How do I?

Stay the same
   When you already change me so much.

How do I?

stop my madness
   When everything is in chaos

How do I?

Unlove you
   When all I can think right now is you.

How do I?

Start over
   When I don't want this to end

How do I?

Stop crying
    When I already lost more of myself.

How do I?

Run away
  When my feet wants to stay.


How do I?

Make everything all right
   When I can't reach you right now.

How do I?

Stop writing
   When poem and writings are the only ones who hears me.

Darkness my old friend
I write to you again
Thank you for hiding the truth
The tears and the bruise

I'm in pain again right now
Pls save me somehow
Cause I'm tired of all the things
That should make me glad
It's the opposite I say
They are the ones who makes me sad.

Too bad you can't hide the noise
I badly want to scream
I don't know how much I can take
Pls bring me with you
Before I wake.

I'm thinking ill again
But there's nothing more to gain
This might be the end
My last letter to you.
So Again take me with you!

Stop talking
Cause I'm falling
Ever deeper in love
And it ****** hurts

It hurts cause I know it will never will be.

There will never be a you and me.

It hurts cause when I sleep you will always be a part of my dream.

A beautiful dream but when I wake up it will be a nightmare cause again it will never will be.

It hurts cause no matter how I try to run away, just one call from you and I'd be there in a heartbeat.

It hurts cause I'm shackled by your smile, your stare, and your laughs.

It hurts cause when your hurt you run to me and I cant do a thing.

It hurts cause I know you dont have a clue.

It hurts that you already found your love and I'm the reason why you stayed in love.

It hurts cause now you ask me how to love him more.

It hurts cause I answer the question.

It hurts cause we've met but we were not meant to be.

It hurts
It hurts
It hurts

I'm writing with my screams
     Screams of smiles and anguish
The two sides of the page
    What I write are my screams
Screams that I want someone
           To hear.
Cause I reach the point,
           That I cant bare
No one wants to listen
   To a sad person
But a paper will always
     Be there for a sad poet.
So hear goes my quiet screams
  Screams of pain and sadness
That no one bothered to hear

To the world I didn't made sense


I didn't made sense
when I'm awake and the world was asleep

I didn't made sense
When I wrote endless scribbles

I didn't made sense
When I was standing outside when it was pouring.

I didn't made sense
When I laugh when it hurts the most

I didn't made sense
When I smiled, even when Im sad


Yes I didn't made any sense doing all of those but I dont need the world to understand me. I just need only one.

I'm jealous but what can I do
You only run to me
When he is mean to you
There was never a you and me
But I always hope that there will be.
You said I was the only one who
Understood you,
Its sad that you didn't understand me
When I was silent
and I was mourning
When tears fall and my sky were grey
But I know its not your fault
Its all mine and its true
I'm sorry , I can't just run away
Cause I want to be always be there for you
Even if you wont hold my hand
I will still journey your life with you
Facing challenges ahead before they will ever reach you.
Cause I said fight on My little flower.
For I will forever protect you!

Stand strong little flower
       No matter what bothers
             Even if you're different
                   From Others

There's no one better
      Yes love might not
             Last forever

But continue to
   Smile even all of
       The "the ends"
   And "Ever After"

"Hello!" and "Hello?"

Words are powerful
.           Truly it is
.       but when I figured it out.
Those words cant help me now
.          cause She left.
.      without knowing
That it screams that I love her
   but it wont reach her now
Because forever it will
be my trapped voice.

Afraid and Anxious of
Being something I'm not
Conscious about everything
Dying to be
Everything I want but wheres the
Fun in that.
Go out and
Have fun.
Its strange how I changed.
Jeers where the sound track of my life.
Knowing that many have been cheering
Lamenting of the days I should have   fought.
Mountains where not made to
Nor overcome. That what I thought I have this
OBSESSION of
Painting my way by asking allot of Questions that I shouldn't have ask.
Race that I shouldn't have joined cause I'm
Sedentary. I'm afraid to move.
Timid and Nervous. Fear is
Ubiquitous for everyone, but its Victory over me is for sure. but
Wait its not the end because I'm the stranger of
Xenization, forever travelling alone
Yearning to be with somebody. This is the end and the start
Zero, yes I started with an A&Z is the end cause I always feel
                   WORTHLESS.

I

       Hate

              to

                          say

GOODBYE

 ­                      cause

         YOU

Didnt

             said

                         YOU
                
                were

LEAVING.


        com­eback pls!

Step
        

                         by

                                                    Step



We
              

                             are



                                                             ­                                 Drifting away,

  


Like

          
                 walking

                  

                          without
  ­  

                                 a

  

destination.

                              

                 ­         Floating

                                          


Adrift




               like



                            your


in

    

      

      space.




I'm


                          ­Sorry



                             I



didn't


              

                  came



with


                   you




in



               your





Spaceship




                                because

­

you  

                                  took


a


         step



                                       without


          me






KNOWING!

"I will never leave you"






            "I heard that a thousand times"
"yet here I am alone"

For years im always at awe.
With your writings.
For years I have been a big fan of you.
You have that special touch with every verses you write.
And I couldnt say no more.
You encourage me to write.
And I have written
Allot of stories but more of you.
I dont know why but I have kept searchin for your poems.
The day you have deleted or maybe blocked me from your tumblr.
I felt devastated for I was obsessed
And I was already drowned by how deep you write.
Now I followed you here but I cant even follow you.
For Im scared and Im still puzzled.
May this reach you.
My dear partner gwyn.

Theres allot of things that I wanted to be lie.
And theres allot of things I wanted to be the truth.

Like the day you told me.
"I wont leave you"
I wanted that to be true.
Or
When they said "everything gonna be fine"
Even when they told me about the toothfairy, the easterbunny, santa or even the grinch.
I wanted them to be all true.

Yet they always tell lies
To somehow make us feel okay.
But in the end we will realized that everything was a lie.

But I wanted allot of things to be a lie.

•Anxiety
•Depression
•prejudice
•sadness

I wanted them to be a lie because Im tired of lying and hiding the truth.

Im tired of saying "I'm Okay"
Im tired of saying "Good Morning , Day, or Night"
Im tired of showing a smile that only hides whats inside.

I want a time
Where my lies will be seen as lies and the truth may be seen.

Tic Toc Tic Toc
The clock is always winding up
Waiting for me to make a mistake
Even when I have nothing at stake
For I have gambled  
everything in Love
So when I lose
I only lose myself
In this world
Thats on the mercy
Of a clock.

One night. One man dared to be free. Free from himself, Free from all, he got tired of the feeling of being controlled by a system that makes him no better than a robot. So he walked miles through the darkness of the path, he murmored. "I Will be free. I will be Free. Im tired at the same time im sick. Sick of being me." He continued to walk as he reached the side of a river and Cold winds blows to his shoulders like the frozen touch of winter. He got shivers throughout his body and said to himself this is it Im free. The day number one. Then he was puzzled and asked himself what does a free man do? Not knowing the answer and he has no one to ask for he is alone. Then he sat at the bank of the river and he contemplated and again ask himself what does a free man do? Who should I ask? I know allot of people but I dont know who among them is free. He was stumped for the deeper he thinks the harder to answer to his own question. After a while he stops thinking and just look around. Then he saw the river just flowing not caring for  as long as it flows but in a a distant sight he saw a wall that was redirecting the flow of the river. And got stomped again for he thought he already the answer but he doesnt. Then as he looked at the sky and he laughed so hard. For sunrise is quite close. Then he realized I am free for I can do this. I am free because I am me and no one can do it better than me.

Turning point of my life. A care free lazy person. Thats who I was. I didnt really cared what would be the consequences of my action, im too lazy to even bother to think about it. All I know that everything that would happen in the future is the conclusion of your present actions. May it be bad or good. I would always say "NO REGRETS". Yes there were none for my actions but it always the opposite for the action that I didnt made. These "REGRETS" have hunted me for a while now because I realize that not all things in the future is the result of the action you made but it could be also the result of the ones you didnt. The future which is the result of the actions you didnt made, ***** because no matter how I will try to face it, I will eventually lose because no matter how strong I think I am  then. It doesnt change the fact that I was afraid of making those actions. No matter how much I drown myself in alcohol or tears. Nothing will change, believe me I really tried. Now the only thing I can do is make peace with my past accept that I was weak. Accept that I was once afraid. Acknowledge that I made a mistake. And now I will try to be a little braver because now I know my mistake. And I urge everyone I know to take the risk be brave to take action. Take flight and do good.

The end is near so they speak. The end is truly near for this year. Everyday we rushed into things. We take a time of one duty to fullfill another . We feel the day is long if we did allot of things but its the opposite. We rushed into things thats isnt its due time we think about the future but barely grasping what is in the present. Living our daily lives like an upgraded robot. Doing things in a rushed manner. We forgot to cherished the present the work we are doing because we are looking into the future the product of our work. How many minutes, hours and days we lost because we are to eager to see the future when the present matters most.

Yes you were the pilot of my life.
You thought me how to strive
So that I wont be deprive
And  everything would suffice

But to my surprise
You left me hanging on the air
And i couldnt bare
Because you thought me to fly
And now im stuck here in the sky

Not knowing how to land
Because you didnt said thats part of the plan.

The thing about life is
that we shouldn’t not pursue anything with bad attitude,
Never say I don’t like to do this
and that’s why I wont do good.
That I would messed this up.
Always have a positive view about it,
even though, its not really your passion
once you do that you win over it.

But its necessary to do that what you like
because its what makes you really happy.
Doing things that makes us happy is one of the privileges
that we can claim.
Never think that something is stopping you,
never think for a second that you couldn’t do it.
That you would not try it
because in reality those who never tried are the once who really lost. Its not those who tried and failed.
Never quit in trying even if you have only a small chance
if you put your heart
and put all of your effort into it eventually you could do it.
No matter how rough the road is.

When you find someone
who is thankful to have you,
is concerned for your well-being,
accepts you as you are,
cheers you up whenever you’re down,
motivates and supports you in your endeavors,
cares for you deeply,
and loves you unconditionally,

treasure and keep that person.
Make him/her feel important in return.
Care for him/her the way he/she does for you.
Love him/her with no reservations.
You may not know it,
but you have found a friend for life in him/her.
God has given you that person for a purpose,
so keep him/her in your heart and prayers.

The demons within me is far from scary.
Those demons are locked up so deep
that no man can dig them out.
Shackled, *******.

I’m not afraid of death.
I stared death through the eyes of the reaper.
The demons that I hide is something no one should meet.
Those demons might be bound by chain.
but I still hold the key.
It might be wrong to release my demons
but Its not right to cross me.