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Bird Sep 2017
i am a chess piece faking my way through a checkers board
running on an empty tank- go go go
fast!
Quick! here's a myth-
the asthmatic boy meets a girl burning up!
Both survive!
how do you say no thanks? no thanks!
your words are harsh red lines and they stab me and make me bleed.
stop asking me the same question.
i heard you the first time.
i did not want to answer.
the world is painstakingly dizzying and hopelessly loud.
Leave Me Alone
Bird Apr 2018
i don't your spare time,
i want to be your girl
(you only care when you think you're losing me)
Bird Apr 2018
for two minutes each day
i’m all yours
Bird Jul 2016
Did you notice?
Did you care?
.
.
.
Are you lying?
Bird Sep 22
i did not let go.
i held on till there was nothing left to hold on to.
i held on even when the string tightened and cracked my bones.
i held on through rope-burn until i had no skin left.
“and was it worth it?
what did you get in return?”
nothing but a broken hand.
Bird Sep 2014
I need something to take my mind off this anger
this constant pull of
***** you
and
what the hell did you expect
I'm mad at you
but I can't let you know
I need something to ****
I need something to crush
I need something other than my own skin to split
You've made it clear
that I'm a big fat
F
A
    I
     L
        U
          R
             E
Now I need something to take away
this anger
Bird Sep 2016
I care
SO MUCH.
At least,
I can pretend
To fit in with the emotions
Of the latest social trend.
I am cold.
I am controlled.
I know that empathy
Can further me.
If only I can pretend that I am not just pretending.
Bird Aug 2018
too early
too late
“are you sure this is what
i’m supposed to do”
didn’t sleep
can’t eat
“you overthink”
true
Bird Jul 2016
The criminal always revisits the scene of the crime, as if you were the criminal, and lying to me was the crime. Does that make me the victim? Well then who was the witness? Was she your accomplice? We have left this alone for a year, you moved on, I wasn't expecting to find you back here, where I am stuck on this metaphorical street, waiting, just waiting, for the criminal to return to the scene of the crime, all the while I was waving to passerby's and saying "I'm fine!" Was I lying? Would that be a crime? I'm fine, ******* it, I was doing just fine! Until the criminal decided to return to the scene of the crime, what's even the difference between a wrong and right lie? And what if I were to just say goodbye, to you and her and him, would that be okay? It not like we have much to say, part of the same crime, but on different sides, and what if I can't leave this metaphorical spot on the street? You could promise me to never come back, but we both know that would be a lie- because the criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.
Bird Oct 2016
Scene: You were standing in a field with lots of lovely wildflowers.
There was blood everywhere,
A gallon and a half,
(to be almost exact)
And she was pale-
Like the moon,
If you want to be cliché, if not
maybe a piece of mozzarella
Ha! (What a cheesy metaphor!)
She was Still
Still
Still
But she was not Still breathing
Her lungs were ice, you can't
Catch your breath with a frozen chest.
So there she was lying in the sun,
Absolutely and totally covered in blood
And here they come-
the butterflies.
Growing up you saw pictures
of butterflies, sitting on flowers,
you probably even learned about their life cycle.
And when you got older someone told you

Hey! Did you know butterflies drink blood too?

And maybe you did know that and maybe you didn't, but the important part is that it's true and you probably haven't put much thought into it. I mean why would you?

anyway, my point.

The butterflies come and they perch on her arms, and chest, and eyes.
They rest, and they drink, and they live just a little bit longer and soon she is absolutely covered head to toe and you can't see her pale moon face, you just have to imagine that her body is under this chaotic blob, and more of them are coming and now all of them are fighting, and you never even thought that this was possible,
and now they're hitting each other and falling and dying and you, the luckiest soul gets to watch the battle of the butterflies.

The terrible grace of beauty under pressure.
No one ever said that butterflies were nice. Beauty does not equate kindness.
Bird Jul 2016
you forgot about things we used to care about together
before everything we had got a little bit harder to have
Bird Nov 2017
my ex-lovers mouth is not a
place I'm proud of lurking
drowned in alcohol and cigarettes
he said
were from all the stress of working
remind me again why you liked me? it was faulty at best
Bird Mar 2015
Jealousy.
As in the way you stay up late
texting her
not
me.
Or how we used to talk
every day.
Now you talk
with
her.
I told myself not to get
attached.
I told
myself,
People
Aren't
Permanent.
But I
failed to listen
to myself
again.
This time
you win.
Bird Dec 2016
You were my
Perfect porcelain doll
I left you buried in a garden,
like that book we both loved

I'm sorry
Bird Sep 2014
I miss you
the way you always knew how to listen
and never left when I told you to
because you knew something was wrong

I miss you
I thought I heard you sigh
but I turned to smile and
it was not you
just my imagination

I need you
Right now
next to me
letting my cry on you
and helping me from getting so
angry

You've been gone for only a year
but the cat has already forgotten your name

I miss you
Bird Oct 2016
Possessive and Dismissive
You have to do back flips to get her point,
She says she cares when she doesn't and
she says she doesn't care when she does
You can't worry about her because she can handle herself
But you have to worry
She snaps if she's in a bad mood
She snaps if she's in a good mood
She is New York and California
She is the sun and the moon
She is decisive and unsure
She seems a bit hard to love,
it's the only certain thing about her.
Bird Dec 2016
I am such a skittish little bird
In which my name rings true
Bird Jan 2017
coffee crazy coffee crazy
drip drip drip drip
down the side of my mug
3 am
this is why i stay Away
from this stuff
coffee crazy
on my third cup
liquid prison
sitting dizzy
just one more please just
one more
i am not done working
4 am
it just felt like a few minutes
I’m loosing track of the
5 am
hours the clock is running faster with each
ounce
heart beat heart beat
unsteady
it’s horribly unsteady
it’s horribl-6 am-y unsteady
but i write and i write and i write
about every uncertain, earth shattering broken heart
and the unsteady shake of the earth and
the broken unsteady beats ripping me apart
7 am
sunrise and i am
b l i n d e d
by the soft uncentered light
drifting through my hazy hazy  window
and my legs are shaking and 8 am i am
sure i am dead
and by 9 i am six
feet
under
the ground
Bird Oct 2018
i always have cold feet
because i don’t eat
homeostasis
called me up on the phone
but i didn’t have the time
living life in the fast lane
desperately grasping at rhymes
i know why i’m always cold though
my friends and i race through the snow
in nothing but bikinis and speedos
i want to run away from you
because i don’t know how to speak
when i’m staring at your face
you touch your hand to my waist
i take vitamins to keep my hair from falling out
but i can track my symptoms in other ways
blacking out for days
dull eyes
yellow teeth
paranoia
and cold feet
Bird Aug 2018
slippery word
you say it like you mean it
by which i mean
you don’t
scratching at my lungs
cool
lifting up your tongue
cool
i do what i say i won’t

cool
Bird Feb 2015
I am not shy. I am loud, I am talkative, I am the first to start a conversation, I am not afraid to tell a stranger everything on my mind, I will laugh too loud in front of people, I will cry too hard in front of people, I will tell any secret that is mine to tell, I almost always know what to say, I like to socialize, I enjoy company, I enjoy talking, I enjoy listening. But not when it comes to you. When it comes to you I am so scared to make a wrong move. When it comes to you my heart bursts open into my brain prohibiting logical thoughts. When it comes to you I am painfully shy, I listen too long, I talk too little, I cover my mouth when I laugh, I make small movements, because I do not care what random strangers think of me, but I do care how you think of me. I care if you like how I look or talk and I care if you think I am interesting, and I want so bad to fake who I am just to impress you but I don't think that will be necessary because you seem to like me. And thats good. I like me too.
Spoken Word
Bird Jun 2016
To the girl with a crooked smile
I haven't seen you for a while
But last time I did
You were sporting a split lip
And a black eye
Are you alright?
It always looks like you've just lost a fight.
I gave you my address
In case you needed to escape
To a safe place
But you never came
Did you find a better place
To play hide and seek?
And as the news come on
It's looking rather bleak.
Tragedy struck our little town tonight
Because dad got drunk
And you didn't want to fight.
Bird Aug 2016
You aren't weird
You're trying too hard to be
Anything but what you are
Which is perfectly normal
Bird Sep 2016
She is green tea with honey,
summer days and blonde hair.
She is a golden retriever
and a husky,
happy, intelligent, yet reserved.
She is the beach and a sunrise,
campfires and s’mores in the warm air
breathing in the dust and smoke,
laughing about two years ago.
She is incense and paintings,
blue walls and ceilings,
she is a ***** joke said
offhand with raised eyebrows,
she is stacks of books and video games,
she is bubblegum ice cream and
walking through a cemetery.
She is old technology and practicality,
she is punctuality  and arriving
early with a peach smoothie in hand.
She is the cold shock of river water.
She is alternative music blaring from
a ****** car radio and a road trip
where everyone but the driver falls asleep.
She is rock candy and ice cream bars, riding the biggest
roller coaster ten times over again.
She is a content silence and
a sly smile.
She is mine and you cannot have her.
Bird Mar 2015
When I look at him I wonder if he even knows he's addicted. Addicted to the way she laughs, and how the curves of her mouth turn up into a smile. If he knows he is drunk on the way that she sighs at the rain, or how she talks to the cat late at night. Does he know that she is what makes his reality worth it? And at the same time I wonder if she knows. If she knows that he the reason the blood races through her veins. If she knows that he is the reason that her lungs feel so full. That he is the dizzy lightheadedness, the weightless feeling within. Does she know that he is what creates her earth?
Spoken Word
Bird Apr 2016
I'm sitting in a bathtub
And it's midnight,
I'm trying not to drown myself
But I'm already drowning
Like the fact that I'm all alone
And I don't want to go back
To where I used to call home
Because I'm not missed there anymore
And I wish that I could say the same
But I'm missing the doll-like faces
Stuck in porcelain places
It's just a stupid memory
Of being  happy
And I know it isn't real
But maybe it could have been
Maybe I'm just an idiot
Because everyone has moved on
To bigger things and bigger people
And I have not
Bird Jan 2018
i’m just a scared little kid
afraid of losing what
i already lost
Bird May 2015
And me?
I became a new age pestilence
gone all the time
I had a new cough everyday
dark circles lined my red watery eyes.
I didn’t sleep
I didn’t eat
and when I did?
I puked it up,
you could sell me on TV
as death with a coffee cup.
I didn’t finish that project
so I took a hammer
to my wrist;
and when we learned that if someone died
during finals
the rest of us would pass?
You all laughed,
but my mind went dark
I began wondering
exactly when could
I slip cyanide
into that poor girls
coffee mug.
Can’t you see
what’s driving me?
These letter grades and GPA’s
are making me lose my mind;
you tell me I’m fine,
it doesn’t matter.
But what if i’m not great
at anything else?
What if I’m not good enough?
I just wanted to be good enough.
Bird Jul 2016
I am watching you
In my peripheral vision
And counting all the times you look at me (when you think I don't see)
By the end of the night it's at 43
That sounds pretty lucky to me
Bird Feb 2016
I fell in love with the sky and maybe thats why i loved you. you were an angel and i was a mermaid, i sat in depths and i couldn’t get back up and live on the surface, like you could; i didn’t have wings; i couldn’t fly like you could; but i could swim into realities and see the pretty world the way that it was. it was so painful to look at the stars and know id never get there. maybe thats why i chose you


it turns out that you were not an angel and maybe I’m not a mermaid. thats all well and dandy because i’m going to reach the stars one day and frankly, i don’t care about you anymore.
Bird Sep 2014
She was an interesting girl,
No one could deny
You could see the galaxy
Every time she cried
Bird Oct 2014
We hold the galaxy in our hands, yet we still reach for the things we can't have.
Bird Jun 2016
I was never really close to the place
You used to tear your heart open
You claim
You think if you put on thick skin
We'll turn a blind eye
We'll be so hurt
That we will leave you alone
As we sulk and lick our wounds
And we will cry to our pillows
About how stupid we were to hurt you
As you laugh and you live
Your new life
(Without strife)
You left that all behind when you left us out dry
But we aren't crying
Or dying
Or beginning good byes
But we're sighing
And trying
To start again
Bird Nov 2016
She wears her heart on her sleeve
Quite literally,
And with a needle
And some ink
She writes her own destiny
Bird Oct 2016
A bit of a mess?
  


*Well that's certainly an understatement.
Bird Jul 2018
filling up
emotional mess
like coldplay
a rush of blood to the head
i am not a motel
but you take what you need
and you leave me anyway
in the dark waiting for
a call that will never come
Bird Jun 2016
I have known her my entire life, yet I will never understand her reluctance to live.
Bird Jul 2016
"Hey, you know everything, right?"
It's the same stupid question
I ask every night
You give me a smirk
and I think you just might
"I don't know everything yet,"
You say to me
"But I will find out anything for you"
Bird Nov 2016
Storm storm storm
I storm out of the room
I avoid eye contact out of shame
I shift, I slide
I rain, I reign
Bird Sep 2016
Every sentence is punctuated with a little sigh
because I know I lose more of your attention every second
and you don't even bother to listen now,
you fight back ,
you help me drown.
Bird Sep 2016
Sometimes when I feel very alone,
I want to call you and apologize in every language I know.

And then I remember that you do not miss me, you do not care about me, and you do not deserve an apology from me because I have done nothing wrong.

And then I feel a little bit more alone. And a little bit more okay with it.
Bird Aug 2016
You can't hurt me
If I can't hear you
Bird Jun 2016
I will romanticize the things that I am
in poems.
Maybe then I can trick you into falling in love with me.
Bird Oct 2018
all my friends are scared of intimacy
but i still **** like a rabbit
i hate myself
but i still love all my bad habits  
thought i could write
guess i was wrong
the world is a stage
and i’m playing along
but i don’t know this show
-don’t know the words,
don’t know where to go
i’m missing the blocking
it’s overwhelming
it’s shocking
but does anyone know all of the prose?
do i need to know where everyone goes?
maybe it’s time to pull a kerouac
spend some time on the road
get out of my head
lighten my load
but i know enough to know
that i’ll never go
too scared of what’s next
of death, the unknown
so i’ll just keep playing
one confused lonely pawn
throw my heart on the stage
while the audience yawns
Bird Jul 2016
You said you liked the way my shoulders looked when I stretched the other day, and you asked what do they look like without a shirt in the way?

I said I liked the way you held your coffee mug in the morning, and I asked if you would hold me that tight even if I was snoring?

You said my body might look like the rocky landscape of the mountains if we laid together at night, and asked if you could check? because, you know, it just might.

I said your lips just might steal away my breath if, you and I were to kiss, and I asked if we could try? because, that's something I wouldn't want to miss.
Bird Jun 2016
The more I find out about family
History
I realize
That being a traitor
Is simply in my bloodline
I'm a cheap rosé
Pretending to be fine wine
From French nobility
To Spanish pride
My ancestors wrought havoc
On their own modern times
It's time for me to step up to the plate
And make my choice
To grow into the role I was assigned
Or write my own lines
But whatever I chose
The choice is mine
And I know whoever I am
I'll be great
remembered
divine,
How do I know?
It's simply in my bloodline.
Bird Oct 2014
A cat
is a fluffy ball
of fur
that is capable
of making everything better
with a rough
and wet lick
against the
warm tears on my
cheek
Bird Apr 2016
You say you still want to talk
I think it's better if we don't
Don't worry, I'm fine
My heart is just a bit broke
Bird Aug 2016
I am Impatient
and Incessant
and I'm sure I will be
absolutely overdressed
to my own death.
My God
have you ever seen a girl
look so brokenhearted
over a dumb game of chess?
A debate lost in hate
and traveling affairs
luring in to the lustful
witches lairs.
I'm rhyming and dining
the newest generation
of plastic,
photo copy,
photo-shoot-ready,
instagram celebrities.
I'm no genius,
I'm just obsessed.
Do you get what I'm saying?
Because I certainly don't.
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