Don't ask me why I look like I haven't slept
Because I will inform you of the neat little concept
That I look this way because I haven't slept
I try to sleep but it's a battle against all the due dates in sight
I tussle with my worries but they win the fight
Every night
I have to face my anxieties knowing that they're not misplaced
Because all of my commitments cannot be erased
So many situations that have to be faced
So I can't sleep
Because I know these monsters are of my own creations
Conjured up by my own unrealistic expectations
Of myself
I'm up all night because of these realizations
I can't sleep because
All of my requirements are surrounding me
And I no longer have anyone grounding me
So it feels like the world is drowning me
And I can't breathe
But I can't leave
I have to stay and face the day
So I'll pour a cup of coffee
And all of my worries for now I'll keep
And hope that tomorrow
I'll finally get some sleep

I dare you not to love me
Well, at least to try
Don't fall for my quirky personality
Or sly smile
Or the way my eyes light up
When presented with an open flame
Don't become enchanted
With the way I can still see the world
As a beautiful place
Full of so much mystery
That I treat every day as a surprise
Like a small child ready for adventure
Don't listen to me
Ramble on about my passions
And unique opinions that
Beg to differ with the norm
And do not applaud me
For knowing that I'm beautiful
In a world set on making people
Believe that they're ugly
I dare you to look at me
Split open
My thoughts
Beliefs
Experiences
Spilling out
Everything that I am right in front of you
And not fall in love
Because I believe that anyone can fall in love
When they see the parts of someone
That no one else gets to see
And when you love me
I dare you to open up
And let me love you

The list of regrets
That I have is overwhelming
And my friends just don't understand
I'm a perfectionist
I over think my good deeds to death
Until they are no more than
A collection of moments where I could have done better
But there are tiny fragments of moments
That given the chance to slide back in time
I would just sit back and watch
And be proud of my choices
The list of things I don't regret:

1. All the boys I've dated
Because they taught me how I should
And shouldn't be treated

2. Breaking up with the boys I've dated
When I deserved better

3. when my ex best friend gave me a letter
Apologizing for all of the snide remarks
Subtle insults
Talking behind my back
And never sticking up for me
Claiming that all of the new friends that she has
Can't compare to me
I threw out her letter and false promises
Not because I finally brought myself to hate her
But because I was finally strong enough to love myself

4. Climbing onto my roof that first time
Though I got yelled at by my
Angry mother
I got to watch the stars
And escape my worries
I found my happy place

5. When one of my friends texted me
Crying on the floor of her room with the door locked
Fearing what was on the other side
And I told her the three things
I wish someone had of been there to tell me
It's not your fault
It's abuse
Call the police

6.When I was trying to explain
An important concept
And on the fourth try
Of my sentence
I finally caught the attention of they guy
On his phone
And his extremely teenage response was
"I'm listening. It's called multitasking.
Need me to give you an explanation of how I can do it sweetheart?"
And though I'm the quiet one who doesn't speak up
Without missing a beat I responded with
"No. I'd rather you give me your respect."
And from then on
I got it

7. When I let myself trust
The gorgeous girl I met
Because in my experience  
The pretty girls are the mean ones
But this one wasn't mean
She was my best friend

8. Though I had never gone as a kid
I applied to work at a camp
Though I didn't know anyone else going
I left with best friends
And the best summer of my life

9. When I read my first poem out loud
Shaking and lightheaded
Having just shared a piece of myself
And been accepted.

Tell me a story
He says
I can't think of one
She says
Yes you can
He says
She stays silent
She doesn't want to let him know
The hundreds of things
She has to say
Because she regrets everything she does
But she is now left wondering
If she stays silent
Will she regret that too?

Sometimes I use
Concealer
As foundation
Because my entire face
Is a blemish
I am desperately trying
To cover up

I wouldn't run away
If I saw you in the streets
Or in the mall
Or just in passing
I wouldn't turn the other way
I wouldn't duck behind my friend
Violently whispering
That's my ex
I would smile brightly
Look at you until I catch your eye
Exchange a polite hello
I may even give you a hug
Then we would go our separate ways
Me wondering why
You would agree to still be friends
Then never
Talk
To me
Again

My mom was angry
My sister didn't understand
Thought I was insane for spending that much
On a tiny bottle of foundation
But what they don't realize is
This bottle of heavy duty
Full coverage
Long lasting
Foundation
Gives me confidence to wear my hair back
Out of my face
Bright lipsticks
Dramatic eyeliner
And not feel like I want to die
And that is
Priceless

I want to write a poem
But I can't feel the complex, poetic emotions
I only feel hurt.
I can only hear the blood rushing in my ears
I can't see through my tears
My hands are shaking to hard
I can't think.
I could write a poem but
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid
Isn't a poem.
And right now with my pen to the paper
that's all that will come to my mind

She's my best friend and I'll never get tired of trying
But it's so hard when she always thinks that I'm lying
It's Her anxieties that give her this constant unease
Because the world as it is isn't what she sees
She can only see the cruelty
Not the beauty I can see
Surrounding me constantly
Because what she's been fed has gone to her head
She wishes she were dead
For help she's got her meds
But they don't really help
She says she's okay today
But tomorrow who can say
This is a risky game I don't want her to play
But it's no wonder she's starting to break,
She's got all these demons she just can't shake
I pray that she'll just wake up and see
But pain is her drug and she's as high as can be
"Please" I say "you can't live this way"
"Not anymore, telling me you're fine with one foot out the door"
She hates herself, thinks she's worthless especially
But she can't see that she's special to me,
She doesn't believe because it's what you perceive
She's hates to stay but I beg her not to leave
All I can say is "you're my best friend I couldn't live without you"
"So please. Please. Don't force me to"
No I can't promise it'll be okay
But I'll always be here
So please
Stay

You're my best friend
I can't live without you
So please oh please
Don't force me to

I wanted to be your Poem
I wanted you to compare my eyes to the stars
My hair to the sunshine
My laugh to the ocean

I wanted you to take the things I didn't like about myself
and make them seem beautiful
My nose like a button
My walk like a dance
My voice like a song

I wanted you to to describe my imperfections so beautifully
That I would love myself entirely
even just for a moment
My personality enchanting
My awkwardness adorable
My ramblings enlightening

I wanted you to look at me as a whole person
Not just my individual parts
I wanted to be
A flame illuminating the darkness
The smell of the earth after the rain
The quiet sound of nighttime

But you are just a boy
And I am just a girl

You're not a poet
I'm not a poem

And when I ask how I look
I'll have to live with an
Awkward mumble of
"You look fine"

We are all just hungry children of the sun and moon
Running around on a rock in the middle of infinity
Crying out our souls to the world
Begging to be heard
Begging to be told what to do
We are angry, and joyful and irrational
We are full of nature and fire
We are loud and needy
A small stream of consciousness
Ready to be fed.