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Corbyn Nov 2020
205 days until I’m free
the biggest weight lifted off my chest
literally

where’s my reflection?
the mirror doesn’t show it

frightening
is the sight of my naked flesh

exhaustion has become too familiar
each day feels like eternity

burying my body in clothes way too big
it brings some comfort

some
Corbyn Nov 2020
my skin is howling  
my tears descend
the pain is somehow still caged

my throat swells
my jaw tightens
the hurt must stay within

its more painful than anything I’ve ever felt
like a pack of wolves tearing my heart out
the pain is eating me

eating more than I ate for the years my dysphoria got me to starve myself

i can’t hide anymore
tear me open if you must
but tear me open in the right places
Corbyn Nov 2020
so many words in my head
all trapped in the depths of my brain
that no soul will ever explore
Corbyn Nov 2020
Skin begins to crawl while seeing this mess
Binding my chest and trying to rest

I don’t see myself

Living in this body is betrayal
Everything is wrong feeling unwell

I don’t see myself

Looking down is not much better
Body is making it hard to get it together

I don’t see myself

Mind is screaming to give up
Living life like this hurts too much

I don’t see myself
Corbyn Aug 2020
Tears dried on your caramel cheeks
Wondering why there’s so much to be scared of
Thinking about escaping to a better place

Where you do not feel like a burden
Where you had not been a mistake
Where you are not scared of being condemned

But you already had to accept
There’s no where to go and no one to turn to

You have family as reliable as a bike with a broken chain
Friends who are scared of you
And a brain that has not yet developed

Through the terrifying thoughts
Horrible memories
And flat out traumatizing events

You are still fighting

I know most day hurt being in the wrong body
I know most days you just wish you’d been born right

I know that one day you’ll be getting closer
To being able to present how you want

I know you’re scared

But there’s something I need to tell you
Something I need you to trust
Dry your cheeks and listen to me

you are now loved
and
you will be okay

there is nothing wrong with who you are
you’re allowed to be you
we are two months on testosterone and becoming the man we’ve always knew we were

I’m so proud of you
Corbyn Aug 2020
“Baby girl, you’re a tomboy”
“You need to look how I tell you to”

Youngest of five boys
Was supposed to be the baby girl
I never was
I’ve never been that
                        
            
             I told myself to fit the mold
There’s nothing wrong
There’s nothing wron
There’s nothing wr
...

Dysphoria kills
Hiding in the closet would be the cause of my death
I need to be me
But who am I?
My life has been spent shoving myself into a space never meant for me
Corbyn Apr 2020
Everything is black
I don’t know where I am
Everything is unknown

this couldn’t have been the plan
my body is shaking
they rush to my side
my heart is racing
theyre afraid I might die

Levels of consciousness vary
I verbalize many of sounds
My limbs are impossible to carry
In my head I am no where to be found

My eyes were open
And my mouth too
I took too many pills
I didn’t think things through
Somewhere in my mind
I’m hoping I don’t die
And my body took the controls
and said, “We have to stay alive“
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