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Illona Oct 2017
.
Was that baby
Happy when you gave her 2 toys
YES
Was that little girl
Happy when you gave her 2 lolipops
YES
Was that girl
Happy when you told that she'll have 2 family
NO
She's not happy at all
She cried her eyes off
She bruised herself
She blamed herself
She cursed herself
She's numb and heartless because of that
Have u ever thinking before u said that
She's been in the darkness part of her life
She even think why she's exist in here
BUT
Everthing is different now
She won't cry again
That things doesn't bother her again
She's getting used of that kind of war
Why
Because u make her numb
Don't even try to deny that
And
Now
She thinks
Something that she never expect she will
2 is better than 1
Well i'm getting tired of this kind of war,
Illona Dec 2017
Words been sitting on my tongue for so long
Nothing can escape
They don't know how to solve the labryrinth
Eyes contact
In
Every crowded room
Only see
the brown orbs
Looking at the sun
But can't see the moon



-S.I
I can't hug the blues but i can see the sun
Illona Dec 2017
She can't hold the elephants in the room again
She need to release it
But how can she do that
Without
Being judged by other
She is drowning
Yet
She is flying
She was nyctophilia
And they're Heliophilia
She want to rockabye
But i wasn't easy at all
So
What's the point of it ?



-S.I
Just read between the lines
Illona Oct 2017
Is being Different wrong?
Why it feels like that
They say
"Dare to be Different"
But now what
You will judge me
Because i'm Different
Or maybe you will
Leave me
Because i'm Different


-S.I
Illona Oct 2017
Distance make us Stronger
They said
The fact is
Distance make us to become a Stranger
Illona Oct 2017
I don't want us to be like
The Sun and The Moon
But i do want a moment like an
Eclipse
Illona May 2018
first time i know you
i don't even know your name
we play a game
that changes everything
it's some ridiculous game for me
there's no we at first
only me and you
we talked
we texted
until the sun comes up again
we took photos
and send it to each other
it feels so good
it's seems so perfect
you always tell about how was your day
and either did i
we talked about the smallest and the silliest things
everyday we have something to talk
we shared about the songs we like
and we always tell about the songs we heard
i still remember what the game
it is some kind of zodiac game
and my sentence is
"would you date me ?"
i found it funny
how a game can be real
i really want to date you
i really want to be there
BUT
there's always
a BUT
in everything
Another months and still can't get you out from my brain M
Illona Dec 2018
hey Sun,
i just realized
you don't love me
you never love me
you won't love me
and
i can't make you love me

- S.I
trapped inside her own glass
Illona Dec 2017
there's something missing
i still confuse
what is missing from me
Myself?
or
Someone else?
or
i miss someone
that make me miss my ownself
i miss the apple
i miss the hairtie
i miss the glasses
i miss all of that
because that're the things
i can make me be myself
i can smile because i want to
i can laugh because i want to
not because i need to
I'm not the same anymore
it feels like i have
many faces
many mask


-S.I
I love you since the game we played last year but now i lost you or maybe i lost in you M
Illona Oct 2017
"Please don't cry"
"Be strong"
"Talk to me"
"It's not that bad"
"You can do something else"
"Don't panic"
"Just breathe"
"you are important"
"Don't do that"
"You are worth it"
"Someone need you"
That are lullabies  that  i said to them
That are the things that i want them to believe
That are the words that i use to help people
And they do believe it
But there's one thing they don't know
I NEVER TELL THAT TO MYSELF
Will they still want to believe me and help themself
...........
Illona Oct 2018
The moon already up at sea
Hey you darling my Plea
Always change the direction
Holding hands for a moment then you let it go
You make a space but then you want us to collide
The smell of you reminds me of the clouds
Giving me some comfort feeling

Hey sun please don't make gray line
Just tell the sign don't give the warn
One time you let my hand walking alone,
One time you put your head sleep on my shoulder,
One time you push me away,
One time you melt in my embrace
It's really hard to always getting hurts
I don't have clue
It's so blurry
So sun please tell me if your heart longing into mine
But if it doesn't
Let my soul know
So
I will leave the sky and love you from afar


- S.I
Illona May 2018
here we go again
the same eyes
with different stare
not just a glimpse
it's longer than the other
we hold
until
we realize
what we did
and i lost it
i lost in those eyes
and i want it again
just to feel lost
in those beautiful brown orbs
the smile that makes me blue and the eyes that makes me freeze
Illona Sep 2018
You look so warm
You're small and not so tall
But you are so pretty and cute
The way you move is so fascinating
Catch the both of my eyes
Even in the crowded room
I still catch your sight
Sneak my arm around your waist
Latching onto your body
The way you sat on my lap
Was really comforting
You put one of your arm
Around my neck
And talking stories
About anything and everything
It become my favorite position
And You The Sun
Become My Favorite Person
Is it wrong if the moon who are always in nyctophilia love the sun
Love from afar is the only thing the moon can do
Illona Feb 19
i was lost
where am i
where are you
you are my guidance
you are my only chance
i lost you
i miss you
where are you
where am i
walking round and round
only lost in another round
nothing seems right
nothing on my sight
where are you
where am i
i was happy
i want to be happy
but i’m nothing
i’m just longing
where are you
where am i
i am lost

- S.I
losing my ground to stay in this life, can i follow you to the tranquil sky
Illona May 2018
Love is unfair
Nothing can compare
Nothing can be declare
Love is cruel
Never let a single smile
Without a sea of tears
Love is dull
Never let two soul laugh
Only shattered pieces on their hands
Love is insane
Thinking about yes and no
Enough or too much
Love is tears
Only the moon and the sun
No one cares about the stars and the sky
Love is fake
Never find the time
Never has a courage
Love is cage
Let the fox be free then cacth the fireflies
Losing the light behind the walls
Love is told
Keep to your hearts and tell the orbs
The universe is crying and be hold
Love is dark
Full of sadness and madness
Lust then love
Love is cold
Another beating heart to calm your storm
Another hands to another body
Love is raw
Anger eats you alive
Yelling screaming about how the rainbow never come
Love is deaf
Sounds of the wind brush the grass
The clock has been click
Love is black
Put the smile over the sickness
Happy while you're hurting
Love is burn
See the piece of puzzle with another pieces
Leaking the bright from your eyes
Love is empty
Never in home
Only two hearts breaking the hole
Love is lie
Wait and wait and wait
Should have known from the begining
Love is dumb
Believe in bittersweet promises
Tragically fell so deep
Love is dark
Two hearts beating the same rythm
Can't see the end of it
Love is death
Time is running
Never let the two find the blues
Lost in labryint without a north and south
Sharp glass on the land
Red ink dripping down
Split to the ground and sky
Never enough with one home
Consequenses waiting to come
And love never come
One Thing that will change Everything
From Rainbow into a Storm just need a gasoline and a breathe
Illona Sep 2018
Lonely nights
Staring up to the sky
Looking to the moon
Thinking about words
I need to say
To the mars
When will i meet with those brown orbs
Will i talk to you again dear
I miss you
And
I need you
It's been a thousand times of 20:25 pm
And
I'm still waiting

- S.I
Illona Sep 2018
Words hurts more
Than a knife
Killing you
Slowly
From time to time
Echoing inside the brain
Within every single breath
Words can hurts you but only words can heal

— The End —