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Got Guanxi Nov 2015
in between my insecurities

I can’t be found sometimes,
dumbfounded by my surroundings.
in between my

i’ve been captured in the moment,
scared to say another word,
caught ,
in between my

I got lost within the essence,
talking nonsensical thoughts,
lying inside,
in between my

I learnt my lesson swiftly,
teenage years, lunchbox idioms ,
in between my
I think i'll revisit this at some point...
Lost Girl Nov 2016
There is a place
Where insecurities rule
No one is safe
From the voices that live in the dark recesses
The Kingdom of Insecurities

Walls of confidence crumble
Seedlings of doubt are planted in the gardens of love
Hate lives among love
Flowers of fear grow tall
The fruit of all relationships is rotten

The Kingdom of Insecurities is dark
The lack of light does little to hide
The terror that lurks behind our own eyes

There is no King or Queen of Insecurities
We have no master but our own internal fears

Please help me escape this yolk
Get me out of
The Kingdom of Insecurities
Realeboga M Mar 2016
"Insecurities are the worst demons to live with", she stands at the podium.
"Can anyone tell me what insecurities are?", she stares in front, looking at the ten students who were presumed to be messed up by the school board.

A boy with a blue hoodie raises his hand.
"Insecurities are our fears of our fears coming true, it's the absence of feeling safe or secure. Which leads to an emotional turmoil of trying to fix them. To ignore them but ultimately they end up taking us", he speaks confidently as his head is bowed.

"Have you had your fair share of insecurities? ", the girl walks up to him and crouches. She notices the exhaustion in his demeanour, the pain, hidden secrets. And death in his green eyes.
He stares at her brown eyes, filled with sincerity and concern along with a dose of hope. She finally found them.

"Haven't we all?", a girl with grey blonde hair speaks up.
Heads turn and look into her direction.
She plays with the hem of her shirt,
"We started off carefree. Young and willing to explore, we meet people who change our lives who make worthwhile but then others. I don't know about them but they take parts of us and play with them, they toy around with them and then drop us. Like old unwanted toys. We begin to wonder, question our hearts, search our minds trying to figure out where we went wrong and that hurts. We then build unnecessary yet necessary theories as they begin to make sense.  That's when they lurk in. That's how we get them", her voice shakes

The boy with the hoodie sighs, "And to think that's only the first part of them", he looks at the lady and croaks his head, "Studies show that we can get rid of these insecurities but I don't know. I've tried all these measures all the ways of getting rid of them but they don't ever leave. They stay, they don't even lurk in. Shucks depression is nicer than being insecure. Depression leaves for a while. But this", he shakes his head and massages his temples.

The lady walks up to the podium and sighs, "Being insecure is a painful thing to experience because with insecurities comes more demons willing to take advantages of you, willing to destroy you trust me I know"

A girl with glasses begins to laugh, "Everyone here knows that Miss, we're all insecure, this could be in terms of our grades, our love lives, our family, our lifestyle, our sexuality, we are all insecure. But the question here is how do we get rid of them? How do we feel normal? How do we get rid of this insane feeling, the hostility we feel from our own selves. How!?" She pushes her glasses.

The lady sighs once again, staring at the girl. She closes her eyes, "I don't know. I believe there's no way out with insecurities. They manifest inside us, they evolve and they become stronger. All I do is face them head first. I stopped thinking and accepted them. I am insecure and I am learning to accept that I am not perfect"

"Do you think that's the answer Miss", the boy with a red bandana scratched his head.
"Acceptance?" His voice heavy with a British accent.

"You said you learned to accept your imperfections and here you are now. Talking to us about our issues. Does this mean you're no longer insecure?" He furrowed his eyebrows.
"Does this mean there's hope for us?" He smiled exposing his pearly whites.

The lady sighed, pondering on how to answer that.
" I don't think that's what she meant", the boy with the hoodie speaks up.
"What she means is that once we learn to accept them like she did. We can learn to move on. To live with them. And truth is they won't hurt us as much as they do now. I mean we know we're not perfect and its okay. It's about acceptance and appreciation of our scars"
briannah rae Sep 2017
blonde hair.
blue eyes.
thin body.
designer clothes.
popularity contest.
matter over mind
over matter
over mind.
prom queen.
cheerleading captain.
top of the social ladder.

fake smile.
eating disorder.
jealous Mar 2015
every time he look at me
or looked me in the eye
i felt my insecurities screaming
i wanted him to look away
but then again i did not .

i felt him looking at my nose,
oh its painful for me to even right that .

but the thing is every day he would tell me that i looked stunning that day .
he told me i was beautiful every day .
he told me that i was perfect .
for once in my life it felt as if all my insecurities went away

but no matter how many times he will call me beautiful, gorgeous, stunning and perfect ,
my insecurities will forever stay
and no matter how many people call me pretty or beautiful ,
**** how i will remember all of them that called me ugly and pointed out my insecurities as well .
terrible poem , did this is a minute .
Carla Michelle Jul 2015
She was only a child, the summer of '15
she had the world on a string, her heart
so enclosed in a boys hands, she could never
touch it.
She had dreams, flailing around at the seams,
when it was time to follow a new endeavor
her string seemed to tear, along the middle.

She had insecurities, tall enough to
reach out and choke her dead.
She had no idea,
her heart would have scurried at the first
sight of lust,
and forget the first
one she had.

She had insecurities, enough to crack her
porcelain skin.
She showed them off, like a new
depressing outfit, like a filthy rag.
But when she did, you told her,
"You're a *****".

She had insecurities, enough to **** you off.
Luckily, enough to **** her off too.

My insecurities aren't something
to determine my charisma by,
try again.
Poetic Artiste Jul 2014
The Insecurities are flourishing,
A gorgeous garden is my mind—
But the weeds keep growing in.
Media like kryptonite—weakening my self esteem.
—Thoughts of a young child never knowing what to believe.

I lie awake in bed at night staring at the ceiling.
If only the notion could suffice in finding the words—
For the void I'm feeling in my life,
But it isn't simple.

Pure corruption of my mind,
Perfect pictures,
Flawless figures,
The images I can't erase.
Uncomfortable in my own skin—
What do I do to feel safe?

Do I drown myself in ink—to cover up the imperfections?
Instead of talking—walk and let my skin scream the self-expression?

Or do I return to the blank stare in the mirror?
The words are on repeat.
Who am I to think I’m beautiful—when I myself can’t see?
Who am I to think I'm valuable—when there is no self-confidence there?
Who am I to think I'm worthy—when I myself don't feel?

The insecurities keep flourishing.
A gorgeous garden was my mind,
But the weeds kept growing in.
Media like kryptonite—weakening my self esteem.
Thoughts of a young child,
--Never knowing what to believe.

One night as I lie awake—I hear my subconscious scream out to me.
The most attractive people do the ugliest of things,
The true beauty you want is what’s imprisoned within.
Why stop your happiness to return to a place—
—A place where you feel so alone?
Why do the tears flow?
You're killing yourself—
And you fail to realize
Your own self-doubt is the knife!
The negative thoughts building inside—
They’re just as bad as the razorblade that kisses your skin as you sit in silence...
Why are you hurting yourself?
Temporary pain is only a distraction,
You were blessed and shaped by the hands of God.
What more could you possibly ask for?

Appearance is not everything.—
Stop the self-consciousness and live your life.
—acknowledge that you —are your worst —enemy...

I open my eyes.
The cries have ceased,
I return to the blank stare in the mirror.
The words are on repeat.
Who am I to think I’m beautiful—when I myself can’t see?
Who am I to think I'm valuable—when there is no self-confidence there?
Who am I to think I'm worthy—when I myself don't feel?

But it’s different this time,
My reflection speaks.
Saying no—
Who are you not to?
Your imperfections are beautiful.
Beautiful enough for the heart that is meant to love you,
Believe in yourself.
No more self doubt,
No more lost soul.

—No more insecurities flourishing,
A gorgeous garden is my mind.
No more weeds keep growing in,
Media is not my kryptonite,
No more weakening of my self esteem,
Thoughts of a young child finally unshackled —and free.
Haley Nov 2014
I build a wall of insecurities
That may never be crossed
Because if the wall is weakened
My feelings get tumbled and tossed

I never mean to put up guard
But I can’t help it sometimes
I’m afraid of getting hurt
When people start crossing lines

I never wanted to come off mean
I just put up my wall
I only end up hating myself
I never wanted to hurt you at all

I refuse to let anyone close
I’ll only push you away
If I ever seem bitter to you
It’s only because I’m afraid

My insecurities protect me
Or so it may seem to be
Because when my wall comes crumbling down
Nobodies hurt but me
The future: Insecurities.
Like a black chasm,
(swallowing your absentees).

Uncertainties, promiscuity,
bewildering circumstances,
you try to find present serenity.

You never knew smoldering
could happen underwater,
until you see that later,
always under the

Lost for words — train of thoughts,
lost for sure, the battles fought.
these insecurities eating me,
(who would have known?):
because I never let,
it to be really, shown.
ShowYouLove Sep 2013
Your insecurities have a hold on you

You've been rotten. You know it's true.

Whispers in your ear, voices in your head

Tell you always: you're doomed, you're dead

Cheating on that test, lying to your best friend

What were you thinking when you pushed send?

Too dumb, too fat, a face only a mother could love

You'll never be good enough to ever rise above

Invisible hands are choking, spirit chains will bind

When the light is fading fast, remember it's only in your mind

The past is gone, you can't go back and try once more

Now to remember not dwell and to look forward

Learn and grow

Your insecurities have no real control

They have no power

In God's love and mercy you are showered

Pray and give them all to the cross

Goodness and joy take the place of what is lost

For He knows your heart and He knows your worth

A beautiful working creation fashioned by God before birth

So never forget how beautiful, special, and loved you are

And shine brightly for the world. You are a STAR!

Lord God, we stumble and fall so often and are prone to sin. Many times, we become discouraged and listen to the voices in our hearts and heads that mock us, tell us we are no good and feed us negativity. We acknowledge that we fail. Please remind us that you always have and always will love and forgive us no matter what. We are your precious treasure and worth more than anything in the world in your eyes. Help us not to listen or give in to our many insecurities, and help us instead to rest in the security and knowledge that we do not have to live in the past, that the future is in your hands, and to live fully for you today. Remind us Lord that you have made us just the way we are, beautiful, special, and loved by the creator and ruler of everything! Thank you! Amen.
Ayad Gharbawi Dec 2009

Or A Reflection on Ourselves

Ayad Izzet Gharbawi


Table of Contents

Chapter 1: An Awakening. Page: 3.
Chapter 2: University. Page 12.
Chapter 3: Being an Activist. Page 23.
Chapter 4:  The Hallowed Purification Programme. Page: 32.
Chapter 5: The Party Self Destructs. Page: 55.
Chapter 6: Confusion after the Collapse of my Icon. Page: 64.
Chapter 7 Getting a Job as a Psychiatrist. Page 69.
Chapter 8: Afim: Sick or ‘Normal’? Page: 84.
Chapter 9: Having Children. Page 105.
Chapter 10: Omar Again. Page: 109.
Chapter 11: The Meaningless Existence of My Husband. Page 121.
Chapter 12: My Daughter: Lara. Page 127.
Chapter 13: Getting to the Top in my Job. Page: 131.
Chapter 14: Success & Emptiness. Page 142.
Chapter 15: The Shock. Page: 148.
Chapter 16: The Trap. Page: 153.
Chapter 17: The Punishment. Page 162.
Chapter 18: The Barmaid and the Alcoholic Conversation. Page: 166.
Chapter 19: Old Age. Page: 180.
Chapter 20: Seeing My Son: Noor. Page: 184.
Chapter 21: The Unexpected Visitor. Page: 191.
Chapter 22: Conversation with my Social Worker. Page: 195.
Chapter 23: My Visitor Returns. Page: 206.
Chapter 24: Isolation. Page: 210.




            Sara is my name.
  I feel the need to write down the words, or rather, the connected and the unconnected stories, of my life.
  I wish to say straightaway, that I am not an important person; on the opposite.
  I am, in fact, a no one.
  I achieved nothing meaningful in my life, and I was never famous.

  So, why you may think, should anyone read about my life, considering that I am a nobody?
  Well, I think, that precisely because I am a nobody, people should read about my life!
  Because, since most of us are nobodies, therefore, I must be a reflection for a significant number of people.
  I am a mirror that most of us do not see; after all, who wants to see what they really look like?

  You see, if I were famous, then I would be in the minority of the population, and, as a consequence, I would reflect the lives of just a small fraction of the people.
  In other words, if I were rich, and if I were to write about my life as a rich woman, then most readers would have absolutely nothing to relate to such a story.
  But then again, to tell you the truth, I am plagued by insecurities and self doubt.
Why am I plagued by insecurities and self doubts?
  Because life itself is full of doubts and insecurities!
  Everyday there are so many events that happen that you do not fully understand - and so they have no certainty.
There are so many thoughts that come across your mind that you cannot believe in with certainty - in other words, you have doubts!
  Life is made up of events, people and thoughts that are themselves uncertain, vague, indefinite, unclear, ambiguous and ultimately blurred.
  That is why, for me, I found no certainty in my life, no sense of definiteness – and the end result is that my image of my personal reality was a blurred vision.

  I could never see an accurate view of my own reality - because I had far too many flawed characteristics.
  I am extremely temperamental.
  I am extremely impulsive; I speak, behave and act without thinking in a sober, rational, deliberate manner.
  I am not a very good judge of character when it comes to people. I often evaluate people wrongly. I misread who they really are.
  I am often very cold with other human beings; I am unable to sympathise and be compassionate to other people.
  I am not a good listener.
  I am a slave to my irrational passions, my dark urges and my undesirable needs.
  Now I am not saying that I have these characteristics all the time – but I confess that I do have them far too often.

  And all these awful characteristics make me quite unable to focus on myself in a logical, coherent and rational manner.
  I am unable to see my real Self; I cannot see where my rational mind tells me where I need to go with my life, rather than where my dark passions tell myself where to go.
  So, maybe my story isn’t worth telling at all.
  Should I write the story of my life or not?
  Will anyone read it?

  I am a member of the weak and the unknown and the unheard class.
  I am a member of the invisible classes, of what they call 'Humanity'.
  Even though, I don’t know what ‘Humanity’ actually means any more.
  I am one non-entity amidst this ocean of Humanity.
  I am a nothing.
  So, what’s the point of my existence and, more importantly, the story of my existence!?

  Actually, sometimes, when I’m in a good mood, I think, yes, come, do not be timid or afraid, and take a serious gaze at my own face, and I hope you will see yourselves – yes, you, the majority of the people out there, this night; for when you see yourselves in my face, you may learn so much about yourselves, and it seems to me, after I have been living and experiencing so long, you may learn from my mistakes.
  It seems to me, that one of the problems so many of us people out there are facing, is that nobody seems to want to take a serious, unbiased way that they really look like – and this is because of fear.

  But what is this ‘fear’?  
  I know that this fear is one reason that causes a nagging and persisting unhappiness.
  This fear is because we are scared to look at ourselves and find a picture that is severely deformed and far too horrible to behold.
  Do you believe that looking at your own face is an easy task?
  I hear you tell me: Oh Sara, all you have to do is to look at the mirror and you see yourself.
  How easy!
  But, I’m afraid, you are wrong.
  Because when you say to me, that all you have to do is to see your face in the mirror, that is not accurate.

  And that is, because the face you are seeing in the mirror is an image.
  That is not your face!
  That’s an image of your face!
  And an image is only one degree of reality.
  An image is never and can never be the whole reality.
  So, you say, why is it that I am seeing an image of my face in the mirror and not the whole reality of my face?
  Because you yourself are scared to scrutinize and stare so deeply at your own face.
  Fear is restraining you from seeing your own reality.
  You may see your real face and it may be a face that is far too ugly to see!

  Now, when I am in a bad, bleak, hopeless mood, I really believe in the depths of my angry heart, that it is utterly pointless to write anything, precisely, because I feel that my entire life is completely worthless.
  I feel my life is filled with emptiness.
  How can you ‘fill’ anything with emptiness!
  You know, I feel like ripping to shreds everything I’ve written, and yes, reader, I’ve done that many times – and, then I start all over again.
  And how dare I presume that anyone out there in the world would be in any way interested to read the life of an empty woman who happens to be called Sara?
  You see, at times like these, I have self hate.
  I confess.
  I hate every single thing about myself.
  And that includes my pointless story.

  And so many times, especially at night, when I’m able to write my story, I think, what if no one is reading these words?
  How frightful!
  Could I possibly be that empty?
  Could I – Sara - possibly be so utterly meaningless as a human being, to the extent that no one could possibly be interested, to give me more than a few precious moments of their time, from their important lives?
  Well, for all you people out there whose lives are brimming with happiness; for all those of you people whose lives are so full and busy, so they never experience the utter tedium of boredom; for all those of you people who never face an inner emptiness, a loneliness within their hearts and minds; for all those of you people who have no fears, no anxieties, and no insecurities – then I can honestly tell you to hurl this book away!

  And, yet, I would like to believe that - in the depths of my shaky beliefs and my uncertain certainties - that I have at least one listener with me!
  You know why?
  Because it gives me so much comfort and peace of mind to think that I have one human who is interested to know me!
  The most horrible thing to me is to live in total isolation.
  And to ease that unique kind of emotional pain, is to know that someone, somewhere in this planet actually cares for you.

  I was born in the City, in a middle to low class neighbourhood, where families tended to help each other.
  It was a closely knit community. You knew everyone, and everyone knew you and so, when there was any problem, people would help each other out. You see, in this way, problems became less heavy than they would have been otherwise, because when more people come to help you, the problem weighs less, as opposed to if each family had to cope with their problems all on their own.
  It was a happy childhood; I adored my parents and I thought no one could be better than them.
  They were my icons.
  As a child, they were good to me, and I could see nothing wrong with them.
  But how long did that last?
  By the time my mind was waking up, so to speak, by eleven or twelve, I began to notice, that what I saw wasn't all that rosy at all. My parents used to argue a lot; Dad would scream and Mother would howl.
  And what were the causes of these clashes?

  Both were guilty of countless faults.
  Dad drank too much; Mom didn't pay enough attention to housekeeping and so our house was rather *****; neither parent paid any attention to us; Dad would always invite his 'friends', and they would be rather ****** in their behaviour and with their jokes (or what they thought were 'jokes'); Mom would go for hours on end to her 'friends' houses, and leave us children alone; so, when they were in the mood to fight, good God, both sides of the trenches had lots of reasons, or excuses, to use as ammunition!
  And what battles do we young children witness!
  Dad would scream: "What kind of Mother are you when you do nothing for the house; you don't cook, and so we never have homemade cooking; you don't clean, and so the house stinks and is always in a terrible mess; and then you disappear for hours to God knows where, leaving us all behind! How much time do you even spend with our children? I’ll tell you how long – you don’t spend any time with our children! Children need love, attention and time spent with them; how do you think that affects our children? Do you think that makes then happy?"

And Mom would scream, at the same time: "What kind of Father are you? You're always drunk, and you're always socialising with drunk, ****** idiots. How do you think our children are reacting when they see their Father interacting with the most lewd, disgusting people? You're lazy in your job – and that is when you keep a job more than a few weeks – and, not surprisingly, you don't bring in enough money, and so we live a miserable lifestyle. And, you dare to ask me why I leave this house for so many hours? Of course, I want to leave this house – it's because I cannot stand the repulsive sight of you! And then, you have the nerve to ask me, ‘how long do I spend with our children’? You **** hypocrite! How long do you spend with our children? Not one minute!"

  I would usually rush off to my room, and hide my body and soul in my pillow.
  And as I grew into a teenager, my parents were fighting against each other even more.
  Who was right and who was wrong?
  Sometimes I felt for sure, that Dad was wrong; and, at other times, I felt that Mom was to blame; while at other times, I felt both were to blame; and then again, at other times, I would be so confused that I just gave up thinking about the whole mess, and just wish they never brought me to this world.
  How could I judge them?
  I could never really tell, because I didn't have the facts, did I? Who knows if Dad really was lazy at his job, and if that was the case, why he didn't he realize that we needed him to work harder, in order for us to have a better quality of life? Or, maybe he wasn't making enough money, simple because his job was a low paying one, and so it wasn't his fault that he brought such meagre wages.

  Who knows why Mom didn't take care of the house?
  Maybe she was depressed?
  And who knows why she went off to her friends' house for hours on end?
  Put simply, when you don't have the facts, how can you possibly judge in a reasonable manner?
  But then, maybe, you, my dear reader, will say I am wrong, because one ought to judge the situation by using one's emotions and not just 'facts'.
  To be honest, when I think of those wretched days, maybe they were both 'right' and wrong'; but in what measures – don't ask me!
  What I do know for sure was this: the fact that both Mom and Dad never spent any time with me really hurt me and made feel insecure. I really needed their company when I was a child and right through to my adolescent years, but, unfortunately, they were never, ever interested to sit with me and talk to me – not even for a minute.

  In my teenage years, I clearly remember that I felt that I needed Mom and Dad, because I remember feeling frightened for the first time in my life.
  Why did I feel ‘afraid’?
  I honestly don’t know.
  Strangely enough, before the age of thirteen, all my parents' fighting did not leave me scared; no, my response was one of sadness only.
  So, I tried to talk with Mom and Dad, issues that were bothering me, but I found out, to my horror, that they could not answer any of my questions.
    I would ask my parents endless questions like:
"Should I continue studying in school and go on to university, or should I leave and get a menial job?"
"At what age should I get married?"
“Is marriage worth it or not?"
"Should I smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol – or, are these things wrong?"
  “What characteristics should I look for, when I make friends? In other words, what are the good attributes versus the bad attributes in the character of any person?”
  “What is morality?”
  I remember that my parents were themselves confused by my questions, and at the same time they were irritated.
And, at other times, they were increasingly bored with my unending questions.

  Strange combination, isn't it – to be both 'confused’, irritated' and 'bored' with someone nagging at you all the time!?
  I know why they were 'bored'; that's the easy part – it was because, they gradually found me to be a nuisance or an irritant with my questions.
  They were 'confused and irritated', because they felt stuck as to how they could best answer my questions.
You see, they were, themselves, doing all the wrong things, so how could they advice me to do what was supposed to be 'good'?!
  For example, 'Can I smoke and drink alcohol?'
Good question, Sara, but a question that you shouldn’t really ask your parents, when you recall, that both were heavy smokers and drinkers!
  And, when I asked them: 'Should I get married?' How can they answer that one
Xaela San Aug 2018
Let me tell you a secret nobody knows

I'm insecure, I hate myself, I don't see myself pretty, I'm a mess
Mess up in the head
Standing in front of you, my mind keeps on running and running and running away
From logic and reason I wish I have now

I'm under this great pressure I made myself
I can't lift it up, it just keep on, in on, in on crashing every faith in myself
and chain every part of me
Blinding my eyes
Sealing my mouth
Killing me slowly inside
And I can't breath seeing my reflection in the mirror
I'm sick of it

I keep on saying, I keep on screaming
I keep on crying, I keep on wishing
I keep on praying to be like them
but even the shooting star can't change that

How do you run from what's in your head?

I can't free myself from my insecurities
I'm embarrassed, I've become a mess, I've become a hater
It keeps on destroying myself inside
and I can't take it out of my mind

Every second, every minute, every moment of my life
Is slowly becoming something my jealousy made
I started to hate myself
I started to hate the people I'm jealous of

Because I want to be like them  
Pretty, Confident, Intelligent, Proud and Shinning
Everything I ever wanted, but I can never be like them, I can never be them
I'm like an unfit puzzle piece of the society I want to fit in

My jealousy, my insecurities made me into someone I despise
Hatred for myself runs in my veins
Everything I stand for just disappeared into the oblivion
like bubbles disappearing  into the thin air

And I'm becoming trap in my own twisted world without realizing it
As it drowns me, pulling me with its current to the darkness of my tainted mind
Its just a matter of time I might breakdown

Everyday I keep on telling myself be strong, be strong, be strong
stop being insecure, but I don't have the strength to do it
I don't have the courage to tell it to my friends, to my family
I'm dying inside- I want them to see through me
and when I lie - I'm fine they'll believe it without a doubt

I want to share it to the world, but I can't help myself to lie, to push everyone away - I've become a fool
I know it sounds crazy, I myself don't know why
I just want people to realize I need help without me telling them

I want them to save me from my own tainted mind full of insecurities

I want you to save me from my own tainted mind full of insecurities

Can you do it?
Because I can't.
This is my spoken poetry piece... And im not sure if this is correct... This is my first time writing it...
devante moore Feb 2015
She doesn't think she's beautiful but ugly
It's strange to me
Its hard to complement a girl full of insecurities
She hides her pride behind her eyes
Those ocean blue eyes
The ones full of love
They shine when the sun kiss them
I swear I get a glimpse of heaven
I feel like I'm floating, no flying
But then I crash
She says I don't make her feel pretty
And it's silly of me
To fail at a such easy thing
My attempts fall on deaf ears
The words "your beautiful"
Never reach the top of her hills
Her insecurities stop them cold
Like the steel around her nose
That finds the sun an shine bright
My complements hides in her blacks streaks
In her golden blond hair
The hair she uses to hides her face
As I brush it away
In that one second our eyes meet
In that one second she looses her insecurities
Nicole Diamond Feb 2015
Difficult trying to see beauty, when insecurities constantly take over.
ern kingham Oct 2014
people connect
the freckles on their skin
to create constellations of stars
I try to connect the acne scars only to find that nobody wants to see those lines of insecurities that travel down my back, and over my shoulders
My shoulders that feel like they carry the weight of the world, are
strong, are scarred, are swimming-built, are still beautiful.
despite what those who do not know me may think.
This star shaped poem was too insecure to be finished......
ShowYouLove Sep 2013
Your insecurities have a hold on you

You've been rotten. You know it's true.

Whispers in your ear, voices in your head

Tell you always: you're doomed, you're dead

Cheating on that test, lying to your best friend

What were you thinking when you pushed send?

Too dumb, too fat, a face only a mother could love

You'll never be good enough to ever rise above

Invisible hands are choking, spirit chains will bind

When the light is fading fast, remember it's only in your mind

The past is gone, you can't go back and try once more

Now to remember not dwell and to look forward

Learn and grow

Your insecurities have no real control

They have no power

In God's love and mercy you are showered

Pray and give them all to the cross

Goodness and joy take the place of what is lost

For He knows your heart and He knows your worth

A beautiful working creation fashioned by God before birth

So never forget how beautiful, special, and loved you are

And shine brightly for the world. You are a STAR!
Tommy Johnson Dec 2013
You can hear the voices of our peers being silenced, ignored, shunned and distorted.
Staggering out of their bedroom doorways to the street corner to score a dime bag.
Bright, insightful millennials freezing in search of warmth from something to believe in that will encourage them to look forward to see another day.
Where our economy has made financial prudence clear when talking about education, yet price tags of university tuition's skyrocket.
The refused, the ones with hope but no money or scholarships; tread the streets with the echoes of electro house pulsing in their skulls.
Those who strip themselves down and shred their own morals to scraps just to find themselves and to see their own limitations.
Searching for answers to the unknown, to ascertain what they are, who they are and why.
Timid in high school, pushed along with nothing and no one to put their creative vigor into.
The squeakiest wheels that were never even considered to be given a good greasing.
Faculties giving them lethargic hellos on the first day of school, bestowing celebrated goodbyes to them on graduation day, diplomas in hand.
Now are the ones slumped over in a lackadaisical position contemplating how they can afford an education.
They work eight to ten at seven twenty five an hour Monday to Friday; and weekends staying in as not to blow their earnings.
Those who commute to university and balance a job with it, I applaud you.
The bewilderment of adulthood, the overabundance of pressure and responsibility.
Awakened from nightmares of lost opportunities, missed trains and lost contacts.
To step out of bed and splash water onto a severely distressed face and staring into a mirror with a despairing look.
Then hoping a bus to Garfield to bring back weight for all the embryonic smokers not yet at the point of make or break, just save up enough to pave my own way.
Gazing at the town on a roof top, chugging down the tenth…no…twelfth beer of the night wondering how this all happened.
Wild sensations of kissing an attractive stranger, the rush of touching on things never felt, tasting pleasures only the lucky have known.
The passionate, yet dissolute yearning for that ever eluding ******* adrenaline. Pounding, Pounding, Pounding until the culmination of energy has come.
Flip sided to those dizzying, tear jerking thoughts of suicide, annihilation of ones being, the contradictions of their faith in themselves and the people around them.
Unexplainable waves of anxiety crashing onto the shore of a diminutive island of optimism
Striving to look past the panic, the gloominess and fury that may or may not be present. But to remain composed and press forward to what awaits them.
Coffee keeps them going. Cup after cup, late night cramming every bit they can; into their caffeine driven psyches until the indisputable crash and failure.
Packs and packs of menthol cigarettes to calm their rattling nerves but at the same time killing them slowly. Their lives will seem shorter than the time it took to finish one bogey when death is near.
Marijuana induced ventures to run down burger shacks, laughing hysterical in the car ride, eyes heavy with a most ridiculous elastic grin extending from ear to ear. While inside millions of thoughts and realizations of consciously simple speculations and troubles become clear and unproblematic. So the joy is mirrored outside in.
LSD trips in Petruska dancing and singing in the rain! Making music, making love; playing pretend and creating art. Becoming a family while kicking back under the warmth of an illuminated tree on a cool fall night.
MDMA streaming through the body, everything is as it should be
Beautiful, lovely to touch, wondrous to stroke, marvelous to move.
To contact and connect, converse and converge with the dwelling desire to share what you feel with everyone for it would be selfish and unpleasant to keep it in.
Mushrooms oh the emotional overflow I need not say more but ****.
Then there are over the counter candies, Oxycontin, ******, Adderall and Xanax, painkillers and antidepressants. Ups, downs, side ways and backwards.
Selling addiction and dependency legally to kids. Making heroine, ******* and speed easily obtainable to them. Changing the names and giving out prescriptions so the parents can feel like they're actually helping their children but are subconsciously making it easier on themselves because they cannot handle the way their offsprings actually are. Some parents a feel it is the only way, I wish it wasn't so. Becoming zombies, mindless addicts before they even start to mature into puberty. I've seen it, firsthand front row.
Oh, the monotonous, mundane rituals and agendas of our lives. School, work, sleep eat, the sluggish schedules and repetitions of yesterday's conversations and redundancy of itineraries we had plotted months prior.
Same people, the constant faces of boredom that groan in apathy and hold the fear of complacency.
We talk about how hum drum out lives have become and what we could to put some color in our world but don’t.
We speak of how unfair the system is but ultimately confuse ourselves and everyone else due to lack or organization and dedication so nothing is changed.
We speak of breath taking women we want to share ****** fantasies with but can’t even muster enough courage to send a trivial friend request.
Texting away for hours trying to court those who now occupy our minds and possess our hearts hoping they may allow us to acquire their attention and affection. Calling them only to receive futile dial tones and know we are being evaded.
Weeping on and on for seemingly endless time frames of a dilapidated relationship that was so strained that a miniscule breeze could cause it to collapse but still clinging to every memory as if they were vital hieroglyphics depicting your very essence.
Brilliant theories blurted out in a drunken stupor.
Ingenious hypothesis shrouded in marijuana smoked out room.
Remembrance of friends long gone.
The marines, the navy.
The casualties of drug addiction.
The conquerors or their afflictions.
The scholars.
The insane locked away on the flight deck never to be seen again.
Teenage mothers unsure of themselves, abandoned by their families for they believe that they brought fictional shame upon the family’s name. The fate of the child is unclear but the mother’s everlasting love shines through any obscurities in its way.
Dear mother of the new born winter’s moon may the aura of life protect you and your baby.
The father gone without a trace.
He will never know his daughter.
And it will haunt him forever.
Parents bringing up their kids with values and morals, The Holy Bible, mantras and meditation, the Holy Quran, The Bhagavad Gita, and Upanishads. Islamic anecdotes and Jewish parables.
The names all different
The message the same
The stories unlike
Goals equivalent
Kabala, Scientology and Wicca
Amish and Mormons
All separate paths that intertwine and runoff each other then pool into the plateau of eternal life.
But do we have faith in our country, our government?
They do not have faith in us. Cameras on every street corner, FBI agents stalking social media, recordings of our personal lives and police brutality. 4th amendment where have you gone?
We say farewell to Oresko the last veteran of the last great war. And revisit the Arab spring, Al-Assad’s soldiers opening fire on innocent protesters, one hundred fifteen thousand lay dead. Bin laden dead, Hussein hanged, Gaddafi receiving every ounce of his comeuppance. War, terrorism, the fear of being attacked or is it an excuse to secure our nation's investments across the sea? Throwing trillions of dollars to keep the ****** machine cranking away, taxes, pensions, credit scores, insurance and annuities all cogs in the convoluted contraptions plight.
My dear friend contemplates this every night laying in bed, fetal position; the anxiety if having to be a part of this.
Falling apart on the inside but on the outside, an Adonis, *******, Casanova wanna be. Who worshiped the almighty dollar, gripping it so tightly until it made change, drank until he had his fill falling face first into the snow. The guy who lead on legions of clueless girls wearing their hearts on their sleeves not knowing he had a girlfriend the entire time. Arranging secret meetings in hidden gardens, streaking into the early morning. Driving to Ewing in his yellow Mustang to woo a sado masochistic girl. The chains and whips do nothing to him he is already numbed by the thrill. Then he comes home, lays in bed until one, with no job and having people pay for his meals.
He knows what he does and who he is wrong. He recites and regurgitates excuses endlessly. He cries because he knows he is weak, he knows he must fix himself. I sit on the edge of myself with my fingers crossed hoping maybe, maybe he will set himself straight.
My chum who can talk his way out of any confrontation and into a woman’s *******. Multitudes of amorous affairs in backrooms, backseats, front rows of movies theaters. Selfish, boastful and ignorant, yet woman fling themselves at him like catapulted boulders over a medieval battle field just to say hello. These girls blind to see what going on, for their eyes were taken by low self esteem. A need to be accepted, to feel wanted even only for fifteen minutes. Poor self image, daddy issues, anorexic razor blade slicing sirens screaming on about counted calories and social status. Their uncontrollable mental breakdowns and emotional collapse. Their uncles who ***** them, their parents who split up and confusing their definition of love and loyalty for the rest of their lives. Broken homes, domestic abuse and raised voices, sending jolts of fright into the young girl’s fragile minds. I send my sorrows to you ladies, to see such beautiful creatures suffer then be used and thrown away with the ****** that was just ****** deep into their *****.
Then I see women and men of marvelous stature, romantic in the streets holding everyone and everything in high regards. Finding beauty in anything and anyone. Enjoying every second as if the rapture was over head eating exotic foods from unheard of countries and cultures. Bouncing to the sound of whimsical , reverb ricochets and sense stimulating music. Huffing inspiration to create something out of thin air. Dancing to retired jazz and swing albums as if no time had past since their conception. Wearing bold colors and patterns, thrifty leather shoes or suede.
Dawning pre-owned blazers because why spend hundreds of dollars on new clothes just to look good but feel uncomfortable with a hole in your pocket. Dressing up but dressing down, so class yet urban I love it, chinos, pea coats and flannels so simple but chic.
At night they go to underground dens, sweaty bodies, loud music and freedom. Expressive manifestations glowing fueled with MDMA and other substances to further their enjoyment of the dark glorious occasion. Kandi kids sporting colorful bracelets, not watches for time is of no concern to them, they have all eternity they know that.
Going to book stores, coffee shops just to have some peace of mind and a moment of silence to themselves so that can weave the tapestry of imaginative innovation. Writing their own versions of the same story, endless doors of perception, reading news papers and taking it with a grain of salt. Watching the news on TV with a hand full of salt. Searching for the real story so they can know if the world they all live in is actually safe.
She who made her own way breaking hearts, rolling blunts and making deals. The flower child of the modern age, left the rainy days in search of radiant sunshine, idealistic. Reality was subjective, purple dyed hair, multicolored sweater with sandals on her feet. A ten inch bowl with bud from California packed in tightly. Coming from Dumont to Bergenfeild then on to Philly to Mount Vernon. Off to Astoria and the Heights. Now to Sweden laying in the grassy plains below the mountains. Good for you my friend whom I have loved, may fortunes of unsullied joy come to you and all you meet.
Since you’ve left I have encountered drunken burly firemen just trying to have a good time. Pounding down Pabst Blue Ribbon as if it were water; as if it were good tasting beer. But heroes none the less.
EMT's, young eighteen years old high school graduates, saving lives reviving people who are a mere inch close to death.
Sport stars getting scholarships thanks to their superior skills and strength.
Striking beauty school students who are into making the people of this world a little bit more beautiful on the outside.
All these people, successful, doing things. Departing to their desired destinations. I see inside them, they carry baggage, loneliness and insecurities. I can feel their guilt slowing them down. All have their loads but it’s the way they carry them that shows who they really are. And to me their all gems.
Not far in Paterson I watch the junkies limping across busy winding street, perusing a severely needed fix. “Diesel!” they shout beneath flickering streetlights, asking for spare change and if bold enough a ride to some shady sketchy place. I give them a dollar and politely decline. They’ll die without it. Vomiting up bile and blood, twitches and shivers are all you feel when it’s not in you. They cannot stop, they need help. Why not help them instead of “assisting” those who are homosexual? Cleansing so they can be granted entry to the kingdom of God. Looking down on people who have found love and understanding and a deep attraction to others who just so happen to share alike genitals.
Narrow minded uproars about the spread of AIDS, nonsense! The puritanical onslaught of those who want nothing more than the rest of us, love. "Gay", "****", "******", "queer", how about "kind", "funny", "genuine human being"? The right to be married and divorced should be an option for everyone to enjoy. The strains and hardships of matrimony are yours if you want them. If you don’t agree don’t hate or harm just allow them to be peacefully. Same goes for anything for that matter, Jehovah's going door to door, Mormons from Burbank. New ideas are never a bad thing, they’re not a waste of time. On average you have about eighty years to mull over your options.
Some people don’t live long enough to do so, cancer is rampant, blood diseases, ****** diseases, natural disasters coming right out of left field and blindsiding the innocent bystanders of both hemispheres. Some go through life handicapped, autism is apparent these days. Schizophrenia, Asperburgers, ADD and ADHD. Some lose their golden memories of their many valuable years walking down Alzheimer's Lane, not being able to remember whatever transpired only a few moments ago but revisiting gold nuggets from from fifty-some-odd years ago with ease. Some go through life delusional or bipolar. Some can't even sleep at night but they still carry on. And if assistance is needed it is our job as a race to help our brothers and sisters, no one deserves to be excluded from the gala of life. Or be denied by society and pumped with brightly colored pills from doctors promising a cure but prescribing a crutch.
Finding solace in sincerity.
The serendipity of it all hasn’t been uncovered and that keeps me going.
“Radiate boundless love towards the entire world above, below and across. Unhindered without ill will without enmity.” Oh Buddha the truth as it ever was.
Who is he who keeps these thoughts from the conscious minds of the population?
Who is it that distracts us from the humbling beauty and overwhelming devastation of this place of existence we’re in?
It’s they who do under the table parlor trick behind our backs.
Those who broadcast mind numbing so called reality TV shows without an underlying value or meaning.
Those who produce music, proclaiming extravagance to be the end all be all gluttonous goal we all should aim to achieve.
And those who turn noble causes into money making scams and defile pure ideas.
And of course those who give false promises of easily obtained  bright futures, those who don’t care, those who steal, ****, curse, bad mouth and lie. But still manage to get elected into positions that more or less decide out fates. Monsters, demons, banshees howling inconsequential worries and leaving us deaf to hear the real issues.
Andrew Durst Dec 2013
Old insecurities,
Throwing me to the wall,
I break into pieces,
But you never cared at all,

So I'll keep on watching you,
In that bed where you lay,
So many nights before,
We were lost in our own ways.

So just what happened here?
I guess they'll never know,
That you just left me lying here,
Entirely lost for words.

Old insecurities,
They really bring me down,
So I'll just keep lying here,
Broken on the ground.
It's something.
Dahlia Mar 2014
The bullet flew so quickly from the pistol it felt like the blood in my veins stopped for a moment
As if quantum physics were just a mere myth
Of random laws and physicists
Each individual cell and atom in my body stopped and rushed to abyss

Thump, thump.

As the bullet reached the end of your skull, I swore I died instead of you
But instead of dying and leaving the realm of the living I enter bliss and happiness

Flowers scattered over bright green grass for miles,
Soft and whispering wind rushed past my freckled skin
The trees swayed with the wind
It brought an epitome of perfection, only your carcass brought death and decay

Snapping back to reality, your eyes rolled back, and your jaw opened wide
I wanted to tear it open, to give you a somewhat permanent evil smile
Your body hit the ground so hard, the sound vibrated across my body, giving my heart the ability to beat normally again
You looked so peaceful for a mere moment
I swore I could have kissed you even though I despise your very being

Your skin quickly went colorless, and you laid there so still
I burst into panicked laughter, and covered my filthy mouth
It was definitely rude to laugh at someone's death

My stomach growls, and my hands shake with satisfaction
I've finally done it. I killed my insecurities

After a short moment of freedom and what seemed to be like genuine tears of joy...
Your eyes roll back to normal, and they focus me closely
Rising from the ground, you flick your hair back as if the wind blew it out of place
You fix your shirt, as if the blood stains weren't there

"It's so silly to think you could get rid of me so easily," you say.

I'm never going to feel alive ever again
LN Apr 2014
Stop scarring your own skin
Tearing your thoughts apart
You are a masterpiece of wonders
Rebuild yourself and be whole again
Write out your demons
And tear the paper instead
Harley Hucof Aug 2014
because im happy i dropped my insecurities
because im happy i love everybody
because im happy im full of energy
because im happy i lost my fear
because im happy im free
because im happy i dont care
because im happy im aware
imadeitallup May 2014
Blame it on
Your absent father
Your addict mother
Your unexpected children
Blame it on
Anyone, and anything
So you never have to
Take responsibility
For your own actions

It's the whiskey
That hit me
It's my own shards
That tore me apart
It's a malevolent God
That lied about love
'Cause you don't do anything

Blame it on
My fragile psyche
My insecurities
My "impossible" needs
Blame it on
Anyone, and anything
So you never have to
Take responsibility
For what you've done to me

It's the cigarettes
That stole my breath
The weight of my expectations
That broke my trust
The spinning of my own wheels
That drove me into madness
'Cause you don't do anything
Everyone has a **** like this in their life.
Nellie 55 Mar 2019
Never meant to rely on my insecurities.
But they always happen to be there for me.
Whether I love it or not.
Been chasing my thoughts.
Where do I go from here?
Is there a way to climb out of this fear?
I'm feeling my insecurities
And I'm beginning to get closer to my enemies
Miira Jun 2014
Stretch marks.


  Is that really me?

    Fats be gone.
      For the better.

trigger warning
lotti123 Dec 2014
People may call me beautiful
they might say it matches my personality but does not  make me feel any better about myself??
Nope not at all
Makes me feel good for about a minute

Even when a hot guy wants to step to me
I instantly go quiet
My mind goes blank
Forgetting what's my name
And automatically all my insecurities tap in
And think he couldn't possibly be looking at me
I'm no super model
Or anything close to a size 2
Or anything special for him to take a second look

Plus being Plus Size doesn't help anything
When I'm always being reminded
That I'm just not good enough
and  if I was a little bit taller maybe even  a little bit smaller
Like that would solve all my problems

I know I have the capabilities to put on a beauty show
but I don't
I just wear baggy clothes
and wait to surprise people
I actually know how to dress to impress
its a talent I even surprise myself
What they say is true your your own worst critic
That's why I say I'm the Queen of my own insecurities
adriana May 2019
i'm losing friends like i'm losing sleep
apologies don't work, and neither do sheep
don't go, because i want you to stay
but don't lie to me, you're leaving someday
jeffrey conyers Dec 2012
Marital insecurity.
Comes from not trusting one another enough.
It's a sign you knew their ways.
And hope with marriage things would change.
Looking through cell phones.
Placing GPS upn their cars.
Only means, you aware of the answers.

Marital insecurities.
Is a sign to move on.
Or accept the life you live.
And hope things will change.

Dealing with men is a game itself.
Because many adapts to accomplish their causes.
If you're pure then the driven snow.
A ****** some people loves to call it.
Many men will propose to plow the landscape.

And there's no guarantee your marriage would have last.
He just adjusted to prove a point.
That once you have let him in.
It times to move on again.

Marital Insecurities is a sign.
Which many adults walks right into playing blind.
When the truth was before them before, the phase I do.
1SP Mar 2014
Baby, I know that I can be complex,
So complex that I can push you away
And not recognize that I hurt you.

Sometimes, I don't even pay it any mind,
How much I worry about myself,
And still remain blind to how I desert you.

Sweetheart, I know that I don't want nobody but you,
Not another woman in this word can change my view,
Because I truly do, baby, I truly do love you,
Nothing touches my life and heart the way you do.

But I accused you of doing me wrong,
When you have been faithful all along,
Baby, my insecurities got the best of me,
Sweetheart, I am so sorry.

I look at my life and how much joy you brought,
I should've known to not believe people's thoughts;
Misery loves company and allows my mind be bought
By paying attention to the foolishness why we fought.

And I trusted others instead of
Trusting in you, the woman I love;
Baby, my insecurities got the best of me,
Sweetheart, I am so sorry.
Soulfull Apr 2013

I rest
In my Gods blessings
I see
You may not agree
You stay talkin' bout me?
Ain't it a sight to see
A woman who lacks the insecurities
You slap upon your ***
Like graffiti tags to concrete
My freedom is fortified
Leaving you mortified
By the comparisons
But then again
I won't condescend
I won't react and attack
With the same ******* you extend
Instead may I recommend
Some knowledge
From one sista to another:

Much can be achieved
When you let go of the beliefs
Imposed by those
Who know
No other way
To be

(c) 2010. Composed by Soulfull. Soulful Synergy, LLC.
Why are we chained
so tightly to the bed
of our insecurities?

Don't go through the motions
another night.

Pick the lock.
Struggle as hard as you can
until you break free
and escape the lair of
your own personal insecurity.
He was the ocean; handsome, but yet, Impulsively damaged. He had a sandy heart to correspond his sandy eyes, the moon dismantled that omitted pride he carried at a dead weight; shoveling and reshaping it, so people would see a sandcastle statue assembled in strength. But his washed-up soul and unannounced insecurities were aware of its genuine purpose,
this beach alongside his pupils;
quicksand, he'll sink so slowly in.  Waves in his hair like ripples on his cheeks, skipping stones land at his defeat, he left notes in bottles for you, sank multiple ships for you, because he hasn't the heart to say he's desiccating with the arrival of the stars.. Retracting scars are not too far from gasps for air,  foaming words of crisis by writing in the sand, signaling a light as the last one in him died. You wouldn't understand, the calm before the storm, as valve after valve puncture him. So intoxicating as it drains him, and from within, he's drying out. Sunburns stain him, a smile restrains him,
in an inescapable drought--
All feedback is welcome
So this was posted here a couple weeks ago and, when I went to revise it, it was drafted and came out as new, I guess? :)
Selena Irulan Sep 2013
Dont let a heart like yours be enclosed by walls,
because every man who climbs eventually falls
The insecurities of yours shouldnt last,
you cant always live in that past
cause im different i dont aim to climb
I aim to steal your heart... is that a crime?
but dont worry ill keep it safe..
i know of a very secret place
a place so exculsive
and just a little elusive
for this place is my heart
and you robbed me of it... from the start
Andrea Diaz Nov 2011
Insecurities are poisonous to a child's mind
It causes so much negativity in themselves that one day, death is the only thing positive left.
And it's not like that whole
"Oh Romeo, let me drink this poison to fake my death in order to be with you."
No, It's more like,
                END MY EXISTENCE"
And it's definitively not that whole "Teenaged Angst" psychologists come up with
It's more like society's baby food is starting to poison it's children.

You see,
Not so long ago society started this whole standards issue on how girls and boys are supposed to look like
Girls are supposed to have that hourglass figure where regularly eating is considered being a ******.
And where anerexia is the new cover of beauty magazines.
And guys are never supposed to cry,
Because tears are a sign of weakness and not how strong they've been holding those weights in.
And guys who are always on the cover of men's magazines are those muscle headed jerks who treat women as if they were mere objects

You see,
According to society
That whole lesson on "Be Yoursellf" is just a myth because being yourself is a sign of ugliness
And to trule feel that sign of beautty is to wear the mask of another.

And not so long ago,
I used to think like that.
I used to have those grey clouds in my head because there was always that one negative voice telling me I wasn't good enough
That no one wanted to be near a horrible existence liek me.
All those compliments like
And Cool
Turned into insults like,
And Stupid
This whole negativity turned into a game of darts,
Where I was the target and te insults were knives
And it got to the point where I thought sweet ever lasting afterlife seemed like the only way out.
But because I'm the type of person who over thinks her actions,
Something like suicide never played out.
Days went by,
And all those pretty compliments turned into ugly insults,
And it seemd like that glimmer of hope wasn't going to come shine down through the dark clouds.
Even that game of insult darts,
Was trying to aim its knives at my heart.

One day,
I looked into a mirror
And I finally saw that pretty girl everyone was talking about
Those grey clouds in my head finally cleared up and showed Mr. Sun.
Those knives aiming for my heart turned into cherry blossom petals dancing in the wind.
Even those insecurities the negative voice pointed out,
Turned into compliments, perfections, and even beatifications
You see,
Insecurities can poison a child's mind
It's up to the child to use it as a leathel weapon or an antidote for life long lessons.
Looking back on that self reflecting day,
I have learned to turn those imperfections that once kept me down into perfections that can hold my self esteem high up.
And I've learend that
I am terribly afraid of being someone other than myself.
Livingup to society's standards of a female no longer worries me.
The only standards I should worry about are the ones I make for myself.
Insecurities should no longer be apart of that.
Insecurities for little old me.
K F Feb 2015
Everything makes you wonder if you're good enough,
if you measure up.
But your standards are impossibly high for yourself.

Bars you can never reach,
but you stretch.
Stretch yourself so thin...
Just to get to it anyways.

Now it's time for the comparisons to stop.
To pull yourself back together and,
unstretch undoubt, unhide.

The best anyone can ever be is happy with themselves.
pieces Sep 2013
Insecurities are killing me
They are seizing me
They are stronger than me
Stronger than my own self
Stronger than I imagined
I can't escape from them
It's like I'm a prisoner
of my own body.
Stephanie Lynn Jul 2014
i wonder if you've made love
the way you make love to me
i wonder if every word spoken
in black and white
was prepared and practiced
and written ahead of our time
i wonder if your love for me shall fade
upon the darkening of the lillies
when the seasons change
so be it if you will
but i'd rather remain alone
this beating box in my chest has
become but a cold center of a core
for every man to lay his hand
softly upon my right cheek
only to slap the left
for every man to say he has
never loved
never wanted
never desired
anyone as strongly as i
only to feel the same for her too
a good woman is always scorned
there's always a past to be ridden
so all the while
you dream of me coming
i'll be dreaming of running away
(C) Maxwell 2014
qi Feb 2015
load your bullets
in the firing chamber
and they'll fly
from your lips,
ricochet and lodge
past the scarce armor
of my ribcage
into this glass heart of mine
     let my insecurities bleed out
                         don't staunch the flow

pierce my skin
with the shards of my heart
end my misery,
squeeze the trigger
with practiced ease
     breathe in,
          breathe out
               breathe in,
                    breathe out

                             *(you'll find another victim
                              downrange of you)
find someone else for target practice, *******.
Cné Mar 2017
not special or unique
just one of many you seek
The devil's soul searching.... It's always worse at night when I can't sleep.

— The End —