The girl with purple hair is sitting at my bar again.
I think she is beautiful. And not in a way that I wanna have awesome *** with her but in a way that I want to drink chocolate martinis with her
and go shopping for christmas vests that have tinkly bells and possibly polar bears with hats on them.
She is having a full-body cry. I am the worst bartender, simply
because I don't know how to counsel people without crying back at them.
She is crying about the state of women.

I know that we come from the same rotting wood, so all I do is nod.

"How is it that three quarters of the women I know have been ***** or molested?
What does that say about the men that I know?
**** is not a man behind a bush with a knife, she laughs
It's kissing you on the mouth like whiskey at a nice bar."
The girl with purple hair and I are holding hands now,
"I only wanted an apology,
an acknowledgement of what occurred."
Grappling as artists, as girls, as ships in bottles,
how do we change any of it?
I tell her I am going to write a poem.
She says no one wants to hear a **** poem.

And I know she's right.

Have you ever seen a stampede of horses?
Do you wonder what the hooves look like from underneath?
Have you ever tasted the blood from biting your own lips because you couldn't say no enough?
"I never fought back. I kept my thighs tight and
closed, but once he's inside you, you wish you were the streetlamp, the
store clerk, a street lamp, a bed of calla lilies-

anything but a woman.

In that moment, our eyes glaze over, and they stay that way for years.
That's when you've lost.

Sometimes you feel like a badass,
Walking around no worries,
No cares, no concerns, nothing
You carry everything except hope
Inside a black backpack.

Sometimes I think that
Going home and running away
Are one and the same
Why choose both?
When a loving family is there
Waiting for you at the end of the day,
Can you ask for anything else?

Sometimes being a rebel
Isn't all it seems to be
And you find foolishness
As a wish for childhood
Even if for just a minute.

You can contort my mind
You can destroy my feelings
You can bring me to the lowest
If you are that cold-hearted.

And in your world
things are full of
mediocrity and disgust
you lay in bed at night,
dissatisfied with yourself.

Contort my mind, you may
Destroy my feelings, go ahead
Bring me down if you see fit
But let's make one thing clear.

No one can mess with my pride
You will never borrow it
Because once you have it...
That's the moment I lose myself.

Where did you come from, bright star?
What heaven did you leap from, dear love?
How can I spell your name
Without the sound of autumn
Underneath my tongue,
Without acknowledging the lovers who bent me in half
Bless them for bringing me to you
How can I say your name
Without also breathing the words
My god, I found you.
How can I ever speak again with this mouth
When it has found where it belongs
When you touch me, I am a bed of calla lilies
I will build a house and fill it with evergreens
I will paint sunsets on every wall
So you can only see beautiful things
How can I say love
Without wanting to fold myself into you
Like a thousand paper cranes?

Dear one,
I was halved the moment I was born
Either piece of me is inside of your mouth
And I was found whole the moment you spoke.

I focus on your eyes
those two deep blue oceans
and wonder why you wave over me
yes, it's true that I'm imperfect
but are you any better?

You can't feed me servings of silence
like an unsolved piece of a puzzle
please move your stiff ghost occasionally
let it consume something other than
your tortured, self-consumed mind.

These walls keep you from leaving my sight,
yet why are they the closest from tumbling down?

Only prayers keep me sane anymore.
                             ...
Resting my eyes as you call out my name
you whisper it to the shadows within the clouds
but only because it's forever the name of a stranger.

Crimson leaves,
Falling.

I won't be anything to you, you
Who planted the seed in confusion
Never knew I would be a product
A spawn of accident I was
Swimming in mystery, living without thought
You became a man of higher proportions
Seven feet tall in a blurry photograph
In my dreams you stood unnecessarily
Before I knew myself, I barely knew you
Giving you a second chance
Might have been the scariest thing to him
There is no fixing what was never there
No hating what I never loved
I'm stuck with confusion as well
Who am I supposed to call Father?

I see it
A change is taking place
The good in all is nowhere
Every life is taken for granted
Memories are strung together
In a lost papier-mâché craft
Gaining dust in a Kindergarten classroom
Where the boys and girls of tomorrow live
In a crazed life filled with
Devices and contraptions
It makes us all feel blue
But we caused it
What we see is what we want
We see what we caused
We kissed the sweet lips of evolution
And it opened its legs to innovation
Save the stress for later
We'll all worry about it another time
When silver bullets are sprouting
In the garden of our beautiful
African-American brothers and sisters
And a disillusioned land of education
Save them from this misery
Such a shame that we gave our best
Now you see it -- our paradise is ******.

It's been a while since we've last talked
and I've built up a lot inside this body
you should know these feelings quite well
but what you may soon come to find out
is that a piece of my heart isn't all that mad

I know that
You're a total *****
I hate your ******* guts
And never again will I want you

But I know better than to consume and ponder myself
with thoughts that a less wiser man would think
it's not the end of the world frankly
and I have better things to do
than to sit around all day
and drive myself mad
losing all this sleep
trying hard
to forgive
you.

A past weighed heavy on my chest
I took my chance,
I watched it burn
Out here I can cleanse my hands from its ashes
Awaiting your arrival
Follow the stream until you find me
Tell the others you've gone to sea...

You died,
and a year has passed

I don't know how to explain
how much I miss you
without being stabbed
by needles in my throat
sometimes I wonder
if the pain from losing you
is drawing me closer to you
but I pray it isn't time yet

You died,
and a year has passed

And every time I write those words,
it hurts me inside
because I can't believe them;
it can't be about you,
you're here

You died,
and a year has passed

I loved and I lost,
and I will continue to love
with your memory inside me
with every person I meet

I died,
And a year has passed.

I sit parallel
from a blank canvas
for the next
*lustrum.

It's an uncomfortable position to be in:
To be unhappy with yourself and others
It's like the thought of something greater
Is all you need to get through the day

And the question always seems to remain—
Should you remain voiceless?
I say, "No!"

Who gives a **** if you **** at tact
Or you can't find your "inner voice"
There's a true way to escape carelessness
Without falling victim to faux pas

If you look at yourself
Through another's viewpoint
Do you see content?

Many times, sometimes only once every so often,
I’m burned alive.
The crackles of the fire soothe me.
So that I can carry this glob of pink matter around,
I leap from the tallest tower,
grab onto the slippery side, and descend
like a ball of paper across the room.
When I feel this way,
I want to punish the way my mind hurts me.
While everyone carries themselves with pride,
I walk alone. The pain of being an outsider,
the pain of losing the one focus
you once had, is silently deadly.
In those moments,
the room feels empty. The pain glides along
and I’m carried off by my toes
and thrown in the pit of despair.

I don't know why people
Strive for perfection
Or how easy it is for some
All I know is that I can't stand it.

When I try,
My body flares up like bombs--
Internally, never externally--
And hides my true colors
To create a cascade of catastrophe
It's like living in a ******* up world
The only difference is that
I actually get to block it out.

I don't remember waking up in the morning
With a smile on my little innocent face
And thinking about how easily I had it
It's too late now, I suppose, to care
Yet I still do.

Have you ever tried to write a poem
On the back of a pack of matches?
Have you ever cried for nights
Til you couldn't breathe?
It's all about you and never about me
And that makes the tears fall for days
Try this.

I'm sad.
But what's new?

Nothing.
Nothing is new.
Everything is sad.
**Everything.

I have yet
to truly find
a happy poet.

It's a crowded world
Getting bigger every day

Leave it behind, abandon it
Fake your death, try it
There won't always be a tomorrow
You could be the best there is
Peel off your skin like a banana
Living like a missing puzzle piece
You're the mercenary, you don't belong

Eat your fears away on a plate
Find yourself in the music
Try to jump off that trampoline
I see a quintessential being
They need a hug

**It'll be okay.

I live through visions of distortion,
Wondering how to remain confident
Even through all the troubles and trials
That bind me from being who I thrive to be

I gave you a minute
To live for yourself
For once in your life
And you rolled up all that I had
To create a person
I had never met before

Through these visions you find
A hazy glimpse of what-once-was;
It spirals and contorts around
To find its chance at a true color
But it stays in its kaleidoscope of craziness

I have become a self absorbed monster
Living in two worlds consumed with each other
I keep my head held high toward success
But fall short when I lose my best

It's a cruel world to live in I see
But fortune without luck is free
I worked my way up to the top
Cause fortune without luck is nonstop
What is real anymore, am I in control?
It's a cruel world to live in I see
But fortune without luck is free

I don't need friends in high places
They're just a bunch of pretty faces
I'll be in a deeper hole than before
And no one can help me anymore

It's a cruel world to live in I see
But fortune without luck is free
I worked my way up to the top
Cause fortune without luck is nonstop
What is real anymore, am I in control?
It's a cruel world to live in I see
But fortune without luck is free

I've got a one-track mind
And a wealth that's just fine
I close my eyes and I see despair
Nothing else I can see to compare
It's a time for a change

It's a cruel world to live in I see
But fortune without luck is not for me
I worked my way up to the top
To find that fortune without luck can stop
I see an open door, I am in control
It's a cruel world to live in I see
But fortune without luck is not for me

Boxes will remain boxes,
Resting in the same place
Even through dark nights
As if they must understand and
Know that they can't do anything;
Nothing is worse than having nowhere to
Go to for a home.

Feeling like a deserted ship is a
Rite of passage that everyone will
Experience in their life; the
E**scape is further away than you think.

Those feelings were never built to last,
I should have known a long time ago
I would flow like the wind,
Living without a purpose
But I was happy

Nothing to do, nothing to prove
So I would take off into the sky.
Soaring without a clue.

Stop and think,
Give a deep breath,
And ask yourself:
Am I in pain?

Whether it's either
Physical or mental,
It doesn't matter;
You're hurting.

Get help,
Fix yourself,
And know this:
You're not the only one...

Who's in **PAIN

I saw a ship when you passed
It made me wonder so much
About what we meant
Was your ghost with me
During or after it all?

In the light of day
I find myself gazing
At what-once-was
And at night I cry
A howl of pain and misery

It wasn't your fault, my love
I knew better than to wish it away
When the weight is dropped
I am stuck with memories
Of your living nightmares
Oh my god, I ******* it all up
It was lost and now is found
I want to slip away from this
I can't live with reminder notes
At the nightstand of my lonely bed

I'm forever filled with a hole inside
A misery-soaked life, slowly but surely
Dead.

She's inside of me
And I want her out
My guilt is floating past
Like troubled ghosts on Earth
The past intertwines with my brain,
Twisting apart my limbic system
Truth is, life ***** --
Pain is more than pleasure,
My incessant memories overlook happiness...
My forks in the road all carry my signature.

I wish I had indecisive tattooed
And inverted across my forehead
So I could look in the mirror
And be able to understand my decisions.

I couldn't accomplish what you wanted from me;
I was your disappointment
and you made it obvious
we were unhealthy.
We crossed paths in our relationship
that train-wrecked any hopes of happiness.
My life was a nightmare
whenever I was with you.

I felt controlled and abused
and you played with my heart,
but I always wondered
why I couldn't try.
Why was I so naïve and dumb
to not understand that you didn’t even love me?

I walk in the club
And I see it all
No friends around,
But I don't need 'em
I've got this feeling
And I intend to listen to it
The floor gets quiet
As I let myself loose
Everyone is interested
In those wonderful moves
I hope no one is offended
By the way those hoops dance.

I bask in the loveliness of the moon
Letting every star lift me off my feet
Into a lifeless body with no moral compass
I'm sorry, Mother
I can't help that I like living precariously
I was born a ******* night owl
Seeking the brightest lights I can find
In the search of pure happiness
They might dig up my grave one day
Because of this desire
But I don't mind.

I am notorious for finding the light
In the crevices of a sullen world.

Behind these four walls
I see a man looking for an escape
He grips a knife, looking at possibilities--
Perhaps he'll slash his wrists
And let his love pour open;
Maybe he'll **** the noise
That surrounds his daily fuss;
Either way, I know better
Than to answer the calls of such a man
In the mirror, I see him, say goodbye
And wonder when we'll meet again.

I trust in the calls of the fallen.

They are the ones who landed
on the cold ground;
I wish I could have shown them
the big blue ocean
that had lay not too far away.

It's crippling to see people,
even when in agony and despair,
sleep through it all.
How do they even handle it?
Is it hard to wake up from it?
Do they ever wish for an escape?

Like many of the near-fallen,
I lay in the sullen shadows
It's not a very healthy place, I know,
but I suppose no one is in perfect harmony.
If I could find an easier life to live, I would;
To dispose of this body, however,
would defeat my purpose in this world.

I trust in the calls of the fallen.

In the grand scheme of life
You see me, a lost dreamer
Standing on the periphery and
Fantasizing at what might be
Genius it is to live someone else's life

Then I found him, in all his scars
He was a kind soul trapped in beauty
And I found him, oh how lovely it was
I never thought I'd be so lucky
In all my circumstances to be given
Such a beautiful man, such a warm heart

It is us, all of us, nothing but us
He shares his life with me, and I accept
If this should be true, I accept all
I will take his love in my palms,
Caress his purity and die right there
In a blanket of protection and serenity
All is not lost, just found in him.

when i say i want it all
i'm not sure what i mean
living like an artist
but struggling like a fool
painted your hand in mine
because i wanted to be led to a sign
i don't know if you truly exist
and i'm not sure if i even care
at this point
blame it on me, blame it on you
i stopped asking for your help
a previous entity ago
i drove off that cliff and died
but a part of me floated upwards
into the clouds, was saved
my echo was here to stay
the circus clowns stopped laughing that day
this was a serious matter
more serious than losing a leg in an accident
or giving birth for the first time
but i never uttered your voice once
when i did the decision making
no one loves you for the right reasons
so why love you at all?

I look at a blank canvas
Emptiness, it reads,
Exposed to absence.

I can't help but shudder
When I imagine my future
What am I doing with myself?
Am I what people expect of me?

I always feel tired,
Yet I seem restful
My problems are shoved
Under a black rug in space
And I feel like I carry guilt
Each and every single day.

I told her I wanted to run away
From all the drama and pain
I can't put it any other way
I'm looking for an escape with her.

She says,
There's nothing better than living
With the sound of love in your ears
Love is a fantasy
It grabs you like a palm tree,
Shakes you around
And throws your problems below the sea,
Leaving only ambition and happiness.

*Listen to the waves.

I cherish my sobriety
And my holiness
Even though I have abandoned God
And no longer have a purpose in life.

But I look at the men with drunken nights
And the loose women with abandoned children—
They make me ***** a heap of cold, hard truth
That spills to the floor like blood from a pulled tooth,
And although I don't get to see a fortunate future,
What I do see is a chance at a great enlightened life.

The question is whether or not I can handle it.

The glass is either half empty or half full
But all I see is a glazed piece of transparent drink.
It's a shame to think things have hit rock bottom
When all of it has idly rested there for years.
If life doesn't stop messing with the sheets
I think I might wrinkle them up on purpose.

I see the 20-year-old with pigtails across the street;
She sees the shadows traveling under my eyes.
Good evening, she says.
Perhaps.
It's my own personal masquerade ball.

I prop my feet up for comfort
And the pain goes away temporarily.
Ever since I left behind my innocence
There's been an absence in true pleasure.
Even when the world pushes me down,
The chance is always still there.

You never felt right for me

In just a year I've found **** luck
Hypothesizing a love life
With the conclusion of
A beautiful future,
Two souls intermingling

No, I don't understand the concept
My youth screamed like a spoiled child
That it was right when everyone said
It wasn't
I listened, I listened then crashed

You told me one day love wasn't for you
My throat clenched and choked
My page of trust was ripped out
My heart poured out on a hospital sheet
Was drilled into, wasn't serious to you
And yes, I underrated my heartache
To not look like a loser for love
A part of me wanted a future with you
Wanted to say that I proved them wrong
Had something to be proud of

Not broken, yet not held together
I refuse to be, because I've
Been there far too many times
You make me sit at the table
Waiting for the clock to change
I look for a call, a declaration of love
But instead, you hurt me
And anytime I think about you
I am disgusted with myself

Before the years of bitterness
He was a boy with innocence
In this innocence, he lived happily
Looking through his books,
Longing for nothing

It was a funny thought
To think anything less
He had no clue what it was
Nor did he imagine it
He simply enjoyed his happiness
In the way that little boys do

Today I live as a lunatic
By simply looking at someone
For more than five seconds
A cry of assault can be heard
From a range of six miles
In every suburb, district, nation
And a group of hypocrites
To tell you to remain pure

I once saw life as an expression,
As it should be seen
You can question many things
Except love
I don't just want happiness--
I want a life of passion

How can they expect me to make magic
With these bursts of time they give to me?

I cry for my past self
As I search through the wreckage
Of past mistakes to find him
In this world, I am left with pain
And a reminder of my history
It is an archive of mistakes
That stands at the forefront
Of this abandoned earth.

I find him cold and naked,
Laid down in a manger
He looks so emotionally pure
I wish I had found him sooner
I pick him up and cradle him
We cry with all of our might
And synchronize our heartbeats
To remind each other that
We're the same human beings
Then his fragile body collapses
And I'm left with ashes in my hands.

In this moment, I am left with closure
But I will never have another chance
To fix my past loneliness and troubles
So I walk back home, where it is then
I will find enough strength to crawl my body
Through the depths of pain and be set free.

Put me back into the world
Engage me with your eyes
Make me feel so important
**** the life back into me
I feel my spine shiver
A freefall into your crystal rod
The craving feels so raw, so real
Be the best to me, love
Dip me into a fountain of appreciation
There's no greater truth than yours
Only you can send this pit of misery
And blast it off to an ache of passion
I'm on both scales between
Giving up
And
Giving in

Traveling across two planets,
I see a galaxy afar.
It's a glimpse of your face
Drawn along a gallery of broken hearts.

There is a place down below
Where the grass is always green
And the sky is always blue
That holds my history of pain.
Why would I want to go back?

I send my spaceship to a special gallery
Where I observe and mourn you, my love.
I look back towards the cosmic proportions
And know that love is at my very fingertips.

You live with many tears
Look around with plenty fears
Waste up your many years
And seldom hear cheers.

Many times left your eyes
With nothing but cries
And lies across the skies
Sat next to you sharing sighs.

My shadow once grew cold
As cold as a dark winter night
I begged it not to smother me
But it knew better, oh right

Does that belt feel snug
Is your teeth clenched shut
Will this be my last goodbye
Will our love drown in the mud

This isn't me begging
This is me looking for an answer
Looking for a better lover
Looking for one another

I miss the warm sheets
On those long cold nights
Your sparkling whites
The mornings in bed
With no daylight
I want to go back
To our glory days
When love only mattered
And time always stayed.

We cross paths and I want to scream
At the thought of not saying hello
It isn't just a simple kind of romance
When society has their opinions equipped
Why does wanting you feel so wrong,
But loving you feel so right?

I can see us together in my dreams,
With my arm around you as we sleep
And we embrace our warmth beneath the sheets
That will be when I know that
I've felt your warm beating heart.

Maybe one day I can call you mine
Or say that you got away
But I know better than anyone
That you either stay forever
Or break off, only to wonder,
*Were they truly the one?

The girl with purple hair is sitting at my bar again.
I think she is beautiful. And not in a way that I wanna have awesome *** with her but in a way that I want to drink chocolate martinis with her
and go shopping for christmas vests that have tinkly bells and possibly polar bears with hats on them.
She is having a full-body cry. I am the worst bartender, simply
because I don't know how to counsel people without crying back at them.
She is crying about the state of women.

I know that we come from the same rotting wood, so all I do is nod.

"How is it that three quarters of the women I know have been ***** or molested?
What does that say about the men that I know?
**** is not a man behind a bush with a knife, she laughs
It's kissing you on the mouth like whiskey at a nice bar."
The girl with purple hair and I are holding hands now,
"I only wanted an apology,
an acknowledgement of what occurred."
Grappling as artists, as girls, as ships in bottles,
how do we change any of it?
I tell her I am going to write a poem.
She says no one wants to hear a **** poem.

And I know she's right.

Have you ever seen a stampede of horses?
Do you wonder what the hooves look like from underneath?
Have you ever tasted the blood from biting your own lips because you couldn't say no loud enough?
"I never fought back. I kept my thighs tight and
closed, but once he's inside you, you wish you were the streetlamp, the
store clerk, a street lamp, a bed of calla lilies-

anything but a woman.

In that moment, our eyes glaze over, and they stay that way for years.
That's when you've lost.

I say that I don't hate you
Double-negative -- love is confusing.
Tell me one good reason why I cry
And I'd slap the pain off your face.

We only argue in the middle of the night
Cause that's the best time we tend to fight
It's true that I do my best to keep it grand
But we have lost the only place to stand.

Leave me be!
I want peace
And a crease
Of happiness
Washed over
Like waves
On an ocean.

So I ride that crease
And wait for some peace
It's so hard to breathe this smoke
And follow your open arms
I want to have all the answers
But all I have is the ultimate why...

I'll remember those times
Long ago when it felt real
To visit someone amazing
Who I could spend every moment
With and not want to leave

I could explain everything to you
And you would listen and be
There for me
I would want you to be here
To smile full of joy and whisper,
I'm so proud of you

You will be there watching
All those great moments, and
I will feel happy knowing that
You are there to witness it all

I wish I could go back
To that happy place
once more.

talk me down from my own fate
or i'll pour out my blood
open up my wounds for the world
father lift me up by my ears
brand me with a painful reminder
you do or do not do, i'll say it again
a prince of sadness, she lives
my tears collect in my chest
i'm too proud to call you anything
but a man of steel and anger
oh, you voodoo *******
i wish i could pin you all afternoon
you're a bittersweet apple in the
winter, the frigid wind of oymyakon
i never liked you, you leader
the grapevines look awfully familiar
that summer morning they withered away
she takes and takes and takes me home
i love her more than the currency
you clammy snake, quit constricting me
jump off the face of the earth into oblivion
save you before i have to save myself

The truth can set me free
But the lies make me quiver
And second-guess my feelings
Only to bruise me once more

This whole thing they call love
Is so unbearable
When I can't have you
Or call you mine
When all I need
Is a good reason
To continue on living

Hello heartache!
Here you are again
Please spare me the trouble
Of going to the dark side
Where I might not return
And give me the news:
Is it a happy ending
Or is my heart
Going to shatter
Into a million pieces?