She is my lifeline; my tether to the living world.

You know you are someone that lives in your mind,
when words can paint a better picture
then a drawing.

Accept Love, don't fight it. Fighting it would be as if trying to **** Cerberus with an old wooden sword.

You showed no mercy with your decision
When you made the first incision
You took my heart and you ripped it out
you taped my mouth to muffle my shout

You drove me to insanity
because of the loss of your humanity
You were loving with with entry
When me and you was We

Now you are deranged
Your love is mixed with hate and rearranged
I don't know what brought this upon you
This just isn't what the old you would do

Now I'm lying here fading in and out
You've taken a huge piece of me, no doubt
I now forget what I lived for
Constantly wondering why you never came back through the door

This drug that I can't stop soaking in
After the first dose, I watched my universe change from within
It was a feeling that sent me to oblivion
Every emotion mashed in a massive collision

I am addicted and only want more
of this truly fascinating feeling
I look into my life and it seems like everything but poor
Everything else is so bland in the dealing

I crave this drug everyday
Every single hour and minute
with this to say
You are this drug, and I need it.

I think I'm insane.
I keep trying to Love
Only to get hurt.

Just to try again.

That moment when your brain betrays your heart

It happens in slow motion


and all you can do is watch.

Ghost Knight
Dressed in all white
Remnants of the twilight
Of the long fight

Fought in your head
With depression
Best served
In bed

Restless and blue
The stay of morose
Long overdue
Looking back on the dead versions
Of you

Day in and day out
This and that
With some doubt
As you try to muscle about

To stay afloat
On this rickety boat

"It's at your side, that I should not have left."

I’m alone
In a cold dark room sitting by a unplugged phone
Waiting for your voice to bring me to you
So that you can hold me like you used too
So that I can feel the calm
And your hand in my palm
I’m alone
In a cold dark room wanting to hear your loving tone
Lay down with you and hear your heartbeat
Like a melody, the sounds so neat
I do really need this
It’s you I want to be with
I’m alone
In a cold dark room listening to the moan
Of the person I used to be withering away
Thinking of you every passing day
I need you by my side
I hope we haven’t died
I’m alone
In a cold dark room where I roam
Waiting for you to come back
And fill my heart with what it may lack
I miss your every touch
So, so very much
I’m alone
In a cold dark room which is my only home
I need you to come back and save me
I’m falling to oblivion, can’t you see
These trials I know we can beat
For you are my light and heat,
I’m alone…

You want me to be alone
No one on the phone
To hear me when I start to cry
Starting to think oh why oh why
Is it that I'm so sad and want to die
I don't need a bed I need a coffin in which to lie
What do I do in the silence of this
It's always someone I miss
That I so badly want to be with
Being alone is simply a myth
Anger then fills the void
Making my feelings what I avoid
I choke it down saying I'm better
Like I received a graduation letter
but I'm still alone
I panic as my thoughts roam
I can't even write a single poem
I think I'm losing, I think I have lost
My heart feels laced with frost
All I do is see my actions and feel the cost
Into the tomb of insecurities I get tossed
I can't I can't I won't I won't win
I just want to scream and give in
Because I'm not titanium, I am tin
Basically, just close the curtain, Fin.

"I sit here stitching myself back together
Wondering if this time too, it'll break
or finally last forever."

Strap me up in a bullet proofless vest.
Empty the clip and let the lead to the rest.
I want to hear my bones break and see my skin rip.
I can hear my last exhale and ****** drip.

Solitude is a one man show
The one so personal
Only you'll know
Whether it's a blessing or a curse in all

You must learn to love the empty space
Take your time it's not a race
Learn to love yourself and the pace
Let yourself feel and embrace

You find yourself a Jester to your own game
Abandonment, Disgrace, Destructive
Branded to your own name
Learn to grow from what they can give

Letting these thoughts rule who you are
Brings out a you that feels so far
Hiding behind a painted mask
With a smile that doesn't last

Yet you are able to recognize
That these feelings are a bed of lies
Where the bad one stays
and the good one dies

Self-Reflection is how you grow
Learn to see the bad
and you'll definitely know
There's plenty of room for greatness to be had

Just know I'll always be here
To push you
To pull you
In the right direction dear  
  
So have patience in me
and I'll have patience in you
I just can't wait
To see what you do

My hearts under arrest
From things I detest
Barely able to find the word
Nothing to speak, nothing heard

Hell is real
It's all in my head
I struck a deal
With depression in bed

My feelings don't want to give
They don't want to take
They don't care to live
If it'll protect them from what's fake

I'm at a standstill, I've hit my wall
I remember it all
The pains of the past
That lead to my near curtain call

The problem you see
Is that it's all up to me

To leave the walls I so easily hopped in
To leave what is now my coffin

"Would I be lying if I said no in bed?*"

My life is the grey area between happiness and depression.

There's a void in my soul
That makes me bitter with no control
Not to anyone just to me
Disgusted in what I see

Not just what's outside of me
But everything I'm to be
Angered at every step I take
As if each second is wasted awake

I'd rather game til my eyes bleed
Or sleep like it's my only need

I'm used to the dark, because she was my light.

My mind is a warping blackhole
My heart is taking the toll
****** into my minds abyss
Where all my sorrows I reminisce
Where my sadness is my strongest feeling
I'm at a loss to the dealing
I'm just going to just take this dose
Of my hearts pain, so morose
As the light fades to black
My nightmares welcome me back.

"I met a demon with the heart of an angel."

Love,
Fortunate,
Cheerful,
Happy,
Excited,
Enthralled,
Ecstatic,
­Fantastic,
and Fascinated.
Are the list of words
That are so bland
In comparison to how I feel,
when I take your hand.

There is a flower
blooming in my heart
waiting for the one
to pick it so gently
for now they hold
who I am now
their love is it's life.
but mine is still here
withering
shivering
cold and alone
It waits for your warm hands to hold

Two bottles down
Tonight, I choose to drown
Come on mind, what do you have to say?
I mean it has to happen someday

You seem so quiet tonight
You're not yelling, there's no fight
But I feel fright
It's not a goodnight

There's no will to be dead
So why is it in my head
It's the Angel with the lead
And the Demon with the bed

Where I know I shouldn't sleep
But I can stay and weep
Is this really how I feel
So certain it has the King's seal

I'll just let myself drown
Tonight I crown a fragile frown

"I know why writers drink, to find peace to think"

"I'm Insane" Is merely the brain trying to name itself.

Stop acting like you're in a Broadway
So listen to what I have to say
That I know what and who you are
I learned that the first day
In the the passenger seat of your car
Stop trying to play the Angel in human skin
Obviously by how ****** you are you won't win
You need to find that you with something to give
I think it'll change your will to live
Stop trying to find people to compare
Like you do when you dye your hair
Thus begins the cycle all over
You truly represent my tattooed four leaf clover

There is almost nothing more calming
When the one you love
kisses you on the forehead
when they think you are asleep

I just seem to have caught my flow
Here is all I know
That I'm caught up in the dust
Not blood in my lungs but rust
From my severe lack of trust
To obtain, you made a must
Now I pay for the cost
For all that was lost
Both in promise and fear
No wonder we ended up here
Lost in constant self doubt
You can't know love if you're always looking about

This happiness is a drop in my ocean of contempt.

I thought I changed into another person,
But I hadn't.
I had just become a better version.

The darkness my home
It's the place I roam
It's nothing new to me
It's something I always see

The darkness in my mind
to the world I'm blind
I'm in a bind
My life to it I signed

Then she appeared
She the Darkness feared
She knelt down to me
and spoke so softly

'Come out of the Dark'
Her lips on my cheek left a mark
My heart jumped and burned like fire
The light around her grew higher

I shut my eyes to the burning rays
I'm not used to the goodness it portrays
Then I open my eyes after awhile
My world wrapped in light, I see her smile

I blink hard to see if this is reality
then I realize this is where I'm meant to be

So what's behind this door
What? Could there be more?
**** it lets see what's there
Every once in awhile I'll pull your hair
Out of the waters that you drown with no care
Hmm walking talking waiting for the next call
Leading us to the lair
Like we don't know at all
That there's a miscommunication
But we'll treat it like a simulation
We'll keep working in the dealings
Finding another reason to deal with the feelings

Why is it you can't see
That when you leave and don't talk to me
I fall into a personal oblivion
My personal hells dominion

It drives me to a dark sadness
That in turn becomes absolute madness
I get lost in the darkest of thoughts
Trapped in a tangle of emotional knots

I forget what way is upright
I find myself on the ground giving up the fight
All I ask is to hear your voice
Though it is all your choice

Just know that when you leave
Destroying me is all you achieve
Lay me to waste
With only myself to embrace

So
Much Contained
Inside.
Time
Bomb.
My
Mind
Blown Wide.

Here I am knowing that this is all wrong
That there is just not a chance to get along
but I sit here with you in mind
No one around, no one to find
Wondering if things could rewind
To the time where love got left behind
But what would we have done different
That didn't have us so spent
Living off toxic fumes from the past
It's no wonder we couldn't last
Let's dye our hair and lie saying we don't care
That life ***** and isn't fair
But you're stuck on the objective to compare
If you want your hands through his or my hair
Swimming in the shallow of demise
I simply know it's not wise
But it's different when you realize
That your tainted feelings are real
I'll use this drink to soothe how I feel
I know it's the last time I'll kneel
To help someone that saw me as a meal