Here we go again I have to cut my feelings.
I decided to make sure he feels good about anything that I am a secure point that I am his safe.
At the end no one is doing the same for you. I know the lesson but I have to learn it again and again.
When I decide to share a bit more it collapse maybe I should just keep it all. Anyway no one has never understand me... expect maybe you. It’s crazy how I think of going into your arm everytime I cry.

It’s all in your mind (what I love about you)

I don’t care about your amazing abs or your cooking skills  (All I love is your mind)

The way you are hurt don’t even scar me I know there is nothing to fix and it does not matter (to me).

And when you lie i know it!
And you lie about everything!
The other, they all trust you on what you say
And all I see in those lies is your mind

Even if you would look different, I will still be attracted by you: it does not matter the way you dress or talk I read you mind (and that's what I love about you)

Can you say the same about the one around you ? This society that wants your fit, young and beautiful.

Beauty dies ! Mind never do.

Why do I always ask myself so many questions?
Most of the time I don't even want to know the answer or even better I know there is no answer yet. So why do I keep torturing my mind with those questions?

Why not living for the moments and let things happen the way thet should happen. Let it go and just enjoy the moments.

Mind please stop questioning everything, I can't answer it all anyway. Lets make things happen and beleive its all right, alright?

Angry or sad I don't know anymore
I do things to my mind and to my body like i am angry at myself

But all i want is to take care of myself, be on my own.

I don't want to have *** or even fall in love i just want to feel all wrapped in their arms like I am not alone anymore.

I was thinking it won't hurt but it does. I was thinking that maybe being angry at you will help but i can't manage to be angry at you only at her.

Angry or sad I don't know anymore

I am a bad dream living in your nightmares

Break up always hurt,
They always hurt even if you know it’s for the best for both it always hurts

You make so much effort to fit with someone else personally. I don’t mean to fit - it’s not really what I want to say but some how to learn about each other and becoming better are being together.

And finally as always one get distant by cheating or just by using words that will hurt

I always build my relashionships on trust and I always get hurt but what I have to remember it that somehow I push this I always do I know it’s my decision I know I influence it somehow because I knew it was better for us

And all his speech about being angry even at the word cheating, at the end he is the one using it the best.

Anyway everyone make mistake, and everyone deserve to be happy.

I won’t get hurt I will get it to get free.

They also always tell you they love you what is love if you can’t make the sacrifice for other like you do for yourself.

I don’t believe in it I think words have been invented to cheat better on people that *** will ever do.

Don’t tell me I am so perfect if it’s her your choose when your drunk night comes.

Is love something we build or something we feel?
Which love is stronger the one we feel at first or the one we decide to work for?
What if ...

**** I hate those feelings

It does not means that there is no secret place in her.
She has her counter of battles,
But you ll will always see her smile,
Wake up in the morning, ready to fight more for what's right
And give the best of herself.

I am at this turn in my life where choices are important. The only thing I need to remind myself is to not settle for less than I deserve.

The day I choosed to just stop looking and keep stable all of you pop up in my life, it’s just a small Hello what’s up but for me it’s destiny telling me *** are you sure ?

Feeling like hercule when he has to pass all those obstacles and finished anyway to hurt himself.

Can just someone come and tell me what’s best ? That would scare most of people that would relax me with life I would follow : just tell me what’s best I will put my mind there and don’t ask for anything else but tell me or show me something !!!!

Stop sending my past show me the future

Do you feel lost? Not at all
Do you feel sad? Not for me
Do you love where you are? Definitely
Have you ever feel like that? Never
How does that sound? Like destiny.

What if all love songs should be sing for ourselves? What is the real love is being in love with yourself and all the rest is just a plus.

I am tired of those stories that never work. Of those feelings that always hurts, of those peole that always lie of this society that is always wrong.

I am just going to listen at those happy love song thinking they are written for me. Like my soul and my head are 2 different persons and protect and love each other forever. Because at the end the only person who will stay forever will be me. At the end the only person I want to keep close is me.

I promise I would keep myself happy because no-one is responsible more for my happiness.

Why do we live ? Why do we die ? Scream ? Cry ?
—-
I don’t want to be a robot : metro, work, sleep.
I never had my foot on earth I want to be a bird.
—-
There is like a bitter taste, like a taste of dust in everything and the anger that follow us.
There are silence that tells everything, more than the word that we say.
And all those questions that don’t have any sense
Surely, we still dance on the song we liked but not the same way. And we still laugh like kids but not like before.

Princess, do you know how to tell that a boy loves you ?

He does not tell the same thing to every other girls.

If he loves you, he won’t lie. If it’s real it won’t fade. If it’s true it will never end.

This is real love! The one that feels unique not copy pasted.

Everything
that makes me happy - makes you sad
Everything
I believe in - is not important for you
Everything
I want for the future - scare you
Everything
I make - never complete you
Everything
I like - is not a priority for you
__
How can you love everything I am if you don’t understand anything I think.

I love to write how I feel every year about my birthday

It never end ... aging ... what can I say about this year

Older I get more young I am looking for

It’s the first time I wanted to party for my birthday but no is there

I think I still love you and it hurts

For one night could we just forget all what happen, you will make my night incredible treat me like a princess and tell me I am lovable and beautiful and everything you ever wanted.

Wait... Am I still dreaming?

Let wakeup tomorrow one year older and get through this life that I am supposed to love so much.

Btw *******

I would like to fall in love the way I fall asleep.

First I feel dizzy, I want to close my eye so badly and let go of any tension.

Then come the dark and yet I feel so confident and safe

And I start dreaming like everything is possible.

I wish I fall in love the way I fall asleep.

I am sorry I fall in love this night
I did not mean to fall this night
I know how to play, it's always the same,
But it did not play this night
Every time i close my eyes I am back to this night.

Am i better living my life without you ?

Why do you always pop up somewhere somehow in my mind in my game ?

I don’t talk to people anymore because I am afraid of you coming straight there and did not letting control anything

Why everyone loves you ? Why do I hate you so much ?

#feeling

Saying the opposite of what I think
Feeling the contrary of what I should
Keeping smiling to hide everything

My dreams are my only escape  
There I can do what I want
See who I like
Explain all I need
And feel it all

And yet I can’t sleep,
How can I dream if I can’t close my eyes,
How to find what I need if the only place I know your are is in the darkness of my nights?

I am going free..!
You wanna come?

I stop looking for what I want to do I am starting looking at what I can do with what I get

I just get through all of the poems that I wrote one by one crying until i read this text that I actually wrote one year ago crying about my bireday reminding myself how lucky I was and that self love should be the only love that really matters

And that I was actually crying because I was living the life I dreamt of that needs sacrifice and hurt

And at the end ... this year my birthday is coming too and I am still living my dream life so come on let’s keep going

I notice recently that everything I am good at bored me, Everything I am not good at runs after me.

I love to be different but sometimes I wish to be normal.

Just writing normal makes me realised how being different is a chance.

Stop complaining you are living a beautiful life : stop thinking LIVE instead

Yesterday I was happy
Today I am lost

When I am happy I don’t need you
When I am lost I feel like coming to you

Taking a plane and watch you through the windows
I won’t even have the courage to cross the street to go to you

I know that As soon as I will see you and i will talk to you you will push me away
For sure I will regret taking this plane

But at least I would have let for once my feelings talking rather than my head

The older i get to more i see the world is not perfect
And also realized that it's not that bad

I start to appreciate the bad in the good
and the good in the bad

Heaven always get a little ***** where i live

I am listening to love songs
And I don’t feel sad
Like I finally realized that it’s a beautiful thing the world has to offer
I was never ready for it
I always push it away to protect myself from pain
And I realized that I always finished to get attach and somehow fall in love and finally get hurt.

I don’t want to refused the good feeling anymore. I will just keep in mine at the end it will always hurt and that will be enough protection.

I know I am not perfect
I am not sometimes I am messy or maybe all the time
I know I have issues and that I have to live with
But I also know that life is great and that I have everything I need to make it works hoping my dark side won’t wake up too soon

When You ask me how I am,
I just wanted to reply That I hate you

I hate you for making me feel that there is more in the world than lost feelings

For making me believe that broken heart can be healed when you don’t even know how to let me in

When I said i was alright,
I really was!

But now it's all **** up in my head since i know about her.
How could i miss that?
How could i pass by?
How can she pass through ?
(while i am supposed to be your everything)

I keep playing the scenes in my head the one when i am talking with her I know it's not right but it can't help it. It turns  like a loop all over again.
How could i miss that?
How could i pass by?
How can she pass through ?
(while i am supposed to be your everything)

I did not mind to be cheated on, humiliated and rejected.
But it's the feeling of not having be flagged out i can't stop thinking about.

Apparently you have to look where you mind is going when you wander — that’s the way you know where you heart is.

Where is yours ?

Because mine is all there !

I am here wind in my hair,
Sunglasses on it’s cold but I just need affection to warm me up, to put a smile on my face.

I am here watching the kit on the beach a blanket on my legs, their is no 3G I am away from the online world.

I am hear smiling at an old guy who just get out of the water he was enjoying the waves...

As simple as it could be...I am here and it’s enough

I am listening to this song
And as soon as the first note ring
I am thinking of you
I have look for love all my life
And here we go with this impossible love that feel so right
I don’t even feel stuck
You said you would wait years for my return while I just wanted to stay
I become to believe in all those stupid things and yet I never let you bring me on a date
Oh **** I miss you and I don’t even know how to control it because I never get through this before
You have haunted me all my life

I would like to live in a world
where i don't have to talk for hours to look cleaver
where i don't have to wear hills to look ****
where i don't have to get a good job to be considered
where i can live without being judge
where i can love without being afraid

I am still wondering why this world is so fake ?

I can't tell him I miss him
I can't tell him I am worried
I can't tell him all the thingsin my mind because I am afraid.
I am afraid to fall, afraid to loose everything I have since I decide that no emotion is the best way.

What if all love songs should be sing for ourselves? What is the real love is being in love with yourself and all the rest is just a plus.

I am tired of those stories that never work. Of those feelings that always hurts, of those peole that always lie of this society that is always wrong.

I am just going to listen at those happy love song thinking they are written for me. Like my soul and my head are 2 different persons and protect and love each other forever. Because at the end the only person who will stay forever will be me. At the end the only person I want to keep up with is me.

I promise I would keep myself happy because no-one is responsible more for my happiness.

What if all love songs should be sing for ourselves? What is the real love is being in love with yourself and all the rest is just a plus.

I am tired of those stories that never work. Of those feelings that always hurts, of those peole that always lie of this society that is always wrong.

I am just going to listen at those happy love song thinking they are written for me. Like my soul and my head are 2 different persons and protect and love each other forever. Because at the end the only person who will stay forever will be me. At the end the only person I want to keep up with is me.

I promise I would keep myself happy because no-one is responsible more for my happiness.

I don’t love him, I know I do love him.
He is my best option, I want to go to the other way.
Right now I would take a plane to the other side of the world and fall in love again
But I can’t
Those days I don’t understand anything about myself I hate the society and the respect all his rules anyway how can I be so ...
I just wish that falling in love was not that painfull so I could so it again

I would rather regret the things I have done rather than the one I have not done.

In few years the things we would remember are the crazy one we have done, the one for which we makes our heart beat and our hands sweat.

Quit your job, fall in love, take the next plane, join me, leave me, be happy, cry, make mistakes, live, laugh, travel.  

Do what you like and don’t regret anything.

I want to stay when I should go
I want stability, I need adventure
I need love, I want freedom
I am everything but perfect, I love who I became
I am night and day, black and white, happy and sad.
I feel drunk even sober

If wish he could be older,
I wish he could see I am still here
I wish he would remember me as one of the best part of his life
If wish I could have help
I wish I could have been there
I wish that you wish much more for yourself than my lost soul
Because after all, you told me that if you love someone you should let them be happy.

I think I will never forget

The way you manipulate me like I was one of you game

You cry when I left and you smile when I got hurt

You knew so much how to hurt me

And I protect myself so much not to let you do it but it continues to run in my veines: this voice telling me it hurts first because it felt so good back then

It should last long because I am supposed not to beleive it

And I stay and you go

And I think and you forget

I wanted you to forget me so much so I could think about you evyday knowing that you will push me away

But tonight I just want to hug

I'm tired of people who say they want to live their dream and never do anything to achieve them.

So i will do it for you, live by my dreams.

Join me when  you get there.

Hopefully maybe someone share the same dreams i have somedays.

I have the feeling I got all I ever wanted nevertheless I still don’t feel full.

Sometimes I feel so empty and I can’t control it. Then I remind myself that I have much more than anyone around and that should complete me. But I have been educated in a way that I don’t have to care about what other have and I should especially never compare myself to any. That this will be the way to find happiness.

But those days I can’t stop comparing to make myself feel better for 5 minutes and then the good feeling goes.

Come on brain let’s think by ourselves let’s forget them around let’s focus on what we want.

I just want to talk to you
As little as it might sounds
I miss our deep discussions
The one I am always looking to be right for
The one you always let me win just because you like the cheeky smile I am making when you say I am right

I just want to feel your hands on my back
Going down the lines crossing one by one my beauty spots
I want those kind of caresses that give goosebumps to my skin
Left side, right side, get down

You breath on my neck
And all the snuggles you like so much that make my hair look messy and I don’t mind because I know you would offer me to brush it in the morning

Your eyes on me...
I could continu for hours describing how I miss you !

I know I am not clear.
I would like you to stay when i ask you to go away
I want you to be mine especially when you are never here
I want you to leave me and pardon me
I will ask you to close the door behind you and wish you stay  
Just leave me alone when i wish you would hold me on the floor and love me.
I know I am not clear.

Why everybody always think they know me? Like they are mediums, as they know what I think or want or have been through... but I only show what I want them to see.

No you don’t know me! No one does. And i would not be saying neither that I do know you.
—-
Eveytime I am nice it’s not me hiding my emotions it’s me dealing with the devil in you.

What should I do ? Insult you and telling you I am hurt and that I hate you for what you did to me ?

This is not the person I want to be or Even is. You don’t know me!

If I react well when you rejected me it’s because at least your have been sincere and respectful and I respect that enough not to get angry or even sad.

If I get angry or sad who that will help: you surely to see that your actions have effect on other: but you alredy know that when you did. You knew it will hurt me anyway.

If you did it you have your reasons and I respect it!

I ******* miss you
I ******* hate you

I should stop drinking
Every time I am drunk
It reminds me of our drunk night together

Do you remember how much we used to laugh? How much fun we were together?  No one could stop us, we were the soul of the party, the vibe of the night.

I hope she gives you everything I could not give you I hope she is there to laugh with you on your drunk nights.

I miss our drunk nights

I miss you kissing me,
Today I just realized how good you kissed
Today I feel like I don’t want just *** anymore
I need much more, your hugs, our conversations, your touch
*** is just a way for most people to get all the rest they need
I don’t want to play by the rule one more time
If I get *** will be because I really need it
If I just need hugs then I will get hugs no more no less
I am not a machine, I have feelings and I assume it
I don’t want just *** anymore
So keep your pants on
And your mouth shut if you want to ask for something I can’t offer
I miss you kissing me

You put this idea in my head that love exist, I was all good before meeting you. I did not care that love did not exist and hen you persuade me that this kind of love exist that it’s possible and that the world look better with love.

You sold me this unconditional love that sound so perfect and so beautiful. I felt like in one of those film. I felt wanted and love and useful and beautiful.

Then came back the reality i jumped out of this beautiful film and you sent me to the horror movie.

At the end I was right it’s jsut the idea of love that exist not the love itself. People sold it to manipulate other and that makes them feel better about themselves so some time and what about the other.

You know In my kind of love we don’t insult each other.

"what you want exist, don't settle until you get it"