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Ruheen Aug 13
my urge to pop a
child's
balloon
and watch them cry
as i laugh
is
overwhelming

it's on par with my urge
to shove
a knife in my throat
just to
see
what happens

how morbid. i know

but aren't we all?
Ruheen Jul 2018
It’s like I’m here but I’m not
They only see me when they want to hurt me
It’s like they’ve sewn my lips shut
I only speak if I’m spoken to

My screams are soundless
I want to disappear
The pain is endless
Nothing to make it easier

My tears have dried
The pain has dulled to a throb
This is normal now
My fears are lost

No one comes to my rescue
Because in their eyes I don’t exist
And what do I do
I move on and I survive
Ruheen Sep 2020
Why
Does living need to hurt?
I thought God was kind.
Were they all lies?
We might just be blind.

Oh wait,
I don't even believe
In him; it isn't real.

If it was, we would all
Be fine.

I pray.
I pray. Just don't know what I'm praying to. I don't think it's God.
Ruheen Jan 2019
I saw a mirror.
It was cracked.
From side to side.
And front and back.
~
I saw a mirror.
It had captured.
My reflection.
Left it shattered.
~
I saw a mirror.
It's pieces scattered.
Bad luck?
It doesn't matter.
Well....it is what it is.
Ruheen Feb 2020
~

i sleep in the darkness
and i don't mean when i turn out the lights
and i can't see anything

i sleep in the darkness
i mean when i'm in my head
and its pitch black
and i can't see anything

i sleep in the darkness
and i don't mean when i turn out the lights
and bump into my bed
i mean when i'm in my head

i sleep in the darkness
i hear the voices
through the walls
throughs the doors
i hear them scream
even when there's nothing

i sleep in the darkness
i see the pitch-black curtains
wide open
but i can't see anything
cause its dark

i sleep in the darkness
but i probably shouldn't
'cause i'm afraid of the dark
and what lies within

i sleep in the darkness
i'm scared
but im not
yet.


~
I can't sleep with the light.
Ruheen Jun 2020
isn't it strange that everyone likes the words that i hate?
...
Ruheen Jul 2018
He winces from the pain
She bleeds from her bruises
While they watch and laugh

It hurts to move

He wants to slit his wrists
She cries herself to sleep
And they have no regrets

It hurts to blink

He vows to fight them
She promises to stand up
But they hit back harder

It hurts to breathe

When he finally cracks
When she finally screams
They all begin to cower

It doesn't hurt anymore
When you have had enough of their torment and can't take it anymore.....don't lash out in anger or show them you're upset. Instead, be nice. They'll walk away...confused.

Don't be scared because you are never alone. Just show them that you don't care.
Ruheen Jan 2020
I'm very good at being left out
Either that or
I'm just very good at shutting people out
Pushing them away
Till they're so far over the edge
And I can't pull them back
Either that or
They hide behind walls
So I can't see them or hear them
And I know it's my fault
I can't tell the difference
What matters is that it hurts
And I know
I know, I can do something
But I know
I know I'm too scared
Because I know
I know
Nothing will change
Left out
Or shut out
It's all the same.
You're gonna get a lot of sad poems for a bit.
Ruheen Jan 2019
It's kinda funny.
Strangers, online,
Know more about me
Than people
I've known my
Whole life, do.
Y'all know me better than anyone else.
Ruheen Sep 2019
I need to go to sleep.
Otherwise, I will lose my mind.
.
.
.
Wait, nevermind.
Already lost it.
Burning the midnight oil, why not?
Ruheen Aug 2018
I want to scream at the top of my lungs,
But I can't.
There's just something holding me back.
No matter how much you tell me to......I just won't be able to do it.
Ruheen Jul 2019
I will learn to let them go.

I will learn to see them leave.

I will learn to not get hurt.

I will learn to build my walls.

I will learn to not trust.

I will learn to hide myself.

I will learn to see the truth.

I will learn.

I have to learn.

It takes time to learn.
I don't know.
Ruheen Mar 2019
I wish I was trapped in a storm
It's better than being trapped in my head

I wish I couldn't hear myself think
My thoughts consume me, I'm about to sink

I wish I couldn't feel
I'd rather be numb, a feeling so surreal

I wish it was loud, and noisy
Lost in the silence, it's scary and empty

I wish they'd stop fighting
Maybe then I'd start smiling
The last sentence is what I wish for most.
Ruheen Jan 2019
I wish someone knew.
Knew how I felt.
I've gotten so good at lying about how I feel.
No one knows and it's so easy.
It's so easy becoming a person I know I'm not.
So easy letting people believe that I trust them.
They think I'm so happy.
I've tried telling them that I'm not,
But they don't believe me.
That's how good I am.
I wish someone could see
Me crying myself to sleep.
I wish they knew
That the person I write about
Is me.
I wish. For once I didn't have to try so hard when writing. I didn't even know what I was writing until I was finished.
Ruheen Dec 2019
I don't wanna laugh too much
'Cause I don't wanna
Jinx what I have now

I don't wanna cry too much
'Cause I don't wanna
Jinx what I'll get then

I don't wanna do too much
'Cause I don't wanna
Run when it all ends

I don't wanna jinx it
'Cause I'm scared
That I'll jinx it
Meh.
Ruheen Aug 2019
I know I'm growing.
I know I'm evolving.
I'm changing.
And that's not really the problem.
There actually isn't one.
It's just something I don't like.
I'm a kid.
I don't understand the real world.
And all it's problems.
I mean, that's what I'm told.
But what they don't know,
What they can't see,
Is that I do understand.
I'm a kid, but that doesn't mean,
I'm small.
That doesn't mean
I can't see past the dashboard.
I can see the causes, the effects,
I see the people.
But what I don't like,
Is when I feel like they're right.
I don't like it when I feel small.
When I can't see anything.
When I don't understand.
Because I'm just a kid.

I don't know anything.
That's what they say. Sometimes I believe it. I try very hard not to.
I don't have the experience they do. I haven't gone through what they have. But they won't go through what I will. They won't know the world that I do. Because my world is not their world. I'm not them. What they understand, is not what I understand. It never will be.
The world's different, so am I.
Ruheen Feb 2019
BREATHE.
Best piece of advice there is.
Ruheen Mar 2019
It's just another number.

Just another day.

In years, I may be older,

But I'm still the same.

It's just another number.

I couldn't care less.

Just like yesterday,

I'm still a broken mess.
I'm 13 now. Yay?
Ruheen Feb 2019
Why are humans so flipping over-dramatic all the time?
No, seriously, why?
Edit: Can someone please answer? I really want to know why.
Ruheen Jul 2020
I don't want to read their words
I don't want to feel their pain
I just want them to
See that I am
Just like them
I just skip past their words
I don't want to feel this way
But I just want to be
As good as they are
I want them to know
I feel what they feel
I want them to see
I want them to know
I'm just like them
They're just like me
But then why
Can't I
Be
Just
Like
Them?
Wrote this a while ago.
Ruheen Mar 2019
There's no escape
From the prison that I made

It's in my own head
Just like that monster under the bed

I've got a maze for a mind
My mind is a maze

I don't know what you'll find
But you'll never find it again

It's so easy to get lost in the dark
When you don't have a light

I can't find my way out
I can barely put up a fight

I can't think with my head
I can't feel with my heart

I locked myself in
Yet I'm miles afar
How I feel about my head. It's a maze that I am trapped in. People can come and go, but I can never leave.
Which is quite unfortunate.
Ruheen Nov 2021
We've been drowning for a long time
We're already under
Just holding our breaths
And we really want to let go
They should've noticed
Should have acknowledged it
It's all so poetic: death
Talking about it
Explaining it plainly:
A statement; a confession
And no one ever believes it
Well, now we're dead
So they have no choice
We took in the water:
We let go.
Ruheen Feb 2022
Turns out we don't need to use that many.
This is random. I felt like posting.
Ruheen Dec 2018
You are the sun and I am the moon.
Life is the sun and death is the moon.

You are a lie and I am the truth.
Life is a lie and death is the truth.

You are a plague and I am the cure.
Life is a plague and death is the cure.

You are the light and I am the dark,
But death is easy and life is hard.
My take on life and death. Find your own meaning to my words.
Ruheen Apr 2019
I could cry an ocean over everything
But I'd just be drowning myself

I see a lifeboat in the distance
But I'm too scared
To reach out for it

People have such high
Expectations
Ones I can't live up to
I can't even face them
It's always too soon

I could sail away
And save me

Let them all down

They wouldn't care
But I would care

It's the tiniest lifeboat
But it could do so much

It's only a lifeboat
Don't know where it'll go
All that I know
Is that I'll be happy
But I can't do that
I can't be happy

I see a lifeboat in the distance
It could save me
But I won't reach for it

It gets farther and farther away
And I just get pulled deeper and deeper in

I see a lifeboat in the distance
But it's too late
I've made my decision
My way out, but I can't take it. And no. It's not death.
Ruheen Jun 2019
Life is like a movie.
You have the opening credits,
Which usually make you smile.
Then comes the characters.
The funny one.
The smart one.
The weird one.
Next comes the story.
Tumbling out with all its problems.
But there comes a time
When you have to pause.
Just to take a break
Because things became too much.
Your problems are overwhelming.
Other people's are too.
And for some reason,
You always seem to care.
You'll have to play again.
But you want a reminder
Of what happened before.
You want a moment to reminisce.
So, you press rewind.
You get lost in the memories,
Sometimes wishing
You could change things.
Erase your mistakes,
Even though you know you can't.
The past is the past.
All you can do is move forward.
You press play
And your life continues.
You don't know what's coming,
And you can't fast forward.
It's live.
You'll just have to wait and see,
As the rest of the story unfurls itself.
Watch the twists and turns,
A few bumps here and there,
And most importantly,
How all the characters overcome
Every single challenge.
But like every movie,
This one called Life,
Comes to an end too.
You've recorded everything.
So you can pause, play, rewind, or forward,
Anytime you want.
But first, you have to watch the end credits.
As the song of their life plays
Softly in the background.
And as they thank everyone for everything.
Soon, the movie will be buried,
Under a pile of dust,
In an old attic somewhere.
Just like their coffin,
Buried six feet underground,
In an old graveyard somewhere.
Their story is over.
The movie has ended.
You cried a little,
Laughed a little.
Maybe you even got angry,
Because it ended too soon.
However,
New movies are made.
New lives begin.
More memories to deal with,
We start all over again.
Fresh tears, laughter and anger.
More pain, problems and characters.
A new story.
Part of the same series, though;
Life - The Movies.
Wow. This is long.
:)
Ruheen Aug 2020
The littlest of lies
Conceal the largest truths.

Because the more extravagant your lie is
.
.
.
The less likely people are to believe it.
....
Ruheen Nov 2018
No one can get in.
Nothing can get out.
My mind is a closed door.
It's all locked in.
The more people I let in, the more people can just walk out.
I'm a sociable person, but I don't trust easy.
Ruheen Mar 2020
People are staring

I'm not moving

Maybe that's why

I'm not moving

Cause they're staring

And they're staring

Cause I'm not moving

And I don't know why

We're stuck in this loop

No difference

With eyes that stare

All around me

People are pushing

Too much pressure

I'm still not moving

The loop continues

But now, I'm alone.
I don't know. I was already messed up. Quarantine's making it worse.
Ruheen Feb 2019
I've lost so many people.
I can't help but feel like I'm losing you too.
Maybe I already have.
.
Ruheen Dec 2018
Some things stay lost
Because they don't want to be found.
Other things stay lost
Because there's no one's looking for them
I'm lost,
And I want to be found.
But no one knows,
So no one's looking.
.
Ruheen Apr 2021
"Let me in?" I asked
She said, "Could you please go back"
Gave her my hand,
But she let it fall.

I picked it back up
But she was already gone;
I watched her walk away,
Smiling at the Sun
And I melted.

She was in the rain,
She was in the grass,
And I couldn't help but smile
When I saw her laugh.

I wanted people to see what I saw
Because it's better to be held
Than holding on
To nothing, nothing at all

She wanted to be by herself
And I swear I understood
Alone, but not lonely
But what about me?

Why couldn't she understand
That she was too good
For this world and its people
And to just stay hidden

She pushed me away
I couldn't be with her
But I watched and I smiled
So imagine the others
How would they see what I saw?

Now she's gone
And I remember everything
Every moment, every smile,
Every crinkle of her eyes

I'm not fine
She left without a word
And no one seems to know
But me and a few others

She was too good
For this world
She was too good to just
Sit in her world

I wanted her to be loved
The way I love her
And now I'm not fine
Because all I can do is remember.

She wanted to be by herself
Just her in her innocent world
And I swear I understood
She was alone, not lonely
But what about me?
Remediation of "She Dwelt Among The Untrodden Ways" by William Wordsworth in the speaker's POV.
Ruheen Aug 13
i lack the lyricism
they all expect
me to have when
i'm feeling miserable
and can't confess
with my tongue
but instead
have to express
in writing
because it's best
to have an outlet
so you don't
regress
into patterns
you thought
you left and
disregard the
feelings you
expelled
because they
haven't disappeared
and are merely
suppressed
and then i
ask myself
*"what the **** am i doing?"
Ruheen May 2019
Religion.
Belief.
Faith.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like without them?
They create a divide.
They control people.
They scare people.
They create monsters
People are so blinded by what they've been taught,
That they lose all sense of what's wrong or right.
They believe that what they're doing is right.
Religion is a way for people to justify their actions,
All in the name of God.
We say to people
"Don't take God's name in vain."
But that's what people are doing.
Using God to justify you taking someone's life
Is not showing respect.
In fact, I think God would be quite disappointed.
Religion is the worst thing that ever happened to humanity.
We are human when it greets us,
But when it's finished with us,
We are no longer people.
We are machines.
Religion isn't an intelligent way for God
To 'communicate' with us.
Religion is just an intelligent lie.
I don't mean to offend anyone or anyone's religion. This is just what I think religion has done to the world.
I am so sorry if I have offended you in any way. I do not mean to. I have absolutely nothing against people who are religious....except maybe the ones who **** other people because of religion....but those are just technicalities.....
:) Don't come after me...

This is quite a sore subject for a lot of people, yet one that is quite popular.

robotic idiots.
that is what humans are.

I don't believe in religion, but I do believe in God.
But I also kind of don't believe in God because I believe in Science.

Life is hard.
Ruheen Jan 2019
Can't be seen
I'm all alone
My mascara's running
From the tears I let go

No point trying
I can't let go
My mascara's still running
Like it was before

My tears aren't drying
I don't know
Why my mascara's still running
I'm going in circles

Swinging
Back and forth
I can't be bothered
To let go

My mascara's still running
I don't know what for
But I'm not crying
Not anymore
I don't actually use mascara.
Ruheen Sep 2018
Lost in memories
Happy, sad and bittersweet
I'm losing my mind.
When memories become too much.
Ruheen Mar 2019
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will die, out of them all?

Please just pick one
We're running out of time
Make a choice, it's time to decide

One by one they'll die anyway
What's the point of making them wait?

Only one
That's all I'm asking of you
One for the rest, it's time to choose

Quick and painless, they'll be asleep
They won't feel a thing, trust me

Better now than later
Better safe,
Than sorry.
I have no idea what goes on in my brain. Seriously. I've been trying to figure it out for years.
Ruheen Feb 2019
One of the biggest chances
To follow my dream
Was just given to me.
But I didn't take it.
Only because I was trying to be a good friend.
A good person.
For once,
Why couldn't I put myself first?
I didn't just miss the boat.
It's more like I gave it up.
Happy Valentine's Day....not so much for me....
Ruheen Apr 2019
Tears in my eyes
Hands on a knife
Such a sad life
I've had to disguise

I'll be going to hell
I wish you well
Grief is a spell
Can't you tell

Don't send flowers
No one's died in hours
But me, I'm a coward
So, don't turn sour

Based on your insecurity
I figured you wouldn't care for me
You finally saw me
And now you're starting to miss me
Yeah. Well, yeah.
Ruheen Jul 2019
The Sun is shining awfully bright tonight.
Things aren't always what they seem.
Ruheen Sep 2019
A short life, but adventurous, nonetheless.
Die young, in a mysterious way,
When your body is still beautiful.

Your mind is still remembered.
What is that, if not immortality?
Your eyes dead, but your breath still lingering.

Most of us die,
Our existence shoved into a drawer.
As bright as we may have been.

Our fires are put out.
The pages shred.
Our dreams, our spirit, scattered.

Mortality runs in all our veins,
We are all subject to death,
But not all death is permanent.

After all, most of us
Are only mortals,
Simply wishing for immortality.

Something we know we won't have.
"One tends to die young, and then they burn your body - dust to dust, in the literal sense. And then we vanish into the shadows of history, nary a mark on the page of a mundane book to remind the world that once we existed at all."
                                                                      - Clockwork Angel, Will Herondale

"That's immortality, my darlings."  - Pretty Little Liars, Alison Dilaurentis
Ruheen Jan 2021
Let the morning rise
But the sun's bled dry
As the storm clouds tread
Across the cold blue sky
And then, smiles,
The mourning night.
And then, miles, to get over and walk away from this incredibly bad case of writer's block.
Ruheen Sep 2019
The mirror is your muse
Your muse, the mirror
I don't know.
Ruheen Jan 2019
How I lose myself in me,
When I hear your melody.
What a lyrical performance,
Like a swan upon the ocean.
Touch the sky, come back down.
No limits when you're around.
Your words are timeless.
Such a beautiful mess.
Even when it's raining emotions.
It's still such a lovely moment.
You leave it out in the open,
Even though you’re broken.
Yout fight all you fears,
You fight all your tears.
I hear you, even when you disappear.
'Cause your voice is music to my ears.
Originally a song (As usual). Figured it could work both ways.
I don't know what compelled me to write this. Maybe it was the amount of healing hearts I've seen. Maybe it was the amount of love.
This is something different because it's not about loneliness. It's about having someone. It's about how much someone means to you. You accept all their flaws even when they don't. You're there for them, always, and their opinion matters to you. They still mean so much to you, even when they're gone.
This is like nothing I've written before. It's sort of....less dark..?
:)
Ruheen Mar 2019
Far from death

Close to death

At last, death

Nothing left

Not innocent

I deserve it

Far from death

Close to death

My last breath
Can you guess what I'm going to say about this?
HINT: I say it a lot. In almost all of my poems. Just three words.
Ruheen Jun 2019
Compartmentalise until there’s nothing left to compartmentalise.
...
Ruheen Aug 19
if i get closer
i get scared
that i don't mean
what i say
instead
i pick on the skin
around
my nails.
Ruheen Apr 2019
Human beauty is nothing compared to nature's beauty.

Human noise is nothing compared to nature's noise.

Human anger is nothing compared to nature's anger.

Humans are nothing compared to nature.
We really aren't. Nature can calm us, anger us, and most importantly, it can destroy us.
It's best not to anger Mother Earth. We are, after all, her children.
She can punish us in the worst way possible.
Happy belated Earth Day!
Ruheen Sep 2018
I have lived many lives
I have escaped many times
Through the power of words

I have shed many tears
I have shared many fears
With the tales I've held in my hand

I have laughed many days
I have rejoiced many ways
Because of the emotions I've felt

I have waited many hours
I have wasted many thoughts
Just to let the ending sink in

But a real book never truly ends
The people never really leave
As for that to happen
Readers would have to not believe
This kinda explains how sometimes books are all we have. They're fantasies. They're an escape. Sometimes living someone else's life is better than living your own. Sometimes we need it.
Ruheen Feb 2019
It's them.
It's always going to be them.
It's never me.
I'm always the second choice.
Last and certainly the least.
It's never me.
Self-explanatory. I'm the second choice for everyone, including my family.
Sad, isn't it?
Oh, well, what can you do?
And don't give me all that crap about me being someone's first choice, one day. I already know that.
Waiting is just boring, tiring, and I hate it.
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