Today, the color yellow reminded me of you.
It reminded me of your fondness with mangoes
It reminded me that those memories were real
I could feel the humid sea breeze brushing through our sandy skin
I felt the coldness of the stark night when I was gazing through your shadow
The beautiful architecture of your face, and your lanky frame.
We owe it to ourselves, not the stars that blanket us
The beautiful disaster, that we have become...

need to get it out my system
spill these words in the dark
though they're out of sync and rhythm
but when our lips lock; im melting

when our eyes meet; im sinning
a deep emerald lagoon
i couldn't help but drown in
but then you showed me i could swim

parts disappear, we're under the same skin
where nowhere, everywhere & in-between
the things i hold inside comes unfolded
our breaths are held, tongues tied together

under this crescent moon you're mine to hold
under my scarred arms you can stay
under each inhales/exhales i will take you in
like a flowing ember back to its fiery hearth

it's hard to love you, and i dont know
if i can ever completely do
not when your scars reminds me
of how unkind the world was to you
not when your face reminds me
of the monster that was never
under the bed.

it's painful to love you, and i don't know
if i can ever withstand it all
because with you everything is
magnified and heavier, i don't think
i can carry you in my trembling arms

i wish i could do more things for you
love you endlessly, take care of you relentlessly
but i dont know how when nobody else did those
how could i love you better, dear self?

Titillating.

The way your lips, traveled
unto to moist slopes of mine

Exhilarating.

The way your eyes, glimmered
with passion and with fire

Ravishing.

The way your hands, traced
the sensitive places inside

I could tell you tales of an infinity we had
Contained in the few stolen hours
We played with fire and ice
and each of those moments
Oh love, I've been dying to relive
Any time of the day, any time of the night.

it's the same ocean that touched our feet
i knew your voice, recognized your heartbeat
it sailed across a hollow husk of a shell
when you were pouring yourself out there

as each wave crash heavily on your thighs
the moon pulls the tides gently
like blanket over your cold shoulders
your salty tears merged with sea breeze

i was there when you weeped
and the thundering clapped
i was there when you grieved
for each death of your old selves

the most beautiful thing to come out of the sea, when she left i found parts of her soul buried inside me

Your skin feels like no one else’s
I keep forgetting and remembering again,
the way it feels, the way it slides
through my ever changing hair
once it was black, you saw me back at brown,
left me at blonde and kissed me again in auburn.

Everything around have changed.
Yet I find myself still marching back to your hill.
And no matter how much these words bleed,
Nothing will ever be enough to paint our heartbeats.

How will something die, if it never lived?
All this will ever be is a ghost of a reverie.
I like tracing the paths of the places we've walked
in the fingertips of my worn out memory.
And see it all wounding up to you
A pain I so l ambivalently allowed to grow into me.

Like wildflowers, it sprouts slowly, then madly.
On it goes into my chest, my lungs
and at times I'll admit it gets hard to breath.

The roots have grown thick in the parts of me that never learn.
It's just futile for you or for anyone to see
I'll just go back to sleep in hopes that maybe,
...maybe not

You smelled like bourbon today.
I still long for the old musky scent,
Your neck used to reek of each day.

Your skin felt oddly smooth today.
Gone was the funny stubble,
That pricked my tired face each day.

Your eyes glows a subtle shade of emerald today.
How I miss the hazel pair,
You used to look me at each day.

With you grabbing my wrist
and I, spilling my wine.

With you kissing my cheek
and I, letting out a little sigh.

In those moments I realize
He’s not you, but you are mine.

I forgot about how you unknowingly smirk
When I start calling back your name
I forgot that you will only mock
The way I scream out my lungs to the ocean
Expecting sunken ships to sail back to shore
I regret that I never swept the sands you left behind
I regret that I memorized the trail on this island.
And I do not understand how come I still get stuck in-between
Now I know, I’m only here to help you build your castle

But I will never be crowned the Queen.

Like an ocean wave
You washed me over
Ashore, drowning nevermore.

Pleasure is to paint horizons on your smooth canvass
Privilege is to trace constellations across your milky way
Swallow me whole and let me live under your skin
Plant a million kisses along the shorelines of my body
Drizzle me with warm honey, your lovin’, my majesty
And forever these fingertips will sail across your arms
Driving me crazy, driving me lazy, you’re a poisonous cherry
Come rest in my cotton lullabies, come surrender your tired eyes
Let’s bridge this thin gap between dreaming and reality
Tomorrow will be another day, but right now I’m a slave
To this sweet, enchanting gaze
To the architecture of your face
To the weight of your bones
To this embrace, I call my home.

Late night musings and a warm cup of tea
Adoring artworks and thinking about thee
As I welcome the sunrays softly greeting goodmorning
The birds chirping, oh what a beautiful timing

A light drizzle upon the break of daylight
This is just what I need, I feel the universe smile
And in moments like this I'm in euphoria
In little things, my tiny dreams, this is love - nothing but amazing.

Dare I say that the softness of your voice
brings unwarranted warmth into my core?
Dare I say that your gentle touch
leaves me breathless, wanting for more?

And I stared at your fingers with deep longing
When you held them up in your mouth
To puff your thousandth stick of cigarette
And I looked away just as you caught my gaze

I lay awake, naked in my bed
Thinking of the ways we could ruin it
Thinking of the ways I could run my tongue
Against every inch of your supple skin

But you are gone, just a passing comet
A speck of dust in this massive Universe
And I'd stare at the night sky only to remember you
But knowing you'll never again be passing by

...At least, not in this current lifetime.

Let’s make a deal that I’ll get over you and
you’ll think about me every day
Let’s role play you- not being an *******
Or pretend that I don’t have addictive tendencies
And want us to happen 100000 more times
It gets better and then it gets worse
and then it gets better but I’m gonna be like
Nah, I don’t trust anything, I don’t have faith in anything.
When I look into your eyes; all I’ll ever see are future disappointments
But what difference does it make?
I’ll let you hurt me beautifully in all ways imaginable
I know I can count on you to let me down
But in all actuality, it’s not you; it’s my shattered fantasy of you.

oblivious to the darkness to come;
i started to have my braids undone

sank my fangs to a well-ripen peach
only to have my sunday dress drenched

you looked me in the eye and said
"i like you better when you're a mess,
you become who you really are,
not just who you want to be"

and my hand landed a slap on your fair face
"i didn't work hard to be a mess
and for someone to admire my weakness
im for someone who gaze at my greatness"

I was chasing down a cyclone - but I ended up chasing you.
We danced in the humid air of June, reckless, shirtless, barefoot and all.
You said, “I’ll never forget you”, I was trying to give you all the clues.
Was there something else we should have done?
More than the cigarettes we burned,
More than all the restless pages we turned,
More than the kisses we shared,
More than the arguments we made.
Was there something else we should have been?
More than the home we was for each other
More than the safe-zone, more than the surrender,
More than the fantasy, more than it all?

We watched the sun rise and fall, as our chest did the same
Together we painted words on each other’s skin
And turned our backs to the noise of the world
We once were there, at the corner
We once were there, our eyes: both reflecting desire
We once were there, tracing shapes in the dark
We once were there, frolicking with our home-grown euphoria.

And tell me you remember it all, the way my eyelashes tickled your face
Tell me you know it too well, how our coffee tasted when we were sleepless.
Tell me how all those memories are kept, tell me I am not forgotten.

"I have overgrown this town"
You said one day to me
I was puzzled, thinking
We're not even larger than a tree

The next day
You packed your bags
Took my hand and spilled,
"This place isn't for me"
Left behind, then it's for me apparently

The wavering silence of your departure
Left not a hole but a wonder in my soul
Asked myself a hundred thousand times more
"What were you looking for?"

He? Glowing like neon lights
On a dark stark night
I don't even need
to stare him down
To see what he is made of.

He! Made of thousands of galaxies
And his eyes... a constellation
Out of bright burning blue stars
Hung upon a clear velvet sky
I tell myself, maybe that is why...

He, don't even bother to try
For when he speaks, his words it spills
Like ice-cold soda in my tongue
Simply cool though unrehearsed

He. The boy who could capture
A shooting star with his bare hands
Tell him, my satellite of a heart
is starting to orbit around his
Like a planet to the sun.

The dawn breaks as the sun sets anew
It's beautiful to be reminded; here's another promise
Of bigger opportunities or another breakthrough

This lilac sky holds the truth
That we are limitless, we are boundless
As our stories comes to unfold

We are not just a bag of bones
We are the nebulousness that fills voids
We are not just a vessel of consciousness
We are the seeds of the Universe.

Sometimes I forget.
That I am a writer, I can evoke feelings with words
Make them sing, create an uproar
I have echoing thoughts, they can last
Far beyond the time of my decaying skin.

Sometimes I forget
That I am a lover, I can stir consciousness
I can plant my tongue in his or hers
Gently trace the lines on their palms
And permanently change the course of their journey

Sometimes I forget
That I am human, a steward of the earth
I can paint the world with my own hue
Challenge the status quo, witness sunsets
And wake up remembering the things I once forgot too.

I look behind me, and the soft blur steadies slowly, squinted my eyes a few more times and I now see clearly. It’s a broken bridge, there's a hollow gap, a deep emptiness that separates us. We used to share intimate little spaces, strange but familiar darkness, the perfect amount of comfortable silence. I used to fill your cracks with these tiny flowers that grow in my mouth, and you use to fill mine with warm fuzzy stars out of your pocket. I wonder if I left cold spots when I left your bed, I wonder what do you use to fill them with? I left you with a lot of trinkets, I wonder if you still see my glassy eyes when you hold them close. I wonder if my name shoots arrows in your delicate chest when it's mentioned. It haunts me, consumes me, not knowing what you think of me. I'm screaming in whispers when I confront this humdrum fever. I look at you, and I can't tell anymore what brings you peace during times of high tides? Where do you surrender your tired hands? When do you seek an honest slumber? How do you mask your woes? Why do you play those songs? I can ask, you can tell, we can talk, but I would not really know the true answers and all that you and I both know, is that we are nothing but the previous pages, nothing but the bullet casings, just empty husks of all the things that once were there. We're just living each of our little lives day by day, in ways we no longer share. It's not sadly poetic, it’s simply the reality that I chose to create. I don't' know, I guess today is just one of those days that I remember you. I remember us.

there's something with the way
your mind works
how you see the world
with your jaded lens
& how those lazy eyes
would glance and tickle
the fabrics of my soul.
i drank your silence
like heavy liquor
and it destroyed me
yet i still succumbed
to the fantasy

the air is always lifted
differently when you
walk into the room
& my blood will always
dance, everytime
you open your mouth
ill always be looking out
in this kaleidoscope
of chances and changes
ill always think about
simply holding your hand

Should we hold on to people that treat us like tragedies?

Should we hold on to people that do not see the beauty of the scars etched into our fragile skin like a haunting poetry?

Should we hold on to people who think that our faults are broken highways, should we let them walk with us?

Should we cling onto their poisonous love?

There will be days where you’re going to feel all alone in the world by the way you admire the dusk and how intensely beautiful the golden sunset is and how the stunningly gorgeous Universe has conspired to make all these small moments to you. And you will weep, or laugh, or feel overwhelmed by its beauty and you will feel all alone in it because the people you’re with isn’t like you. They don’t see the overwhelming beauty in the moment, and they will not understand why it is affecting you so.

I am not a safe drive. I'm a stormy sea.
There is no happy ending, just the aching feeling
of being almost there but not quite.
I'll cut our ropes and break our dishes
You'll shout my name and I'll cry for yours, but we'll be both voiceless
Whispering, "honey, what's the point, what's the point?"

I see to deep and too much,
I hurt so much and so often,
I look away but I always look back.
Come cradle my bruised emotions,
I’ve got nothing left to bleed anymore.
I could’ve saved my life before
But I care so much…
To care about myself at all.

You want me to write poetry for you?
Because that's what I'll most likely do.
I wish we have at least kissed at once
You gave me a bellyache that can't be undone
I whisper your name as I fall asleep
With hopes that with it, my phone will lit and beep
21st century romance, we built friendship
in this web of lies, our hearts colder than ice
You said your body will be mine
But it's everyone else's, I was late to the races

Where is my glass of warm milk before I sleep?
Instead, I gaze upon this wreath of disappointment.
Where did it go? The peached-colored sky that wrapped
Our innocence in vulnerable delicacy.
I want to find that face again that makes my blood hotter
Each time it inches into mine.
I said, one last puff of smoke before I close my eyes
and when I opened them, it was almost like it did not happen.
They say I should try to make the feeling come alive
In other terms, and I've tried seventy-seven times to light it up
The bulb that blew its fuse within my ribcage - but to no avail.
I no longer sang the lullabies that put me to sleep.
I no longer walk along the pavements of what I use to call home.
I am no longer me and you are no longer you.
We swear we would try to not become the haunting characters of tomorrow.
Yet here we are, stuck in these paper towns.
Run when you can, I tell myself. Destroy the fire and vanish in the dark.

Don’t be afraid. Be spontaneous.
A little dampness won't hurt
Dance with its every pour
Give it all out today
Let it tickle your senses
For tomorrow, you never know
It might not rain again
Never again.

Like morning coffee
you wake me up.

Your warmth
inviting enough
to fill me up

You’re the caffeine
to my sloppy soul

You’re the boost
fueling my steady slow brawl.

And when he started perpetuating my lungs
I did not hesitate, I started clawing him out
"Don't you dare go further in my heart"

Too bad, my words
They were kerosine to his flame-stricken mind
He just gave me a smirk. "**** he lost it"

Brace yourself young sailor
For it is your grave that awaits you
Blame me not I wish
For you knew all along

Darling, you went
inside the eye of the cyclone.

I gently tiptoed alongside your dreamful sleeping figure in the dark.. I long to gaze in the brightness of your eyes but it is now blanketed with a resting lullaby. I wish the beating of my heart echoes the drumming of yours for I am at my happiest when I’m basking in the sunlight or moonlight or even the harsh fluorescent light as long as it is shared with you. I love you, in its truest and its most naked sense. I miss you, it is frustrating how I could never get enough of you. I long for the days where I could doze off next to you. I live for the careless moments where the world keeps silently moving on our backs, without our regard, without our anxieties. I wish I could tell the rest of the universe to hold everything off so I could hold you closer just another minute, just another hour, just a little longer, I simply want us to be together.

I am only a bag of bones.
Covered with an erosion of skin and stuffed with anxiety, doubts, and cynicism. And through my cracks grows goodness and affection. Passion and devotion. I’ll tell you what I am now, I’m a universe within a Universe. Perpetually expanding, but I still won't make any sense at the end of the day. You awe at my wonders and weep at my relentless chaos inside. At least, what I do is make you feel alive.

I feel like I'm so close to choosing eternal numbness over constant despair.
I no longer see triumphs in any harvest I tend to reap
The basking in the effervescent day star no longer promises true warmth
There are million paths and highways to take yet nothing is more inviting

Than a blade dipped with Reaper
Than free-diving 50 meters below

I dove into the deepest crevices
the darkest part of me
Buried was the feeling
I said I will never set free,
To miss you means to let this go
Untie the binds and once again
say, after ages.. Hello
Then curse myself on repeat
I should have never remembered this.

They don’t come with manuals
no guidelines nor primers.

They’re disembodied,
disheveled, tousled pieces
of truths and lies and hopes,
of misery and despair
of laughter and pain.

To know someone
means to create a reality
a version of who they are
it’s up to you, like characters
you build in your story.
Characters we build for our story;
The story of our life.

It rained, and it was too soon.
Guess I wasn’t ready for it.

I flicked the match
Lighted it it up
And waited out in the corner.
I’m losing all my coins,
I’ve bet it all out and bartered.

You’ve seen a plush pool;
Dove right into it,
And it was nothing but comfortable.
Now the ocean is nothing but a distant place
Nothing but a story to weave.
Nothing but a thought to ponder.
You were nothing but another wave.
I was just nothing to you in the end.

In the night sky,
I see an ocean of stars.
From a distance,
I recognized a voice.
Every pouring hour
The world turns inside out
And crippling silence
begins to roar.
A nemesis has been born
The hope makes us rejoice
By the coming of the sunlight
We will bear our remorse.

Never ever would I love again
as deep, as genuine, as stupid like this.
Never ever would I assume again,
that something would always remain
as it was, as it is.

You might ascend too far
And it might just be too late
Why do you have to look away
In such great distances?

You are fleeting, slowly prancing
You are dreaming, you stopped breathing
I am right here, this is our ground
You are just human, and so am I.