You make me hungry
...
Let me try again
...

We sat and watched
Walked and touched
Stood and kissed

I promise I do more than just sweat

Oh I wanted to apologize
For breaking your stuff
And
For being flakey
And
For the way the universe spun our destinies in an inexplicable, individual intersection rather than a permanent, parallel path.

AND I wanted to thank you
For all the funny videos
And
For being my crash course
And
For your thoughts, your consistent focus, your dependability in a GOD FORSAKEN world at the times I needed clarity and all I could see was the back of the lenses made to help me see farther

Tell me, does this sound like a goodbye?

Let's just be genuine like we always are

I dig you.

And
I don't want to be the one to bury you.
I know a good amount of your scars and I don't want my name on one of them.

Not one

So before we do this,
before we commit
to this perishable product and it's ever approaching expiration date.

Let's be genuine like we always are

Tell me it won't hurt. Tell me you can take it. Tell me... The truth?
Is that what I want?

I thought I wanted the truth. Now I only want it if it's not what I expect.

SO SURPRISE ME

is that what I'm trying to say?

Honey
Baby
I'm a sucker for surprises
I mean
Aren't we all?
Don't we all
Need a good shock to the system every now and then?
And that's all you've ever been to me

So you'll tell me what I want to hear and call it the truth, harboring ulterior motives.
And I'll buy into it and call it acceptable, thinking, "things have changed" "it's different now" "this can work"
You can make a man lie to himself so easily, you know that?

Resentment?
No
Frustration?
Not really

What is it?

You make me hungry
...
Let me try again
...

No

Not again

Felicia C Jul 2014

Letting go of a round shouldered man who wanted to change my signature means touching the slimy parts of my bloodstream ink jar heart.

It means peeling back the window shade to smash the glass pane eyeteeth of my youth.

And remembering the key to unhinge my jaw tension voice sans stones and lacking sweetness.

It means saying goodbye today and releasing my ribcage parakeet hands to catch my own thoughts.

I am through with placeholding promises and biting through backwoods in order to forget the pieces of strength that I love so much.

February 2014
Jo Beller Apr 2014

It's hard to imagine the sand
at the bottom of the glass hourglass quite yet

It's painful to look at myself as a timer, like I am just being used by the world.

But darling,
every time your chapped thin lips kiss mine,
it seems that my hourglass is shaken up rather brutally,
and i get another chance, just to run out
again

— The End —