Dear abuser,

Because of you I shake at night
I see so many deadly frights
My arms quiver with needles bleeding
I can't beleive I didn't think you affected me

Every night I come home
I shower and cry about my life
Every person I talk to I distrust
I know suffering is a must

There is no silence
I only hear my weeping
And your yelling echoing through
I have new triggers I don't understand
Was this always your plan?

I yell and scream at things I love
I can't beleive in any God above
My heart panics if anyone's upset
My breath is stolen like I'm in a corset

I can't stand to be alone
But I can't stand to be too close
I'm afraid of anyone's touch
Every problem is just too much

I can't have a good day
Anything good  changes and rots
Into the memory and fear
I hate myself if that wasn't clear

No matter how much I build myself up
How strong I may become
I feel so weak and alone
I feel like I'll never find my home

I stay up and ponder if I ever could
Tell everyone about the hell you gave me
Maybe that would help me
Or maybe they'd just laugh at me

I rip my flesh open
I bruise and hurt my own heart
I give so much of myself to everyone else
Because of the guilt I feel
Cause it was all my fault

I black out and forget things
My stomach twist and turns and stings
I have no energy to enjoy anything
Nothing in life is a blessing

I've emptied my body of any emotion
Because whenever I have any
It's endless crying and falling apart
Noone can break this ******* shattered heart

I'm afriad someone's behind my back
I'm afriad they're ready to attack
I'm afraid all I ever do is lack
I'm afraid of every ******* thing even a tack

I can feel you
I can hear you
Needling through my skin
Piercing my head with sin
Burning my body
Every night I relive it

All the pain I'm feeling I can't quite explain
Because at this point I consider it normal
Everything is quite plain
I'm tired of the pain I sustain

I'll never have kids because of you
I don't deserve love becuase of you
I can't see anything but pain
I can't enjoy anyone's touch
I know it'll never be love
Just let them all **** me
And I'll call it enough

Except I'm not enough
I'm disgusting and damaged
My skin is peeled and broken
Scarred and red
Too many tears I've shed

I'm labeled a freak and crazy
Life is kinda hazy
Am I real?
Can I ever heal?
I don't think so

I just want you to please go
All three of you
I see all of you In everyone I meet
The yeller the ******* and the molester
You're in the eyes of every person
I can't find comfort
Because you'll always find me first