a quiet discontent
seeps slowly into my bones.

a steady stream of despair
floods my whole perspective.

I cannot escape the weight
pressing quietly down on me.

A slow steady death of my own making.
How do I escape this maddening numbness?

I cry out of the darkness out of a deep dark hole.
A glimmer of hope comes in the form a voice.

Someone climbs down into the darkness with me,
and tells me that he  can't lift me out, but
he can share with me how he dug himself out.

Hope rises from strange places,
and mine began when
I experienced love from strangers,
and realized I am part of a We.

The cascade of sounds
washes over me,
chaotic caucophony
of an urban landscape.

Your faint whisper
spoken in love,
echoes in my heart,
creates a safe quiet center.

No matter where I go,
love echoes in my heart,
creating a vibration of sound
that cascades out in harmony.

Creator You dance in my heart
as You've never done before.

Day by day I am becoming a little more free.

I am grateful to be alive and to be drawn closer to You.

I am awakening to the music that's always been inside of me
that I've slowly become deaf to.  As I awake, I dance with You
and realize You've always been dancing in my heart.

My body moves in rhythm to the music of creation and I laugh
and laugh.  I embrace You as You embrace me closer as two long friends,
two long lost lovers.  You are Love, and I am immersed in You.

Lover of Life, Your love does not erase my identity,
but help me simply be.  Alive to all of reality, embracing pain, joy, tears,
laughter and all the things in between.

My heart sings and my body dances in time to Your music.

holding your hands as you walk
i hold you steady

your wobbly legs will grow strong
and someday you will not need me to walk

remember i will love you just the same,
whether i am holding you now or
when i let you run and make your mistakes
as an adult

the autumn wind acts as
a forerunner of the coming winter

leaves fall, and life slows in order
to make room and prepare for
something new

a slow anticipation builds,
as living creatures prepare for the winter

I was never good at waiting for winter,
it always felt too desolate and alone

today is a new day as I feel the autumn wind
with eager anticipation of winter,
because I know with certainty no winter lasts forever; it is the forerunner of spring

I wait in silent joy for new life to grow
and prepare my heart for change

I wonder and wander
alone aimlessly
until I find you

O Beloved,
may my life be an offering to You.

May my actions and thoughts be a prayer,
and may You pray in me.

Open the channels of my heart a little bit more
each day so I may experience You in a new way.

Help me to walk through fear with Your help,
and to reach out and help someone who is still
lost in fear as I was.

May my breath be an offering to You,
a prayer of gratitude for life flowing in me.

.                            Y  
                        D        contorts
                  O   ­                   into
            B                                 serenity
    
   my                                          while my
                      
                                                                ­                                   mind strains  
                                                                ­                                   strangely removed from                            
                                ­                                                                 ­  my BODY until
                                                           ­       
                                                                ­       they meet
                                                                ­           for
                                                                ­        a brief
                                                                ­           BRA
                                                             ­          M         C
                                                               ­      E               E

deep gratitude
this day of my birth
for divine breath

life is so good
yet I long for
*chaotic extremes

life               broken  
        lived                  free
                   from                cages  
    
                   heart               break  
                  
                   collide             into
                              
                               silent
dreams

there are days where I feel pointless,
even a bit sad that my poems are
merely a drop in a vast ocean of
thoughts and expressions

why bother writing and sharing?

I sometimes feel insignificant,
and compare myself to others
and feel like I fall short.

there will always be people who write more clearly,
more beautifully with clear imagery,
but none writes like me.
I write, because I must.
sometimes the words build up inside of me,
and if I don't let it out it will slowly eat me up from the inside.

I write and share, because even though my words are like a drop
in a vast sea, at least like water I am connected to others by sharing a little snap shot of my life, thoughts and feelings.

I write, because it reminds me that I am worthy and loved enough to allow the beautiful act of creation to work within
me.  

I am part of the process of life, I am part of the whole, I am part of the "We."  

I am not alone.

nothing is as freeing
as aimless wandering
*i am free

little gestures of Your love
carry me through the day

another day sober and free
new possibilities rising
from despair to hope
resentment to love and tolerance

walking through difficulty
with my head held high
trusting in a Loving Higher Power
holding my daughter close

no longer isolated and alone
I trudge the road of happy destiny
with friends: brothers and sisters
who lift me up when I stumble and fall

I get to show up to life today
I am so grateful for second chances
to live life sober and free
my heart reaching out to help another

hope burns even in the darkest of nights

Love guides my way

i try and try
and all i get is
accusations

i cannot live your life
for you

but i can live my life by principles,
even if you disagree with my path

stay awake
listen deeply
awake within
and breathe
embrace life

my life is lived with such
motion and speed
that sometimes I miss the
absence of sound
the deep stillness and silence
that is at the core of my being

Your love is not a drug
that binds me into self

My love for you is not the delusion
of chemical dependency that holds me
hostage

Our love frees and helps us grow
A love spoken and lived with
commitment and honesty

In order to be daily open to this love
we continue to discard old notions that
keep us imprisoned in ourselves

the one I knew
is dead and gone
lost at sea

pulled out
by the tide
drowned at sea

only to return
as not walking corpse
but a new man

you did not
rise like the Phoenix
out the ashes
but rose out of the water
baptized by the trial at sea
into a hardened sailor
with a sensitive heart
because of the suffering you bore

being lost is relative
and in some ways
you found yourself
for the first time
when you were
lost at sea

hoping against hope
to find my way
back to you

Beloved*
my heart is brimming with gratitude
for the gift of new life

as tiny hands grasp my fingers
and I listen to tiny breaths
I feel my heart filling with joy and thanks
for the ability to love and be loved

may new life begin in me,
so I may keep welcoming life

Beloved
thank you for helping me walk though the darkness,
so I can bask in the light now

there is an inner light that lives in me and
in the life of this little one that I hold
The only words that rises to my lips are
"thank you I love you"

my open wounds have finally
turned into scars

the past sometimes linger
and leave scars on the inside

my heart shines love and compassion
upon myself and the little boy I once was

today i carry my scars not with shame,
but with love knowing that it's all part of life

your cries break my heart
and I hold you close until
you whimper into sleep

my gentle swaying and rhythm of my heart
guide you to sleep

my daughter,  I hope someday you
discover that the Divine Presence
holds you safe and close like I do

There will be times
I will not be with you
But remember that God
is always with you

words flow
bodies move
I become
still and silent.
be.

"In the beginning was the Word..."

The voice of the Creator
awakened the universe into being,
a Word spoken out of nothing that
echoes in eternity.

A sound that collapses time and place
and brings forth the Word to echo
infinitely through all the ages.

The Word chose to dwell among us
in the form of a vulnerable human being,
who was flesh and blood like me.

You and I share the imago dei, and
like the Word made flesh can yearn
for unity with the Creator.

The Word echoes in our flesh,
and reverberates through our hearts.

We encounter the Word knocking at our door,
when we welcome the stranger.  

May the sound of love echo through my soul into yours.
May these words speak life into mine and to yours till
the sound vibrates into a we.  

No longer separate and alone, but home.

love consumes and mends
the broken places in my life

I feel like the Tin Man
wanting a new heart

think think think

procrastinate
procrastinate
procrastinate

breathe

write write write

Buddhists say that each breath brings us closer to death
the saying is not a morbid desire for death, but a reminder to wake up now

I know the big sleep is coming, and some days knowing I will die motivates me to be fully present to today, but somedays the knowledge I will die makes me want to withdraw and do nothing

I don't want to run from death, or embrace death to run from life

sun sets
thoughts quiet
breaths slow
body rests
heart awakes

There's an expression in Korean that literally means your heart is on fire to express when someone is really angry or passionate.

I feel like my heart is on fire of late and reacting to everything like I am walking on egg shells and exploding at the world and people I love for no apparent reason.  

I am cooling down, but the hardest part is self-acceptance.

there are no words to describe
the space in between
where love blossoms or welts

no words to describe
the space in between
when life lifts you up or crushes you

no words to describe
the space in between
the joy of birth and grief of death

the greatest gift of my spiritual journey
has been learning to experience
the space in between
where life is more than either/or

flooded with emotions
lost in thought ,
then I remembered
"feeling are not facts,"
and I should judge myself
based on my actions.

I try to put one foot in front of the other,
and do the next right thing.

there are some words better
spoken in silence,
like a gentle touch and a soft
smile with the one you love.

each breath is precious
each breath i die a little

i am grateful for my life
i am grateful for being mortal

each moment is precious, because it never happens again
each moment is a gift, because i am a "spiritual being having a human experience."

heart beats                              brain stops
thoughts quiet                       heart sings
a new song                             free of fear
life grows anew                    with heart free

all effortlessly
flowing out
of me,
when I
let go

living poetry
roots me into
the seat
of my heart

my                   life                    exalt
soul                 abides              in
longs               in                      the
to                     love                  divine
be                    in            ­          love
free                 love                   light