"beleive" poems
I never stop thinking of you,
you always fill up my head.
And not just with thoughts,
but inspiration instead.
This feeling you give,
is something I seek.
It's just so relieving,
anytime you speak.
I love how you sing,
about anything that moves you.
Leaving nothing out,
whether it maddens or soothes you.
Your soul just emits,
an intoxicant that calms me.
And when we touch,
this mood just embalms me.
It binds me tight,
locked in your sweet release.
Then time slows down,
til the silence has ceased.
But during that moment,
I've begun to beleive.
That your voice,
is really,
the only one I need.
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:34 PM UTC
I'd rather be dead,
than this deep in my head.
I hate
that I can only lay here
and dread.
The things that she does
when I'm not in her bed.
I can't ******* stand it,
I won't find relief.
But my love isn't a lie,
and I know from this grief.
I can't say a thing
to try to change her mind.
And maybe in time,
I'll never be fine.
The love that I long for,
that I want to be mine.
Is impossible to have,
so I'll stop wasting my time.
I should just fight for her heart
or give up my obsession.
I don't care about learning
any stupid ******* lessons.
I want to be yours
and you to be mine.
Beleive what I'm saying,
cause it's about time.
I don't wanna miss my chance,
or else I'll regret.
Having fallen
so hard for her,
without trying my best.
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 9:13 PM UTC
Should I hang with my friend who I haven't seen in a year or go meet this tinder girl?
Someone New - Hozier
I just can't put my finger on it.
something about her is goregous.
Baby Got Back - Jonathon Coulton
You're right. It's totally her ***
Ugly Faces - Watsky
Shh, spotify, be nice. It's not her fault.
Do Better - Say Anything
Okay okay, you're right. I'll bring her home.
All Time Low - Jon Bellion
Oh c'mon, She's not that bad...
Proove Me Wrong - Dub FX
Well like... her personality is pretty cute.
Some Girls Are Crazy - Echo Movement
I can't beleive I just had *** in my backseat.
Glad You Came - The Wanted
Yikes. All the girls dropped from this party. it's just gonna be me and my three dude friends.
*To Many ***** On The Dancefloor - Flight Of The Concords*
I completely agree. Should i go or just come up with a ****** excuse to leave?
*You Don't Have To Be A ********** - Flight Of The Concords*
You're right i'll leave. What should i tell them?
Working - I Fight Dragons
No i already told them i got the day off. That wouldn't work.
My Buddy's Back - Big D and The Kids Table
Oh perfect!
Sleepyhead - Passion Pit
Yeah I should go to bed.
Let me finish this poem first.
Go To Bed - Ookla The Mok
I'm stuck on this line.
What's a good word to describe Port Veritas? Like... one word?
Home - Phillip Phillips.
That's adorable... you're so right.
See You Again - Wiz Kahlifa
**** you spotify that was super uncalled for. Now i'm bummed out.
Get Over It - Ok Go
Dude. That's like super insensitive
Ungrateful - Streetlight Manifesto
No i'm not ungrateful. I love you, you just don't need to make me cry when i'm down in the dumps like that.
Lean Into The Fall - Mona
I guess you're right. Fine. Thank you.
All The Stars In Texas - Ludo
That's the nicest thing that anyones ever said to me. I like when you do that.
Like or Like Like - Miniature Tigers
Uhh, i guess like like. You're pretty much my favorite app.
R U Mine? - Arctic Monleys.
I think maybe you're moving a little fast spotify... i don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment.
I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys
This is getting weird. I'm going to bed.
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
Okay no, seriously i'm turning you off.
Don't Unplug Me - All Caps.
Mar 6, 2016
Mar 6, 2016 at 12:55 AM UTC
There's something majestic, yet also extremely gloomy, about a streetlight at night in the rain. Something, some unplaced dimension within the echoing cars and within the particles of water, as they spray...into oblivion
Mother, do you recall that rainy day?
The day my gumboots soaked through,
I beleive we were waiting for a bus. It was one of those city rains, when all you could dream of was home or the warmth and comfort. When all you wanted was a bath and hot-chocolate or another item of food, steaming with love. Mother, I remember holding to you're body for warmth as we sat under that old wooden bus shelter.
I clung to you're body and melted into you're lingering scent, you're falling breath and you're human form.
You held me, you hid you're shivers so as to warm mine.
We watched the cars spray etheral mist into the orange lights of the city.
We watched lovers rush by under umbrellas, we watched rain curve down the cement like a snake on it's own journey.
We listened,
oh did we ever listen, we ate up the noise, the stories within the rain, we cuddled until we felt the warmth from our bellies rise out of us like smoke or a dragons breath, tainting the air.
I, you're daughter. You, my mother.
You're long hair curling down your breast. Me, like a little berry scrunched up as close to you as I could get. Like our bodies would drip into each other as one, our breath the same. Only my gulps of air came much sooner and you silently resisted my subtle games. When the huddling was done you reached out to me with you're strong hands and you led me along the night of echoes. I can't remeber much else, asides from sitting with you in the empty pizza shop as we both savoured and satisfied our cravings for comfort. Cold-handed laughter as we danced over the most delectable pizza.
Then we caught the bus home, you sat on the red leather, grabbing the creamy yellow bar, I jumped onto the ratty blue seat beside you and leaned once again into you're body, melting into sweet harmonies.
Eating in the sounds of humans and the sound of the bus, splashing through water
and journeying on through the deep
and endless city night.
Feb 8, 2014
Feb 8, 2014 at 3:18 PM UTC
fight the horde.../...I can't beleive it...
we're overrun.../...what do they WANT?!...
a teammate falls.../...the world's gone TO hell...
he won't make it.../...their drive is to EAT...
they chomp away.../...obi wan isn't YOUR only hope...
out of ammo.../...can't stop it!...
fangs tear in.../...she'll never know...
they'll never stop.../...my last breath...
...i think...
stand up soldier!.../...i can't think straight...
the hive mind speaks!.../... BRAINS are for the living...
May 25, 2012
May 25, 2012 at 12:48 AM UTC
I think looking back
that this is for the best,
Maybe you are bad for me,
Or am I bad for you?
And tell my something my dear,
Did you really beleive me
when I said it was fine?
Because that was not true.
But I have to let it be
Neverless I will not cry anymore, but
Darling I wasnt ever mad at you.
I was hurt. I am hurt.
But I cannot hold you anymore.
So let it be
But if your soul does not long for mine
As mine longs for you,
Then I cannot make you happy,
So let it be
You can make the choice to stay.
Or the choice to go.
Fate holds the answers,
So let it be
So my love
this is my goodbye
Perhaps we shall stay friends,
Or our paths will part ways.
Wherever destiny leads us,
Let It Be.
May 18, 2013
May 18, 2013 at 2:04 AM UTC
You say I shouldn't try
because you're just too broken.
And that it's all not worth it
because you are just too tied to him.
You say you don't love me,
and so i must begin.
To either stay enslaved by my love,
or do as you say
and break free.
But what you may not see,
is you could be loosing
your chances with me.
I hope
that's not the way it has to be,
but we'll see what's perceived
and what I come to beleive.
But i just want you to know,
that you're the only girl I need.
Jun 3, 2015
Jun 3, 2015 at 3:16 AM UTC
sometimes i wonder ,
what would i be if i never met you
would my heart be on fire ,
anticipating to find out who
who will be the misterious theif
that will steal my heart
and make me beleive
the existence of a sweet love
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015 at 1:30 PM UTC
With the thought of him she can escape the meaningless life she lives.
But really, she doesn't feel like she is living at all.
As you see the stars twinkle in her eyes, you can tell she doesn't belong here.
Yet here he is making her beleive that she not only belongs here, but she belongs here to be with him.
Every simple touch, is filled with compassion, intimacy she can't resist.
It tends to drive her mad in the sanest of ways.
His remarkable brown eyes look at her tenderly with such love in them.
Gazing back at him, she can see her future just infront of her.
This feeling is scary, adventurous.
She is the girl always stuck in her own mind.
Daydreaming, running from reality itself.
As he is the boy that sees everything for what it truely is, but has so much hope all at once.
She was losing her mind before he came along, and now she's losing herself in him.
He saved her from herself.
The truth lies in between her lips.
She is so incredibly in love with him.
Feb 7, 2016
Feb 7, 2016 at 10:31 PM UTC
****** comersials on your average tv
next a show about teen pregnancy
followed by todlers in tiaras dressed as prostitutes on tlc
parents blaime others for 16 year old mothers
and guys who are allready left there seed
this isnt what its supposed to be
somethings different but when have life ever been as it seems
irational thoughts leave children with adult like dreams
, such as one day ill be the one on a movie screens
makin more money then my parents have ever seen.
intangible like the concepts we hold of love
. thinkin physical prosperity is owed since birth
but the only thing that is certain we shall die and decay like all things on earth
. then to those that beleive in love it is just a dream to keep our minds from becoming caotic and obscene
formaly known as lust to me
so then theres the question is it worth it to love at all
so you must ask if the high of belonging is worth the fall?
like love is a narcotic that we are injected with at birth from the first time being held.
instantly addicted going from good days of smiles and your feet light as air
to the moments claiming you dont care but you cant stop shaking and you pull out your once beautiful hair.
thinkin looking at the stick wondering why would you go there
why did you let him carress and touch u
why did u ever give your purity up.
he wispered sweet nothings but you could never tell,
you could of even made him wear protection but now you think of you parents n how could you live this hell
you created this child inside of you
little bump a light kick as your face turns a new
this warming glow thst would change your life
but now mommy in the tub found her knife
Dec 6, 2013
Dec 6, 2013 at 10:26 PM UTC
Women are crying blood instead of tears
children are hunted like lions hunt deers
they don't even get a chance to plan for their careers
isn't that a big burden for them to bear ?!
Apparently , these aren't our interests to think about ..
Oh come on guys ! There still lots of movies and football matches to watch out !
Really , isn't he your brother who screamed loud ?
Asking; where are u brother ? I'm freaking out
He could hardly beleive you're leaving him to die out !
For how long will we pretend being deaf and blind ?
Are u waiting to hear the news notifying u the death of ur close friend ?
have u ever tried to think about the tough time he spent ?
and what did he do to have such an unmerciful end ?
Now raise your hands and ask Allah to have their nation mended ..
This at least will releive their problems and save them from that tormentful current
Aug 3, 2014
Aug 3, 2014 at 7:58 PM UTC
when all you can do is to stare blankly on the image of him your mind has created for you.
would be those days when you still see your older self holding hands with him at the park.
on the split second you're given was spent only by saying "hi".
to beleive that someday it would still be you.
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 11:01 AM UTC
"If I could choose between loving you and breathing you I would use my last breath to say I love you."
Danger was in the air as I ran over to your house, right next door, the perfect place for a best friend to live. If i ever had a problem my first assumption was to run right to your house, let you hold me and comfort me. I would let you soothe me and tell me over and over again that everything would be okay. By the way you said it only half the time I believed you.
Sometimes when I see you in the hallway I still say hi, its so hard to register the fact that now all I get from you is silence.
You look down each time I pass you.
Your eyes blank, a endless brown whole with nothing in it, not the love I used to see there or even a faint glint of happiness.
I forget about the past we had.
Where I pratically killed you, destroying your heart with my naive movements and my dumb choices.
I didnt mean it! I want to scream, to cry out to you.
How much I wish you would forgive me.
My shame eats me up everynight, everytime I see you my stomach drops and all I want to do is go into the corner and cry.
I keep the memories of our friendship hidden in the back of my brain, all those times we had together. The ones you just forgot and I still go back to everynight. My safezone is this dark, cold, world. The world where i am alone.
Without you I am nothing.
At this point Im brought back into that time in my life where everything was perfect.
Where you were my best friend, and all our problems were gone,
Where we can talk all day everyday, instead of getting into an argument every two seconds.
If only I didnt have to ruin it all..
And when its dark out, and everyones lights are off. The animals are sleeping and the owls are awake, Schools closed, the city silent besides those few drunkies who send echos of screams through the deserted streets. I let the memories captivate me and take over my body.
I am sent back to a time when everything was perfect.
Soon I begin to beleive this is all reality and I am back into your arms again.
But then my alarm clock rings, I get up and dressd for school.
See you in the hallway surrounded by girls, just the sight of you making milllions of emotions evolve in my stomach,
I smile at you, and my heart flutters as I see you smile back at me and wink. Your white teeth glistening, but then I turn around to see her there. The girl with the long lucious hair that cascades down her hourglass figure, With the blue eyes with brighten in delight.
I begin to wonder why I ever let you go.
The answer comes to me it was because I thought you would chase after me.
Sep 12, 2012
Sep 12, 2012 at 10:16 PM UTC
Your my anatomy antidote. Mentor, a friend to the broken. You know I'm not a prodigy. But honestly you've always believed in me. In perfect peacei dream of the secrets in store. At utopia door. I wish I could sneek. To this place of harmony. In a waterfall in a rainbow. There are gumdrops. And Beauty. So much love. Walking in a fog of colors.
Chorus Your sending me to the promise land sending me and someday I'll see water change to alchol. The miracle man healing the blinded. Walking on water is no challenge in the promise land. Ohh the promise land.
Flowing out comes a river of milk. Spreading trees with trinkling honey. Dripping in cinnamon. There are sins cast down. In the mist of the ocean. As the blue tide comes in it washes them all away.Forgiven and forgotten are our past mistakes. Here Emotions. settle and don't rot in the sun. The ocean is full of water you breathe under. And there are no bugs. Only the ones that benefit us by fluttering by with vibrant wings. This is my mission to touch this utupia that many have called heaven. At the gate of destiny.
Chorus Your sending me to the promise land sending me and someday I'll see water change to alchol. The miracle man healing the blinded. Walking on water is no challenge in the promise land. Ohh the promise land. Flowing out comes a river of milk. Spreading trees with trinkling honey. Dripping in cinnamon. They call this place magic with grace. And theres a canal filled with unfamous greats. Anyone can swim in just for enjoyment. Lifes great cause here it lasts forever, never ending.
.And there's no disease that sends you to the grave. And when he gave his life away. He gained the world it's victory. Because. Of this humble servant I can honestly say I believe. I believe. Beleive i am saved. When he bled on the cross. He took my heart and mended it into clay. So he could mold a perfect being. Out of sinful me. Beautiful flawed l. Chorus Onward we walk. Together we stand. Forward we soar to the promise land We lift our swords to slay the beasts that live here in this human air. And on the beach we will dance a soldiers victory prance. From here you can Look at the sky. Feel the heat on your skin. Hold the sand just to watch it slip. Stare near the clouds see the gulls float. With perfect unity they land in unison. Reminding me that there's is even better above the clouds and in the heavans.
Apr 24, 2010
Apr 24, 2010 at 6:00 PM UTC
Dear abuser,
Because of you I shake at night
I see so many deadly frights
My arms quiver with needles bleeding
I can't beleive I didn't think you affected me
Every night I come home
I shower and cry about my life
Every person I talk to I distrust
I know suffering is a must
There is no silence
I only hear my weeping
And your yelling echoing through
I have new triggers I don't understand
Was this always your plan?
I yell and scream at things I love
I can't beleive in any God above
My heart panics if anyone's upset
My breath is stolen like I'm in a corset
I can't stand to be alone
But I can't stand to be too close
I'm afraid of anyone's touch
Every problem is just too much
I can't have a good day
Anything good changes and rots
Into the memory and fear
I hate myself if that wasn't clear
No matter how much I build myself up
How strong I may become
I feel so weak and alone
I feel like I'll never find my home
I stay up and ponder if I ever could
Tell everyone about the hell you gave me
Maybe that would help me
Or maybe they'd just laugh at me
I rip my flesh open
I bruise and hurt my own heart
I give so much of myself to everyone else
Because of the guilt I feel
Cause it was all my fault
I black out and forget things
My stomach twist and turns and stings
I have no energy to enjoy anything
Nothing in life is a blessing
I've emptied my body of any emotion
Because whenever I have any
It's endless crying and falling apart
Noone can break this ******* shattered heart
I'm afriad someone's behind my back
I'm afriad they're ready to attack
I'm afraid all I ever do is lack
I'm afraid of every ******* thing even a tack
I can feel you
I can hear you
Needling through my skin
Piercing my head with sin
Burning my body
Every night I relive it
All the pain I'm feeling I can't quite explain
Because at this point I consider it normal
Everything is quite plain
I'm tired of the pain I sustain
I'll never have kids because of you
I don't deserve love becuase of you
I can't see anything but pain
I can't enjoy anyone's touch
I know it'll never be love
Just let them all **** me
And I'll call it enough
Except I'm not enough
I'm disgusting and damaged
My skin is peeled and broken
Scarred and red
Too many tears I've shed
I'm labeled a freak and crazy
Life is kinda hazy
Am I real?
Can I ever heal?
I don't think so
I just want you to please go
All three of you
I see all of you In everyone I meet
The yeller the ********* and the molester
You're in the eyes of every person
I can't find comfort
Because you'll always find me first
Aug 12, 2019
Aug 12, 2019 at 3:52 AM UTC
I've been having these...
Audacious ideas lately.
Ideas better left contracepted by reason
before taking root in my mind;
I've been playing hopscotch with What If
so long that I forgot he was just
and imaginary friend.
I've been thinking about you.
They're just thoughts but see,
These feelings I have for you
are so very contradictory
because the very reason I like you
is the reason you keep your distance.
You pray to a god I don't believe in
and according to my church,
you might be called a heathen
Yet I couldn't imagine anyone else in heaven
with more ease.
I've been having these...
Audacious ideas lately.
Ideas that took root and
for the life of me, won't scoot
for things like logic.
These here ideas are utterly tragic.
We share the same basic morals
but you stick to the script,
and I'm a little more improv;
with my Saturday Nights Live,
while you're at home praying
prayer number five.
Trust me when I say
I didn't mean to
think about you
dream about you
pray for you
constantly.
It wasn't until I heard you.
Every word was poetry,
and all I could ever do was stutter.
When I think of these audacious thoughts,
I begin to shutter.
Mainly because I'm walking
down the plank into heartbreak,
and those nudges at my back
pushing me forward are
the smiles you beam like
lighthouses in this dark world.
It's as if they start at the ground floor
of your soul, take an elevator
to the corners of your lips and
Spread.
I don't beleive in the prophet Mohammed
but am I a horrible Christian if I thank him
for inspiring someone to be so angelic?
Not only are you peaceful,
you're revolutionary.
You could change the world
with two hands behind your back
and still have prayer time in tact.
MSA President,
captain of the school team,
superlative for the biggest dream.
I like you for who you were, are,
and who you will become.
And it seems as though
every
one
of your actions
is rhythmic to my hearts drum.
I've been having these...
Audacious ideas lately,
Ideas better left unsaid,
Ideas better left dead.
Jul 19, 2011
Jul 19, 2011 at 7:46 AM UTC
You care about her.
In a way that would melt the stonness of any fine heart.
You look at her like the way any girl would give away possessions to be looked at.
You beleive in her.
Like there is nothing that doesn't stop you from doing so.
You love her.
Like she is the only one that could ever be loved and worth the hope for.
Aug 13, 2015
Aug 13, 2015 at 8:52 AM UTC
***I can't beleive how badly I am hurt
I cant belive how sore my wonds are.
Why did you have to stab me so deep?
I need someone to heal these cuts.
I'm going under the water
but I know that I can swim my way
out of the water.
Your not my lover any more if
your killing me.
You watched me bleed until I passed out,
you put me on my knees
when I was passed out
you left me all alone so I will be
needing stiches cause i wont be able to get
any of your kisses.
You tripped over me as you walked away so now I
will be needing stiches
I was the moth that was drawn to your flame
You brought me in and I couldnt feel any pain,
your heart is to cold to love.
I am left seeing my blood on my own.
I'm going under the water
but I know that I can swim my way
out of the water.
Your not my lover any more if
your killing me.
You watched me bleed until I passed out,
you put me on my knees
when I was passed out
you left me all alone so I will be
needing stiches cause i wont be able to get
any of your kisses.
You tripped over me as you walked away so now I
will be needing stiches
Needle and the thread
Gotta get you out of my head
Needle and the thread
Gonna wind up dead
Needle and the thread
Gotta get you out of my head
Needle and the thread
Gonna wind up dead
Needle and the thread
Gotta get you out of my head
Needle and the thread
Gonna wind up dead
Needle and the thread
Gotta get you out of my head get you out of my head
You watched me bleed until I passed out,
you put me on my knees
when I was passed out
you left me all alone so I will be
needing stiches cause i wont be able to get
any of your kisses.
You tripped over me as you walked away so now I
will be needing stiches***
Feb 10, 2016
Feb 10, 2016 at 9:12 AM UTC
The stars have talked to me........and said that you and I were meant to be
The sun has been shining on me more ever since the moon has shifted.....and I know it's because our love has been gifted
Time has been letting me down......but for some reason I have been able to turn around this frown
This alignment of these stars.......has made me beleive we can erase all these scars
When the sun goes down and the sky grows dark I will follow the light......because the moon and the stars will guide my way for they shine so bright
Time is just a number so I will not let it get me sad......even though being away from her sux so bad
So as I sit here and think of her....I know inside that in just a few some beautiful things will occur
Right now I will send her my love....and let her know that our love was created by the lord above
She is my shining star........and I will be where ever you are
I will watch over you.......until our love is joined together....and this time it will be forever.
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018 at 8:43 PM UTC
The touching and feeling,
how they made eachother feel.
Before that everything,
it seemed so unreal.
They say this thing,
it changes everything.
She didn't beleive that till,
he and her had their fling.
The first time they were together,
sparks flew and hit the sky.
But after time when on,
aftre they said goodbye.
Their talks grew and grew,
but slowly began to deminish.
And the next they were together,
they resolved what was unfinished.
She felt there's something missing,
the connection between is lost.
She's waiting to hold something,
that is too far gone.
When people never stay,
and they always have to leave.
It gets harder to bear,
harder to believe.
The connection between you,
is growing farther away.
They're leading seperate lives,
and there is no other way.
The tie that they once had,
how could it be saved?
She's busy with her life,
she doesn't stop each day.
She's lost in her emotions,
she doesn't know what to do.
What would you do,
if this girl was you?
Oct 19, 2010
Oct 19, 2010 at 6:35 PM UTC
Bent over the painted lines of her road.
Stood a black feathered crow
peeling back a tendon of flesh,
Like a strand of red twizzler candy,
from the tannish white fur
of a dead bunny.
she thought this was cute.
"AWW! THEY'RE KISSING!!"
Her daddy did not correct her.
This memory, he revisits every time she brings a new boy home.
Debates internally,
the tipping scales that balance ignorance and optimism.
If maybe he should have explained the beauty in death, rather than let her beleive her illusions.
The beauty in nature, the circle of life.
Like a cat, she brings home dead animals
Like the owner of a cat,
He is unimpressed.
Maybe if he told her the bunny was dead, she would stop offering herself to the crows.
Apr 29, 2018
Apr 29, 2018 at 12:37 PM UTC
Once you were holding my hand
A bold embrace
Every time we met
A smile and a kiss
at every goodbye
Leaving each other
Gleaming
Side by side
In a feild of grass
We had to leave
Because of your allergies
But that was my favorite part
When you gave me butterfly kisses
And spun me slowly to fast tunes
Decorating each other in paint
Just for the hell of it
Getting you to eat blueberries
When you hate fruit
And me eating asparagus
That I can't bare to taste
Sitting on your heated kitchen floor
Eating chocolate animal crackers
On Wednesdays
The sifting sun
Through your windows
On that old denim couch
In the endless summer
Cool and cuddled for hours
Your back rubs on bad days
When you would kiss
The freckles on my shoulders
Times seemingly endless
An eternal love burned so fierce
But now look at us
Me, a shadow in your life
I would be holding your hand
Talking to friends
Laughing and loving so greatly
Yet I write this alone now
Sitting in the locker room
On a musty couch
Hidden in the back
Before the school day starts
Where I will see you again
And wish hopelessly
That I could hear you say
I love you
Once more
And beleive it
Jul 25, 2014
Jul 25, 2014 at 8:17 AM UTC
I used to run-Never for fun--I would more often be running away from something than to it. I think it started in childhood. Never staying in one place long enough to have to fight every kid in the school.-I liked and i hated it. More often i had no control over it. On reflection it was for the better, my nose bleed too much for a kid my age. -In the second phase of my running career I began running out. Never telling the bosses to go play in heavy tracffic or do your **** self. I had morales and above all practised good manners. Instead i would tell the bosses that i was taking out the trash and make my freedom dash. -Oh, beleive me I flet free. The funny part was when the bosses would call my parents. Just as countless pricipals would do when i skipped classes. My parents would luagh and call them an ass. -Then i began running away. I only did it once...well that's a lie. I ran away from my highschool guidence office, far too drunk to face my parents scorn. "Yeah i drank it all. i replaced it with water, much healthier." -The last time I ran away I thought I was going to find myself. I had lost a part of myself to drugs and alcohol. I thought for sure i would find myself on the other side of the country on a small island on the Pacific Ocean. I went to rehab and could not find the person i went looking for. I thought briefly i had found myself, but when I looked in the mirror i could not even recognize my own face. I blamed my mustache. -I realized that running away to find myself i ran away from my family and my friends. Alas the old dies so the new can be born. -In my opinion if one is to run away it's for good. Never to return to such and such a place again, unless of course you have to do your taxes.
Mar 1, 2010
Mar 1, 2010 at 4:38 AM UTC
I have to hold back my tears. No one can see me like this, vulnerable and not in control.
They think that i can fend for myself, what do they know? Truth is im in need for their help, for their opnion and inspiring words.
For a long time it was me in the middle of the sandwhich. My older sister covering me, and i protecting my ypunger twin.
Its funny how the sandwhich turns into how my life is today. My older sister takes up all the spotlight, claimig it allfor herself. Absorbin all the attention until there is none left. I shake at the words she wont utter, like a simple please or thank you. How she would never help my mother how she leaves my mother fighting so hard, as she sits on the couch and jist watches. When my mother asks for her help she will make it more like a burden then helping out of respect. I will do any of those thigs in a heart eat just to take the stress off of my moms shoulders. But again thats how we differ...
As for my twin the one that i had felt the need to protect since we had been in the wound together 16 years ago. How can i put in words all the feelings she leaves on me? She is so irritable yet i yearn to watch her succeed. She is as slow as a turtle, yet sometimes shes as sharp as a knife . Some nights ill catch her talking to herself, it pains me to see her over think things. After so much effort of tryin to help her all i can do now is make beleive im sleeping, pull the covers over my head and let the tears roll down my cheek, burning it under their touch. She has this problem and the tendency to ovetthink thongs from the stipidest things to the most important. She lays them all on the same scale not considekg the dfferences betwene them . As muh as she overthinks , when she has an idea she lets it cloud her judgement.l
I remember thst one time in our cribs its blurr but i still feel it in my blood. Diane had my moms attentiom absorbed for she was alsay a cryer even when her head hutt a lottle bit. Michelle was sick with strep having my moms also and my dads granparents. Then my head throat and whole body was killing .. All i remmeber was keeping my mouth shut. And waitig for someone to come ask me how i was feeling. Which no one did.And still as i cry typing this no one will ask me how im feeling, for i have middle child syndrome
Sep 13, 2012
Sep 13, 2012 at 6:29 PM UTC
blood drips from my wrists
as i cut into my veins
the jagged blade twists
and sprays blood on window panes
i collapse on my back and bleed
upon my marble floor
my heart aches indeed
but she's already walked out the door
light slips away and the darkness creeps in
i hear my soul crying out from within
it longs to be with the one it fell for
and i wish i could tell it that we both were done for
but i couldnt beleive it myself so why even try
it shouts at me constantly "why, you ******* why?!?!"
i shut my eyes and cry, "my heart is gone... ive got nothing left."
with that it shuts up and we both wait for death.
tears spring from my eyes as my life force fades away
dark crimson stains my white shirt as i leave today
and pass into tomorrow where maybe i can be
with her for eternity and finally see
that maybe life's not so bad... but not in this life
not in this world will we live without strife
earlier that day, i scrawled on a note
"i write this with a solid lump in my throat,
i love her so and i made a mistake
letting her go. she drowned in a lake
earlier this month. i blame myself for
everything... i thought we'd endure
but not in this life... maybe the one after
i miss her smile... and also her laughter.."
my note couldnt be read by the coroner that night
because my blood ****** up all the light
hoping that maybe it would find her and be
with her one more time for eternity.
they took my casket to the graveyard the next night
sat me right beside her and we basked in the light
together forever, finally in death
if only i'd known as i'd taken my last breath..
our spirits danced side by side that eve
forever together because neither of us could leave.
Feb 26, 2013
Feb 26, 2013 at 11:00 PM UTC