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And I start to reminisce
each moment slowly
I shut my eyes,
remembering your smile
I shut my ears,
remembering your voice
Why must I weep
over a ghost that
fails to haunt me?
Is it the part of me that believes
that what I dream is possible?
Come back into my loving arms
and whisper to me my name
I don't think you know
who I truly am, but
only until we meet
*again.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
I have a mouth, but I cannot speak.
I have two eyes, but I cannot see.
I have two ears, but I cannot hear.
I have two feet, but I cannot walk.
I have two hands, but I cannot touch;
I cannot feel not even a single thing.
Is this the one, the numbness that I feel?

                                                      I have a body, but we are apart.
                               I am complete, but I feel empty in my heart.
                                                      I must be missing pieces of me.
                                              But I am whole, why can I not see?!
                                     These holes inside, they cannot be filled.
                              My dilapitated house, must never be rebuilt.
                                                 Please stay away and leave me be.  
                                              My isolation is what keeps me sane,
                                                         ­                             **it sets me free
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2015
She
She
There was this little girl,
So innocent and pure
Until there came a day,
a trap-she was lured.

She tasted cruelty;
violence unveiled
before her very eyes.
A surprise was then revealed.

The world showed the truth;
The mask was uncovered,
Behind all the beauty,
Evil was discovered.

She wept and wept
day after day
With her helpless little heart,
the demons came to play

She did nothing more
and nothing less
Instead, isolated herself
from all the rest.
Revising another poem from the past

© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
I meet your eyes
You don't even see me
You hardly respond
When I whisper
Hello

Could be my soulmate
Two kindred spirits
Maybe we're not
I guess we'll never
Know

My own mother
You carried me in you
Now you see nothing
But what I wear

People ask you
How I am doing
You smile and nod
Don't let it end there

Put me
Underneath God's sky and
Know me
Don't just see me with your eyes

Take away
This mask of flesh and bone and
See me
For my soul

*alone
This is a poem from the book: 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. In the book, the poem was written by the character named Hannah Baker.
The poem really explains what she's going through.
You can't truly find what you're searching for if you just keep on wandering within your finite space.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2017
Tears that seem so plain
never enough without a reason
Always on the back of my mind,
thoughts loose like blood dripping
Can't you see I bear crystals
from picking thorns off a rose?
Every night I dive into the ocean
swimming freely with electric eels
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
My heart is on the verge of breaking.
Dark skies, dark skies
It's getting darker
I'm not a coward
but I can't go any further
I trip, I fall and I stumble
I forgot where I was going
I heard it again
My heart was pounding.
Little by little, fear rose
Until I saw her,
I suddenly froze.
Water filled my eyes,
Tears came rolling down
I remembered EVERYTHING
As if I could drown.
I could have been the one
I knew it was my time
But she was in the way
I was about to accept the "crime"

My heart was filled with joy
When she came into my life
But there was this day
It all ended with a knife.
I saw her and everything else
It was too much.
I was being stabbed a million times
Who could ever do such???
Time flies so fast.
She entered my life,
but she instantly went away
I thought it would all be fine...
But I know this is not the end.
I have to be true
I will start anew
And live this life through.
( One of my very first poems )

© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
I Have Lost My Poetry

Stained with remnants
of an unforgiving past,
my heart tends to sulk
But then I blink
my two lifeless eyes
and forget where I'd been
before.

*
My recent poems always seem unfinished but this is how it goes...

© Cyrille Octaviano, 2017
Tiny, puffy clouds
were once above my head
My feet were there below,
steady and firmly placed.

I can walk a straight path
with no complications
Even in twist and turns
and a loss of directions

Rarely do I trip
or dangle from the branches
The weeds are growing taller
but facile to remove.

I traveled further
in the long, narrow streets
The constant flickering lights,
a very mysterious aura

I headed straight,
but something made me turn
the clouds were on my feet
I suddenly disappeared.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
Drove away, broke the breaks
Closed my eyes... where am I now?
Perhaps I've sailed
too close to the sky.
Rowing and rowing,
unminding the splinters.
To bleed just a little
And bleed more and more.

If I'd fly an airplane,
I'd explore the seas
To chuckle underwater
watching a submarine burn.
Went a little insane
or so I was told.
Said they'll build me a fortress,
but they'd call it an asylum.

They'd always visit
when most are fast asleep
Running back and forth
as their tails touch the floor.
I love how their eyes glisten,
clustered stars in a black hole.
But they only saw me once
through the window on the door.

Freed at last!
Or so I thought.
They gave me shelter -
the finest they had.
Pinpointing I was happy
whilst their words deny
So mute the sound,
see how they open their mouths.

Maybe I was stable
so they let me be.
But the more I stay,
the more I drift away.
They may see the goodness,
but I only see the sins.
Crawled back to my asylum -
**the place where I should be.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2015
The chapter is ending;
this star is dying.
I bid it goodbye
with no droplets of tears.
I look up and smile,
holding on to this packet of stardust.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2015
Why do you keep coming back when I keep pushing you away?
Why still fill me with sweetness when I'm overflowing with bitterness?
I already showed you what a mess I could be, but you'd still tell me you love me.
And that I'm your beautiful disaster; your perfect girl amidst all the flaws that I could possibly have.

Why?

Sorry for always running away; sorry for leaving; sorry for disappearing
Sorry for every single thing; for making it all harder for you
I know my sorries can't really do much, but I didn't really want to hurt you
I love you. I'm just a coward. I just want you to hold me tight and don't ever let go.

*Please.
This seems to be lacking
something....

© Cyrille Octaviano, 2017
Call My Name
Before I Wake
For When I Wake
Your Soul–I'll Take
Just sleep.
Just dream.

© Cyrille Octaviano, 2016
While the stone awaits in a lengthy span of time,
The blue curtain blankets its soul;
Waiting to turn into dust, into light
Into non-existence
'Till the gems of the sea washes up ashore
Just as the clouds of disarray
Spits out the last specks of light
As it blends with the mist.
And into the far distance, the stone awaits
Down goes the last drop
Won't rotate the hourglass
Its time is up.
A poem started by Frank Lloyd A.K.A. Tiger and finished by me.
A sort of random poem. It's worth to try.

© Frank Lloyd Manalang
© Cyrille Octaviano
5 am. Still awake.
I have waited years
for this flower to unfurl
Calling out its name,
only to hear a faint echo.

The girl whom you saw
disappeared later on.
The one that was found
can never be the same.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

From the year you left,
the girl met a friend
Being too innocent and naive,
she was taken for advantage.

From the second year you left,
she finally turned seven.
Closed her eyes and made a wish
then blew her birthday candles.

From the third year you left,
she's feeling more pain.
More bruises and scars
But she was too helpless...

She tried calling for help,
but was left, hung up.
The people would see...
but they'll just say: *let it be
.

From the fifth year you left,
she once awoke to a fight
screaming, swearing, this and that,
ended up with blood-stained glasses

From the sixth year you left,
she moved to a new school.
She learned, she excelled
finally thought she found her home.

From the eight year you left,
things started to change.
Battled depression, weeped everyday
Closing the end, but lived once again.

From the tenth year you left,
she wonders why she's gone numb.
Now you're back, forcing words
All that's left to do was to burn her to ashes.
After 10 straight years, I'll finally be able to see my mom again.
Can't feel a thing.
To my dear old friend,
My first words said.
Oh how far we've come
Won't you share me some?
Some stories of your life,
But not that with a knife.
I'll share mine too
If you give me a clue-
How did we reach
A feisty breach?
Oh, remember that road
With a croaking toad?
That's where it all started
When white clouds darted
Our ignorant eyes for us to see
Now mind's filled with glee.
Seeing familiar faces
From all sorts of places.
Finally rung the bell
There it ended as well.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2015
Staring into a blank wall,
Seeing shades of grey
Droplets of blue diamonds
He won't let them stay

Nearing the home,
withdrawing the heart.
Once a week he goes away
paying the debt; playing his part

The storm starts to fade
after he hushes the wind
The rage that once boiled,
froze into a friend.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
Spilled the water
but did not mind.
Worry not,
it can go on it's own.
Clear it up
it's up to you
Let it dry and
watch it go in a blink of an eye.

You chose to take a step
and there it was.
Colored with dirt
all around and left a mark
You thought it was funny,
but see who's laughing now.
Fine by me
No hellos, no goodbyes.
A random poem that came out of nowhere. (from the "before" time)

© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
Submerged underwater—stayed right there,
letting my body loose and my eyes slowly open.
I took a breathe and watched as the bubbles
escape from my nostrils—I could clearly see this
vast blue ocean before me as I drift away from
All I Once Knew.
Sunk back to the phase of being kept in the womb
My mind has now been refreshed, awaken.

© Cyrille Octaviano, 2015
Could I keep up with this masquerade?
Before this towering wall crumbles?
Before I could finally open all the windows?
Questions I ask myself

© Cyrille Octaviano, 2015
I've met my downfall
now here I am to rise
spreading thin sheets
of layer
and a finishing coat
of dust

It all began
these tiny orbs i see
in the corner
of my eyes,
a spark that's made
of glee
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
The ground is trembling!
Mother, mother, why is it so dark?
What is that? A glowing beam!
Begone awaken souls!
Run, run, but only to return.

*© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
Every time you sigh,
a little of you goes by
And every time you cry,
you always think it's time.

Flower in the wind,
where are you going?
You may have sinned
and stopped growing.

Why are you so afraid?
Always shivering and bickering
You always have a maid
Why aren't you listening?

Words don't mean a thing
Or do they?
You're just a fling
Hurts, nay?

Staring at the daystar,
why is it so afar?
Does it hate the way we live
Or is it because in the wrong we believe?

Notorious it may seem,
fixing at the seams
Why is it notorious?
You're just oblivious.

Thus, would I hate
Doesn't have an excuse.
It may be too late,
You lose

How much it annoys!
Where is that voice?!
Boys will be boys
But the girls, who knows?

**© Jerrika Tonio, 2015
A poem made by my friend, Jerrika. (It's her first poem!)
Like the waves
clashing against one another
Struggling to keep up,
but aware of the power

Rising up,
streaming down
rushing and hurdling
coming ashore

As the sun radiates
illuminating the water,
I can see crystal clear
there is hope.
My poem from before.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2014
She was fond of the light
Yet he kept her in the dark

Her smile faltered
Her heart grew weary
I knew she was tired.

But despite that,
She still clings onto hope
That maybe one day

One day...

Things could go back
To the way they were
Before her eyes went dim

And she could no longer see
the light.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2016
Why
Why
You've been the same places as I
Hands linked together, we soared up high
Who would have known that the day I'll die,
My mind would ask me repeatedly why?

Why did it have to end so soon?
Just as we sat under the stars and the moon
We both had the same favorite toon
And loved to listen to each other's tune.

You were my savior, my lovely knight
who protected me with all your might
One day we talked, had a petty fight
And there it all ended on a quiet night.

So I stood still and watched you leave
knowing I was the first to truly deceive
Felt remorse as I made you believe...
Now that you're gone in silence, I'll grieve.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2015
I ask and you say nothing
You only tell me when it's late.
And the same thing kept repeating
Until I stopped and said no more.

You'd pass by me like time
And easily see right through me
Guess that's what I deserve,
To be treated as nonexistent.

Was I the first to avoid? To ignore?
I was always there for you.
I was your blue curtain
Now I'm just your dusty shelf.

I changed because you told me to
Followed the tracks to who you are
Now that you see what I've become,
You left me longing and wondering.

Here I am now, silently watching
As you enjoy; grinning and laughing
While I'm hidden in a faded corner,
covered in dust, insane and crying.
© Cyrille Octaviano, 2015

— The End —