People come into your life with a purpose. The universe gives you support or gives you a challenge. In the last three years I had a person deliver both. The truth will always surface no matter how hidden it can be. I've been on the highest mountain and in the highest peak. I've been submerged in the deepest ocean and drowned in it slowly. But somehow I've come out more alive than ever. These hard lessons have made me grow wiser, become kinder, more disciplined and more loving. I wish you could see me now. How I'm learning to finally fly on my own. I cry now because I'm ready, ready to let you go.
Jack is my best friend. ***** burns my sorrows into ashes. Tequila never leaves my side. I smell alcohol on my shirt like it's cologne. Bottles lay all around me and they make me feel empty and alone. I thought it would make me forget the pain. It did for a moment but the next day I awake in more pain. This isn't the way, it never was. Yet, I drink another drink. Because it's my only friend.
Let me show you what it's like to be me. Step inside my wrinkled, falling apart working shoes. Do you know what it's like to wear your beliefs on a pin, "**** The System". Or wear a shirt with the logo "Brown Pride." I who dresses for himself. I who learns from every one and every book. Opening the doors for you in each chapter and then closing them once you've read too much. Now do you get me ? Or have you just been thinking of yourself lately ?
You think you know what it's like to give up your heart completely? To drink your heart break into a shattered glass with your blood & tears? I blamed myself, I didn't think I was good enough, I was hateful of myself. **** me, *******, **** everything. Tears dripping on my pillow like a broken dream. ****, I fought people thinking that it would fix my pain. Knuckles feigning to fight. All the times I texted, called, voice mailed, and messaged and nothing. You don't know pain. You don't know Johnny Cash "hurt". The past haunts me like a ghost and it won't let go.
We exist in difficult times. When we have to choose between Them or They but we can't choose Us, this is a forced vote. Our Nation and Government divided. The media incredibly controlling. We've let our thinking be shaped. ******* the sun because of a Hillary mountain. We can not find love in politics. Only hate and war. Please look within your heart and soul. This is a struggle for a new civil rights movement and a fair and equal government. We are making America hate again, even though we know this country was also build by immigrants.
Expand love. Shrink hate. No matter your religion. We are all the same. No matter our class or race. Because in the end, we live and die sharing a world we all get to experience for a short amount of time.
Here it comes again; the losses that disappointed me every time I've been close to a win. This time around I've dealt with it differently, since I have you. Since I have you, I don't only support myself and I have you to hold me up. I use to drown myself in solitude, mourning, what was dead in me. I would let the cold make my bones freeze, because I didn't want to feel a thing. Those bad habits are gone, since I have you now.