I sleep in a different bed every week
But I know
- I will meet you soon
- you are waiting for me as well
- you and me : it will means everything

That you have lived as I have but you waited for me as I did
And we would smile
And we will laugh drink and touch

And it will feel like never before
More I imagine it more close I get to you

I have been played you won’t play me you will know I am not a game,
I have been lied to, you won’t lie to me you know I don’t deserve this,
I am loved and you will admire that,
I am clever and you will empowered it,
I am all your and you will never take it for guarantee

—-
- “Destiny, bring me to him he is waiting for me, I know you are waiting for me to be ready but it’s only when I will see him that I will be”

Oh yes sure, but as friend then?
- Why would you say that?

- Remember talking about respect when you wanted to fight?

This is also to me the only thing that makes me angry and want to fight. As you, I have a high respect of myself and don't like to feel ignore, disrespected. It might be a big word just to explain that i don't appreciate when someone read my messages and decide not to reply.

Listen, it's not against you, i understand, you are busy, I might not be your priority. But i learn over the past year not to let anyone taking the chance to be able to hurt me. You might not be the kind of guys who like texting fine, then you should have tell me (same way as you asked me why i left and i replied).

It was really nice meeting you, i would love to see you again but not without disrespecting myself. That's a lot of feeling, but after what i saw in you, I am sure you will understand. I am free tomorrow, if you understand that we can meet. If not i want to tell you that i also feel this connexion and wish you a beautiful week.

--
Self respect is a high value i want to keep. I am mature enough and have been hurt enough not to let anyone getting this power over me.

Some people talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you, i am learning the difference and i am looking to let people in my life only with the second option.

If you are able to rise you standard to meet girls like me.

Call me

Just call me and let’s meet somewhere in the world.

Somewhere we will be alone

We know that we can’t be together for long because we would destroy each others world.

Let’s meet for a few days, keep those days as our secret, our escape.

We felt so happy together don’t you remember ?

- We don’t need to talk and we talk for hours
- We don’t need drink and we got so high

Would that be possible ? For a day !? A week? A month ?

We know we can’t stay close forever but could we just enjoy this moment of life this short time and believe the world his ours.

I want to feel that love is now and just now
That every feeling is real
That the world is ours
That no one else exist

Then we would continue our life wishing the best to each other until the next time we meet and can hug.

After all : short time, big love that’s all we want that’s all we have and everything we born for.

Just tell me where and when.

I ******* miss you
I ******* hate you

I should stop drinking
Every time I am drunk
It reminds me of our drunk night together

Do you remember how much we used to laugh? How much fun we were together?  No one could stop us, we were the soul of the party, the vibe of the night.

I hope she gives you everything I could not give you I hope she is there to laugh with you on your drunk nights.

I miss our drunk nights

I know I am not clear.
I would like you to stay when i ask you to go away
I want you to be mine especially when you are never here
I want you to leave me and pardon me
I will ask you to close the door behind you and wish you stay  
Just leave me alone when i wish you would hold me on the floor and love me.
I know I am not clear.

When I said i was alright,
I really was!

But now it's all **** up in my head since i know about her.
How could i miss that?
How could i pass by?
How can she pass through ?
(while i am supposed to be your everything)

I keep playing the scenes in my head the one when i am talking with her I know it's not right but it can't help it. It turns  like a loop all over again.
How could i miss that?
How could i pass by?
How can she pass through ?
(while i am supposed to be your everything)

I did not mind to be cheated on, humiliated and rejected.
But it's the feeling of not having be flagged out i can't stop thinking about.

I love to write how I feel every year about my birthday

It never end ... aging ... what can I say about this year

Older I get more young I am looking for

It’s the first time I wanted to party for my birthday but no is there

I think I still love you and it hurts

For one night could we just forget all what happen, you will make my night incredible treat me like a princess and tell me I am lovable and beautiful and everything you ever wanted.

Wait... Am I still dreaming?

Let wakeup tomorrow one year older and get through this life that I am supposed to love so much.

Btw *******

I would like to live in a world
where i don't have to talk for hours to look cleaver
where i don't have to wear hills to look ****
where i don't have to get a good job to be considered
where i can live without being judge
where i can love without being afraid

I am still wondering why this world is so fake ?

It’s all in your mind (what I love about you)

I don’t care about your amazing abs or your cooking skills  (All I love is your mind)

The way you are hurt don’t even scar me I know there is nothing to fix and it does not matter (to me).

And when you lie i know it!
And you lie about everything!
The other, they all trust you on what you say
And all I see in those lies is your mind

Even if you would look different, I will still be attracted by you: it does not matter the way you dress or talk I read you mind (and that's what I love about you)

Can you say the same about the one around you ? This society that wants your fit, young and beautiful.

Beauty dies ! Mind never do.

Sometimes I feel unwanted, rejected,
Then I remind Myself that the only person who can makes me happy is ME.

I would like to fall in love the way I fall asleep.

First I feel dizzy, I want to close my eye so badly and let go of any tension.

Then come the dark and yet I feel so confident and safe

And I start dreaming like everything is possible.

I wish I fall in love the way I fall asleep.

Princess, do you know how to tell that a boy loves you ?

He does not tell the same thing to every other girls.

If he loves you, he won’t lie. If it’s real it won’t fade. If it’s true it will never end.

This is real love! The one that feels unique not copy pasted.

You put this idea in my head that love exist, I was all good before meeting you. I did not care that love did not exist and hen you persuade me that this kind of love exist that it’s possible and that the world look better with love.

You sold me this unconditional love that sound so perfect and so beautiful. I felt like in one of those film. I felt wanted and love and useful and beautiful.

Then came back the reality i jumped out of this beautiful film and you sent me to the horror movie.

At the end I was right it’s jsut the idea of love that exist not the love itself. People sold it to manipulate other and that makes them feel better about themselves so some time and what about the other.

You know In my kind of love we don’t insult each other.

"Kiss slow, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Some eyes contact need no words... My soul is too deep to be explored by those who always swam in the shadow.  Believe in myself --- Be unstoppable."

I just want to talk to you
As little as it might sounds
I miss our deep discussions
The one I am always looking to be right for
The one you always let me win just because you like the cheeky smile I am making when you say I am right

I just want to feel your hands on my back
Going down the lines crossing one by one my beauty spots
I want those kind of caresses that give goosebumps to my skin
Left side, right side, get down

You breath on my neck
And all the snuggles you like so much that make my hair look messy and I don’t mind because I know you would offer me to brush it in the morning

Your eyes on me...
I could continu for hours describing how I miss you !

I am a bad dream living in your nightmares

Tonight i want to be love like in the films, like I read on Instagram. But who could I ever ask that?
I always pushed love away and even if  I succeed to get the best lover ever I always **** their feeling and mine.
At the time that I am actually ready to share there is no more perfect lover in front of me to receive them as they should be received : with butterfly in the stomach and hapiness in the smile.

Maybe I just always ruined everything. I just don't beleive I am enough to love.

What if all love songs should be sing for ourselves? What is the real love is being in love with yourself and all the rest is just a plus.

I am tired of those stories that never work. Of those feelings that always hurts, of those peole that always lie of this society that is always wrong.

I am just going to listen at those happy love song thinking they are written for me. Like my soul and my head are 2 different persons and protect and love each other forever. Because at the end the only person who will stay forever will be me. At the end the only person I want to keep up with is me.

I promise I would keep myself happy because no-one is responsible more for my happiness.

More I look around better I feel about my life. People of my age seems so stuck, so unhappy while I decided to follow my dreams and make it my way.

I passed each challenges that life brings me while they choose the easy way.

I always keep smiling,  my head up and my heart open just to make sure I won't regret anything. And so far I am doing pretty well.

As long as i beleive that destiny as a great life to offer why should i not follow the signs?

For me the signs are "Feel free, be wild, don't worry everything will be alright, let's go on an adventure"

I just have to be a little careful because the days i get off track,  i feel bad until i get back on track and that can take some time...

Anyway, good thoughts : keep it easy.  Follow happy thoughts, happy people, love and share

Please lift me high

I believe i found exactly what i would like to do in life.
And all my little world is falling apart.
My mum always happy start being moody.
My boyfriend always staying starts leaving.
The gouvernement quite supportive, start withdrawing all my rights.
My emotions quite inexistant start fighting.

But if i look deep inside me, i know i am still there, i know i can trust myself, i know i will and i am making the right decisions.

So let's it be, let the world fall apart, because the one to come will never.

You find yourself in your lies and you think i don't know while i am laugh at all your words. I told you i beleive in action and not words.

When you are in front of me your red eyes talk to me and share your lies with me. Oh dear if you only know what was the limit between reality and escape.

But your dark side is always there, your only matter you have with me is that i have been to hell many times. A martyr of the devil can't fight an other one.  

More you lie more i escape, but i some how like the way you lie it keep my weapon strong and my heart as bright as the gold, as strong as a rock.

The best part of it is that i take pleasure watching you, find yourself in your lies.

It does not means that there is no secret place in her.
She has her counter of battles,
But you ll will always see her smile,
Wake up in the morning, ready to fight more for what's right
And give the best of herself.

Tonight I feel like writing, nothing comes. I am getting out of track.

I follow my head and my heart is crying. I keep myself focus at work and keep reaping in my head that everything will be OK. But that's just for my head, mid time I feel my heart crying.

I hate this feeling so much.

Yesterday in the middle of the party I closed my eyes, danse on one of the song we used to listen and I imagined you - lost in my neck, holding me tight.

Today I did bad, I looked at your pictures. I mean we are still friends it’s not like I made a mistake.

And I saw you there, smiling, traveling, drinking wine, you even speak English now and you are learning Spanish, I just hear you say “Te amo”, que lindo!

I felt sad for a moment and then I felt so happy :  You who never wanted to move, to try new things, to explore...seems that I was not that wrong at the end to choose the world you did too <3.

This morning your smile made me happy! Love Miss Flex

If wish he could be older,
I wish he could see I am still here
I wish he would remember me as one of the best part of his life
If wish I could have help
I wish I could have been there
I wish that you wish much more for yourself than my lost soul
Because after all, you told me that if you love someone you should let them be happy.

You know after all I think I never really believed in love or any emotion at all.

That’s quite hard to admit that I was so broken that I never let it in properly. I never accept it either.

I think that all those emotions are inside of me I just don’t let other seeing it because I don’t want anyone to be able to hurt me. What I realized is that hurt is uninvatable and it’s part of this beautiful life.

I am sick of hiding my emotions like nothing hurt me. I am not afraid anymore because I prefer to get hurt than to feel nothing at all.

So I am going to danse until I can’t feel my feet, I will sing until I loose my voice, I will eat until I can’t see food anymore, I will cry in front of romantic film until my eye explode and i will love just to get hurt. Because if I keep not feeling anything at all I will loose the best part of myself.
^^

I need to feel your skin
I miss it badly

I know it’s wrong
I know you are with her

Side by side
Just let me feel your breath

Even if we can’t touch
Even if we should not talk

Let me feel your skin

I don't know what I feel but I am sure that I feel.

Someday I would run into your arm just to smell you and got this heart bump that I love so much. Look at your eyes and loose myself, getting your crazy look at me and give you all.

Other days my mind is strong and keeps reapeting to me that it's not the right thing to do and that I will regret to follow my kind of feelings that I am not even sure about.

Then I go to my bed and everything comes back, I am having flashed of us in the bath, in your room, my clothes falling down as I don't even notice.

And I wake up and I am full of doubts : what if it's all lies, what if I am getting played. I can't throw everything I build since years for just a feeling a "I want to see".

But still I love adventures and I don't believe in love anyway so what do I have to loose : few more years? What if I can win a lot more?

But still all of this is only based on "if" and I can't risk so much.

What if I never stop thinking of you ?
What if love exactly that: be haunted ?
What if I loose myself because I refuse to see you?
What if I want to see you again ? Would you be angry ? Happy ? Would you ignore me just for revenge?
What if I miss you ?
What is it’s not the truth?

Today I was angry, impossible to control my emotions and the only thing I have in my mind is let's fall in love.
But am I even ready for it, would I ever be ready for strong emotions?
Last time I let them inside they nearly killed me that I had to learn how to fake.

I am really good at creating relationship

But for what ? If i don't really need them.

Do I lie to myself about the fact that i don't need them or i really don't need them ?
I think, they just make me feel normal in a society.

But why ? After all, they all lie and I am the real one, and they feel bad about my behaviour because they don't want to be seen that way or this way.
Really ? You can't come around me because i make you look different ?

Did you ever ask yourself that maybe you were always with people that don't act truly with you ? Maybe you feel different with me because i am the only one that shows you what the world really is.

I won't change, if what i do best is showing you the real world.

Do you feel lost? Not at all
Do you feel sad? Not for me
Do you love where you are? Definitely
Have you ever feel like that? Never
How does that sound? Like destiny.

Am i better living my life without you ?

Why do you always pop up somewhere somehow in my mind in my game ?

I don’t talk to people anymore because I am afraid of you coming straight there and did not letting control anything

Why everyone loves you ? Why do I hate you so much ?

#feeling

There is no Happy love story.
Come one look around you and show me one, one love story that is happy ever after.

We got sold this idea of the charming prince, the beautiful princess and this huge castle.

Seriously ? I am just ****** at love.

I can't tell him I miss him
I can't tell him I am worried
I can't tell him all the thingsin my mind because I am afraid.
I am afraid to fall, afraid to loose everything I have since I decide that no emotion is the best way.

You can't stab and apologie,
You can't say bad words and take them back,
You can't make me say something and then say you are sorry to force me,
You can't make me believe you are perfect and then take it all back,
You can't say you are sorry when it's too late.
You can't, that's it.

Maybe I am just living in a parallel world, after all why I have the feeling I am the only one who wants this kind of life : freedom and love all at once no more no less.

I am looking at those people going back to their country after a month in BALI and feeling unhappy. You f they are so unhappy why do they go back ? Why don’t they stay?

Choice is a matter of mind set, keep the right mind set and I beileive that all yours dreams finish to come true.

You are all after me
Telling me my life is perfect
As if i plant that in your brains
As if as soon as i feel down
I have all of you reminding me it's perfect
it's a dream

--
Really now i just feel alone
Right waiting for my familly to come home
How can i feel so alone next to the one i love
Afraid to be stuck
Back to a confort zone i don't feel confortable

--
I pannick
I need control over this emotion and very soon
--

Calm dow
Brief

You know it will all be alright
Remember to feel every moment
--

Actually I recovering from my bad side
I know it hurts
Not wondering why i feel what i feel
I am just fighting fall in love with you

I am in the restaurant
My friend just left the table
And here I feel all complete

I enjoy being with her
But her leaving remind me how much
I love to be by myself

I guess that’s what we call self love
I spent the all day stress
Now just being alone
Remind me that the smallest thing in life are the one I enjoy the most

Sharing a meal with myself
Watching people around
I never feel alone by myself
This is supposed to make me afraid
Afraid that I loose my social part but I don’t think I do

It’s noisy I am surrounded by people
It’s just me and my beer and I fell complete
I guess that’s what we call self love

You say you love me,
You say you understand,
You say you will follow,
You say many things,
And i trust you !

But how can i be so sure when you escape all fights, all clarifications of situations ?

I am here alone sitting at the restaurant
People are wondering why am i alone
If they knew...if they knew that this is my new happiness. I decided to do what I love even if not one follow even if no one understand.
While they look at me I am sending back the weird look to those couple with kids. I am pretty sure I am currently looking at them the same way they look at me. And I am wondering :
This is what people aim for ? I am sorry I am not in! I want the father of my kids to look at me as the most Beautiful woman in the world because I am the mother of his. I don’t want the guy to stay there because he has to, the guy who stay there and look at the young ******* the other table.
Where is the love ? Where is the respect ?
Having kids is not the end of a life it’s a beginning of a new one, a powerful one. Being able to raise a kid is seeing someone impress by every little things, learning every single new words, running all over the place and knowing some how what they want. Kids are magic, being two to make one is wonderful begin able to stay passionate, in love and admirative is the goal not the impossible !!

I am going free..!
You wanna come?

I know I am not perfect
I am not sometimes I am messy or maybe all the time
I know I have issues and that I have to live with
But I also know that life is great and that I have everything I need to make it works hoping my dark side won’t wake up too soon

I miss you kissing me,
Today I just realized how good you kissed
Today I feel like I don’t want just *** anymore
I need much more, your hugs, our conversations, your touch
*** is just a way for most people to get all the rest they need
I don’t want to play by the rule one more time
If I get *** will be because I really need it
If I just need hugs then I will get hugs no more no less
I am not a machine, I have feelings and I assume it
I don’t want just *** anymore
So keep your pants on
And your mouth shut if you want to ask for something I can’t offer
I miss you kissing me

Yesterday I was happy
Today I am lost

When I am happy I don’t need you
When I am lost I feel like coming to you

Taking a plane and watch you through the windows
I won’t even have the courage to cross the street to go to you

I know that As soon as I will see you and i will talk to you you will push me away
For sure I will regret taking this plane

But at least I would have let for once my feelings talking rather than my head

Because all the world turn around you does not mean that you can make it stop.

Because no one see trough does not mean the miroirs lie.

Because at first it feels right and at the end so wrong.

What if I actually don't care? What if I don't want to play by the rules?

Less I think better I feel.

I stop looking for what I want to do I am starting looking at what I can do with what I get