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Hailey A Carlson Feb 2015
When all you knew has crumbled
Those fleeting moments memories
Good or bad are gone
When you realized what was, wasn't real
But the reality was too much for understanding
That the things we felt were simply chemical
That the addiction wasn't necessity
That what we were was not a solid
But a cloud of temporary emotions
An instantaneous burst of feeling in no direction
It was momentarily sensual and that is that
And that is alright
That is where is shall lie
So when you're drunk and say you loved
Don't make mistakes of the past
Remember liquor is a depressant
Try not to bury deeper than what was
As I did for so long
Because love, you deserve better
Hailey A Carlson Oct 2014
Darling if you would only kiss me one more time
I could taste the memories of our careless endeavors
Before the reality of you becomes present
You shift back into the world against me
I wish i could see how i found you
Some years ago, hair too long and life still short
But with clocks and ticks and calendars away from you
I've remained unchanged since i left in October
Like you were my passage to all i flew with
Now heavy with the weight of high school
My burger joint job and what could have been
Hailey A Carlson Sep 2014
School is going to start again and everything is going to change. You will fade into what is our school and our classmates and your friends and what we know now as life. And I will fade with it as you settle in, meet new people, maybe fall for a girl like you did for me. And I know you won't understand what I mean because that's just the way you are, and you go with what is told and what you know. But I miss you, and I want to be with you and listen to music and stay in an endless summer of just us in a mess of mind and body love. I love all you are, your loud quirks of spontaneous reality and laughter always. The way you always smile and always play a new game with me. Your playful light on everything that goes on. You make me beleive in our world again, like everything is good and everything is love and happiness and everyone really does mean well. You make me love again
I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine
  Aug 2014 Hailey A Carlson
If I could change

                                                  ­ *I would...
Hailey A Carlson Aug 2014
I do recall when you kissed me so hard I was out of breathe
Now the air in my lungs quickly contract
As I continue to think of the alternate
When you bit my lip and took my will leaving me with addiction
You leave your smell and the thought that things will change
But those both go away, within a few days
When you're at your house watching breakfast club at 3am
And I'm rolling in bed alone
with work in the morning
Floating around the house
in the silence of mind surrender
Company of floor boards and bare feet
Blink hard to stop thinking of you
Slipping into a mind I can't control
Feelings that press without consent
And I still don't know if the truth you tell, is a lie.
Hailey A Carlson Jul 2014
Once you were holding my hand
A bold embrace
Every time we met
A smile and a kiss
at every goodbye
Leaving each other
Side by side
In a feild of grass
We had to leave
Because of your allergies
But that was my favorite part
When you gave me butterfly kisses
And spun me slowly to fast tunes
Decorating each other in paint
Just for the hell of it
Getting you to eat blueberries
When you hate fruit
And me eating asparagus
That I can't bare to taste
Sitting on your heated kitchen floor
Eating chocolate animal crackers
On Wednesdays
The sifting sun
Through your windows
On that old denim couch
In the endless summer
Cool and cuddled for hours
Your back rubs on bad days
When you would kiss
The freckles on my shoulders
Times seemingly endless
An eternal love burned so fierce
But now look at us
Me, a shadow in your life
I would be holding your hand
Talking to friends
Laughing and loving so greatly
Yet I write this alone now
Sitting in the locker room
On a musty couch
Hidden in the back
Before the school day starts
Where I will see you again
And wish hopelessly
That I could hear you say
I love you
Once more
And beleive it
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