I sat there shaking
silenced by the noise
your lips were making
all the while contemplating
why do I bear with you
when all you do is
rip me through
***** about failures
when you couldn't prove
that you ever loved me
and my body's not a tool
for your pleasure plunging
a bag you can go punching
Your actions didn't speak at all
perhaps overwhelmed and appalled
by your words too tall
to cover up the shortcomings
of your shallow commitments
finally taking a toll
and now that you see my heart sore
yet your eyes don't realize
'Twas my soul you had to adore.
The building blocks for commitment issues were so easy for young me to find in life as so was my father to my many aunts.......
The name given to them by a loving father of course right before he ran up cement stairs that made him seem like he was going somewhere that the only way I could get to was to grow up and make men chase my embrace. A child I watched countless paint chipped doors that were at the end of cracked steps.
Sitting in a Cadillac smelling the soft heated leather as the summer sun warmed me also. Only to leave me cold as I grew older and a Cadillac turned into a memory yet I still remember how to work the radio which never contained a explanation of why I could never figure out what was being built up in me to never break over time that no one could ever love me but my father
only my father could love me I thought and how foolish my aunts were for trying to pinch little pieces of his heart cause if they knew that little girl in their living room playing with blocks was confused because it seemed like her father had lots of love so much so that it caused him to give it away. Summer after summer it built somethingup in her jealousy developed because she would be ****** when she grew up to let someone give all the love due to her away. Not again
See she was stacking up her border carefully with every piece she was given as child cause her God made sure he didn't drop her off before showing her love does exist in parts, a child's waiting eyes in parking lots, and forgotten women that have things to tell with their hips.
This girl grew up and had enough cinder blocks for a couple of steps of commitment issues to her hips now
You ain't my master, and I won't commit to you as long as you are the only loved one I'm left with.
I won't give up on my pain.
I washed her
from my pillow-slips.
In a white plastic bucket
I soaked away her body's breath,
and with bleach removed
the evidence she had left.
We snatched the time
to make our marks
with sweat and
The stains on stolen sheets
proved easier to erase
than those she ground into
the fabric of my room,
I watched as
traces of our time
turned the water dark.
Ground dark commitments committed bleach stolen wash washing washed white bucket stain stained grey love loss bed hurt rejection lover wet shower towel shower ceiling dresser woman we us cry smile
What's the problem?
Are you ok?*
You can tell me everything.
I promise I wont ever tell.
Not even to a single soul.
Just be happy.
I wont let go.
Cause all I want is for me to know you so.
And to let you know
that I'll be here to and fro
I want to be a part of your lovely soul
Don't ask me why I look like I haven't slept
Because I will inform you of the neat little concept
That I look this way because I haven't slept
I try to sleep but it's a battle against all the due dates in sight
I tussle with my worries but they win the fight
I have to face my anxieties knowing that they're not misplaced
Because all of my commitments cannot be erased
So many situations that have to be faced
So I can't sleep
Because I know these monsters are of my own creations
Conjured up by my own unrealistic expectations
I'm up all night because of these realizations
I can't sleep because
All of my requirements are surrounding me
And I no longer have anyone grounding me
So it feels like the world is drowning me
And I can't breathe
But I can't leave
I have to stay and face the day
So I'll pour a cup of coffee
And all of my worries for now I'll keep
And hope that tomorrow
I'll finally get some sleep
— The End —