were your guide
You hoped that they would help you lift
But they wouldn't and you knew it
They just told you Go inside and drift

Don't rest your eyes! they said
Because they wanted you to try
But all you could do was give up
And sit down to cry

They don't see you cry.

It was easy, it was fun
Living in our fantasy land
Drawing our plans out
We'd drift into imaginary possibilities
Back then I'd show up
At your front door
Two unfortunate children
One unlikely chance
Like the best of them, we'd fall
Land in separate places
Sometimes it felt like planets
And only I had my head straight
You looked behind you constantly
Was it hard to face forward?
Leaving behind your fight
I couldn't throw punches
It was hard, it was fate

My shadow once grew cold
As cold as a dark winter night
I begged it not to smother me
But it knew better, oh right

Does that belt feel snug
Is your teeth clenched shut
Will this be my last goodbye
Will our love drown in the mud

This isn't me begging
This is me looking for an answer
Looking for a better lover
Looking for one another

I miss the warm sheets
On those long cold nights
Your sparkling whites
The mornings in bed
With no daylight
I want to go back
To our glory days
When love only mattered
And time always stayed.