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Lauren Leal Jun 2015
The Darkness follows my every step
Making me remember each tear I wept
I can't seem to let it go
It's the only thing I seem to know
It consumes me every passing day
With my life I'll pay
I need you to grasp my palm
Pull me to your calm
Don't let me slip away
In your arms I wish to stay
Whisper to me things will be alright
and maybe this Darkness I can fight
But you are too far to see
I just needed you to save me
The Darkness so black and cold
The only thing my hand can hold
I stay alive with the fire in my heart
That your love got to start
I await your warm touch
Which I long for so much
May you forgive me for what I've done
But I believe the Darkness has won
This is in relation to all the things I have experienced in life. Most people who I date, I get very attached to for their ability to pull me out of my own thoughts. So when that person leaves(Especially without a reason) I fall into my old self, which is very, very lonely.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
The dusk to darkness
I've seen so much
Nothing good, only bad and such
It has taken me to a place
Hanging my head of much disgrace
I have nowhere to turn
The flame this skin it will burn
The razor's edge dripped in crimson
Bullet from the chamber as it leaps in
The crackling, The slicing, The roar
A knock,
                              At the door

A stranger at this door
for some reason you are drawn to more and more
they incorperate themselves with you
Helping with what you must do
Then you realize that you must not waver
do yourself and family a favor
To keep on living on
From dusk to dawn
The door
                             It shuts

The stranger has gone
There is light, now from Darkness to Dawn.
Recently inspired to write this. I find it so amazing how sometimes a single person can change who you are. They can come in flip your world around and walk away, some people don't even notice what they do for others. Good or Bad
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I don't remember what it's like to wake up anymore."
To clarify: This was inspired by my own habits, I smoke, I drink, I smoke ***, and I drink coffee like a God. Always needing a stimulant, a surfacing symptom of depression.
Lauren Leal Jun 2019
Its day in day out Lofi
Reminding my feelings on how to lie
To those around me who care
But I hold that dead stare

As if I'm imitating how my heart feels
Down, dumped, and kick by her high heels
Lonely, hurt, forgotten and scared

Life's a group project

and Death is to whom I'm paired
Mood. Expression for decompression.
Lauren Leal May 2016
I'm dancing with death
unravel my life til rest
I did my best
cut the ties
made of countless lies
I want to die
I'm dancing with death
taking each step slow
like my body is unsure
and doesn't quite know
why it is time to close my eyes
for good, seemingly not wise
I'm dancing with death
and I realize what I am
I am a monster in the slam
I am a toxic beast
of lies and disappointment
to say the least
I'm dancing with death
and I'm at my last step
I am nothing anymore
just a dead knock at the door
just dead on the dance floor.
Lauren Leal Jul 2018
You bore your wooden hatchet
Into the stump of my heart,

But now it's overgrown and
beginning to fall apart.

Your time has come to its realistic end,

As I watch the last of my wounds completely mend.
Lauren Leal Jun 2016
It was your heart, that wished mine to fall apart.
When someone purposely uses you.
Lauren Leal Jun 2019
Life gets hard when you get closer to your demons, then ever getting closer to someone who cares for you.
Expression for decompression
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
"We are more similar than each other will ever know."
Lauren Leal Jan 2016
I surrounded myself
in the walls
of her
heart

and suffocated
Not necessarily bad, but when you can love someone so much you wrap yourself in it, and in a sense suffocate happily. Yet at the same time, it could hurt you in return.
Lauren Leal Feb 2016
In the absence of hope, despair is the true King.
To an old friend that lost faith.
Lauren Leal Jun 2019
I'm falling deep down
To the place where
No ones around
It's just yourself and you

A staring contest of
What the **** do I do
To help me out
Of this repetitious cycle
Of raging self doubt
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
I seem to be stuck in a dream where you and me
are together loving for the eterinity
I seem to be stuck in a dream where you and I
are together walking in peace where the angels fly
I seem to be stuck in a dream where I seem to be
looking in your eyes wondering if this is reality
I seem to be stuck in a dream where we
are holding one another to protect from the evil we can't see
I wake
                I roll
                             I see
You beside me
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"My dreams,
                    are about the things,
              my nightmares
                  fear most."
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
I* am drowning
     my love
                    No frowning
                                I forgive *
you
Randoms
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
"You were the castle, and I fell in the moat."
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
I'm a drunken slur
Our 9 months a blur
What's real and what's fake
I'll just love the reflection looking in the lake
I guess we'll just say it was fate
It definitely wasn't heaven there was no gate
I'm at a loss for words as of now
And I just wonder how
If I'll ever see you an human again
I get frustrated and in pain
When I hear your name
You're just lonely and lame
Afraid to face life and its choices
You're listening to the wrong voices
I've lost faith my dear
It's you I hate and now fear
Lauren Leal Jun 2019
Life is but a game played by your personal ego.
Lauren Leal Jun 2019
I can barely think
Sleep isn't sleep
It's a blink

Tired isn't brief
Its permenent
Mixed with this grief

Death a better solice than living
Looking back on life
Which has apparently nothing worth giving
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"Tonight, I'll whisper to your ear, come closer my dear."
Lauren Leal Mar 2016
It's you in which I'm infatuated,
It's what we have that can't be debated.
I need you by one of my sides,
Because in your hands is where my soul resides.
I found it to be the safest place,
Just like how it is with my lips to your face.
You are a glimmering soul,
That I need to be with no matter the toll.
The cost cannot compare,
To the feeling of your hand in my hair.
I love the being you have helped create in me,
I have never thought this could be.
I love harder than before,
I do right down to your core.
My old anger is but a myth,
Forged into something greater by my inner blacksmith.
You are the only one who appreciates who I am,
Even at my worse you didn't give a ****.
For this and your existence I'm forever knelt,
Because this is by far the best hand I've ever been dealt.
To the love who never ceases to be the best person I know.
Lauren Leal Dec 2015
Time is of no essence for two that are unstoppable.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Sometimes,
I wonder.
If I am,
noticed.
If I'm just,
another spec,
out of
focus.
I feel like,
I wander,
alone.
Simply moving,
forever
on my own.
Since nothing
seems to
change.
Life and Death
Will do
Their
Exchange.
Memories of an old friend came to mind, whom I wish I could have saved.
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
I am definitely living
I just don't feel very alive
Lauren Leal Mar 2016
It was when I said I needed her,
                                   That she decided to fade away.
When you finally admit true feelings and the other cant take it and fades out of life.
Lauren Leal Jan 2018
In my past you will stay,
That is a must.

Whenever I think of you,
I only feel disgust.

It had always been you,
That I should never have trust.
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
Boy do I just have a lot to say
Today isn't really a great day
One day since the third worst pain
Why do I feel I got nothing to gain
I simply have all the word
That someone already heard
I wish you'd have seen the choices you made
As I watched that glow fade
Into oblivion
You in pieces I could not catch
The chances one in a million
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
"Let me smoke another cigarette, while I remember to forget."
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
Some come my time to write
Do I just run or take flight?
I think of all I did wrong
Why couldn't we just get along?
We fed like vultures to prey
Wearing a new mask each day
With that same sad smile
That anyone can see within a mile
Riding high on that good ****
To ***** out what I need
Because I just wanted to help you
But just help you is all you would do
For 9 months no not 10
I don't think I could ever do that again
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
Autumn leaves burn red
Crunch and snap from where you
                                                             tread
Nap to rest the head
Lauren Leal Jan 2016
I love so hard that 'Love' seems just so bland.
Lauren Leal Oct 2015
I lie to myself more then I have to everyone.
An epiphany I had.
Lauren Leal Mar 2016
I didn't look to find a little of me in you.
I looked to see if I could find a bit of you in me.
I believe looking for someone in you entitles that you must get to know them to find it. To put forth effort. It takes merely none to see if you are in someone else.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
In the process of living only the dead have won.
"You have not done everything in life until you have died." -Evan Powell
Something a friend came up with and wanted to share.
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"My mind is chaos, burning rubble of my dead ambitions."
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
One of the most hardest,
Yet most rewarding things
Is to go to the one who hurt you the most
Look them in the eyes
and say
"I Forgive you"

Not only do you free them,
You free yourself from your own restraint
Something I did recently.
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
I remember the day we met
How our feelings in stone were set
They were the happiest moments that we did share
Even though our arguments had me ripping out hair

You were so beautiful a kind
You were something I thought I could never find
Your lips sent a shock down my spine
Your touch let me know we would shine

Seeing you was something I looked forward too
Your smile could end war
Your laugh I wanted to hear more
With that I easily fell for you

You.

You became everything in my world
Anything in our path we hurled
Out of the way
To make us better the next day

I began to think you were the one
You were my Moon and Sun
Then out of nowhere you cut the ties
You admitted all the lies

My world crashed onto my face
Scarred with disgrace
My thoughts shut down
My face stamped with a permanent frown

Now all I do is write poems to say
How the one thing I needed in life got away

Despite it all there is something I will always do…


*“I Forgive you.”
Bitter Memories
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
Let's just consider this farewell
For a time while our demons find a place to dwell
We're gonna need a lot of time as I can tell
But don't weep and cry be happy and swell
Let the pain come and go
But don't let it cloud what you know
For now it's time to walk a separate path
Time to go, to soak in a quiet bath
Lauren Leal Jan 2018
We tried to sail with a ship already on fire.
Have a healthy foundation before pursuing further with a partner.

Personal experience.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Freedom is not having to wear clothes around the house.
Random
Lauren Leal Jun 2019
Streamlined with I'm fine
Going backwards
On constant rewind

With no forward way about
I don't even feel the need to shout
I'll cry my mercury tears
To rid my life of the poison
We call fears

Dancing on the edge of reality
One false move a fatality
While I remenice about times
I don't even miss
Killing myself softly
With a false sense of bliss

Ripping out my nerves
Thinking
I deserve this
As if it's completely sane
To hand myself my own pain
Allowing my mind to openly speak, with little control over what is allowed or not.
Lauren Leal Jun 2016
This language is quiet, truthful,
Though nothing to be heard.
A quiet language.
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
As I sit here we see what's lost
I also think of the cost
Though not lost but merely stored away
Knowing I'll stop being sad someday
We tore each other apart like hyena to prey
I wish that was all I had to say
I wish you loved what your worth was
Because I've seen your glow and what a buzz
One you don't take as a drug, one you soak in
But I don't think that's what you were sellin'
I swore someday's were my hell
But to you I couldn't tell
Captivated by your victims widow
To help you get strong, but not to **** me though
You need to have more self conviction
For something good not to sate addiction
For you sit upon a golden throne
But here now being a sense of all alone
You need to find that little you is hurt
And learn to find self comfort
Take care of you before you find a host
Your face is that of a ghost
Lost in expression of attachment and shame
Being pressured by self blame
The only advice I have for you
Is to only change the choices you do
Because the real you is always there
Waiting for you to take her hand and adventure
I wish my words to be of encouragement
But to bring light to your inner happy sentiment
I know you have the power of choice
But one more time, believe in me and rejoice
For you know the power of my words
Flowing like Sheppards to herds
Truth in my every breath
But I'm blind to your ****
Flawless in deliverance and passion
That make me start lashin
A regret I carry like a scar on my lung
My neck sore from always being hung
But I can't let this overcome my compassion
That I have to give, here, I cash in
I can't be a comparison anymore
I'm sadly, strongly, powerfully closing this door
I repeat once more because I know
That this will help you go
That I wish you the absolute best
And you are capable of facing your test
But remember that you can't give slack
Because you might tumble back
You need faith in your solitude
You'll find life in mind and passion in mood
I do not mean to appear rude
I say this calmly with no attitude
I say this lovingly not *****
You truly can be loved my past love
Know your grandmother sees you from above
Making another sick joke to you
As words of encouragement of what to do
Find love, get lost, go run around the world
Don't wait up please move on from me
Take what you've learned and go see
That there is so much better out there
But what I do know and dare
Is that I know this door will be unlock
If you find yourself going amok
Just don't abuse this right
Just go, don't knock, please find new light. -Lo
Breaking through emotional walls. One word at a time, carefully, precisely, and so truthfully. Hopefully in years time we cross paths.
Lauren Leal Jan 2020
Laced two face
Pray for grace
Skin of a snake
You're so fake

Liar on the throne
All alone
Suicidal threats
Easy to condone

Far from peace
Welcome yourself
To the land
Of the desease
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
May the pain we feel, be the growth we reveal.
Pain can symbolize weakness, and may we grow from that weakness if capable.
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
Here I recollect
And simply reflect
Remembering a time
When my heart was coated in grime

When Suicide held my hand
Like something was planned
As if all my hopes turned sour
I only grew sadder per hour

At first you just accept
Suicide knows your adept
So you become okay with dying
It starts with that lying

When they ask your how you are
And you lie pushing them far
You start smoking and toking
You laugh more and start joking

But it's in the back of your mind
Death, equals peace, is all you find
No you can't rewind!
It's your body to be outlined

As Suicide holds you
Time to start planning what to do
As if it's totally okay
Suicide, always knowing what to say

But when you hold that gun
There is no more fun
Suicide is hungry and you're the meal
It doesn't care how you feel

You feel the weight
But also its power to warp fate
Is it too late
To re-open Heaven's gate?

There's only the Demon and yourself
Pull the trigger, just a picture on the shelf?
Don't, save your life and try?!
But Suicide asks why?

This is where you fight
You must know what's right
Get out and hunt for the light
Grow wings and take flight

I overcame my demons twice
Brutal but consice
You must be precise
It's a labyrinth and you're the mice
Old memories resurfaced, felt the need to express them, possibly to assist others. To empower, not to weaken.
Lauren Leal Jun 2016
Life's grip on the spine,
don't lie, with I'm fine.
Lauren Leal Jun 2019
The only thing I know is sad
It's all I've been given and all I've had

When happiness feels temporary
It's hard not to feel the contrary

I've got a hand full of sadness
That I dont want anymore
But I've always had this
So its tangled into my core

Woven into by bloodstream
Making life and living

Simply a dream
Mood. Expression for decompression.
Lauren Leal Jan 2016
It is you.
     That I would happily,
                                         tear myself apart
                                                                    **To fix.
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I find myself happy and free
Oh how life can be
But why not with you and me
Is there something we didn't see"
The only thoughts tonight.
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