The year is half over, today is the 30th of June.
The first half of this year went by pretty soon.
In just a few days, we'll celebrate the 4th of July.
Firecrackers will pop and bottle rockets will soar into the sky.
Because of this **** Coronavirus, America has been gripped with fear.
I certainly hope that things will get better during the second half of this year.

It was Halloween night but I had no candy.
But I did have an air rifle and it came in handy.
Because I had no candy, some punks started vandalizing my house.
Just because I shot them with my air rifle, people called me a louse.
I pumped the air rifle ten times and shot one of them in the *****.
The **** juvenile couldn't walk back to his house, he had to crawl.
I put pellets up their ***** so that a valuable lesson would be taught.
Before they vandalize another man's house, they will have 2nd thoughts.
But the cops came to my house and I was the one who was placed under arrest.
Apparently it was illegal when I shot them in their *****, ***** and a girl's left breast.
Sadly, shooting the girl was an accident, I shot her as she was walking past.
After I got out of jail, her dad paid me a visit and put my arms and legs in casts.
There was a valuable lesson that those juvenile delinquents learned.
I shoot people who are vandals, that's why none of them have returned.

Mom carried me for ten months, I was one month late.
Tomorrow will be my birthday and I'll be turning forty-eight.
In just two years from now, I will have lived for half a century.
It was 576 months ago when my mom gave birth to me.

If John hadn't died because of drugs, he would've turned forty-nine today.
If John hadn't died, his fiftieth birthday would've been just one year away.
The paramedics had planned to perform CPR but they saw it was something John didn't need.
They quickly learned that performing CPR would've done no good so they did not proceed.
Sadly, John had died and he went to be with the Lord.
His arm was sticking upward, he was as stiff as a board.
I learned about the circumstances of his death from the people who he lived with.
John had done me wrong before he died and the time has come for me to forgive.
I had to threaten him with legal action because he'd been coming in my house and swiping some of my medicine.
I informed him that I'd have him arrested if he came on my property again.
Because of taking drugs, those drugs turned out to be John's noose.
Sadly, he was destined to die because of his many years of drug use.

If you hadn't died in March, you would've turned 65 today.
Life hasn't been as good since you passed away.
Everybody who knew you, knew that you were nice.
But I took things for granted and now I'm paying the price.
I thought you'd live for another ten to fifteen years.
It's been tough to accept that you're no longer here.
If you had survived, I was going to take care of you.
I didn't know what I had until I lost it and that is true.
When you celebrated your birthday last year, you were alive and well.
I didn't know how sick you would become, I was unable to tell.
Seeing you suffer during your last days made my heart break.
Even though you're dead, I still bought you a birthday cake.
I promised that I'd buy you a cake this year and I'm a man of my word.
God is much happier now because you're with him, believe me that's assured.

If you hadn't died, today you would've turned sixty-six.
Your death has proved that a broken heart isn't easy to fix.
On the day of your death, I knew that I would loathe the year 2013.
Your surname was Johnson but your maiden name was Greene.

You were born over six and a half decades ago in 1948.
Your demise would be something that we would all hate.
Many people prayed for you to recover but it did no good.
Why you died so young is a mystery that can't be understood.

Nobody wanted you to leave, we all wanted you to survive.
My life would have been so much better if you were still alive.
I love you more than anybody I've ever known.
Happy Birthday Mom, it's comforting to know that Heaven is your new home.

If you hadn't died, today you would've become sixty-seven.
But God called you home and you're with him in Heaven.
Because of your bad infection, you had an aneurysm and couldn't be healed.
As I watched you suffer, it made me cry because it was a terrible ordeal.
I begged God to save you but sadly, his answer was no.
It was your time to leave and that was why you had to go.
When I found you dead in the hospital bed, I began to mourn.
One of the greatest days in the world's history was the day when you were born.
Because of your death, hell has been what I've been through.
Happy Birthday Mom, I always have and always will love you.

It was wonderful to have a mother who was so great.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned sixty-eight.
When you became ill and died, everything went sour.
But while you lived, you were as precious as a flower.

Pink was your favorite color so you were buried in a pink dress.
I felt lost when you died but while you lived, I was truly blessed.
Nobody could've been a better mother than you.
You were one in a billion and that certainly is true.

When you became ill, I wanted you to get well but sadly, you could not.
I had to learn to live without you but I still miss you a lot.
I told you how much that I love you during your final hours.
Happy Birthday Mom, while you lived, you were as precious as a flower.

You were born on August 2, 1948, you were a Leo just like me.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-three.
You were unique and I truly hate that you're dead.
I wanted you to get better but sadly, you died instead.
You were a special person and that's something I'm grateful for.
But I'm not grateful for the fact that you're not alive anymore.
Many people were better off simply because they knew you.
You were a terrific and caring lady and that is certainly true.
One great thing about you was that you loved to help others.
Happy Birthday, Mom, you were truly a wonderful mother.

You were a mother who was both special and divine.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned sixty-nine.
I would give anything if you were still here.
Everybody loved you because you were a dear.

You died over four years ago and it was the worst thing I've ever been through.
When they said you'd die, I felt helpless because there was nothing I could do.
The day before you died, "I Love You" were the three words that I said.
When I saw you lying motionless, it was sad because I knew you were dead.

The doctors couldn't save you after you became ill.
It took two years for this heart of mine to start to heal.
I still miss you and I have something to say.
I'll always love you Mom, Happy Birthday.

Many people know how important you were to me.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy.
You were a kind woman who loved to give.
I would've done anything if you could've lived.

You could no longer be my BFF, you weren't able to be my best friend forever.
Sadly, on the day of your death, our bond of friendship and love was severed.
On your last birthday, we celebrated when I bought you a cake.
Your memory is something that I won't forget or forsake.

I turned out to be a good person and it's because of you.
You raised me and taught me to have morals and values.
The doctors couldn't save you but they certainly did try.
Happy Birthday Mom, I'll love you until the day that I die.

When you died, I was devastated and didn't know what to do.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.
The love that I felt for you was special and it knew no bounds.
My heart was broken when you were lowered in the ground.
If you could hear the words I'm saying, I'd want you to hear me say "I love you".
When you died, my days were filled with unhappiness because I was so blue.
I grew inside of your womb until I was born in August of 1971.
You were spectacular and it was a privilege to be your son.
I suffered when you died and it's something I wish others wouldn't have to go through.
Happy birthday Mom, if you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.

You were a very special and unique person until you passed away.
If you hadn't died, you would be celebrating your 74th birthday.
You were honest, unselfish and sincere.
You should've won Mother Of The Year.

I would've bought you a cake if you were still alive.
Today is special because your birthday has arrived.
I can't celebrate your birthday with you because you died in 2013.
Your death was very painful, it was the worst thing I've ever seen.

You were always a caring and generous person, that's something that I proclaim.
It saddened me when you died, I knew that life could never again be the same.
We would be celebrating together if you hadn't perished.
Happy Birthday, Mom, you will always be loved and cherished.

You were born on August the 2nd of 1948.
Your death was sad and hard to contemplate.
Today would've been your birthday but you didn't survive.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-five.

Your death was a very painful thing that I was forced to experience.
It was hard to accept your demise because it ended your existence.
You gave money to the homeless because you loved to give.
You were the greatest mother on the planet while you lived.

It was so sad to learn that you were going to die.
And it was very painful when I had to say goodbye.
I wanted you to survive but I didn't get my way.
You were my mom and I wish you a happy birthday.

Today is Talia Shire's birthday and she's turned seventy-four.
She starred in the Rocky and Godfather movies and more.
Talia Coppola was her original name.
It's not surprising that she found fame.

The Landlady was my favorite movie that she starred in.
She also gave great performances in Prophecy and Old Boyfriends.
When it comes to Talia, there are two things that I know for sure.
She is very talented and millions of people love and admire her.

Since you died, this is the second Mother's Day that has come around.
Since March of 2013, peace and tranquility aren't things that I've found.
You were one of the greatest mothers who ever lived.
You constantly thought of others, you always loved to give.
People have always loved you because you were so kind.
If people couldn't see how good you were, they were blind.
I still feel lost even though you've been dead for over a year.
I would tell you how much you mean to me if you were here.
My brother and I had to end your suffering by taking you off the respirator.
I still miss you like crazy even though it's been fourteen months later.
It was so hard to see you suffer and die.
You were one in a million and that's no lie.
You always bent over backwards to be good to me and my brother.
I'm very proud and was so lucky to have you for my mother.

This is the third Mother's Day that has come around since you perished.
The love that we felt for one another is something that I'll always cherish.
Out of all of the people on Earth, you meant more to me than anyone.
You were always there for me and I'm a privileged man to be your son.
You were very special and everybody who knew you, knows that is true.
You gave birth to me in 1971, I wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for you.
Whenever people ask me how I feel about you, I'll always say "I love her."
Happy Mother's Day Mom, you were one of the world's greatest mothers.

This is the fourth Mother's Day that has come around since you died.
When you perished, I had to deal with a lot of pain on the inside.
When you became ill, I wanted you to get well and so did my brother.
I found out just how painful it is when a person loses his or her mother.

You are gone but I still have fond memories of you.
You were terrific and other people knew that you were amazing too.
You were a very special mother and I'll always be proud to give you praise.
You still exist in my eyes because I'll carry you in my heart for the rest of my days.

This is the fifth Mother's Day that has come around since you passed away.
I really miss being a part of your life on Mother's Day.
Billions of women are celebrating Mother's Day all over the Earth.
You became a mother about fifty years ago when you gave birth.
You gave birth to my brother in 1967 and four years later you gave birth to me.
You brought both of us into the world and you filled both of our hearts with glee.
You were a special mother and many people know this.
Happy Mother's Day Mom, you will always be missed

You're not truly dead just as long as people remember you.
And if I have my way, that is exactly what people will do.
Your role as a mother began in 1967 and ended in 2013.
Your death was devastating, it was the worst thing I've ever seen.

When the doctor said you would probably die, my brother and I were afraid.
You were a fantastic and caring mother for four and a half decades.
My brother and I were the only two children that you had.
When you passed away, I was miserable and it was so sad.

I feel better now but your death has left a scar.
It's great to know that Heaven is where you are.
Back in 2013, we were miserable because you passed away.
If you were still alive, I would wish you a happy Mother's Day.

You hate Mexicans so you killed one because you're consumed by hate.
When I think about your personality, it's too horrible to contemplate.
You hated that man because of the color of his skin.
Your life has been ruined because of the trouble that you're in.

Another reason why you killed him was because he got promoted instead of you.
He had more experience than you and murdering him was a stupid thing to do.
You committed ****** because of the hatred you've been consumed by.
You're pathetic, you have no right to choose who lives and who dies.

As it turned out, that man had a heart of gold.
That poor man had a wife and a two year old.
You allowed hate to consume you and it took its toll.
Now you're doing life without the possibility of parole.

When I died, I arrived in Hell and there was a lesson that I quickly learned.
Satan is using a new kind of torture, people are no longer being burned.
It's a rotten, terrible and cruel thing for Satan to do.
Now he tortures people by forcing them to watch the new Doctor Who.
I did some really bad things while I was on Earth and now I'm in Hell because of what I did.
I'm being forced to watch the new Doctor Who and I can't look away or even close my eyelids.
I've always known that Adolf ****** was evil but I was wrong when I thought that he's tough.
He screams like a little ***** as he watches the new Doctor Who TV show, it's pretty rough.
While I was on Earth, I was a liar, a thief and a despicable ****.
Now I'd do anything if I could receive a blindfold and earplugs.
As I'm being forced to watch the new Doctor Who, I scream and cry.
I didn't know that such a bad thing could happen when a person dies.
I'll tell people on Earth how to avoid my fate instead of just giving them a hint.
They'd better be on their very best behavior because Hell has a new torment.

In the year 2019, a woman had a *** change.
Then he traveled back in time and what happened was strange.
He and his former female self got married after having a relationship.
When I learned what was going on, it was hard for me to get a grip.

After having the *** change, he grew a beard.
When I saw him kissing his former self, it was weird.
Just thinking about the situation brings a chill to my bones.
I have a question, is this reality or is this The Twilight Zone?

When a man gave a ride to a stranger, she wanted to perform *******.
But he is a gentleman who has high moral standards so he said no.
He said no because it was sinful and dangerous.
When he said no, she got mad and began to cuss.
Even if he didn't have morals, he would've said no because of the possibility of a car crash.
And he figured that a woman who would do that to a stranger had to be a piece of trash.
He pulled over and sat her out on the side of the road.
She was screaming cuss words and was mad enough to explode.
Morality is something that this gentleman doesn't lack.
If I ever meet that man, I'll give him a pat on the back.

It was a meal that my late mom cooked but it sure didn't please.
Every New Year Day, Mom cooked hog jowls and black-eyed peas.
I always ate it but it was something that I didn't enjoy at all.
I would've rather had pizza, Domino's was who I should've called.
I don't have to eat those meals anymore and it sets my mind at ease.
Thank God that I no longer have to eat hog jowls and black-eyed peas.

I got revenge but it was a hollow victory.
Instead of getting pleasure, it horrified me.
Last year, a man ***** and murdered my little sister.
The pain is unbearable and I sure have missed her.
That punk got off because he was related to the Kennedys.
His underhanded lawyer convinced a jury to set him free.
When he came home last week, I used a knife to disembowel him.
I leapt out from behind some bushes and his death was grim.
I thought his death would make me feel really good.
But killing him didn't please me like I thought it would.
It shocked and horrified me, I feel even worse than I did before.
What I'm feeling on the inside is just too much for me to ignore.
I'm going to turn myself in no matter what punishment it brings.
I've learned the hard way that revenge isn't a good thing.

Your latest one night stand gave you a nasty STD.
Now you expect to receive sympathy from me.
People always have to reap what they sew.
You want compassion from me, but hell no.
Your wife is my sister and she's constantly being betrayed.
You're a slimy horn-dog who loves to get laid.
I beg her to leave you but she won't.
She loves you but I certainly don't.
You have an STD and I'm not surprised.
As far as I'm concerned, you're despised.

He's a deceased actor who still has plenty of fans, including me.
Dan Blocker died fifty years ago today at the age of forty-three.
He and his family moved to Switzerland because he was against the Vietnam War.
When he had gallbladder surgery, he didn't know that his death was what would be in store.
He commuted back and forth to the USA to star in Bonanza until his untimely death.
On May 13, 1972, a very talented actor passed away when he took his final breath.
He made Bonanza great but half a century ago, he was a man who the world lost.
Fifty years ago today, people had to say farewell to the man who starred as Hoss.
He was too young to die and when everybody lost Dan, it was a **** shame.
Bonanza ended just one season later because without Dan, it wasn't the same.
Dan's death caused his family, fans and the Bonanza cast members plenty of devastation.
It was half a century ago today when millions said goodbye and mourned in many nations.

How do you spell benevolent master, it's spelled G-O-D.
I hope that The Lord means as much to you as he does to me.
While Jehovah God is mostly benevolent, he's also vengeful.
In the end, he will do away with the people who are cruel.
Evil people will pay on Judgment Day, it will be arranged.
But these evil people can have eternal life if they change.

How do you spell wonderful human being, it's spelled A-G-N-E-S.
My mom really was as wonderful as I claim, she was the greatest.
Everybody loved my mom because she cared.
When she got money, she donated to the homeless and The Oral Roberts Ministry, she shared.
When she died, the bond between us was severed.
But she's merely sleeping, she won't be gone forever.
When people are resurrected by Jesus, she will be the first person who I greet.
When you make her acquaintance, she'll be a person who you'll be happy to meet.

Last year, the Grinch stole the presents and my Christmas Tree.
This year I'm making that green freak pay for what he did to me.
I've been turning the Grinch every way but loose.
What I'm doing would shock even DR. Seuss.
When he opened my door, his head got burned by a blowtorch.
Now his head has third degree burns because it is scorched.
I put a plank on the floor with nails sticking out.
He just stepped on those nails and the entire neighborhood can hear him shout.
If you could hear his naughty language, this poem would be Rated R.
He's green and furry so he's not Human, maybe he's from Mars.
I made an iron fall on his head and I'm pelting his head with bricks.
The Grinch is giving up and leaving because he knows when he is licked.
I got my revenge and I got it all on my own.
You may be wondering how I did those things, it's because I'm a fan of Home Alone.

I want to share a story of mine.
It's about how to never have to wait in lines.
If you listen to me, you will no longer have to wait in line at stores.
If you take my advice, you won't have to wait in lines anymore.
A few call me smart but most call me a punk.
Every time I go in a store, I always carry a skunk.
When people see my skunk, they always run.
When it comes to being in lines, I'm the only one.
The salesclerks get nervous as my items are being scanned.
Sadly, when I go in a store just once, I'm always banned.
A lady still stinks because when she screamed, it caused my skunk to attack.
The store owners put on gas masks and always tell me not to come back.
You should listen to my advice even though people call me a dunce.
But if you carry a skunk in each store, you'll only be able to do it once.

When I'm at The Kingdom Hall, I do something to honor God.
I am a Christian who is proud to applaud.
I applaud God and you should too.
God loves me and he loves you.
When it comes time for us to give God our applause,
We should not hesitate to clap, we should not pause.
Jehovah God deserves applause because his only son died for our sins.
And Jesus's death will make it possible for us to see our loved ones again.

Some people believe in Darwin's theory but I don't.
These people want me to believe Darwin but I won't.
I can't believe in Darwin's theory because it goes against what the Bible teaches us.
If I have to choose somebody to believe, I choose God because he's the one I trust.
Darwin wanted us to believe that we evolved from apes.
Darwin was only a man and men can make mistakes.
But God is perfect, he never has and never will make a mistake.
I'm sorry but Darwin's theory is something that I must forsake

I didn't get much schooling so I can't read or write.
Many people don't understand my situation and plight.
I thought I was buying sugar but I bought salt.
My cake made people puke and it was my fault.
When I drive, I can't read stop signs so I always crash.
Over thirty people have sued because of whiplash.
When I was seven, Dad wouldn't let me go to school anymore.
When a person can't read or write, it closes so many doors.
I can count to ten but I have to use my fingers and thumbs.
And if you actually believe I can't read or write after reading this poem, you are dumb.

I have a story that needs to be told.
I knew a woman who was ice cold.
Many men liked her because she was beautiful and had big *****.
But you could've poured boiling water down her throat and she would've ****** ice cubes.

A family was killed by a drunk driver and she didn't even feel sad.
The witch even started laughing and said that she was glad.
She left her fiance standing at the altar and he committed suicide.
She said that he was a dirt poor S.O.B. and was happy that he died.

This was a woman who I certainly didn't admire.
She died last year when her house caught on fire.
When Karma catches up to a person, she's a *****.
I'm one of the people who hated that ice cold witch.

Because of the allegations that have come out against Hillary Clinton, she's a person who I don't trust.
Hillary supporters don't want me to tell you this but I must.
Because of these allegations, I can't and won't trust her to run this country.
If I was a politician who was facing such allegations, people wouldn't vote for me.
I don't trust Hillary to be in The Oval Office.
She shouldn't be elected, I firmly believe this.
If you're going to vote for her, you have that right but what I've said had to be mentioned.
I don't think that Hillary Clinton is trustworthy and I have to bring that to people's attention.

Certain people like the new Doctor Who TV show but I think It's foul.
If I had a choice between watching it and having dental surgery, I'd choose a root canal.
And rather than watching Doctor Who, I'd rather have that root canal without anesthetic.
I stopped watching the new Doctor Who because It's pathetic.
I loved the classic Doctor Who television show, it was my favorite show on TV.
And I honestly believe that the new Doctor Who has been ruined by the BBC.
If you like and want to watch the new Doctor Who, that's okay.
But If I had a Genie, I'd wish for that **** TV show to go away.

There is something that I hate, and it's something I won't deny.
I hate the new Doctor Who TV show, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I even complained to the BBC, and told them that I hate their show.
If you're wondering if I'll ever watch it again, the answer is hell no.
I've written several poems about Doctor Who, and you may wonder why.
It's because I hate it with all of my heart and soul, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I hate it because the BBC uses it to cram political correctness down people's throats.
I'd rather watch a show about a man who is married to a goat.
I loved the classic Doctor Who TV show, but I hate the new, and that's not a lie.
I wish they would cancel the new Doctor Who because I'd rather watch paint dry.

I once drove a brand new car ,and lived in a nice apartment.
But now I'm dirt poor, and I live down by the lake in a tent.
I get angry because of people's attitudes.
People laugh at me because I eat dog food.
I eat it every day because it's cheap.
People laugh because they're creeps.
I started eating dog food because I saw David Letterman do it.
It looked mighty tasty when I saw him chew it.
I eat it at the beach, while riding on buses and subways, and at the park.
I'm getting worried because all of that dog food has started making me bark.
I've also started licking my ****, and fetching sticks.
When women see me eat dog food, it makes them sick.
If you're wondering if I'll quit, the answer is no.
I'll never stop eating dog food, I need my Alpo.
Please don't point and laugh at me, please don't be rude.
Everybody thinks that I'm a freak because I eat dog food.

He did drugs for many years and he finally had to pay.
Because of his drug use, he died one year ago today.
He overdosed last year and sadly, he could not survive.
If he would've had the courage to say no to drugs, he'd still be alive.
When he first started, he smoked *** and later did worse drugs like ****.
He grew up around the wrong kind of people and that caused his eventual death.
On June 3, 2019, his family and friends had to say goodbye.
If you also do drugs, stop it or you will also eventually die.

If I was a celebrity, I wouldn't want to be idolized.
You may think that is dumb and you may be surprised.
But God is the only one who deserves to be the people's idol.
Worshipping him isn't only the right thing to do, it's also vital.
If I was a celebrity who people idolize, I would ask them not to idolize me anymore.
God is the only one who should be idolized because in the end, he will be our savior.

When children disobey their parents, they may not know it's a sin.
If more children went to church, they might not disobey again.
Churches teach children to obey their parents, that's what they should understand.
Even though Jesus had imperfect parents, he obeyed their every command.
If I had children, I would take them to church every week.
I would teach them that God will always be there even when life is bleak.
If your children won't obey you, take them to church every Sunday.
That might make them have more respect, it might make them obey.

If video games were like crack, I would've been dead long ago.
If video games were like crack, I would be buried six feet below.
If video games were like crack, I would've overdosed and wouldn't be alive.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have been able to survive.
If video games were like crack, somebody would've had to call my next of kin.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have played video games ever again.
If video games were like crack, I would've been like a man who can't swim, I would've drowned.
If video games were like crack, my ex-wife would be happy because I'd no longer be around.

Many people won't have eternal lives because of the way they behave.
But people can live forever if they do good and have been saved.
If you haven't been saved by God, I suggest that you do it now.
Don't risk losing eternal life, it's something you shouldn't allow.
If you're a big sinner, you can turn things around and be good.
If you're wondering if you should be saved, you definitely should.
If you haven't been saved, ask God to save you.
I've been saved and I love God and that is true.

If you want to go to Heaven, Jesus is the only way.
If you haven't accepted Jesus, you should do it today.
If you want to go to Heaven, accept Jesus Christ as your savior.
If you ask Jesus to save you, it's something he will not ignore.
Jesus and his father both love you.
Non-religious people don't believe that even though it's true.
You're a sinner but Jesus still wants to save you.
Asking Jesus to save you is the right thing to do.
If you choose to put it off until tomorrow but die today, it will be too late.
Jesus wants you to enter God's Kingdom and that's why you shouldn't wait.
If you want to go to Heaven, Jesus is the only way to get there.
Accept Jesus today because both he and his father truly care.

Too many people don't believe in The Almighty God  anymore.
They don't believe in him, God is somebody who they ignore.
So many of today's people are non-religious, they believe that God isn't real.
But I know that he exists and if I were standing in front of him, I would kneel.

Many people are not living by God's rules, they want to have things their way.
People had better acknowledge The Lord and live by his rules or they will pay.
If you turn to God now, your life will be better than it ever has been before.
But many people must accept that he is real, God must stop being ignored.

Even though I'm a fan of the classic Doctor Who,
I must say that I'm not a fan of the new.
I wanted and tried to like the new Doctor Who show.
But if people ask me if I love it, the answer will be no.
I grew up watching the Doctor Who classics.
Unlike the new, I thought those episodes were fantastic.
If other people love the new Doctor Who, that is fine and dandy.
But if it comes on my screen, I'll lose my TV because I keep my shotgun handy.
Please don't ask me to like the new Doctor Who or I'll puke.
When it comes to the new Doctor Who, it's something I rebuke.

I killed a man just to get in the newspapers and on the Six O'Clock news.
I wanted to get noticed even though my freedom was something I'd lose.
I did it just for the publicity.
I wanted people to notice me.
Because of what I did, millions of people are outraged.
It sure did feel good to see my face on the front page.
Now I'm being tried and I'm facing jail.
That idiotic judge actually let me out on bail.
Killing that man was wrong but I'm not one bit sorry for what I've done.
But I am sorry because the victim's dad is going to **** me with his gun.

While I was driving a Monster Truck, I ran over Mister Ed.
I accidentally ran over that talking horse and now he's dead.
Mister Ed said "F* you" to me with his final breath.
Millions of people are upset because of his death.

That horse let out a smelly **** before he died.
When his owner saw what happened, he cried.
Wilbur Post called Peta and that got me in a lot of trouble.
I was sued and the only lawyer I could afford was Barney Rubble.

I lost the lawsuit because Barney is stupid because he's from the Stone Age.
When I couldn't pay Wilbur ten million bucks, the cops locked me in a cage.
Please listen to my advice or you may go to jail and your spouse will get a divorce.
If you ever drive a Monster Truck, you'd better not run over somebody's talking horse.