This one
Happened not long ago
To a boy who had lost too much.

One day
He was wandering
Inside his house
Empty, no one was home
Except for himself.

He kept thinking
About how
To let go of someone.

He tried
Killing her in memories of his
But she's still there
Haunting him.

As he wanders
He felt like his eyes
Are about to get teary again
For the uncountable times on that day.

Suddenly
He found a balloon
Floating around, anchored by a coin.
A purple balloon, to be exact.
Her favorite color, he thought.
And the best idea of the century came to his mind.

He wrote a note
A farewell note
To the love of his heart
Who no longer loved him

And he tied it
Tightly to the balloon's thread.
He went outside joyfully
Untangled the coin that anchored the balloon to the ground
The coin that kept him from moving on
And let the balloon flew
As he sighed with relief.

He lived
The next day
And the other days
Full of happiness.

Sometimes
He would wonder
What happened to that balloon, anyway?

I tried to write a poem for you.
I can't.
I miss you.
I love you.
It's just that simple and it's killing me.

One day
If you're fat
I'd still love you.
You'd still be the same
As I don't love you
For your weight.

One day
When we've aged
I'd still love you.
You'd still be the same
As I won't ever
Discard you
Over some numbers
And cute wrinkles
Under your lovely eyes.

One day
If your physical
Aren't like
The old you
Know that I'd still love you.
You'd still be the same
As long as you'll love me
Like I'd love you eternally.

I feel like the world matters nothing
If I don't have you.

I feel like the Earth is swallowing me
Because I'm falling for you.

I feel like the stars stare sadly at me
As I think about you.

I feel like the Sun is burning me
Intentionally
Because it knows
I'm vulnerable without you.

I feel like I want
A knife to stab me
All this time
Because I'm dying
Every second I'm missing you.

i'm sorry for leaving, for not explaining.

i'm sorry for taking you for granted, for making you feel unwanted.

i'm sorry for swearing, for being unsensitive and unwilling.

i'm sorry for being annoying, for always being irrelevant and spamming.

i'm sorry for always thinking about you, it's not like i want to.

i'm sorry for letting you go, it's just i think you deserve more.

i'm sorry i'm such a mess, maybe i should think less.

i'm sorry i don't have a good body, i'm just born wimpy

i'm sorry i cry a lot, because i'm tired of the battles i've fought

i'm sorry i think a lot, changing me into someone i'm not

i'm sorry for being sensitive, for always thinking negative

i'm sorry for being hated, for being me and for being complicated

i'm sorry for giving up, for always ******* up

i'm sorry for losing control, for overreacting and for not doing as told

i'm sorry for everything, to everyone for anything

i hope you'll forgive me, even though it's not easy.

I am into you.
Too into you.

(But)

Into emptiness I look
As I could look at you no more.

Into hell I go
As I could hold you no more.

(As it go)

Into fire I burn
As I could feel no more.

Into water I drown
As I could breath no more.

Into darkness I fade
As I could shine no more.

if you're a poem yourself
then

i have been writing poems about a poem?

but nah
none of mine
is as perfect
and beautiful
as that one poem
and that is you.

that maybe we were all created to be sad

i don't know how to love you
other than the way i always do

don't be deceived by her kiss
as her heart's still his

let me tell you why we should believe
in healing, in getting better
in improving, in getting stronger.

the thing is
we're flawful, right?
and do you realize that
we're talking about flaw?

flaws, have flaws too!

why?
because they're flaws, idiot!

don't you get it?

our weakness, have weakness!
their weakness, yes exactly
we can use them
to our own advantages
to win over our insecurities
to build our confidence again
and to go beyond what we thought
was our limits.

and more importantly
to pick our fragments of pain
and change them into
our own gem of victory.

remember this :
if we have flaws
flaws have their own flaws too.

fight your fears
and hide your tears, gentlemen.

the battle has only *just begun.

Hey, I have a question for ya.
Are you a liar?
It doesn't matter
If you lie about things
Or feelings
You're still a liar.

If your answer is yes
I have a question for you.

Who is the only person
That you can never lie to?

Think now, liars.
Who is it?
Your parents?
Friends?
Family?
God?
Sorry, I laughed a bit there.

Well, the answer is simple.
You can lie to everyone but not yourself, liars.
So think before you lie
Because you might stab yourself
With your own knife.

22 July 2016

There's no one. I repeat, no one can make you feel sad. It's only you who can control your feelings. I do understand why sometimes you blamed someone else for your sadness, emptiness or whatsoever negative feelings you have right now.

Maybe it was the only thing that made you happy after some time.

Listen to me. If he or she's gone, let it be. Let him be. Let her be. There are a few things that can actually help you get over it. Not to get over them, but indeed to get over yourself.

1. *Be grateful for every single thing that has happened in your life
-Be grateful you met them. Be grateful that you were maybe once loved, cheated on, stepped on, laughed at or whatever it is. *As long as it doesn't **** you physically, it only make you stronger emotionally.

2. Forgive them and continue to love them.
-The problem with moving on is people tend to hate the ones that hurt them. You can't. Once you fall, there's no turning back. That's why you move on after you fall in love. You can never undo the love. You can never climb back up. All you can do is to move on, continue loving them. Love is universal. I never asked you to stay. True love asks for  nothing in return.

3. Accept the past. Embrace it.
-The past cannot be changed. You can try to forget, but our minds tend to remember beautiful things. The past is indeed beautiful. Each and everyone of us has a different and unique past, and we should all sometimes think about it and learn from it. You will hurt more trying to forget it.

And more importantly, if you think no one loves you,

*I do.

What if
Death is alive?
Sorry, I must have confused you there.

No, I mean Death is anthropomorphic
Invisible to us
But everything it touches
Dies along with its name.

Scary, or sad?
Think about it
He couldn't even touch plants, anything!
Even metals rust
When his hands touched them.

For me, that's sad.
But think about this one for a second.

What if one day
Death falls in love with Life
And he decides that he wants to touch her
For the first and the last time
In forever?

Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own mind.

It wanders into
Peculiar darkness
And fallen battlefields
It’d pick up the shards of my past
And create illusions of future.

Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own lips
It speaks its own mind
Before my tiny brain could stop it.
It yearns for your kiss
During the sleepless nights I had.
It’d repeat your name, I swear.

Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own self
My legs would run away from physical reality
Like a total coward I am.
My tears would fall by itself
My eyes would hurt
And it’ll stare into emptiness
My hands would write
About things I wanna forget
About love I’ll regret
And about you, too.

Am I losing myself?

A home I lack
Until I found poetry.

Love is
Indeed romantic
Enticing as it is.

But when we start
To romanticize love
That's where the problems begin.

We'll start to overthink
We'll start to suffer
Not from anyone, but ourselves.
Deep inside
We expect more, and more
From everyone else.

x

But I guess, not everyone expects more than they should.
Some push away the love they deserve,
Just because
They thought they don't deserve it.

x

And sometimes
They didn't even get the love they deserve.
*Be grateful.

Love is indeed
A disease.

Sometimes contagious
Sometimes it's not.

There's some symptoms
Your lungs will burn

And you feel like
There's less oxygen
In this world.

And you'll feel volts of
Sparkling electricity
Going through your veins.

Be careful
This disease is incurable.
Survivors can heal
But never normal again
It stays in your heart
Until you die.

You know what?
I'm done.

I'm done chasing your shadows through the
Sleepless nights
Running away from my anxieties
Feeding on my demons
Just because of you.

I'm done
Suffering for nothing
Feeling empty in every place I go
Seeing your face everywhere
I feel like my life is a total ******* sometimes
Because of you.

I had enough of myself
Running after what, exactly?

Oh, I know I've said this a million times
And I promise this would be the last time
I'd ever chase something
That's never true.

Love exists,
But it's ******* to me.

i'm mad at myself
for not changing to who i should be.

i'm mad at myself
for trusting people
whenever they say "trust me".

i'm mad at myself
for bleeding
when people stab my back
with their deceiving knives.

i'm mad at myself
for hiding my feelings
for pushing people away
when i needed them the most.

i'm mad at myself
for not being me
i changed a lot
i don't even know what's real.

i'm mad at myself
for being heartless
i used to be so sensitive
but i just cannot feel any less.

I don't think
I'd ever quit
Loving you.

I feel like
My chest is bursting out
Whenever I think
About your flaws
And your perfections.

'This is *******.'
I told myself
So many times
'Why would I love someone who'd never love me?'

This poem
May be mainstream
Simple.
But this simplicity
Hurting me every day
Devours me every night.
Killing me every morning
Hunts me every dusk.

If you think
You're in love with me
You're dead wrong.

I will hurt you someday
Maybe not today
Or many other day
But I would.

I told you so many times
How flawful I am
But you never seem to agree.

I told you who I really am
How terrible I can be
And how awful it would be.

You're not allowed to love me
So does everyone else.

I am allowed to love anyone
Because I don't care if love hurts me.

I am allowed to care for anyone
Because I don't care if people leave me.

I don't know.

Maybe it's just me.

But why are you still here
Smiling at me?

truth is indeed like a bitter medicine to swallow.

not saying this because truth cures.
not also saying this because it's bitter.

what i want to really say here is truth is a part of your life.
you gotta swallow it
forcefully and willingly.

without *pain, there will be no medicine.
and
without lies, there will be no truth.

right?

Shards of memories
Are all that's left in me.

I couldn't remember your smile
From the pictures you're in
They'll all peculiar to me.

What happened to me
When I was a kid
I couldn't seem to remember
Anything vividly anymore.

I guess the pain got me
I've lost my past
And sooner or later
I'd lose my future.

I don't have much time left
My energy is draining
I can feel my soul withering
Away from my body

Is there a cure
For loss of memories
A way to maybe pick the shards up
And glue them together
To make me okay again?

For the first time
I looked into your eyes
I thought it wasn't obvious that
I actually stared.

You would never understand
What I actually saw
Inside of your
Mesmerizing eyes.

It was brown
Almost black
But it was brown, I'm sure.

After noticing my long stare
You asked
"Is there anything wrong in my eyes?"

And I regretted
For I didn't say
That your eyes
Are flawless.
Beautiful.

whenever some of you
feel sad over someone
you might imagine it as
the ones you love
stabbing you in the back
and they expect you to apologize.

well, being someone with
a complicated mind
my anology is different.

you left me in the open sea
because you know
i'll be coming for you.

you know i always will.

the open seas was calm
but after that you summoned
the waves and hurricanes
with the order to **** me.

you know i'd survive
and you know
i would search for you
so you think you could throw
everything at me like that.

and after a while im thinking
maybe i'm overthinking us
and maybe you don't want me
so that's why you would do
such things to me

but still whenever i reached you
we would kiss like
we never did kiss before
but then you would repeat
the same cycle again.

and i would still come back to you.

my mind is fickle
constantly changing
capricious.

some that know me
might say that i am indeed
the most annoying person
they ever met

and some others
might say i'm a kind one.

my mind is volatile
it never sticks around
today
you might say i'm a calm person
the next day
the most turbulent person
on the entire planet.

hypocrisy maybe?
i don't think so.

a hypocrite doesn't have a stable stance
they tend to be fake
towards others
and towards their own self.

i'm everything but fake
and i know exactly who i am.

i'm ever-changing
and i'll always will be.

did you heard the sounds
the mountains make
when you laugh at my silly mistake?

did you listen to the
birds' melody of you
and the grass bowed
as they looked at you?

do you fear the nature's fierce
when the skies, the lightning pierce?
don't you know that
the sky were shedding tears
and that's their way to curse?

i'm just grateful for you here
because if it wasn't for you
my mind could never be this clear.

As I see people laughing around
I imagined
Both of us
Watching the stars somewhere

When teacher's teaching in front
I imagined us
Cuddling around
Sharing secrets somewhere
Far away from here.

They say
My mind is not around
It currently may be in Paris
I was stunned
Of how they guessed
As I was imagining us
Walking the streets
Of that city of love.

My mind is not around
Always not around
As I always know
That you will
Never be around, too.

He asked for nothing in return
But he hoped
That she'd turn
And again let their fire burn.

He asked for nothing in return
But he smiled
Hoping she'd notice
And maybe give him a kiss.

He asked for nothing in return
Except for her laugh
Her kiss
Her touch and her lips.

He wanted her badly
His soul suffered painfully.

He wanted her everything
For her, he let his heart burn
But his love's something
He asked for nothing in return.

in one day

how often you deny reality?

there was an ordinary boy
who fell in love with a goddess.

he wanted to go, to fly away
but her laugh made his thoughts went astray.

he lived on earth his entire day
but his heart resided somewhere above the sky.

she hummed a melody upon the clouds
so melancholic, it made them cry.

she touched the sun before his eyes
little did he realize he's going blind.

he tried to leave
to vacate, to evacuate

but her smile was enough to make him stay
so he thought to himself,
*"i'm gonna delay."

The beautiful sky endures the rain
The stars above continues to faint.

Fragile hearts were torn apart,
But at least
None of us lost
Our precious shards.

Darkness dwells, emptiness fills,
Losing like hell, missing your kiss.

We were made to climb the mountains
Instead we run around the fountains.

Love was strong this time of night,
Without you here, I'm in fright.