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2d · 145
net worth 0
Bird 2d
nothing lost
nothing gained
no more breaths
no one saved
Bird Sep 22
i did not let go.
i held on till there was nothing left to hold on to.
i held on even when the string tightened and cracked my bones.
i held on through rope-burn until i had no skin left.
“and was it worth it?
what did you get in return?”
nothing but a broken hand.
Aug 23 · 80
running in circles
Bird Aug 23
if you step back
i’ll run away
won’t wait to see
if you’ll stay
quick kid- till you’re out of breath
leave before you can get left
Aug 9 · 30
just screw it
Bird Aug 9
***** inspo and thinspo
and online shopping
***** book clubs
and parties
cleaning and mopping
***** whining
and dining
lying and stalking
***** radio hosts
and all their
nonstop talking
***** everything
that ever made me sad
when i’m starving so much
that i think ive gone mad
start a fight cause i’m hungry
it’ll end when i’m not
ask- is this life worth living?
cause it’s all that i got
Jul 11 · 415
to be lonely
Bird Jul 11
to be in love
and have no one to say it to
May 6 · 248
mama
Bird May 6
i’d pick up but you never call
Bird Mar 27
starving myself
into submission
the casual result
of unchecked ambition
the focusing factors
the aderall
and ritalin
try to drown me but
i hang tight
on the sight
of an unbroken vision
my actions, my words
under constant revision
revisit the sites
where i break
down decisions
had options
i lost them in
thoughtless
metacognition
and
i know i’m long gone
cause i’m stuck in remission
Mar 25 · 63
you, you, you
Bird Mar 25
i went to sleep late
woke up hazy and grey
i rolled out of bed
to face a new, **** day
i said it was over
i wish that thought stayed
but you're still a ******* liar
so nothing has changed
Mar 15 · 80
texas part 2
Bird Mar 15
just “ok”
because that’s so you
making plans
with no follow through
Feb 5 · 63
size 7
Bird Feb 5
face wasted
broken phone clutched in hand
as i climb into my best friends prius
thinking back to this morning
when my size seven jeans
slid off my empty hips
back onto the bedroom floor
same place
where the rest of my clothes lie
stripped off after last night
i melt like butter in your hands
but that’s okay
i’d rather fall to you than
anyone else, anyway
Nov 2018 · 159
vaguely remember
Bird Nov 2018
gold drunk
catching your eye across the bar
someone asked me to play piano that night
i took a breath and said sure i’ll fill in
you came up to me afterwards
“i didn’t know you could play, i didn’t know you could sing”
i told you i do my best and you offered me
a glass
you pushed it in my hand
didn’t really ask
(but you never really ever asked)
part of me thought i was just so cool
you were a bright purple neon light
against my wine red and navy blue
but i promise-
i knew exactly when i’d be done with you
Bird Oct 2018
all my friends are scared of intimacy
but i still **** like a rabbit
i hate myself
but i still love all my bad habits  
thought i could write
guess i was wrong
the world is a stage
and i’m playing along
but i don’t know this show
-don’t know the words,
don’t know where to go
i’m missing the blocking
it’s overwhelming
it’s shocking
but does anyone know all of the prose?
do i need to know where everyone goes?
maybe it’s time to pull a kerouac
spend some time on the road
get out of my head
lighten my load
but i know enough to know
that i’ll never go
too scared of what’s next
of death, the unknown
so i’ll just keep playing
one confused lonely pawn
throw my heart on the stage
while the audience yawns
Oct 2018 · 226
cold feet, hollow
Bird Oct 2018
i always have cold feet
because i don’t eat
homeostasis
called me up on the phone
but i didn’t have the time
living life in the fast lane
desperately grasping at rhymes
i know why i’m always cold though
my friends and i race through the snow
in nothing but bikinis and speedos
i want to run away from you
because i don’t know how to speak
when i’m staring at your face
you touch your hand to my waist
i take vitamins to keep my hair from falling out
but i can track my symptoms in other ways
blacking out for days
dull eyes
yellow teeth
paranoia
and cold feet
Aug 2018 · 119
the name game
Bird Aug 2018
i get sick and tired
the names all mesh together
the haines and the roses
the rose harper and rose cabrell
rose eberhardt,
eberhardt and barkley-brinson
suddenly i’m sinking
in every name i ever
cared too much about
choking on romero
sliding over beeson
running from means
i need to work on letting go
Aug 2018 · 157
cool (one word answers)
Bird Aug 2018
slippery word
you say it like you mean it
by which i mean
you don’t
scratching at my lungs
cool
lifting up your tongue
cool
i do what i say i won’t

cool
Aug 2018 · 224
night (one word answers)
Bird Aug 2018
the waves whispered
“come play
and leave the horrible
weight
of all you carry behind”

so i did
Aug 2018 · 246
anxious (one word answers)
Bird Aug 2018
too early
too late
“are you sure this is what
i’m supposed to do”
didn’t sleep
can’t eat
“you overthink”
true
Jul 2018 · 101
hung up
Bird Jul 2018
filling up
emotional mess
like coldplay
a rush of blood to the head
i am not a motel
but you take what you need
and you leave me anyway
in the dark waiting for
a call that will never come
Apr 2018 · 122
(leftovers)
Bird Apr 2018
i don't your spare time,
i want to be your girl
(you only care when you think you're losing me)
Apr 2018 · 115
11.11
Bird Apr 2018
for two minutes each day
i’m all yours
Feb 2018 · 131
texas
Bird Feb 2018
you said not to waste your time

so i didn’t

you said you were busy, that was fine

but you weren’t

and i guess we’re all alright

but im not

my brain knows best

but my heart forgot
i made a mistake and i'm paying forever
Jan 2018 · 109
fear ruins everything
Bird Jan 2018
i’m just a scared little kid
afraid of losing what
i already lost
Dec 2017 · 303
well
Bird Dec 2017
i can’t even imagine you slept

you’re leaving me all your regrets, the only things you think you have left

you’re calling my bluff, while i’m getting undressed

i’m sick
of everything i do,
of all the pretty words that come from you

you used to be the only one i could trust
you say you cant trust me anymore

i ask for a break in mourning, in morning, in night, for you
i did it for you
you think I’m being selfish, you say you need a break from me too
but i didn’t want to, i did it all for you
Bird Nov 2017
my ex-lovers mouth is not a
place I'm proud of lurking
drowned in alcohol and cigarettes
he said
were from all the stress of working
remind me again why you liked me? it was faulty at best
Sep 2017 · 142
people
Bird Sep 2017
there is your sister, there is your sister brilliant and shining in every way you are not, and there is your brother, blindingly talented and everything you are not, and because they are the opposite of you, you expect them to be the same, but they aren't, there's 10 billion types of people and you are the worst of them
Sep 2017 · 356
summertime
Bird Sep 2017
i swear to god i'm gonna die
in one of these nameless steakhouses
to a backtrack of classical jazz
with my back straight
and my legs crossed
in a pretty dress
and stockings
my hair pulled up tight
(i have a headache- no one cares)
when i get handed a menu,
i barely look
i'm getting the cheapest salad
because that's polite, right?
Bird Sep 2017
i am a chess piece faking my way through a checkers board
running on an empty tank- go go go
fast!
Quick! here's a myth-
the asthmatic boy meets a girl burning up!
Both survive!
how do you say no thanks? no thanks!
your words are harsh red lines and they stab me and make me bleed.
stop asking me the same question.
i heard you the first time.
i did not want to answer.
the world is painstakingly dizzying and hopelessly loud.
Leave Me Alone
Jun 2017 · 145
sunlight
Bird Jun 2017
it's so hard to be sad around you, i wish i could steal your light all the time
Jun 2017 · 190
rip
Bird Jun 2017
rip
you wanted to burn,
and I want to drown,
so I guess in the end
we're both going down
May 2017 · 227
when did it become 1 am
Bird May 2017
attention seeker
(attention *****)
i haven’t slept in a year
(that’s impossible)
I feel like i haven’t slept in a year
(i feel worse than you)
i know.
- i know
(you know?)
I know.
-you really hurt me by loving someone else before you knew me
(that doesn’t make sense
that’s not fair)
i know.
-sometimes i imagine terrible things to make myself feel better
(that’s weird)
i know- i know
(what things)
going blind and getting sick and dying and losing all my friends and getting cheated on and crying, i imagine myself crying a lot
(why)
i told you
-it makes me feel better
(this isn’t even a real poem)
i know
(you can’t write ****)
i know
(you’re a lazy slob)
i know
(you’re pathetic)
i know.
(….)
i know.
(i didn’t say anything)
i know.
(is that all you can say)
no
(so you agree with me)
yes
(good.)
Apr 2017 · 3.4k
you look tired (of me)
Bird Apr 2017
you leave me breathless and strung out
in the late night, wrapped up but cold
staring at my phone screen waiting for
you to say anything
you tell me to go to sleep
(it's some passive aggressive *******)
i go to sleep anyway
Apr 2017 · 330
skeleton lover
Bird Apr 2017
I feel like I'm holding
your hollow hands together
sometimes,
and if I let go
your bones will tumble apart
and fall all the way down,
straight to hell

i swear i'll try not to let go,
but if i do-
i'll meet you there in nineteen years
love you
Bird Mar 2017
Hey lovely,
Let me be the JD
To your Veronica
You said you liked the fact that I'm not crazy
Ha! Good luck with that one
You're right, I'm not into miscommunication
But!
I'm still a little itty bitty bit ******
In the head
That's okay though
I love you, my lovely
Bird Jan 2017
hello hello hello again
you made me cry again
i said i wouldn’t spill tears over you
i said i was sick of
singing tragedy
i purged you
i burned you
i ran from you
i ran into myself
bitter
selfish
burning burning burning alive
stop being so casual
god
this is not a casual conversation
stop breaking my heart
you **** me up
and not in a way I’d like
lets jump off cliffs together
lets become star crossed lovers
you broke my heart
you broke me
stop it stop it stop it
i am not
strong
you were supposed to be strong
i am too weak
to carry this
god
please
drop the casualties
Jan 2017 · 264
coffee crazy
Bird Jan 2017
coffee crazy coffee crazy
drip drip drip drip
down the side of my mug
3 am
this is why i stay Away
from this stuff
coffee crazy
on my third cup
liquid prison
sitting dizzy
just one more please just
one more
i am not done working
4 am
it just felt like a few minutes
I’m loosing track of the
5 am
hours the clock is running faster with each
ounce
heart beat heart beat
unsteady
it’s horribly unsteady
it’s horribl-6 am-y unsteady
but i write and i write and i write
about every uncertain, earth shattering broken heart
and the unsteady shake of the earth and
the broken unsteady beats ripping me apart
7 am
sunrise and i am
b l i n d e d
by the soft uncentered light
drifting through my hazy hazy  window
and my legs are shaking and 8 am i am
sure i am dead
and by 9 i am six
feet
under
the ground
Dec 2016 · 227
where
Bird Dec 2016
i didn’t ask where you were back from
it was too painful just to know you were gone
Dec 2016 · 1.7k
Call my Aunt Marie
Bird Dec 2016
You were my
Perfect porcelain doll
I left you buried in a garden,
like that book we both loved

I'm sorry
Dec 2016 · 280
Ciarto y verdad
Bird Dec 2016
I am such a skittish little bird
In which my name rings true
Dec 2016 · 1.3k
La fille en feu
Bird Dec 2016
Burn me to the ground, and we're both going down, I'll give you the same respect you've given me and god I wish I could see it all differently, but I deserve no sympathy, what a lovely tragedy, that I leave this mess, this burning house in misery, while you sit content in your unseen demise.
You'd never know but I could never hurt you, I'll keep you safe from this rising fire in my ocean, I'll never hurt you, love, I swear to god I'll never hurt you
I hate you
Nov 2016 · 443
I like to avoid my problems
Bird Nov 2016
Storm storm storm
I storm out of the room
I avoid eye contact out of shame
I shift, I slide
I rain, I reign
Nov 2016 · 177
Heartgirl
Bird Nov 2016
She wears her heart on her sleeve
Quite literally,
And with a needle
And some ink
She writes her own destiny
Oct 2016 · 719
Thick slice of cheese pizza
Bird Oct 2016
Bitter and angry
Are written into my skin and bones
I walk as a hurricane, an earthquake
You might love the storm,
But you'll never love the aftermath.
We are destined to fall apart.
I was meant to be alone.
Don't lie to me.
I might be a mess, but I know the truth.
Oct 2016 · 797
Rystad
Bird Oct 2016
Crazy people, lovely people
bashing atoms, creating chaos,
What a supernova- you've created a ******* supernova.
and that's why there's a black hole now.
You're organic, so why live like you're plastic?
live, darling
******* live.
Oct 2016 · 1.2k
To you
Bird Oct 2016
I
wrote
you
a
letter
and
I
never
sent
it.
You
wouldn't
have
been
able
to
read
it
anyway,
my
handwriting
is
just
as
bad
as
you
remember.
Maybe
worse.
Oct 2016 · 273
Certainly
Bird Oct 2016
Possessive and Dismissive
You have to do back flips to get her point,
She says she cares when she doesn't and
she says she doesn't care when she does
You can't worry about her because she can handle herself
But you have to worry
She snaps if she's in a bad mood
She snaps if she's in a good mood
She is New York and California
She is the sun and the moon
She is decisive and unsure
She seems a bit hard to love,
it's the only certain thing about her.
Oct 2016 · 298
Battle of the Butterflies
Bird Oct 2016
Scene: You were standing in a field with lots of lovely wildflowers.
There was blood everywhere,
A gallon and a half,
(to be almost exact)
And she was pale-
Like the moon,
If you want to be cliché, if not
maybe a piece of mozzarella
Ha! (What a cheesy metaphor!)
She was Still
Still
Still
But she was not Still breathing
Her lungs were ice, you can't
Catch your breath with a frozen chest.
So there she was lying in the sun,
Absolutely and totally covered in blood
And here they come-
the butterflies.
Growing up you saw pictures
of butterflies, sitting on flowers,
you probably even learned about their life cycle.
And when you got older someone told you

Hey! Did you know butterflies drink blood too?

And maybe you did know that and maybe you didn't, but the important part is that it's true and you probably haven't put much thought into it. I mean why would you?

anyway, my point.

The butterflies come and they perch on her arms, and chest, and eyes.
They rest, and they drink, and they live just a little bit longer and soon she is absolutely covered head to toe and you can't see her pale moon face, you just have to imagine that her body is under this chaotic blob, and more of them are coming and now all of them are fighting, and you never even thought that this was possible,
and now they're hitting each other and falling and dying and you, the luckiest soul gets to watch the battle of the butterflies.

The terrible grace of beauty under pressure.
No one ever said that butterflies were nice. Beauty does not equate kindness.
Oct 2016 · 342
Yes, you
Bird Oct 2016
I want to write about you poetically,
But you don't deserve my time.
So why do I give it to you?
Oct 2016 · 240
How are you doing?
Bird Oct 2016
A bit of a mess?
  


*Well that's certainly an understatement.
Bird Oct 2016
So it happens like this
Everyone is watching, and I'm begging
Look at me! Please!
For just a second, hour, day! Please!

Don't you see the issue? I'm constantly
Effecting everyone, every day
Still, I'm not, I'm not,
That important to the whole scheme
Really I should just walk away
Unless someone really cares, I'll fade
Care not, farewell
To the long drop and deep sleep,
I wish, I want, I would, I could if
Only I could give it up, A toast! To
No one, no where, no way, and no how
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