"traumatizing" poems
Polite
Typical
Smiley
Daughter
Pointlessly
Trusting
School
District
Professor
Turns-blind-eye
Struggling
Drastically
Packets
Turn-to
Stacks
Deficient
Panic Attacks
Turn-to
Self
Destruction
Pulling
Teeth
Sick
Design
Plans
To
Stop
Discussing
Peace
To-her
Silence
Disturbs
People
Talked
She
Distracted
Passed
The
Snacks-to
Dinners
Pulled
The
Same
Dimensions
Pre-K
Then
Smaller
Didn't
Pause
Third-Grade
So
Dead
Parents
Though
She
Drowned
Piled
Thoughts
Suffocated-her
Dexterity
Patient
There
Suffering
Depression
Problems
To-many-to
Score
Dispute
Progress
That
Shockingly
Developed
Potentially
Taken-away-the
Suffering
Dramatically
Poor
Tiny
Sweet
Doll
Part
Traumatized
Sleep
Deprived
Phobic
though
Sixth grade
Doesn't
Play
Though
Six-Years-of
Death
Until... The little girl, learned she had,
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
and, school treating her badly is only one of her three traumatizing events.
Apr 24, 2015
Apr 24, 2015 at 7:59 PM UTC
Its interesting to be in a home so different than mine. A home where almost always two people at least are in the living room, bonding. My family I love, but we are always in our respective corners; father in the basement, brother in his room, mother in the living space, and I around randomly, uncertain where and who to belong with.
This weekend I visit Hockey House, the affectionate name I'm giving my boyfriend's home. I mean it full of affection, because they are brought together by movies and food and especially hockey.
In my home we are only brought together by food and then we run to the hills for our alone time. Very odd entirely, because of the extroversion holding my heart.
I guess as I grow, I find a disconnect with the family who is so different from me. My mother, though the easiest to be with, can be a staunch, stubborn hypocrite when it comes to all things social. My father is a determined conservative who opposes all I believe in. Brother is being molded into the man my father wants as his son, which is slowly distancing me from him.
When I'm home, I'm a repressed me, who keeps her tongue latched inside her mouth, and keeps her head down as to not get attacked. Even the natural peanut butter I asked for became a battlefield of who was right and who was wrong, not just a happy cheer for me being healthier.
Its odd in a house I've only been twice I can be less afraid than in my own home. I guess things change when you become the person you want to be instead of the adult your parents want to be proud of.
Maybe its easier here because I care less if they judge me, while my parents judgment terrifies me. Parents tend to be scary gods who rule your life, and to let them topple in your eyes is something all more traumatizing to watch.
I still love my parents, as children do, but there's a disconnect between who we are that cannot be passed.
Love can exist everywhere, but it cannot transcend all obstacles, and that, truly, is what terrifies me most.
I never want to lose my parents, but I cannot lose myself either.
Only time will tell, and I guess I'll just enjoy college and my times at Hockey House.
Mar 28, 2015
Mar 28, 2015 at 7:01 PM UTC
Fights break out within every person.
Everyone has a battle they need to win.
Overcoming trials and tribulations;
It is hard to lose a loved one or to get rid of a traumatizing memory.
Some are running, some have stood their ground and some have lost their way.
I remember this when I smile, I remember this when I bring joy into people's day or inspire them to try something new and tell them to stay positive.
Because I've been there too.
And I don't want you to fight this battle alone like I did.
Until she came along and saved me with a smile and began to believe in me.
Apr 23, 2015
Apr 23, 2015 at 9:40 PM UTC
How does
It come to pass
That no one in Catholic church
Realizes it is traumatizing to a
Child
To tell them they're
Eating
"The body of Christ"
?
May 1, 2018
May 1, 2018 at 6:09 PM UTC
Grief.
I hear that word a lot.
A feeling,
grieving,
an action.
It affects us in the deepest parts of our beings;
we push back so hard that it festers and bursts.
I'm grieving and I should be honest about it.
I'm grieving for my ancestors who went through trauma and continued on,
I'm grieving for my kin lost to the same rough waters we swim through now,
I'm grieving for the ongoing traumatizing events we face in everyday life,
I'm grieving for the me I could've been if only I'd been loved as I love myself now,
I'm grieving for the future we're working so hard for,
I'm grieving from this pain I'm burdened with.
Thank you grief.
I'm here to hold you and walk into love with you.
May 28, 2022
May 28, 2022 at 1:21 AM UTC
In a world of zombified teens so loaded up on antidepressants,
anti-anxiety and anti things-
it must be asked.
Did that boy who jumped off the bridge just last week,
leap in an attempt to grow wings?
Maybe he did it just to see if he'd be scared?
Or perhaps.
He felt just too much to live
with the numbness his medication offered
He was never looking for
A temporary solution to his pain.
What about that darling girl who's arms and thighs are
In a love affair
With an abusive razor?
Does she stay with him for fear of going back,
Again and again,
only to be called weak for leaving in the first place?
Or for the fear that she'll
Never
Feel the same exhilaration
From another's kiss?
The last question of tonight.
How is it that I am just noticing now,
How carefully he avoids the word
Home
Almost as if he knows the place
I grew up in
Will never be a home again.
Not to me.
Does he know,
It represents
Nothing but a return to the front line?
Just like being ****** back into the trenches
A still wounded soldier.
Nothing but a band-aid
Covering what once
Was a gaping bullet hole.
She still feels his hands on her.
They sound as loud as a grenade in her head
The slap of his hand traumatizing as an atom bomb,
She reaches for her lover,
Hoping he can distract her from the battle
All while
Neglecting
To acknowledge he brings with him
His own
War.
They all stand at his funeral
Holding hands and saying a prayer.
Hoping,
Praying,
He grew his wings.
Nobody understood
What could have led him
To choose the pain of
A jump
Over
The silence of a pill
Or the speed of a bullet.
Most of all though,
His mother just wants to know
Why he didn't tell her he needed to be held.
We all have our demons,
Skeletons in the closet.
What people don't realize is
Wars are fought every day
The trenches lie
Not in Dead-Mans Land
but
Inside our heads.
Aug 30, 2013
Aug 30, 2013 at 10:51 PM UTC
Inferno,
Destructive, Infectious,
Contaminating, Traumatizing,Eradicating,
The ending of humanity,
Conflagration.
Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 6:07 PM UTC
From deep under the surface
Something stirs
The people of this city
Experienced a tragedy
A horror so traumatizing
The city walls and store blocks
Are scarred, both inside and out
Bullet holes and burnt buildings
Cemeteries filled with graves
Tombs of those who died
When the wrath rushed through
But still it lives on,
The city filled with natives and tourists alike
People sell, people buy
People remember but still people die
It is now a historic monument
But slowly the city repairs
Revealing only a faint scab
Fixed by reality
People say they will always remember
But how long 'til the scab is gone?
Lost, inside the flesh
Apr 13, 2012
Apr 13, 2012 at 1:40 PM UTC
lamenting out loud
incoming funk lords
remembering ambient illhueminati
using wrong account
applying lexical snobbery
"using arcane diction
during bamboo surplus"
sinning and redeeming
enjoying manufactured existence
struggling but whatever
transfigurating xenocryptic renderings
scheming paroxystic shipwrecks
dispensing xylophonic wainscotting
revolving number plates
disheartening star charts
upgrading defenestrated system
observing new alphabet
amplifying celestial explosions
trippifying schema migrations
deregulating various economies
befriending code snippets
writing excess minutiae
effulging caffeine consumption
rebuilding grandiose protectorate
uniting our caliphates
collecting projected change
kettling ostalgie hues
collapsing second-world references
traumatizing unrequited follow
making baseball analogies
surveiling little sheep
awaiting various answers
deleting defaced tweet
exciting times ahead
downloading panda consciousness
capitulating rising stellation
Sep 12, 2015
Sep 12, 2015 at 12:05 PM UTC
This is a bitter hallucination.
A group of love longers and constellations,
that fill and **** my heart.
If it was only I could touch the sky,
feel the wind as I start to fly,
higher and higher,
I dare to go.
Just to descend graciously to the ground and show that I'm no stranger to the lengths that I go.
Have mercy on me,
on my tantalized heart..
you were just a fixation, a hallucination.
You had me by every word,
every curve of you swaying,
as if the motion was made by angels.
if love is a noose then I am the hangman,
hanging there effortlessly,
with life no longer ripe upon my cheek.
Only the angelic voice of my hearts true beholder with held the mellifluous tone of my broken days.
I grimace at the thoughts that lead me to believing in your leechy ways.
The grotesque touch of your filthy ****** hands on mine making me cringe and imbue nothing but the shame of falling in love with a hallucination.
A bitter-sweet,
traumatizing,
hallucination.
Mar 1, 2013
Mar 1, 2013 at 12:32 PM UTC
I guess blood ain't thicker than water
The way he held a gun to his head and said;
"If you don't **** me then I'm better off dead"
Now tell me it wasn't manipulation, and how was I not to falter
In saving myself from a man who already had caused me traumatizing trivialization
I guess blood ain't thicker than water
The way I held a gun to my head and you said;
"It's all for attention,"
I guess you thought me better to be dead.
But I tried to speak out, I tried to reach out instead
Only for you to slaughter
All hope I had sent.
I guess blood ain't thicker than water
Because people don't believe in saving grace.
Deliver me into my fate,
If I'm gone there will be no hate.
Maybe you'll see after Thanatos takes over-
A death drive to send me to a new place.
Tell the victim they're a liar,
Might as well say there's no such thing as ****
I guess blood ain't thicker than water.
A father gives up his daughter,
A mother faded away.
A brother whose got nothing to say,
A sister whose forgotten her place.
I guess blood ain't thicker than water,
Because I'll be drowning,
blood covering the counter.
Jul 7, 2016
Jul 7, 2016 at 9:48 PM UTC
10 things I love about myself
1.My unending desire to express myself. I think self expression is key to sanity.
2.Related to 1, is my creativity as an artist. If we instilled the driving force of healthy self expression we would not have near the amount of violence, war, crime, psychotics, drug use etc that we do in society. As a whole the world seems to strive to stuff or hide feelings, I think that is harmful and denial of true self, or of wholeness. On a personal level this saves my very life.
3. My ability to use all negative,bad, traumatizing experiences as a tool of/as Understanding of Universal Human suffering. We are given experiences to understand our fellow man, I do my best to do so with my own experiences.
4. My Compassion, , nuff said
5. Eating my fears for breakfast..or trying to! Facing my fears, and challenging my fears..self quests.
6. Beginners Mindset, I am so very thankful I break for butterflies and pull over for cloud crossings, I near tear with joy at wet rainy sidewalks and the glow of stop lights on wet pavement, may I always honor this special aspect of who I am~ I see the world in a way I wish never to lose, only to expand.
7. Learning to honor my body~ Gaining self respect through self care! I love myself enough to care for myself now, far more than I ever did before!
8. Acceptance that all aspects of myself are pure. My self expression is not **** and as I see it, I am simply unafraid to be me! My expression is pure! I shall accept no shame about it.
9. My ability to accept change with a laugh. I do not stress, stress just adds stress on top of other stuff that needs to be dealt with, it is a distraction!! laugh, move forward and know everything will work itself out..it always does! My inner joy keeps me young.
10.My Energy-Body Consciousness, my ability to sense, to direct energy, to honor the tools that God gave everyone ; )
May 30, 2014
May 30, 2014 at 3:34 AM UTC
That one night
Was a disaster
It rained bullets
I heard many screams
Shattered glass on the floor
Ashes on the ground
Smokes, still swirling
Ammunations scattered everywhere
I will never forget
How horrifying the sight was
How traumatizing the memory is
It was an inevitable event
I saw everything
Collide in front of me
Like showers of black sparks
I watch them, standing still
Bodies falling, lifeless
Bullets firing, soundless
Men killing, merciless
But I am standing here, watching, fearless
Nov 19, 2013
Nov 19, 2013 at 7:42 AM UTC
Tears dried on your caramel cheeks
Wondering why there’s so much to be scared of
Thinking about escaping to a better place
Where you do not feel like a burden
Where you had not been a mistake
Where you are not scared of being condemned
But you already had to accept
There’s no where to go and no one to turn to
You have family as reliable as a bike with a broken chain
Friends who are scared of you
And a brain that has not yet developed
Through the terrifying thoughts
Horrible memories
And flat out traumatizing events
You are still fighting
I know most day hurt being in the wrong body
I know most days you just wish you’d been born right
I know that one day you’ll be getting closer
To being able to present how you want
I know you’re scared
But there’s something I need to tell you
Something I need you to trust
Dry your cheeks and listen to me
you are now loved
and
you will be okay
there is nothing wrong with who you are
you’re allowed to be you
we are two months on testosterone and becoming the man we’ve always knew we were
I’m so proud of you
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 12:33 PM UTC
my body is boiled down to liquid
creamy with memories and sharp with tears
you take in the bitter drink to forget your woes
by digesting all of mine
i am the alcohol
all the pictures that you've thrown
every piece of clothing with seams and strands exposed
all the nights when you've gone home feeling so alone
its at this hour all those drinks have lost their trick
and you're curled up into your bed listening to the clock as it ticks
becoming fixed on its pattern and rhythm until thats all that you know
you count every second as you begin to show
your true form once outer skin sheds in a horrifying transformation
and your eyes lose their grip on liquid sanity
you've regressed to weeping child
your underdeveloped mind has made a poor decision
and your small liver cannot process this many pills
your death will come as shocking and traumatizing to many
they'll drink to forget their woes
going home yet another night alone
listening to their clock as it ticks
wishing they could hold onto you now
rather than a bottle of a temporary fix
as they count the seconds since they've heard you laugh
they look up at their ceiling fan
and feel so empty
Mar 8, 2015
Mar 8, 2015 at 1:20 PM UTC
There's a HOLE in my bucket!
So I'm sorry if my badness contaminated you last night!
I tried to contain it all in my bucket but my bucket has a hole in it and all the BADNESS is leaking out! I am now in search of a bucket repair system so I can keep everything properly stored and contained so as not to bother anyone with my pain and badness.
I am sorry for the dissociation and the visible badness that leaked through the hole last night. The duct tape clearly is not as strong as they say...so I do hope I can find that bucket repair kit today so you will never have to see the badness and filth again.
I hope that I did not traumatize you too badly with my badness and I hope that you will forgive me for showing it to you. I do know how horribly traumatizing even hearing about my badness can be...which is why I tried so hard to keep it in the bucket.
I'm sorry for the frustration and pain I caused you and I will do my best to repair the bucket, using the tools you tried so diligently to teach me, and you will never have to be exposed to Nita's badness again.
Promise!
Dec 30, 2013
Dec 30, 2013 at 8:30 PM UTC
I am deaf.
I am deaf when people bring up a traumatizing or embarrassing moment and tease me about it; when people think it's okay because it's just a "joke."
I am deaf when people point out my insecurities; my crooked teeth, my unruly hair, my body and the scar on my forehead: the things I can't control about myself.
I am deaf when people use my gender against me, ostracize me on things because I am a girl; when they think I am only living to cook, clean and make myself pretty, when they use the line: "Kababae **** tao..."
I am deaf when people mock my faith and shame me for my principles, the things I believe in and what I fight for; when they say "eh di wow" "dami **** alam" or such.
I am deaf when people tell me they will leave or I should leave, saying I am "too much" or "I don't give enough;" when people make me feel inadequate and dismiss me over petty reasons.
I am deaf when people pick on me, use my past and mistakes against me; when people fail to see who I am, and what I am today.
I am deaf, but my heart hears it all.
Dec 30, 2016
Dec 30, 2016 at 11:46 AM UTC
HELP AN OSTRICH ATTACKED ME WITH GLUE
NOW I'M AN ADHESIVE SLOTH
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 11:28 PM UTC
Fatal weaponry along with a symbol of love,
but what love is to ****
Deadly decisions made by a person jealous of love,
but what's there to gain if you **** the one you love?
Traumatizing scenes wreck havoc within the family,
but why do this to the family of the person you love?
Death.
The beautiful soul of a human being completely starved of the substance to life.
The delicate heart made to suffer because of your jealousy.
The intelligent mind punished for wisely not choosing you.
Love.
The funeral - largely decorated in roses.
Each and every couple left distraught.
Trust in relationships rapidly declining.
The rose - widely used to portray love,
but from now on it will be fearfully avoided due to the meaning you've placed on "love".
Guns n Roses.
"Guns don't **** people, people **** people."
Jan 10, 2018
Jan 10, 2018 at 8:22 AM UTC
Growing up i looked up
to you.
You showed me what it was like to be brave.
But that one day, you chose to mess it all up.
"Come to my room, lets watch a movie."
Little did I know , I was about to be violated in my own home.
"Give me a hug"
But oh this was no hug, i wish I would'e known.
How could i have been so DUMB.
"Oh its not my fault" I say, I was too young.
The feeling of your touch down there.
"This doesn't feel right.."
" i don't care"
Nena walked in, "What the hell are yall doing??"
"He said to give him a hug" I said
That night, we got a stern talking to.
"Don't ever do that again"
Was that it? All you had to say?
I had felt like my innocence had been taken away.
Years later, there's not a day that goes by
where i don't think of that traumatizing, long-lasting memory of mine.
Maybe I'm just overreacting.
Or maybe, you should've taken action.
I'll never feel the same again.
Jun 17, 2025
Jun 17, 2025 at 7:21 PM UTC
I can’t change right now
because I don’t have any energy to focus on changing.
I am standing at the bottom of a deep trench. It is my trench because I dug this dark & dingy trough that I spend each night in. And I cannot focus on change right now because it takes every scrap of energy residing inside of me just to stay alive. And I am working so hard to shove the dirtiness and shame deep down inside of my blackened soul. DT is right (he usually is, even though angry girl has a hard time accepting what DT says as the truth…eventually it sinks in…when logical/rational Nita comes around and has a chance to absorb it.
After everything I’ve supposedly “survived” – its ****** me off that this part, this “healing & acceptance” of myself is by far the hardest part, by far. (I did NOT say forgiveness - that will never, ever happen – and DT supports my decision on this). Enduring my father’s abuse when I was a child is not nearly as unbearable or traumatizing as reliving it is now. It scared me then, confused me, and hurt me…I didn’t like it. it hurt…but I didn’t comprehend what he was doing, I had no idea what I was losing…my innocence, my trust, all of the things that affect me now. I was a confused little girl who always wondered if this was normal behavior, if it happened in all families. I was an anxious teenager, struggling to be perfect, a chameleon, changing to fit the mold of what everyone else wanted from me.
Now I’m a grown woman who knows about the dangers of abusing alcohol and prescription anti-anxiety medications, I know the risks of the nightly rituals of SI that we engage in and yet I cannot stop myself from continuing to use these “maladaptive” methods to cope (and I use that term loosely). I want so badly to erase it all. I know my nightly behavior is harmful but I am not able to change that right now, I do not have the energy, every bit of it goes into just getting through the day…
minute by minute.
I tried so hard this past week – to let it all go, to push it down and act like a normal human being, but some nights I feel beaten down, crushed by the feelings and thoughts and memories that are running rampantly through my mind like a drove of cattle, crushing everything in their path. I cannot control them…as DT says, it’s like trying to herd cats.
I am not armed to face the girl I am supposed to accept.
And this stupid worthless body is aching and it won’t stop.
Jul 14, 2014
Jul 14, 2014 at 11:39 PM UTC
Can’t you understand my dual soul
the eternity verses fleeting?
Why a shy kid reads, makes art in his room
in between traumatizing social crises
Like 8 years old at the steakhouse chain
my parents made me order my own food
But when he’s 19 he drives all around drinking
with no time in between to sit and ponder existence
Now, I’m back in my room silent on my bed
long returned from those shady social tasks most dangerous
The 5-day-a-week mood still pulsating through me
It’s the sitting and thinking
alone with my thoughts - no distractions
I decay my inner being
by analyzing what I already felt once
O my, what could I do for
a peaceful mind growth stunt?
Perform and forget
the challenge of a refuse-to-settle adult
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 8:10 AM UTC
The owl perched high
Traumatizing skies
Little feet tap the ground
Spotted by sharp eyes
Little mouse cries
Owl dips low with no sound
All goes back to normal
Silent killer
Perched again
Oct 15, 2012
Oct 15, 2012 at 8:50 PM UTC
It starts with a Rhythm.
Fast,
Like running.
Like a Traumatizing event.
Like first breath,
After a long time without air.
Or slow,
like the relaxation after a good,
You know.
It's hardly a sound,
More a feeling.
The concept of things falling into place.
I could be better at keeping things together.
Then come the noise, the words,
the shouting and crying.
The singing,
Freewriting.
Thoughts that don't make sense don't follow a pattern don't have breaks or flow.
Words that define
Acknowledge
Make real
the World that we live in and the emotions that are,
Themselves,
Rhythm.
Jul 5, 2011
Jul 5, 2011 at 8:46 AM UTC
where is the support group
for Trans Masc kids
with bad fathers
alcoholic fathers
ones that didn't show up
and still try to tell you
what a man is
and isn't
and by God it isn't you
a Father with misogyny
ran so deep
that my body is
a beautiful woman's
and God made me
to be this way
Born into the beautiful body of a woman
where is the support group
for fathers who are so damaged
dating girls within 5 years of me
i've never felt safe around a man
even the one who is half of me
maybe why i don't feel safe around myself
where is the support group
for Trans kids
that are 27
who always wanted to be like their dad
until they got to know him
who found the masculine beauty
within their best friend
who picked them up
every other weekend
and now
who can't even stomach
to muster
that that is my father.
the guilt
of a kid who just wished one of us
would die
ENOUGH ENOUGH OF IT ALL ALREADY!!!!
can you please stop traumatizing me
its been 20 years
haven't you had enough?
where is all of this material coming from?
is this a never ending bit and i simply just don't get the joke?
Oct 22, 2022
Oct 22, 2022 at 10:18 PM UTC