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625 · Oct 2015
D-1
crystallaiz Oct 2015
D-1
when he holds out a hand
it's unthinking, the way
you reach out for him
you were both laughing and loving
sprinting towards the light
running from the world

when you're together,
all those fleeting eternities,
everything becomes possible
tomorrow, it's your turn. happy birthday too! ah... i don't know what to say... do well inside and don't fall sick~ take care of yourself well~
619 · Oct 2015
D-5
crystallaiz Oct 2015
D-5
when your lips move
it is music
conscious poetry
exhaling magic
D-3. trying to write every part of you in time. you are so beautiful sometimes i wonder how you exist
611 · Jan 2016
fallen
crystallaiz Jan 2016
Those are narrow, steep stone steps
that lead up to short crusted walls
and gritted grounds of sand  

Overlook the expanse of the lake
the willow trees, the autumn colours
Isolation, as you must learn, comes in
red and dust and wilted golden

when the wind blows
and the leaves rustle,
it is an echoing emptiness

the snow-frosted flower blossoms  
but walk past the fragile elegance
and hear it; listen to the soft sigh
quaver in the cold
Osaka Castle is really beautiful, especially during the transition from autumn to winter. The history is fascinating as well~
581 · Nov 2014
all of them, and you
crystallaiz Nov 2014
I fell in love with a dancer
all angled jawline and pure ***
He took my body and turned it into
a puppet for his dance in the spotlight

I fell in love with a musician
all slender fingers and carefree spirit
He took my heart and plucked at my
heartstrings so intense they twanged and snapped

I fell in love with an artist
all paint smears and wild imagination
He took my soul and painted pretty pictures
that stayed black and white because he forgot my colours

I fell in love with you
(you were all of those things
yet you were none of those)
and I had nothing left to give
but maybe that's how you like me
broken, scribbled-on, empty shell of me
This came to me in the middle of the night, literally, and I... dislike this piece. I wrote it in such a hurry, and now I have no idea how to edit this, so it's just going like that.
537 · Aug 2016
sub rosa
crystallaiz Aug 2016
things done in secret
the scarlet burns inside of me
and green grows within
my temper was forged
by a fiery blacksmith
hard iron on steel
the raging embers
never go out easy
i am the wielder of this sword
gallant knights have taught
me to be the master
but i never learned the lessons well
so it swallows me whole
in its unforgiving hold
i don't know. jealousy + insecurity + a lousy temper = unqualified disaster. how shall i go about fixing things tomorrow
524 · Nov 2016
unforgiving spring
crystallaiz Nov 2016
he was arrogance
lightning wrote his name
in the black spring sky
thunder spelled it aloud
under wakeful eyes
frost splintered the ground
in brilliant white

later
a little rain fell
in a field of cornflower blue
and muddied the quiet path through
the world no longer ice-kissed,
the season flowered unforgiving
then
he was melancholy
night is an angel and spring is a monster.
509 · May 2019
clockwork summer
crystallaiz May 2019
it's summer again
i met someone else
he'll become my summer
like you were my spring
in the clockwork seasons
we met and we loved
i used to fill pages with you
now i'm flipping the page
if i loved you
let it become a memory
i really like him now
508 · Jul 2016
your name
crystallaiz Jul 2016
they say
hindsight is 20/20
and I learned it for myself
today when I saw her
calling your name
too late I realised
I wish I had reasons
to just feel the shape
of your name
inside my mouth again
i thought i was over this stupid crush, but no. i wish i had been braver.
493 · Oct 2016
greeny
crystallaiz Oct 2016
he wore pastel pajamas
and a crown of feathers
his world was mosaic

petals rained on his hair
red berries trailed his path
and his eyes reflected the ocean in them

he sang
and the leaves danced in fluid motion
he loved
and the ocean was warm in its embrace
sodagreen. anyone knows? their music makes me cry.
480 · Oct 2015
D-4
crystallaiz Oct 2015
D-4
you lean against the rail
the night air is blowing
and you're breathing in the hurt

the memories are flooding
and you're running so fast
feet pounding on the sidewalk

your jacket ***** in the wind
brushing the reasons away
taking all the words with you
D-2. I think I could cry right now.
A person like you... you shouldn't have to go through all that hurt.
462 · Nov 2019
used to
crystallaiz Nov 2019
i used to be a believer
in your eyes that held the stars in them
you used to be a believer
in my veins that blood pumped through

now you're withdrawing
i'm lying in this wasteland
wondering where the stars went.
my veins are a map,
leading you away from me
and i wish i could rearrange these lines
bring you back to me
i really did see the stars in your eyes and i would let you go if that meant you could keep the stars in your eyes. they were always meant to be in you. it was always meant to be you.
453 · Aug 2017
drifter
crystallaiz Aug 2017
you're a drifter
addicted to high speeds
quick turns
squeal of car tires
mist on the road
sharp smiles
brittle things
fast cigarettes
harsh spotlights
they fade out at dawn
and you
shut down with them
i cant hold on to you
cant let go of you, either
when im with you
i turn into a drifter
addicted to the chase
that is you
dont like this. i havent written in a long time and i like to think its because im busy so i havent got the time to sit down and write properly, but the truth is i actually cant write. never could in the first place.
447 · Oct 2015
D-8
crystallaiz Oct 2015
D-8
you dance like
you're going to
destroy the stage

it's your show
the fireworks are going
up up up up up up

but you extend a hand
and you say
*let's dance
Opera
Rockstar
Let's Dance
Choki Wa
Twins (Knock Out)
401 · Nov 2014
5 years
crystallaiz Nov 2014
It's been, what, 5 years?

The 1st year, I hid in my room
with depression devouring me

The 2nd year, I broke so many phones
trying to reach you, but you never picked up

The 3rd year, I started pretending you never left
I beat up anyone who tried to convince me otherwise

The 4th year, and I thought learning you would bring you back
Midnights had me studying Chinese, and I didn't care if I got heartburn
eating the spicy tofu you liked so much when you were here

The 5th year, I kind of realised you weren't coming back

But then, somewhere around autumn, you called and with that
horribly familiar accented Korean, you asked to meet.
I should have said no, shouted in your ear, swore at you with all the curses I used to teach you, slammed the phone on you.
I should have done all of those things,
but I didn't.

"So how's it been all these years?"
This is going all wrong, I shouldn't look so excited
I shouldn't be smiling like I'm looking at my favourite person in the world
And you make it sound so simple. "I'm great, thanks."
I guess you'll never know about the hunger strikes,
or the crying,
or the self-harm.

Now everything's falling into place.
We talk and laugh over soju,
and we watch variety shows with me in them,
and dramas and movies with you in them,
and it's like you never left.
Only I can't quite erase the 5 years,
but it seems as if you already have.
It's okay, I don't mind.
(actually, *******)
I love you.
I cried a bit writing this... This isn't my story, just written for a very confusing and complicated relationship that I'll never know or understand fully between two unreachable people. (you got that right, they're idols, and this is a mindless rant by an overemotional fangirl)
395 · Oct 2015
D-10
crystallaiz Oct 2015
The leaves are falling
feet crunching on red and gold
slow fires burning
your smile
it reminds of
faded blossoms
spinning yellow to the ground
/gasp/ who are you i'm not writing the person i meant to write because that person's smile is gummy and wide and altogether adorable i don't remember knowing anyone who smiles like this
387 · Jul 2016
spray of raindrops
crystallaiz Jul 2016
stop short in
all of the fleeting moments
rose-tinted lenses
i can still feel
the warmth of your skin
through your jacket material
there were more things but i can't remember now.
383 · Aug 2016
still around
crystallaiz Aug 2016
not anymore
time is falling away
like salt crystals
in the hourglass
with every shedding of spring
our youth is slipping
into the sunset soundless,
just like the way you left
i wish you'd stuck around
but you chose to cut the cord
burn the rainbow down
tell me you found
what you've been looking for
out over at the kingdom in the sky
i wish for a lot of things. **** suicide
381 · Mar 2016
雨。
crystallaiz Mar 2016
today I am thinking of you again

the sky is thundering
there is a scent of rain
lingering in the still air
it's called autumn rainfall
the country you're in now
but not here
all year round, it's
it's summer rain here
full of wet green grass
and I'm sitting outdoors
watching sunbeams
shine through patches of cloud
but I'm thinking of
a different kind of rain
with dark grey skies
red-gold leaves chasing
in a circle, long scarfs
flying and coats flapping

today I am missing you
rain rain rain
377 · Jun 2017
take me away
crystallaiz Jun 2017
i want to run far, far away
from this place
and from myself
let me become one of the lost boys
where i will not know
anything beyond this greyness  

let me become nothingness
turn me to dust in the air
ashes in the sea
take me away from the edge of the cliff
and let me fall
i will grow wings
and join the ranks of the
lost and fallen
if i were to be such an existence, it would have been easier if i never came at all.
348 · Jun 2016
away
crystallaiz Jun 2016
You used to trace my initials
on fogged-up glass planes
two halves of a heart drawn on tiptoes
other times the inked version
appeared in your journals
I came pouring out of your pen
spilling onto your keyboard
all the fears I never knew I had
you conjured them out
stuck them on me
like sticky-notes you used to
leave around, little reminders
of what was to come
//
it took two orbits of the earth
around the sun
but then you stopped promising
stopped searching
and winter let itself through
the door with the spare key
and the outside
of my fogged-up window
showed a December without snow
and I
and I...

(that cold January morning,
i blew on the glass and
traced your initials
watched them fade away)
repost. kind-of sister piece to What should i do about this now. drop me a review?
324 · Jan 2016
oibw
crystallaiz Jan 2016
Once again I am left
In this rain
Blotched poetry
Without you
Part of something longer I wrote a while back
322 · Aug 2019
sweet death
crystallaiz Aug 2019
it came out of nowhere
like the arrival of summer showers
the bicycle speeding round the corner
my favourite song playing on the radio
i wasn't prepared for you
the way i wasn't prepared to start anew
you're the scent of spring rain
morning coffee
you're my sweet death
and i'm not ready
i hope i'm not actually starting to like you ****. i don't think so. i can't be this terrible in choosing people to like.
308 · Mar 2019
the walk to the beach
crystallaiz Mar 2019
the walk to the beach is a long way
we pass by no one on the roads
the stars are a little forlorn
i look up at you but you don't look at me
we pass by an empty shopping cart
who left it there?
i push it along because it looks a little lonely
and it's not nice to be lonely at 4am
i know
you don't ask how  
but i wish you would
it's a very long way to the beach

when we get there
i'll still be empty
but i'll watch you turn golden
you, you were made for the sun
it's all empty inside now. don't know how to put anything in and don't know how to get anything out.

— The End —